


Your Fault That I'm Here

by onlydaisy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Post, Baby Peter Parker, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Kid Peter Parker, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Pre-Iron Man 1, Protective Tony Stark, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, there's a lot of time periods covered
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 134,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlydaisy/pseuds/onlydaisy
Summary: Tony Stark was never really father material, so when an old acquaintance told him that she was going to have his son but she didn't want him to have anything to do with the kid, he accepted that. But he never lost track of his only child, until he decided he didn't want to be an absent father anymore.





	1. 2001

**January 2001**

When Tony was thirty, he didn't really have his life together. Arguably, he still doesn't. But, when he was younger, all he knew was that he was rich and smart, and took that as an excuse to do whatever he wanted. So, when an agent for something with a boring and long-winded name that Tony didn't bother to listen to, let alone remember, showed up because of some stuff to do with his dad, he ended up sleeping with her. Even after noticing the wedding ring on her finger. Neither of them mentioned it, and that was that. Until a few months later, when she showed up at his door.

"More questions about my dad?" Tony asked, "Or more of something else?"

"No," she replied immediately, walking past him into his house without asking, "there's something we have to talk about."

Tony closed the door behind her, and turned to look at her with his eyebrows raised.

She sighed, "I'm pregnant." Every muscle in Tony's body froze. His heart stopped beating. His brain just about short-circuited.

"You're married. It's your husbands. It's gotta be his, right?"

She shook her head, "Definitely not his."

"Okay, so you're gonna get an abortion, then."

She shook her head again, "Me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for a long time. This could be my only chance."

"No way, that's my kid too and I'm definitely not ready to have a kid, so no way."

"You don't have to be involved," she said, determined with a hand protectively over her stomach, and looking at it just made Tony feel sick thinking about the fact that he could be a father. "I don't want or need you to be involved. I'll raise it as my husbands, no one ever needs to know."

"So, what, you just want money?"

"No. No money, no involvement, nothing."

"Then why are you here?"

"As a courtesy," she explained, "I thought you had the right to know, and make the decision of your involvement, regardless of what I preferred."

"So, I won't have to do anything and I won't be legally tied to anything?" Tony couldn't believe he was considering this. He didn't want kids, even if he wasn't involved. He didn't want to have a kid out there that he didn't have any involvement in and didn't know he existed.

"Nothing. If anything happens to me and my husband, his brother will look after the kid. Other than biologically, you won't be the kid's father."

"Okay," Tony sighed. He didn't really have a choice, "okay, but I don't want to know anything at all. No updates," Tony couldn't handle seeing the kids life without him.

"Deal," she agreed, "here's my details, just in case," she handed him a card, and Tony wishes he could've said he threw it away and never thought about it again, when in reality he kept very safe, until he eventually needed it.

As soon as she'd left, Tony poured himself a drink. And many others, following that.

"J.A.R.V.I.S., what would you do if you found out you were gonna be a dad?" Tony had eventually ended up asking, after all those many drinks.

"I'm not capable of having children, sir."

"I wanted to get married first. Should I be married?"

"You would need to be in a relationship to get married."

Tony sighed, "Yeah, you're right about that. Maybe I should be more serious. What was the name of that girl I saw when I was at that meeting the other day? She works for me."

"Virginia Potts, I believe it was."

"Hmm," Tony thought about it; she had really stood out to him, "maybe I should promote her, get to know her."

"Maybe, sir."

"Do you want to get married, J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Again, I don't think I'm capable sir."

"I could make you a wife. What's your type?"

"I haven't been programmed to have one."

"Well, the real Jarvis was married to...I think, an Eastern European redhead. Maybe that's your type."

"Maybe, sir."

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes, "I need better conversation than this, J.A.R.V.I.S.. I'm gonna be a dad, god. When's the baby due?"

"You saw Mrs. Parker in January, so the baby should be due around October."

"Mrs. Parker?" Tony was sure that wasn't the name he knew when they first met.

"Mary Parker. The woman that is having your child, sir."

"Okay, I get it. Is that her real name?"

"Yes, sir. However she uses a different name for her work with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. I suppose as protective technique."

"Right, okay."

 

**August 2001**

Tony went back and forth a lot over the past seven months, contemplating whether he made the right choice or not to say that he didn't want to be involved. No matter how little involved he is, and how little he knows, the kid is still his kid and nothing he can do would ever change that. He's a father, and Tony was trying hard to come to terms with that, as well as come to terms with the fact that he doesn't get to raise his first kid. Maybe his only kid. There'd been multiple times where he'd gone to the address Mary had given him, contemplating going in for a while before eventually going back home.

Tony opened up his computer, trying not to feel too much like a stalker. He'd been trying to avoid searching anything on social media, because he knew it would just make it worse. But, as J.A.R.V.I.S. had confirmed every of the numerous times Tony had asked for the past few days, this would be around the time the baby is expected, and Tony at least needs to know. He searches 'Mary Parker', and finds a profile that looks like it could be hers, but when he clicks on it he can't see anything - either because she hasn't posted anything, or he's not allowed to because of her privacy. He knew he could probably get J.A.R.V.I.S. to get access to anything she'd posted, or do it himself. But maybe it was better off if he didn't know anything, and this can just be something he forgets about.

"Miss Potts is coming, Sir," J.A.R.V.I.S. warned him, and Tony shut down everything he had been looking at, turning to wait for her to come down the stairs.

"Mr. Stark," she started as she walked in.

"Tony," Tony corrected; he'd only just promoted her to his assistant and it was taking her a while to get used to it, "you wouldn't want me to call you Virginia, would you?"

"I told you, it's Pepper."

"Exactly," Tony smiled at her, and she relaxes a bit.

"Sorry, _Tony_. You've got a letter."

"Thanks," he said, taking it from her and waiting for her to leave until he opened it. The address on the front was handwritten, which threw him off. He tore it open, pulling out a handwritten letter.

_Tony,_

_Your son was born today. He weighs 7lbs and is perfectly healthy. This is the last update I'll give you, I'll be taking him home tomorrow. Me and my husband have named him Peter Benjamin Parker. I've included a picture for you._

_Mary_

Tony took a deep breath; he has a son. He's a dad. It was all so overwhelming and he was almost scared to reach inside of the envelope to take out the photo. But when he did, he didn't regret it. It was a photo of the most incredible baby he'd ever seen. He'd never really seen the appeal of babies, but this one was definitely different. He knew, in a heartbeat, that he would do anything to protect this kid. He'd never let anything hurt him. He looked down at the picture again in amazement, he couldn't believe that he'd had a part in creating this gorgeous new life.  _Peter_.


	2. 2006

**June 2006**

Tony had kept an eye on Peter ever since he was born. He tried not to let him take over his life, but it was hard. All he cared about was this kid that he hadn't even met and couldn't meet, probably ever. Tony was just stuck watching from the outside, knowing his kid is growing up being raised by someone else, and thinking someone else is his father. It was unbearable and Tony struggled each day not to show up at their door and reveal everything. Until, he saw a news headline that changed  _a lot_.

"What are you looking at?" Pepper asked, having come in completely silently. Not that Tony would've noticed anyway; he had been sitting staring at the article in front of him in disbelief for who knows how long.

Tony put it on the big screen instead, not wanting to have to explain anything.

"A plane crash?" Pepper asked, "That happens a lot, Tony."

"I knew the woman," Tony explained. It wasn't a full explanation, but, it was the best he could do under the circumstances.

"Oh," Pepper said, "I'm sorry, Tony."

"It's fine, we only really met once," Tony shrugged.  _And she was the father of his child_.

Pepper raised her eyebrows at that, "Oh," she repeated, sitting down next to him to read the full article.

Tony read with her, but couldn't help looking away as soon as it started talking about their orphaned child.

"They had a son," Pepper gasped, "that's awful. Poor kid, he's so young to be an orphan."

Tony wished he could scream that he's not, and that his dad is still completely alive and here. But that would be admitting to the fact that he has an illegitimate child that he'd managed to keep a secret for four years.

"Do you ever wish you had kids?" Tony asked, wanting to distract but also understand what the hell he should do and how the hell he was supposed to cope with this. He wishes he could confide in someone so he had someone else to talk to other than J.A.R.V.I.S., but it was just so risky. Even with Pepper.

Pepper shrugged, "I guess I might want kids, one day. But I've always wanted to focus on my career first before I commit to anything else."

"Well," Tony joked, "I am the one in charge of your career, so you can just tell me what you want."

Pepper just rolled her eyes instead of bothering to humour him or think of a comeback, "Why, do you want kids?"

Tony shrugged too, "I don't know how I would even fit them into my life."

"Yeah," Pepper agreed with a laugh, "you would need a  _big_ lifestyle change."

"Hey, I could still be a dad though!"

"You could. You would be a good dad," Pepper admitted, "honestly. But first you'd need to actually hold down a steady relationship."

Tony sighed, because that definitely isn't the issue. At all. 

"What would you do if someone came up to you and told you you had a kid?"

"Well, I'd kind of already know about it, since I'd have had to have given birth first."

Tony rolled his eyes, "Okay, whatever. Humour me. Think theoretically. Would you wanna raise the kid, or let them do it?"

"I couldn't just not have a part in their life. Even though it wasn't planned, it would be  _my kid_ , so I would want to raise them. Or, at least help raise them even if it meant a custody battle."

Tony sighed, thinking. He'd let four years go by without even trying to meet his son. He  _should_ be a part of his life.

"Please tell me you haven't just found out you have a kid."

"No, no." It was really a lie, exactly. "I was just...thinking."

"You'll have some great kids one day, because you'll be a great dad and I know you'd raise them to be amazing people," Pepper smiled, and Tony could just nod, consumed by his thoughts.

 

**July 2006**

A whole month, he'd been thinking about it. Trying to decide what the hell is the best option. The main thing he'd realised was that he was terrified of becoming his own dad. Ever since the idea of kids had been in his head, long before Peter was born, he would always shut it down by remembering how shitty his own father was. What if Tony was just destined to be like that, too? What if, no matter how hard he tried, he just ended up treating them the exact same way and giving them the exact same issues Tony grew up with.

This is what goes through his head, while parked outside Peter's aunt and uncle's apartment. It had been a month since his mom had died, and he knew this would be where Peter would be staying. But he didn't know if he could bring himself to go inside.

Pepper would know what to do - he had to tell Pepper. If he ended up having any involvement with the kid, Pepper would find out anyway.

"Pepper," he said into his phone, after she finally picked up, "what would you do if I told you I had a kid?"

"Please don't tell me that conversation came true."

Tony sighed; he might as well get it over with. "A few years ago...this woman told me that she was pregnant, and it was mine, but she was keeping it and didn't need me to have any involvement whatsoever. So I said yes."

"Tony..."

"It was that kid, that I showed you in the article."

"The plane crash?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Tony..." Pepper said, and it makes him start to think that maybe this all was a bad idea. Coming here, telling Pepper. Even considering doing anything. "Why...?"

"Do you think I should try and be a part of his life?"

"Are you asking me that because you feel guilty that you're his only living parent, or because you want to be his dad?"

"I want to be his dad," Tony replied, not really knowing it was true until he said it.

"Then you don't even need me to answer," Pepper told him, and Tony knew immediately that she was right. He said goodbye quickly, and, before the bravery wore off, got out of the car to make his way to the apartment. 

Once he was stood outside, staring at the door, it all felt a lot harder. A lot more serious. He could feel the pressure of this starting to build on him, and knocks quickly before he can change his mind. But then he heard voices from inside, and it sounded like a happy, regular family. Does Tony want to mess that up? He would just disturb their life, and probably make everything worse. Tony sighed, making up his mind, but just as he turns to leave, the door opened a tiny crack. Tony looked down, seeing a small face looking out through the crack. Tony's heart filled completely; he'd hardly been able to see many pictures of Peter, so finally seeing him in real life felt better than he could've ever imagined. This was  _his son._ His flesh and blood. 

"Who are you?" Peter asked, his voice young and innocent, big eyes looking up at Tony.

"I'm Tony," Tony told him, bending down slightly so he's more face-to-face with Peter, "I came to talk to your uncle and aunt."

Peter looked at him for a bit longer, taking a moment to trust the new stranger that Tony was. But then he disappeared without a word, and a moment later a young - and Tony couldn't deny, attractive - woman came to the door instead.

"Sorry," she said, laughing fondly, "he's gotten into the habit of answering the door when no ones paying attention. He likes meeting new people."

"That's fine," Tony said honestly. These are the things he wishes he had could've known long before this visit. Things he could've learnt from watching Peter himself. "I'm here to talk about Peter, actually."

Peter's aunt frowned, "Is this about being his legal guardians, because in their will-"

"No, no," Tony interrupted, "this is something else. Do you mind if I come in?"

"Yeah, of course," she said, stepping aside to let Tony in, "I'm May, by the way. This is my husband Ben."

Tony said hi to both of them, introducing himself - _extremely_ relieved they hadn't recognised him already - and then going to sit with both of them in the living room.

"Is Peter-?" Tony started, looking around for him.

"He's in his room," Ben explained, "do I need to get him?"

Tony shook his head, "It's probably best he's not here."

They both nodded, and no one says anything else. Tony could feel the pressure from both of them watching him, expectantly, waiting for him to explain why he was there.

"I'm Peter's father."

"No," Ben replied immediately, "my brother was Peter's father."

"I met Mary in November 2000, through her work." Tony started to explain, "I didn't know she was married, but-" that was a lie, and Tony knew it, but he was trying to give off a good impression, "a few months later she told me she was pregnant."

"But it must've been Richard's, even if-"  _you're telling the truth_ , Tony knew May wanted to finish it.

"That's what I thought, but," Tony shrugged, "she seemed pretty certain."

"Why now?" Ben asked.

"She wanted me to stay out of his life, and him be raised as her husband's. But when I found out what happened-" Tony took a deep breath, sighing, "I couldn't let him grow up thinking he's an orphan his whole life, and I already regret these last four years not being there."

"Are you going to take him?" May asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"No, I don't know," Tony said truthfully, "I don't know what I want exactly, I just really, really want to get to know him."

May seemed to accept that, but Ben wasn't looking happy, directing definite anger towards Tony.

"I want you to take a paternity test," he finally said, "I don't trust this. Mary wouldn't have been able to know."

"That's...fair," Tony agreed, instantly feeling nervous. What if he isn't Peter's father? What if Mary  _was_ wrong? "Can I see him?" Tony asked instead, trying to distract himself from thinking too much.

May agreed before Ben could say anything, and after being told where his room was, Tony disappeared as quickly as possible to escape the tension in the room.

"Hey," Tony said when he went into Peter's room, taking in him lying on the floor, scribbling on some paper, "what are you drawing?"

"A  _robot_ ," Peter said enthusiastically, without even looking up to acknowledge Tony. That alone was enough to calm at least some of his worries over Mary being wrong.

"No way," Tony tried to match his enthusiasm, "I like robots too."

"Have you met a robot?" Peter asked, looking up at Tony with excitement and amazement.

"I've made some, actually," Tony told him, sitting down next to him and taking in the awful four-year-old drawing that only vaguely resembled an actual robot. Tony still couldn't help being proud.

Peter's eyes got even wider; he was looking at Tony with full-on awe. "Can you make me a robot?"

Tony laughed, slightly, "What kind of a robot do you want?"

"A mom and a dad robot," Peter said, nonchalant, continuing his drawing.

"Why's that?"

"My mom and dad are never here," Peter explained, "auntie May says they're not coming back anymore."

Tony sighed; this was just more proof that he should've been around more for Peter for the first four years of his life. He'd already had absent enough parents as it is, let alone with his dad not even being there. Even if he didn't know who his real dad is. "Well, I can make you as many robots as you want."

"And can you teach me how?"

Tony smiled at him, "You can come to my house one day and we can build a robot together." He really hoped he was right, and that would actually happen, one day.

Peter grinned in response, "Yeah," he agreed. The two of them kept talking about robots and a wide variety of other kid conversation topics, until eventually his aunt came in to say that Peter needed to get to bed soon, and Tony should go. As little as he wanted to leave, Tony agreed for Peter's sake. He said goodbye, and was having a quick discussion with May and Ben about how they would do the paternity test when Peter walked back in with his pyjamas on.

"Can Tony read me a bedtime story?" he asked. Tony tried to hide his smile, he really did. But, he still noticed the glare from Ben when he apparently couldn't, and it must've came off cocky because he guessed Ben was the usual storyteller. They couldn't disagree, though, and Tony got to tell the story. Being the kid he was, Peter didn't want Tony to just read a book, though. Instead he wanted a real story, and Tony ended up telling him about growing up with his dad being surrounded by all sorts of weird and wonderful inventions. He thought that would've been something Peter would enjoy, minus the paternal neglect.

"Are you gonna visit me again?" Peter asked, when Tony had finished.

"It depends on what your aunt and uncle say, but hopefully I'll be visiting you a lot."

 

**August 2006**

Over the next couple of weeks, Tony got to see Peter a lot more. Not by anyone else offering, but purely through him constantly showing up, and Peter getting excited enough to see him that he couldn't be told to leave in fear of upsetting Peter. Both Tony and Peter's DNA had been submitted for the paternity test, and waiting on the results was agonising.

"They really made you take a paternity test?" Pepper asked, bored of watching Tony pace back and forth for who knows how long, worrying about the results.

Tony shrugged, "I guess there's a chance he isn't mine."

"Tony," Pepper said, serious enough to make Tony stop, "he's definitely yours. Everything you've told me about him sounds exactly how your kid would sound. And even from the pictures I've seen, he already looks just like you."

"But...what _if_?"

"No, he's definitely yours and I know it. Stop stressing." And, miraculously, Pepper was right. Tony got the results a few days later, confirming that Peter was definitely his child. For any other happy occasion, he would've broken out a bottle of something and celebrated with whoever was closest (normally Pepper, occasionally Happy, very rarely Rhodey). This time, though, he drove immediately to Peter's apartment, only stopping to pick up a small present for Peter from a toy store he passed on the way. The present was hardly significant, though. Tony hardly even remembered it. More significant, was the family he saw while he was picking up the present. A mother and father with a son around Peter's age. They were browsing the shop together, joking around and playing, making Tony realise what he's missing out on with Peter. Sure, he can visit him and spend some time with him for now. But, he's not there for shopping trips or meals or days out. He wouldn't be there for Peter's first day at school. He wouldn't even get to be there for the bad stuff - the tantrums, the bad days at school, the days where he decides he hates his dad. But Tony wants to be there for all of it, and he finally knew it.

Tony rushed over to the apartment, the forgotten present in the back of the car. He had barely even got in the door when he was attacked by a 40lb ball of excitement, who he grabbed and picked up, swinging him round and making him laugh.

"So, I'm guessing you saw the test results," Ben commented, and Tony nodded.

"I want full custody."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to chrissyglikesbooks for inspiring me to change the direction of the story because I liked the idea too much


	3. 2007

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, hopefully I'm going to be posting more regularly now!

**January 2007**

It wasn’t until after Christmas that Tony could finally take Peter home, and actually have him as his son. The road to full custody was hard, not just because Ben and May wanted to keep Peter - the majority of that was overruled by the fact that Tony is his biological father - but because Tony was already famous, and lived a very public lifestyle. One that is _widely_ known, for anyone with common sense, to not fit in with raising a child. He got to spend time with Peter still, at least, through all the days out that slowly built up to weekend-visits that eventually became a week over Christmas, all carefully monitored by social services. Tony knew he had to get his life together, and he spent the months since meeting Peter trying to improve himself and his lifestyle ready for a child to be part of it.

The court had eventually reached a decision before Christmas, because, thank god, the social worker had been on his side after seeing how good Tony was with Peter. At least, he liked to think so. He agreed with Ben and May that it’s only fair they’d have one last Christmas with him, as long as he got at least a week with him, and Peter would move in with Tony instead in the new year. As much as he had wanted Peter to move in straight away, he wanted to be reasonable with Ben and May and maintain a somewhat good relationship with them - he still wanted Peter to be able to have contact with his aunt and uncle, and visit them even though Tony legally didn't have to let him.

Tony was at least lucky enough that Ben and May had explained the entire situation to Peter, instead of having to figure out how the hell to explain to a five-year-old that he was his father and who he thought was his father wasn't actually. Peter had seemed to accept it well, but Tony didn't really know how much of his other father he actually remembered so Tony couldn't really start telling himself that he's already Peter's favourite. As much as he wanted to.

Settling Peter in wasn't hard, but it wasn't easy either. As he'd already gotten to know Tony, he was happy staying with him and spending time with him. But, it wasn't long before he started asking when he was going home, which Tony tried not to dwell on it too much. It just meant that Peter hadn't fully understood his uncle and aunt's explanation of living with someone else. Nothing else, Tony hoped.

"He probably just misses them, right?" Pepper tried to reassure him over the phone, once Tony had been sure that Peter was asleep and wouldn't overhear. At least Peter got on well with Pepper, as well. Tony had been nervous introducing the two of them, as Pepper was definitely a big part of Tony's life, and would probably end up taking on some Peter-related responsibilities when Tony had work commitments.

"What if he never thinks of this as home though, or me as his dad?"

"Tony, don't be ridiculous. Of course he will, you just need to give it time. When is he staying with his aunt and uncle next?"

"This weekend," Tony told her, "hopefully he'll actually want to come back."

"He will, don't worry. He adores you, already."

Tony sighed, "Let's hope that lasts."

 

* * *

 

Peter's first tantrum came the week after he spent the weekend with his aunt and uncle, which is what something Tony had been afraid of. Peter was a well-behaved kid, and he had hoped he'd just miraculously had the only kid in the world that never threw tantrums, but Tony had already known he was being too optimistic, because Peter was his kid after all. He was expecting it to be about living with Tony, or wanting to go back to his aunt and uncle's, or something that meant he didn't want Tony to be part of his life. But it wasn't, so at least there was that positive.

"I don't want to go to school," Peter pouted, sitting on the floor, mostly dressed but refusing to put on his coat, or socks, or shoes.

"Pete, you know you gotta go to school," Tony didn't have the most patience on the best of days. But for Peter, he was really trying.

Peter just shook his head, crossing his arms.

"Come on, stand up," Tony suggested, trying to pull Peter up but immediately giving up when he started yelling, just indistinct words and sounds. "At least put on your socks."

Tony tried to put one sock on for him, which just ended up with him being kicked in the arm and Peter yelling "No!".

"Why not?" Tony asked, trying a different approach and sitting down in front of Peter.

"Because I have to go on my own," Peter told him, frowning up at Tony through the messy brown hair he'd inherited.

"No you don't," Tony replied, surprised, "Happy takes you."

Peter pouted again, somehow crossing his arms even more, "He doesn't walk me in. I have to get out of the car all by myself. All the other kids walk in with someone."

Tony sighed, because he didn't know how else to go about taking Peter to and from school. Tony wished he could take Peter by himself, and walk him in, but he couldn't risk it. He couldn't even risk Happy getting out of the car in case he's recognised. He wanted Peter to have a normal, private childhood. The second someone saw Tony with a  _child_ , it would be all over the news, and he didn't want to have that for Peter.

"Listen, Peter," Tony sighed, not knowing how to explain this to a five-year-old, "do you know what it means if someone's famous?"

Peter shook his head, but uncrossed his arms.

"Well, it means a lot of people know you, so sometimes people like to follow you around and see what you're doing."

Peter frowned slightly, trying to understand, "Are you famous?"

Tony nodded, "So, if someone saw me taking you to school, they might start following you round too, and you might get treated differently."

"In a bad way?" Peter asked.

"Sometimes, it can be," Tony told him, "I really want to take you to school and pick you up, but I don't want anyone to start treating you differently because of me."

Peter seemed to understand, at least slightly, "But I really want you to come with me."

"You know what?" Tony said, really hoping he wouldn't regret this later, "Today you can have a special treat. I'll come in with you but I'll wear a secret disguise so people won't know it's me."

Peter's face burst into a grin, and that alone was enough to make any of it worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super short chapter, but I'm gonna make up for it with the next one (it's 2008...a lot will be happening)


	4. 2008

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literally longer than the rest of the story so far, so...enjoy!

**February 2008**

The first time Peter called Tony dad, it felt like the whole world stopped, at least for Tony, it did. Peter had been living with him for over a year, they'd celebrated his sixth birthday together, had a Christmas together, gone through Peter's first day at 'real' school (so, not kindergarten), and lots and lots of more tantrums. Most of them worse than the first one, but not all of them. But through all that, Peter had consistently called Tony by his name. Tony didn't let it bother him, because he couldn't expect to come into his kid's life four years late and expect to be accepted as a dad straight away, especially when he'd already thought he'd had one. But, regardless, Tony had hoped that one day Peter would eventually feel comfortable enough to call him dad, and actually think of him as his dad.

When he finally said it, it felt like such a normal conversation that Tony almost didn't notice it, except that he could've never not noticed it. All Peter had been doing was asking if he could go to his friend's birthday party. But, where he would normally start with "can I" or "Tony, can I", this time it was "Dad, can I". Tony didn't even hear the rest of the sentence, and had to get Peter to repeat himself. Then, just like that, it was completely normal.

 

**August 2008**

"Please don't go, dad," Peter begged, clinging onto Tony's leg.

"Pete, I have to," Tony told him, for the millionth time, "I've tried to travel as little as possible, but I really need to do this demonstration."

Peter frowned up at him, still holding on with an iron-tight grip, "What's a demonstration?"

"I'm gonna show some people some things they should buy," Tony explained, still not ready to explain to Peter that he makes weapons that kill people for a living. Not a good story for show-and-tell.

"Can someone else do it?" Peter whined, letting go when Tony bent down to grab him, sweeping him up and holding him against his chest instead.

"I wish they could, kiddo," Tony said, genuinely. Since Peter had been around, he'd been less and less interested in work. "I'll only be a few days, I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Peter questioned, holding out his little finger.

"I pinky promise," Tony agreed, hooking his finger with Peter's, "only a few days, then we can have a movie night."

Peter's eyes widened, "Can I stay up late?"

Tony narrowed his eyes at him, knowing that as Peter had been getting older he'd been getting better at guilting Tony into being more lenient with the rules, "Maybe, if you're really really good for your aunt and uncle."

Peter nodded earnestly, "I'll be super good, and then you can let me stay up late every night!"

"I don't think so, mister," Tony told him, laughing at his confidence and throwing him over his shoulder, making Peter laugh and giggle.

"Can you send me a postcard?" Peter asked, when Tony put him back down and started getting both his and Peter's bags together.

"I'll try find one, just for you," Tony wasn't sure where, since he's only going to be at a military base, but he'll find something for Peter, even if it's just a printed photo of the surrounding desert.

Despite getting Peter to agree, it still took a while to get him to get his shoes on and get in the car, because he was still reluctant to leave and say goodbye to Tony. It made Tony feel better about how he'd felt a year an a half ago, when he'd be worried if Peter would want to live with him or would prefer to stay with his aunt and uncle, and how much he'd stressed about whether or not Peter would want to come back every time he visited them. But now, as much as Peter still loved his aunt and uncle, he never seemed to want Tony to leave, and it definitely made him feel a lot more confident about his success as a father.

Tony hated to have to leave Peter too, which is why he skipped out on some award he was supposed to be receiving the night before, because it was the other side of the country and he didn't want to have to extend the time he had away from Peter, both for his and Peter's sake. Not that he would've gone anyway, though. Tony's changed, since Peter, and he can imagine exactly how the night would've gone before. He wouldn't have gone to the ceremony, Rhodey would've accepted it for him (which happened anyway, and he's been dodging the angry calls since last night), but instead Tony would've been getting drunk in some bar or casino and hooking up with a random woman that Pepper would inevitably have to kick out. Instead, he can see her waiting outside now with the car.

"Hey," Tony said to her, when he finally got Peter out the door, watching Peter run to her and almost knock her over with a hug tight round her legs. He was always an affectionate kid.

"Hey," Pepper replied, a small smile on her lips that Tony can't quite understand.

"So," Tony started, ushering Peter into the car and dumping bags in the trunk, "how many hours late are we?"

"We are...right on schedule, actually," she told him, not bothering to hide the impressed look on her face.

"What can I say?" Tony shrugged, "Fatherhood is a good look on me."

"Still didn't remember my birthday," she replied, just as he shut the door.

"Next year, for sure," he told her, grinning as he drove away.

 

* * *

 

"Just a few days?" Peter asked, again, when Tony was saying goodbye to him outside his uncle and aunt's apartment.

"Just a few days," Tony reassured.

"You can't break a pinky promise, remember."

"I know," Tony said, unable to help laughing slightly. He remembered the whole story Peter had given him about your nose or fingers or toes or something or other falling off if you dare break a pinky promise. "Don't worry."

Peter nodded, still not looking happy about Tony leaving.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few days," Tony said, bringing Peter into a hug, "say hi to your uncle and aunt for me. I love you."

"I love you too, dad," Peter replied, giving Tony one last quick hug before he runs inside, waving before the door shuts behind him.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks for returning my calls," is the first thing Rhodey said, but Tony just rolled his eyes, because he's just looking for something to complain about because Tony's actually on time for once.

"I had better things to do in New York."

"Okay, I don't need details." Tony did feel guilty for not telling Rhodey about Peter. He is his best friend, but there was so much risk already. Only Pepper and Happy knew, and that was only because they're both around him most hours of the day, and it would be impossible to hide a kid from them. Everyone else, though, Tony's just about managed it for the last year and a half.

 

* * *

 

The presentation was boring, just the usual stuff. Give a speech that gets everyone all patriotic (they're soldiers, after all), and then show off a big explosion. Easy, and simple, and follow with a glass of whatever was closest. He wished he could call Peter to say goodnight, but it was definitely too late for him to still be awake, so he just decided he'd call in the morning instead.

 

* * *

 

Tony's first thought when the explosion went off was Peter. Even though he was thousands of miles away across oceans, he could still only care about Peter in that moment. If something happened to him, he would be the one that was left behind, and Tony can't do that to him. Not after uprooting his life so he can finally be raised by his own father, just for him to leave. Everything seemed to happen in a blur, and Tony stumbled out of the car trying to get away from whatever was happening. He needed to stay safe. Everything moved so quickly, and Tony could hardly register his surroundings when there was a sharp explosion of pain in his chest, and then everything else was quiet.

 

* * *

 

There was a dark cave. Dark, and cold and damp. There was  _so much_ pain. It felt like a waking nightmare, except Tony didn't feel awake. Nothing felt real. This stuff didn't happen to real people. There were Tony's guns. Tony had designed those guns himself, sold them; made a profit from them. They were being pointed at him, while he was yelled at in a foreign language that his brain couldn't register enough to recognise. Tony was drowning, surrounded by guns and heavy hands holding him under. Further and further under, the water forcing it's way into his mouth and nose and ears. Tony could see Peter's face, and hear his young voice asking him to pinky promise that he'll come home in a few days. Then, sudden, bright sunlight. It was painful after the dark. 

The Jericho missile. That's what it was all about. That's what they want him to do. And then they'll set him free. Except, they won't.

 

**October 2008**

Peter was the only thing that kept Tony going throughout the whole thing. Tony didn't know how long he spent in that cave. Even though Peter was keeping Tony going, he still had to try not to think about him too much. He had to focus on building, fashioning the suit that would eventually save his life. If he let himself think about Peter for too long, he found it hard to do anything, let alone fight as hard as he had to in this situation. He hated having to think about what it must've been like for Peter then. He thought his father was dead, just from a small business trip. He didn't even understand the danger of Tony's job, all he knew was that Tony had been doing a demonstration. He barely understood his parents' deaths, who had hardly been present in his life. It would be even harder to understand Tony's. He'd already been through so much, for someone so young he shouldn't have had to be around so much death. Tony couldn't let this be something permanent. It was bad enough that Peter had thought he was dead for however long already, Tony couldn't let this be something that just becomes part of Peter's 'tragic backstory'.

Tony worked hard, as much as he wanted to give up. As easy as it would be to just accept the fact that he was going to die, he had to keep pushing himself. For Peter's sake. And, eventually, it paid off.

 

**November 2008**

The escape was hard, and terrifying, and Tony hoped that for the rest of his life he never had to face anything like this again. It was even harder, though, walking through the desert endlessly, not knowing if he would find anything or anyone would find him. He knew he had escaped, and he should be safe, except he's wasn't. He could've easily died from heat exhaustion or dehydration, if - thank god he did - Rhodey hadn't eventually found him.

Seeing Rhodey was such an unbelievable relief that Tony felt so overwhelmed with it all. The surreality of the situation had kept him going before, he'd hardly even processed what was happening. He just figured out what he needed to do and did it. But then...it all came flooding in and the reality of it all really hit him and he had to stop himself from sobbing into Rhodey's shoulder. 

"I need to..." Tony stuttered out, "Pepper...call Pepper. She needs to call someone."

Rhodey frowned at him, "One of the first things she said to me when I told her what happened was that she needed to call someone, so what the hell is that about?"

"Mm," Tony groaned, pushing himself up and letting himself be helped into the helicopter, "not right now. Please."

Rhodey agreed, without any fuss, and Tony was _so close_ to thinking he should do this more often before he almost hit himself in the face just to shut himself up.

"I wanna go home," Tony said, the first words in a while. He knew Rhodey was itching to ask about what happened, but he put boundaries for the moment, thankfully.

"We're gonna get you home," Rhodey told him, "no detours."

Even though Rhodey was right, they still had to stop at the military base between swapping the helicopter for a plane so that Tony could be fixed up a bit. Which, is fair enough, because he was in an awful state. That didn't mean it wasn't agony, though, having to wait even  _longer_ to be able to see his son again, after what he now knew was three months. Which meant his missed Peter's birthday. And him starting his second year of school. And, even worse, he'd broken a promise of days by  _months_.

"We're landing," Rhodey told Tony after however many hours on the plane, bringing him out of his haze of guilt and worry about what would happen when he saw Peter again, "home now, yeah?"

Tony just nodded in agreement; he knew Rhodey could sense something was up, but he  _was_ just kidnapped by terrorists, so.

"You good?" Rhodey asked.

"Yeah, of course," Tony lied. Everything with Peter was overtaking his mind that he couldn't even begin to process what had happened to him. Not that he wanted to.

Tony felt sick - sat in a wheelchair, of all things - waiting for the plane to land and the ramp to lower. He knew it would most likely be Pepper and Happy waiting for him outside. He would have to wait to see Peter, and probably collect him from his aunt and uncles again. Maybe he wouldn't want to come back again this time. Watching the ramp lower was even more torture and it just made him feel even worse, the slow reveal of seeing Happy stood next to the car, then Pepper stood closer, and then that was it. No Peter. Tony knew it was unrealistic, and if he was in a reasonable state of mind he would've known that bringing Peter there was just another risk, but the unreasonable part of him that hadn't been able to see his son for three months had stayed hopeful.

"Come on," Rhodey said, once the ramp had touched the ground, helping Tony up and keeping him supported as they walked down.

"Are you kidding me with this?" Tony said, as soon as he saw the EMT's on standby with a stretcher, which was even worse than the wheelchair Rhodey had insisted on. As much as Tony felt like he should be in the hospital, he definitely didn't want to waste time with more detours on his way to seeing Peter. "Get rid of them."

Tony walked up to Pepper instead, but before he could say anything he saw movement over by the car and Happy reacting quickly, turning with a short whisper of, "I told you to stay in the car." But that amazing, small, skinny kid slipped past him effortlessly, barrelling into Tony at full speed and wrapping his arms round him.

Tony sighed with relief, feeling so much tension leave him, trying not to focus too much on the pain of seeing how much Peter had grown in just three months. "Hey, Pete," he said, grabbing and lifting him up so they could look at each other face-to-face, "would you believe me if I said I thought you meant months instead of days?"

Peter frowned, "Everyone told me you were gone like my parents."

"I know," Tony said, wishing even more than before that he hadn't had to put Peter through this, "everyone thought I had. Some very bad guys were trying to stop me coming home."

"Why?" Peter asked, still frowning.

"How about I tell you all about it tonight at home? I've gotta talk to some other people that have missed me first," Tony said, raising his eyebrows at Pepper over Peter's shoulder.

Peter nodded, hugging Tony again and holding onto him tight.

"Sorry, about-" Pepper tried to say, but Tony waved it off. He didn't want Peter to hear people apologising for his presence, and he was definitely glad he'd been here.

"Your eyes are red," Tony pointed out, to move on, "a few tears for your long lost boss?"

"Tears of joy; I hate job hunting," Pepper replied, smiling.

"Yeah, vacation's over," Tony said, carrying Peter over to the car, pointedly ignoring the looks he was getting from Rhodey, most likely about the very child he was carrying. Maybe.

"He really wanted to come," Happy explained when they were in the car, "but I _told_ him he had to stay in the car," he added, giving Peter a look through the mirror.

"I wanted to see you," Peter told Tony, looking up at him with big eyes.

Tony just ruffled his hair, "I know."

 

* * *

 

They had to drop Peter off at his aunt and uncle's before Tony could go to press conference that he really needed to have. Peter definitely wasn't happy about it, especially because he knew what happened the last time he was dropped off there, so Tony had to reassure him lots that he would pick him up in a couple of hours, talk him down from a tantrum,  _and_ bribe him with the promise of a burger when he gets back.

The press conference went as to be expected. Everyone was surprised and there were a lot of questions that Tony didn't have the time or effort to answer. Obadiah wasn't happy, and tried to counteract everything Tony had said. But, in the end, it's Tony's company, and there is no way he would ever again make weapons that could get into the hands of the wrong people. He could do so many better things in the world, and leave maybe - hopefully - a somewhat better place for his son to live in. If he could pull this all off.

 

* * *

 

"Will the bad guys come back for you?" Peter asked, when they were both back home and Tony was tucking him into bed.

Tony shook his head, trying to laugh it off because it wasn't something he wanted to think about seriously, "Of course not. I've got rid of them now."

"How did you escape them?"

"Well, you know how I like to build things?" Tony started, waiting for Peter's nod of understanding, "They wanted me to build something bad, that would hurt lots of people. But instead, I made a big suit-"

"Like a robot?" Peter interrupted, eyes wide with interest and amazement.

"Kind of like a robot, but one with a person inside."

"Were  _you_ inside?" Peter asked, somehow looking even more amazed.

"I was, and I escaped when I wore it and fought off the bad guys."

"Like a superhero?"

Tony laughed; he definitely wasn't superhero material, but that wasn't something he was about to say to his son. "I guess so."

"What's this?" Peter asked, getting distracted and poking Tony in the chest, where the arc reactor was glowing through his shirt slightly.

"This is another thing I had to make," Tony explained, "I got hurt when the bad guys took me, so this makes sure I'm okay," he played it down deliberately; he didn't want Peter to start worrying so young if he tells him that this is the only thing keeping Tony alive, " _and_ it's like a battery for my superhero suit."

"Woah," Peter said, "can I see?"

Tony laughed, lifting up his shirt to show him and Peter was immediately sitting up and leaning close to it and staring at it with amazement.

"I want one."

"You don't need one, kid," Tony told him, "which is  _good_."

Peter pouted, lying back down, "I want to be a superhero too."

"You can be," Tony smiled, ruffling his hair, "but enough superhero talk. You need to get to bed."

"Fine," Peter said, and Tony said some quick goodnights before re-tucking him in and shutting the door behind him.

"How's Peter taking it?" Pepper asked, appearing like she always manages to as soon as Tony left Peter's room.

"Pretty good, actually. He thinks I'm a superhero now."

Pepper smiled, raising her eyebrows at him, "I bet you love that."

Tony shrugged, "I mean...I'm not complaining. Who doesn't like superheroes?"

"The people that get left behind when they get hurt."

"Don't go all serious on me, now," Tony said, walking down towards his lab, Pepper still in tow, "what's that supposed to mean, anyway?"

"It means," Pepper said, her heels clicking perfectly in rhythm behind him "that you can't do anything stupid."

"Me? Never."

"I'm serious, Tony," Pepper stopped, looking at Tony pointedly when he turned to look at her, "you have a kid now, and I-"

Pepper was interrupted by Tony's phone.

"J.A.R.V.I.S., get rid of that," Tony said, without moving his eyes away from Pepper.

"It's colonel Rhodes, sir."

"Ah, shit," Tony said, taking his phone out, "he saw Peter today, I should-"

"Yeah," Pepper agreed, "I'll see you tomorrow, boss."

Tony nodded as she left, putting in the code to get into the lab and picking up the phone.

"So are you ready to explain to me what the hell that was about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tony replied, getting his computer open and ready to start experimenting with this suit idea.

"Oh, really? So you've just happened to forget about your decision to  _stop_ making weapons?" Ok, so maybe Tony _really_ didn't know what he was talking about.

"You're still on that, really? I was expecting something else."

"Oh I'm getting to that too, trust me."

"You heard what I said at the press conference, I don't know what else I can tell you," and, for once, that was Tony's genuine answer. He wasn't delusional or messing around or hiding some secret ulterior motive. He saw the damage  _his_ weapons had caused, to the people they were supposed to be protecting, nonetheless. There was no way he could continue with that on his conscience. 

Rhodey sighed, "So, what, you're friends with kids now?" 

Tony was glad for the change in topic, "Okay, as far as anyone else should know, he's my...godson."

"And what is he really?"

"My son."

" _What_?" That was a fair response.

"I wasn't supposed to be involved with him," Tony explained, "she was married, it would've been nice and easy. He would've had two parents."

"So why wasn't it?" At least Rhodey wasn't yelling at him, yet.

"They both died when he was four."

"Oh," Rhodey said, "wow. And...?"

"He was with his aunt and uncle, but when I heard about it...I couldn't...I couldn't let him live his whole life thinking both his parents were dead," Tony explained, "so I went to meet him."

"So, is this like...an occasional visit type thing?"

"Not exactly," Tony said, "as soon as I'd met him I wanted to be able to raise him, so..."

"Tony...how long?"

"Almost two years."

"Two  _years_?" Rhodey questioned, "You hid a kid from me for  _two years_?"

"I had to protect him from the press!"

"But Pepper and Happy knew? You know...the people that work for you, but not your friend?"

"Because they would've found out anyway!"

Rhodey sighed, "You're unbelievable, really."

"It's part of my charming and loveable personality, right?" Tony said, hoping they could just move past this.

"Yeah...right," Rhodey said, most likely accompanied by an eye roll, "when can I meet him?"

"As soon as you want."

"Good, I need to see how much of you he's inherited."

Tony smiled, "Only the good parts." 

Since then, Tony spent a lot of time in the lab, working on various different parts and slowly piecing everything together bit by bit until he finally had a real suit, a million times better than the original. A superhero suit, as Peter would call it.

 

* * *

 

Pepper looked completely stunning. Tony had always known how pretty she was, but this...was something else. The only reason he'd shown up to the stupid fundraiser was to spite Obadiah, mostly, because he was starting to piss Tony off. But now that he'd seen Pepper, he changed his mind on why he wanted to be there. He knew she was uncomfortable with the two of them dancing together, and the fact that he was staring so much, but he couldn't help it. He was amazed by her. Even when they went out to the balcony and she tried to explain what everyone would be thinking about them, Tony could hardly care. He had wanted to dance with her and his stupid reputation that he'd never wanted would never stop that. He wished it didn't have to affect Pepper, but he always wanted her to know that he didn't care about what any of them thought.

He was so close to kissing her. Maybe it was a bad decision, or maybe it was one of the first good decisions he'd made in a while. But, he didn't get to find out because of course Pepper stepped away. Tony sucked it up, trying to ignore how he had felt and push down those emotions for as long as possible. It clearly wasn't happening. 

Tony had just wanted to go back and have a drink with Pepper, and maybe try to figure out if she had actually wanted to kiss him too, but it was never just that easy. That reporter just  _had_ to come and pester Tony again. He was ready to ignore her and move on, until he heard her talk about Gulmira. Where Yinsen was from. And they had  _his_ weapons.  _New_ weapons. Which meant someone had to have approved a shipment.

 

* * *

 

Watching the news about Gulmira, Tony just felt his anger grow and grow. He was trying to adjust the fit on one of the arms on his suit to make firing easier, but it was hard to focus when all he could think about was what had happened. Those were  _his_ weapons, being used to destroy that town full of innocent people. They had no right to use those weapons; that was exactly the kind of thing Tony had wanted to prevent happening by continuing on with his dad's legacy. He could've easily done just about anything else, but he chose to keep the company going, because he knew he could protect people with his inventions. But now...seeing this, he felt as though he had lost all trust in other people. He still wanted to be able to protect people with his inventions, but there was no one he could trust to do it other than himself.

Standing up, Tony eyed up one of the lights hanging from the ceiling, pointing his extended arm at it. He needed new lights anyway, he thought, and fired. The lamp broke easily, left dangling and shattered, the ceiling around it singed from the blast. Okay, so that works, Tony thought. He turned to look at the three windows separating the stairs from the rest of the room. With the news still going on about Gulmira in the background, it was easy to blow all three of them to pieces and still hardly take the edge off of the anger inside him. It wasn't enough.

It didn't take long to get the rest of the suit on - at least, it was quick enough that Tony's anger was still coursing through him by the time he was flying away from America and to the monsters that had been using his weapons to hurt innocent people.

Tony killed every single one of them that he saw, without hesitation. He didn't know if he had killed anyone during his escape before; he didn't need to. Then, he only wanted to focus on his escape, he didn't care about who was involved or what happened to them. But now, they had hurt other people and there was no way Tony was going to sit by and let it happen. So he killed them. Easily, and quickly. Almost as quickly as it had started, it was over and Tony could go home. The anger had worn off, and he was trying to ignore the moral implications of what he was doing (even if they were terrorists), and he just needed to get home. Which, of course, could never just be  _easy_ , and he had to spend the rest of the little energy he had trying not to get killed by his _own_ country, as well as admit to Rhodey the crazy stunt he'd pulled. It wasn't ideal, to say the least.

 

* * *

 

All Tony wanted to do when he got back was sleep, a  _lot_. He wished he could just step out of the suit easily and go straight to bed, but he hadn't worked on that enough for it to be easy, so instead he was stuck standing for ages waiting for the suit to be dismantled around him.

"What's going on here?" Pepper said from behind him, and Tony turned, wishing he hadn't broken all the windows and made it a lot easier to come in subtly.

"Let's face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."

"Are those bullet holes?" Pepper's face killed Tony, and he wished there was some other way to explain it other than what actually happened.

"Dad?" a second voice said, and Tony looked up to see Peter halfway down the stairs, staring at him, and the suit. Peter, who should've been asleep hours ago, otherwise Tony wouldn't have left. He had known Pepper was in the house, if there was an emergency.

"Oh, god," Pepper said, turning, "Peter, go back upstairs."

"Is that the superhero suit?"

Pepper looked back at Tony, somehow apologetic and blaming at the same time, which was really something only Pepper Potts could achieve.

"It is, wanna come see?" Tony suggested, ignoring the glare from Pepper.

Peter came and sat at the desk chair in front of where Tony was still waiting for the suit to be removed fully, watching in amazement as it happened. He kept trying to reach out and touch, and each time Tony had to remind him that he can't because his fingers might get caught.

"Did you get the bad guys?" Peter asked, when Tony finally stepped off the platform, free of the suit.

"I-"

"Peter, why don't you go upstairs and go get a cookie and then your dad will come up and tell you all about his superhero suit?" Pepper interrupted, still glaring at Tony.

Peter agreed easily, and was running off straight away.

"Did you just bribe my son?" Tony joked, attempting to smile at Pepper but just being shut down by the glare.

"So you do remember that you have a son?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"That  _means_ that you've hardly seen him lately, because you're just holing yourself up in this godforsaken lab, and he never gets to see his father because he's off killing 'bad guys', apparently."

"I have to do this," Tony couldn't really defend himself, because he knew she was right and it just made him feel more guilty.

"No, you don't. You have to look after your son and  _set a good example_ for him."

"What if these guys come back? What if they got to Peter? Then there wouldn't  _be_ someone to set an example for." This is what circled round Tony's head every single waking moment.

"And what if you got killed on one of these 'missions'? Then he wouldn't have a  _father_. Don't you think he's lost enough?"

"You think I'm not careful?" Tony tried not to think about the fact that he just had to run away from two  _American_ fighter jets. They could've easily killed him, and they're on his side.

"No, I don't, Tony. Because I know you and I know what you're like and there is no way I can support this."

"You don't have to, but you don't have to get on my back about how to be a parent."

"I'm not, I'm saying you're gonna kill yourself, Tony. And I don't wanna be a part of it."

"I shouldn't be alive," Tony told her, sitting down and avoiding her eyes, "unless it was for a reason. I'm not crazy Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do...and I know in my heart that it's right."

"You're all I have too, you know," Pepper said, "if you die...Peter's not the only one that loses you."

"Neither of you are gonna lose me."

Pepper didn't say anything else, but gave Tony one last look, before she left.

 

* * *

 

Tony didn't see Pepper the whole next day, and when she called him right after he'd tucked Peter in to bed, he hesitated. He really couldn't figure out if she was mad at him still or not, and he didn't want to make anything worse.

He picked up anyway; he could try to apologise, maybe. Or something else. An apology would probably be best.

"Tony?" Pepper said, and immediately Tony was paralysed. He was completely frozen, panic striking his chest like a harsh blow. "Tony, are you there? Hello?" he could hear Pepper's voice get quieter as the phone is moved away from his ear.

"Breathe," Obadiah said from behind him, lowering him back against the couch, "easy, easy. You remember this one, right? It's a shame the government didn't approve it - there's so many applications for causing short-term paralysis."

Obadiah was showing him the device, and of course Tony remembered it. It was a pointless idea to start with; it was destined to be abused. Tony hadn't cared enough to regret it before, but now...

He felt terrified, watching helplessly while Obadiah came round to stand in front of him, easily moving Tony's head to look right at him.

"Tony," he started again, "when I order the hit on you," Tony's heart froze. It wasn't a fluke, it wasn't terrorists grabbing for more weapons. It was someone who he'd trusted, someone he'd ran a company with since he was 21. Tony could hardly breathe. "I was worried that I was killing the golden goose. But, you see, it was just..." Obadiah held something against Tony's chest, and he knew what was coming next when he felt the sudden shock of pressure and then release in his chest, "...fate that you survived that. You had one last golden egg to give."

The arc reactor was lifted out of Tony's chest, and he could barely even focus on what Obadiah was saying anymore, especially when he gave one last tug - disconnecting the one thing keeping Tony alive. He really couldn't breathe.

"Too bad you had to involve Pepper in all this. I would've preferred that she lived," Obadiah finished with, the only words that stood out to Tony, only adding to his panic. He watched Obadiah walk away, holding his breath as he passed the staircase. He had been so close to telling Obadiah about Peter last year, but a gut feeling had stopped him, and now Tony is glad he didn't. Obadiah was only moments away from Peter right now, and it was pure luck that Peter didn't hear anything and come down, or that Obadiah didn't go upstairs and see him in his bedroom.

The paralysis started to wear off not long after Obadiah left, but Tony still didn't feel any better. He could feel himself slowly dying, his heart struggling to cope.

"Peter," Tony tried to call out, but his voice was weak and barely audible. He struggled to move off of the couch, trying to call for Peter again but it was useless. There was no way he was going to hear. Tony thanked god that he put in that elevator that he never uses, because he never would've made it down the stairs. As it was, he ended up dragging himself across the floor, desperately trying to reach his old arc reactor. He could feel his heart thudding heavily in his chest, trying to keep him alive and only just managing it. The desk was so much higher than Tony ever remembered, and the strain it took to reach was near impossible to bear. Tony collapsed back against the floor, giving up. He could feel every part of his body getting weaker, and he just wished - for Peter's sake - that he hadn't messed up so many times in his life that people ended up wanting to  _kill_ him. Pepper was right, he did get himself killed, and Peter would be an orphan all over again. 

Except Dummy - that stupid, useless robot - saved his life.

 

* * *

 

Fighting Obadiah - pretty much the closest thing he'd had to a father figure for the last seventeen years - wasn't easy. But then again, he had tried to kill Pepper, which made it a lot easier. And, in the end, Pepper was the one that saved the day.

"Thank you for looking after Peter," Tony said to Rhodey, once he had finally gotten home after Pepper had dragged him off of the roof and made sure he was okay. He really wouldn't manage without her.

"Don't worry about it," Rhodey waved it off, "it would've been cool to join you in one of those suits, but babysitting is great too."

"You love it," Tony joked.

"Mm," Rhodey raised his eyebrows, "it was good to meet him, though." Peter had woken up at some point - probably from hearing the suit leave - and had come barrelling into Tony in true Peter fashion as soon as he'd walked in the door. Rhodey had apologised and explained that he wouldn't sleep again when Tony wasn't home, and the two of them ended up sat watching the news together to watch for any updates on what was happening.

"You're really a superhero!" Peter had yelled, getting excited despite being up  _hours_ past his bedtime.

Tony was doubtful, but he liked the optimism, "Maybe, kid."

 

* * *

 

They gave him everything. A whole cover story, an alibi, this whole big excuse just to prove that he wasn't Iron Man. Except, he was. Tony was the one in the suit on the roof that night, the person that all the newspapers had started to call Iron Man. But, apparently, it was just supposed to be a body guard. When it really wasn't. Tony couldn't get that out of his head; this superhero idea. Peter, evidently, was obsessed with it and with the idea of his dad being a superhero. And maybe it was just the imagination of a seven-year-old rubbing off on him, but Tony liked it too. He was trying to convince himself that he didn't, that he wasn't capable - or worthy - of being a superhero. He knew he was rambling, trying to convince himself of this out loud and in front of the press, and he was just making a mess really. Because he wasn't a superhero, and he never would be. He took a pause, Rhodey reminding him to stick to the story they'd given him.

"The truth is..." Tony said, looking at the cards, all the lies and bullshit just to cover up one simple fact, "I am Iron Man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely just pretending the Malibu mansion is in New York because it makes everything easier


	5. 2009

**April 2009**

“Are you sure you can’t come?” Peter asked, _again_ , before he got in the car for school.

“I wish I could, but you know I can’t,” Tony sighed. It was career day at Peter’s school, and neither May nor Ben could make it. Before he’d even asked Tony, Peter had known that he wouldn’t be able to come. But he still asked, over and over and over. He said how cool it would be because he could talk about being a superhero instead of a regular boring job like all the other parents. Tony wished he could just be a normal dad like that, not necessarily having to talk about being Iron Man, even just talking about some boring office job would be better than this.

Peter pouted, “Everyone else’s parents come.”

“I know,” Tony sighed, again. He hated having to be a parent like this. He barely knew how to be a good parent as it was - let alone with him having to keep Peter a secret. “You can tell them I can’t come because I’m a superhero,” he wanted to give Peter something - the adults wouldn’t believe him, but the kids might. That was something.

“So I tell them you’re off fighting bad guys?” Peter asked.

“Exactly,” Tony agreed, giving him a smile, “come on, you’re gonna be late. If you’re lucky I’ll come pick you up.”

 

* * *

 

Tony did go to pick Peter up that day, mostly because he was feeling bad about the whole career day thing, and he wanted to make up for it somehow. If it wasn’t still cold out, he would’ve taken him for ice cream or some other stereotypical thing parents use to bribe their children.

He was expecting Peter to come out happy and excited as soon as he noticed Tony instead of Happy, but he looked miserable.

“Hey,” Tony said once Peter had climbed into the car, “what’s up?”

“I don’t want to go to school anymore,” Peter said, looking down at his feet.

“Why not? What happened?” Tony felt instantly worried. More often than not, Peter was excited to go to school just to learn new things.

“They made fun of me.”

“Who did? Why?” Tony had to calm himself down, and remind himself that beating the crap out of a seven-year-old would be wrong.

“Flash,” Peter said, and Tony recognised the name from other issues at school, “he said you’re not a superhero and I’m a liar. He said you just have a boring job that no one would want to listen to.”

“He’s wrong though,” Tony said, _you can’t beat up a kid_ , “that’s what matters.”

Peter shook his head, still not looking up, “He thinks he’s right. And I can’t prove it.”

Tony sighed, “I know, I wish we could prove him wrong.”

Peter looked up at him then, and Tony knew what he was thinking; that they could easily prove him wrong, but he didn’t want to get into that, again. It was coming up more and more often and Tony felt like a shitty enough father as it was.

“What did his parents do, though?” Tony asked, trying to move on, “I bet they were boring.”

“His aunt came in,” Peter said, “she’s a famous actress.”

Tony sighed, it was gonna be a long evening.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Tony managed to distract Peter by bringing him down into the lab and messing around with whatever Peter wanted. Peter still amazed him, every day, by how smart he was, already. He was _seven_ , and yet could already keep up with the simpler stuff Tony did in the lab. He knew, for a fact, that Peter would definitely overtake him. Even if he didn’t end up inventing like Tony did, Peter was going to end up a lot smarter and doing a lot better than Tony was. He knew it.

Taking a break to let Peter continue on his own, Tony went to his computer on the other side of the room to check the progress of some suit updates ready for the expo starting next month. Except, before he got to check he noticed an email from Peter’s school, which wasn’t exactly a usual occurrence.

“Dear Mr. Parker…” Tony read; he’d told the school his name was Anthony Parker, for the sake of consistency with Peter’s name and the fact that he in no way trusted the school to keep a secret if they noticed one of their students’ dad was called Tony Stark. He read through some nonsense about career day, the influence of parents on their kids, how knowing about and understanding their parents’ careers was important for them. It all seemed a bit condescending and pointless; why were they targeting Tony? He skimmed through the rest of it, finally reaching the point where they actually mention Peter. They described “an incident” from today - so, Peter being bullied - and said how Tony should “have words with Peter” about his “delusions surrounding your career”. Tony was annoyed. A kid says their dad is a superhero, gets _bullied_ for it, and the school emails the dad to tell them to sort out their kid? What about the _bully_ that destroys other kids’ fantasies. Even if Tony wasn’t actually a superhero - at least, labelled one by the general public, he still didn’t trust that he was one - what the hell is wrong with a kid thinking their dad is a superhero?

“Peter, I’m just gonna talk to Pepper, are you alright down here?” Tony asked, waiting for his nod in response - barely looking up from what he was doing. “J.A.R.V.I.S.-”

“She’s upstairs, sir.”

Tony went up, and sure enough, she was walking back and forth across the hall, talking to someone on the phone.

“Pepper,” Tony said, getting her attention just for her to look away again, continuing talking into the phone, “Pepper,” he repeated, “I need you, Pepper.”

“Sorry, can I call you back? God, Tony,” she finally replied, “I was on the phone.”

“I know, but I need you.”

“What is it?”

“How do I call Peter’s school? Is there a number, or-?”

“There should be, why?” she said, already looking on her phone to find it.

“Cause they’re assholes, and I need to tell them to stop emailing me.”

“What?” Pepper stopped, looking up from her phone and frowning at him, “Tony-”

“No, seriously, they are _assholes_ ,” Tony said, “they just emailed me, to let me know that Peter was ‘delusional’ today, telling kids that his dad couldn’t come to career day because he’s a superhero and was busy fighting bad guys to come in. They told me _I_ needed to talk to _Peter_. No mention of the fact that some kid was bullying him today, because of it. Why didn’t he get an email? Peter’s completely right, and yet this asshole kid is the one that gets to win. Let me call them,” he reached out for Pepper’s phone, but her reflexes were better than that by now.

“Tony,” she said, voice stern, “you can’t call them.”

“Why not? It’s not fair.”

“I know,” she said, sitting down on one of the couches and pulling Tony to sit next to her, “but calling and yelling at them isn’t going to make it any better.”

“It could-”

“Tony,” Pepper interrupted, “you know it won’t. I know it’s awful that you can’t protect Peter from everything, but that’s what life is.”

“But it’s not fair, even though I’m not really a superhero, Peter’s allowed to think that. Even if I wasn’t Iron Man.”

“I know, and it’s not fair that they’re telling you he can’t. Because he’s right, you are a superhero. Even without Iron Man. You’re a single dad that’s been raising a kid on his own for the last two years.”

“I haven’t been alone, I’ve had you.”

“I still think you’re a superhero.”

Tony wished he could kiss her. That was all he could think about, inches away from her, was how easy it would be to kiss her. Until he had to remind himself of why he’d been so on edge lately, and why he got so defensive over Peter, and why he can’t ever start something with Pepper. He doesn’t want to put her through more hurt than he’s already going to.

“What’s wrong?” Pepper asked, clearly noticing Tony’s drop in mood.

“Nothing,” Tony lied. _I’m dying_.

 

**May 2009**

Starting the Stark Expo was a welcome distraction from everything, Tony could go onstage, spout nonsense, and vaguely forget about what was going on. As soon as he stepped offstage for the video of his dad to play, though, it was hard not to remember it all. He was obsessively checking his blood toxicity levels as they creeped up each day. He’d realised it was happening about a month ago, that the palladium core was poisoning him, but it only really starting showing up in his blood recently and it had been getting increasingly fast and increasingly worse. It was at 19% now. He didn’t know how long it would take to get to 100%, or at what percentage it would be fatal. He was screwed, in short.

Having to go to court was just another annoyance, but still a distraction nonetheless. He’d called Peter on the drive to DC to let him know what was happening, even though he had already been staying with his aunt and uncle that weekend. He wanted to gradually get Peter to stay with them more and more, so it wouldn’t be so hard for him when Tony did die, but he didn’t know if he even had enough time left to do that.

When he got back from DC, and started working before he had to go pick Peter up, his toxicity levels had already gone up 5%. If it kept at that, he might not even have two weeks left. He changed out the core, listening to J.A.R.V.I.S. explaining that palladium is the only element that works.

“You are running out of both time and options,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said, always a great reminder. Tony stared at the veins on his chest, black with toxins. He was really screwed. And then Pepper was yelling at him, about the art. He expected that, but, what use was a bunch of pretentious art to a dead guy? It was just going to be sold off anyway, and Tony had money to spare. It was more worthwhile being donated to something that could use the money.

Tony listened to her, discussing the future of the company and he realised exactly what he should do. The company would go to shit with no one to run it, and Pepper of all people knows it the best. Probably more than Tony does. She pretty much ran the company already for Tony, but no one was going to promote her to CEO when Tony died, so he’d just have to do it now.

“I want you to run the company,” Tony interrupted.

“That’s what I’m _trying_ -“ she started, and they argued back and forth for a while while Tony tried to get his point out.

“I’m trying to make you CEO!” he finally said, “Why won’t you let me?” They celebrated, and, thank god, Pepper was happy enough that she didn’t question why Tony needed a successor, or wanted to pass the company on in the first place. 

They sorted everything out, legally, the next day. Tony even got a new assistant. She definitely wouldn’t live up to Pepper, but it’s not like Tony would be around for much longer, anyway. He’d survive. Tony had called ahead to Peter’s aunt and uncle to ask him to stay longer the night before - when he was supposed to pick him up - and told them he’d bring some extra stuff to Peter’s the next day. He had an invite to the racing in Monaco which he’d accepted with no intention to go. But, plans change. He needed Peter to get used to being back with his aunt and uncle, anyway.

“Hey,” Tony said when he stopped at Peter’s aunt and uncle’s apartment, on the way to the airport, “I’ve got Peter’s stuff.”

“Great,” May said, stepping back to let him in, “he’s in his room, he’s not very happy about having to stay longer.”

“Have you told him I’m going away?” Tony asked.

May shook her head, “I thought it best that you do.”

“Yeah, thanks,” even though he knew she was right, he’d kind of hoped they’d told him anyway so Tony didn’t have to. He went down the hallway to Peter’s room, knocking on the door before going inside.

Peter looked up when the door opened, then immediately turned away when he saw Tony.

“I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“Why not?” Tony asked, shutting the door behind him and going to sit on Peter’s bed, next to where he was sat on the floor.

“You’re making me stay longer.”

“But you like staying with your uncle and aunt, right?” Tony asked. Maybe Pepper should take Peter after he dies.

“Yeah, but I wanna go _home_. It’s not the same here.”

“I know, but it’s only a few days,” Tony said, and Peter looked up at him, both of them frozen. They both remember the last time he said that. “Look, Peter…I have to go away, just for a day.”

“No,” Peter said, “you can’t go away.”

“I have to…” he didn’t have to; he knew he didn’t have to. He knew he could easily cancel this whole trip.

Peter climbed up onto the bed next to Tony, hugging his side. “What if the bad guys get you again?” he asked, his voice muffled in Tony’s jacket.

“They won’t,” Tony said, “I promise. I have my Iron Man suit now, remember? Last time I didn’t have it. Happy’s gonna carry it round for me, and if anything happens, I’ll put it on.”

“You promise?” Peter asked, looking up at him.

“I promise.”

 

* * *

 

53%. It was going up scarily fast now, and Tony couldn’t deny the fact that he was scared. He didn’t want to die and leave his son alone. He wished there was something he could do to stop it, but he had no idea how. He couldn’t even think about his oncoming death and let it affect him; he was in Monaco now, in the public eye. He had to put on a good appearance, especially considering he’d just signed over his company to his assistant. People were talking about him enough already.

Tony looked in the mirror, trying to avoid the ever-increasing poisoned veins surrounding his heart, and thinks _fuck it_. What did he have to lose? The worst that could happen is him dying and, well, that’s going to happen in a few days anyway. So, screw it.

Once Tony had gotten changed, pushed past the crowd of excited on-lookers, and finally got into the car, then he started to doubt. Sure, it was way too late to change his mind, but the worst that could happen would be Peter watching this on TV, and watching his father die. Or maybe Peter getting permanently scarred and afraid of people leaving for the rest of his life. But, it’s just a race. It’s not that hard to stay alive.

Tony watched the lights change, and finally took off, speeding down the road surrounded by other cars. It was exhilarating, going that speed, and _almost_ finally feeling in control of his own life. If he made a fatal mistake now, that was in his own hands. He had the control over it.

Tony lost his mind in the race, driving mindlessly until, out of nowhere, he drove into a cloud of smoke. There was a figure that Tony couldn’t make out, not until he got closer. By the time he processed the arc reactor strapped to his chest and the rope coming from each arm, sparking with electricity, it was definitely too late. Tony tried to swerve, but the man was already bringing one arm up, sending the electric rope crashing through Tony’s car, cutting the front half clean off.

Tony’s car flipped in the air and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Tony felt himself flying through the air, filled with shock and panic. Maybe he was wrong about it being easy to stay alive. God, he hoped Peter wasn’t watching this on TV.

The car landed with a heavy thud, jolting Tony into reality. He didn’t know who this was, or why he was trying to hurt Tony. He could feel the shock from the crash reverberating throughout his body and it was hard to even bring his eyes to focus, looking at the man in front of him surging with electrical power. 

Fighting without his suit was scarier than Tony liked to admit. He felt exposed; with no form of protection and no real form of attack either. When Happy arrived it was a relief, but seeing Pepper with him was just added fear and more lives to worry about. One that matters more than his own.

Fighting with his suit wasn’t much better; this guy knew what he was doing. He had an arc reactor, that alone was enough to scare Tony. Tony knew for a fact the only reason he managed to beat the guy because he really didn’t care if he died. He did, really, but he knew it was a lost cause trying anymore.

Tony was relieved to get away from it. This guy knew about the palladium, and it just brought it all back and he really didn’t need to think about it any more than he already was.

“Tony,” Pepper said, when they were both on the plane back to America, “what are you not telling me?”

“I don’t want to go home. At all. Let’s cancel my birthday party and, uh, we’re in Europe. Let’s go to Venice, Cipriani. Remember?” Tony suggested. He wished he could escape.

“Oh, yes.”

“It’s a great place to…” _die_ , “…be healthy.”

“What about Peter?”

“He can stay with his aunt and uncle a few extra days, he’ll be fine.” Tony knew it was a lie, but Peter would have to live without him no matter what.

“Tony, you know we can’t. I can’t. Not in a time like this, as CEO-”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, not really, but he didn’t want to fight anymore. He looked away, disappointed, but he expected it. No one can escape death, anyway.

 

* * *

 

“I’m gonna go pick up Peter, you go with Happy,” Tony told Pepper once they landed. He had wanted to call him as soon as the ordeal was over, but knew it would be better seeing him in person. And just on the off chance that Peter _didn’t_ know what happened, he didn’t want to risk upsetting him before he was home.

“He was watching you on TV,” May told Tony as soon as he arrived, and Tony wished he hadn’t told Peter where he was going, “he’s been very upset.”

As soon as Tony walked into Peter’s room, he was hugging him, and making him promise to never go away ever again. Tony promised, even though he didn’t know if he’d be able to hold it up. He wished he could tell himself that next time he could just bring Peter along, but he doesn’t want to risk getting him caught in Tony’s bad luck, too.

“I thought you were going to die,” Peter said, not letting go of Tony.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Tony lied.

 

* * *

 

“This is the bad guy that hurt you?” Peter asked. The two of them were sat in one of Tony’s fancy cars, while Tony was researching with J.A.R.V.I.S. trying to figure out who this Vanko guy was and why he had such a vengeance against Tony and his family. Which means he would have a vengeance against Peter, too. So it’s especially important he doesn’t go anywhere and Peter is kept especially secret.

“I think so,” Tony told him, skimming through the news headings J.A.R.V.I.S. was showing him. “I think his dad and my dad used to work together. That’s how he had a suit like mine.”

“He had this thing,” Peter said, poking Tony’s arc reactor. “He copied you?”

“Kind of,” Tony said, “my dad - your grandad - invented this, and I think his dad helped him, so he knows how to make it too.”

Peter nodded understandingly, just as the door to the lab opens. They both turned, watching Rhodey walk in.

“Tony, you gotta get upstairs and get on top of this situation right now,” he started, not noticing Peter, small and hidden in the passenger seat, “Listen, I’ve been on the phone with the National Guard all day, trying to talk them out of rolling tanks up the PCH, knocking down your front door and taking these. They’re gonna take your suits, Tony, okay? They’re sick of the games, you-”

Tony sighed, because this is exactly what he didn’t want Peter knowing about.

“They want to take the suits?” Peter asked, and Tony saw the look of realisation cross Rhodey’s face, and he shot Tony a quick look of apology.

“Peter, I didn’t see you hidden there.”

“Uncle Rhodey!” he replied, climbing over Tony’s lap - which he had to pretend didn’t wind him, a _seven-year-old_ , he really was getting worse every day - and hooking his legs over the door to jump down.

“Not _over_ the-” Tony sighed, watching Peter jump down anyway and run up to give Rhodey a hug.

“Let’s go,” Tony said, trying to push past how shit he felt. He opened the door and tried to step out of it normally but ended up half collapsing. He would’ve been on the floor completely if it weren’t for Rhodey catching him.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I should get to my desk,” Rhodey helped him to his desk, while Peter stood to the side, not knowing what to do. “Peter, could you get me a, uh, glass of water, from upstairs?” Peter nodded, running off quickly.

As soon as Peter was out of earshot, Tony explained enough for Rhodey to help him change the palladium core, but didn’t tell him the extent of exactly what it was doing to him. He knew he could tell something was up, though. 

Rhodey sighed, watching Tony, “You wanna do this whole…lone gunslinger act, and it’s unnecessary. You don’t have to do this alone. What about Peter, huh?”

“Peter can’t know any of this, okay? Please.”

Rhodey sighed again, which usually meant he was agreeing, “You better figure this out.”

 

* * *

 

89%. Tony stared at his chest in the mirror, marked with the poison in his blood. It covered almost his entire chest now, creeped up his neck too. Tony was scared. This could be his last night.

He didn’t like having Natalie around nearly as much as Pepper. He couldn’t tell if she kept flirting with him, or if she was just acting how she thought he wanted her to. Either way, he preferred Pepper. And missed not having her around as much. It was for the best, though. He only had a few days left at best and he shouldn’t be selfish.

Natalie’s advice was for him to do whatever he wanted, and, Tony thought, why not? Peter had gone to a friend’s house for a sleepover. It was his last birthday ever. He wouldn’t even make it to 40. So, why not just do whatever he wanted.

“Tony,” Happy tried to catch him in the hallway, ready to go down and finish getting drunk.

“Not now, Happy,” Tony replied, “it’s my birthday party. Let me be drunk.”

“It’s important-”

“I don’t care!” he called behind him, making his way into the party.

 

* * *

 

The party was a mess. Lying there in his suit in the aftermath, Tony realised that. He shouldn’t have done all that. It just got progressively worse as he got more and more drunk. He think he tried to kiss Pepper. He _fought_ Rhodey. It was a mess. He destroyed half his house. 

“Are you _insane_?” he heard Pepper yell, heard her clicking heels and expected her to come up to him. Probably yell at him some more. But she went straight past him and started going upstairs.

“No, Pepper,” he yelled back, “it won’t be safe,” the house was half destroyed, god, he was too drunk for this.

“ _Exactly_ ,” she yelled back, not stopping, “Peter’s up there!”

“What?” that sobered him up, he stood up, stumbling forward and trying to get out of the suit. It was hard enough on a good day. Pepper was already gone.

She reappeared a moment later, and Tony was already on the floor again. He could feel the suit draining the little energy he had. “Is he okay?” Tony asked, wanting so badly to stand up and take Peter from her.

“No thanks to you,” she replied, walking out still carrying Peter, going god knows where.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Tony?” Pepper asked when he called her very early the next day. It was barely sunrise.

“Where’s Peter?”

“He stayed the night at mine. I was going to bring him to the office until you came to your senses. What the hell else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, I guess that’s your decision since apparently _you’re_ his mother now.”

“Tony, don’t even start,” Pepper was beating him at the who-can-be-more-annoyed-at-who game, “you were in no fit state to look after a child, and he was scared and that was _your_ fault.”

“Don’t blame me for this, why the hell was he home to begin with?”

“His friend cancelled last minute! Happy said he _tried_ to tell you, but you were refusing to listen, like always!”

“You know, I don’t have time for this,” Tony said, “a pirate is yelling at me. Drop Peter at his aunt and uncles.”

“Will you pick him up from there?”

“Sure,” Tony said, except he knew he wouldn’t make it that far. If it was 89% last night - before using the suit - he hated to think what it would be now. “Tell Peter I love him.”

“Tony, what-” he hung up before she could continue. He knew she would just worry the more he said about it.

“I told you I don’t wanna join your super-secret boy band,” Tony said, once he was sat inside with the diner Fury. He’d already approached him before about this, saying how Iron Man could be part of a team, which really wasn’t Tony’s style. There’d be no point even pretending to cooperate at this point, he didn’t have enough time left to be of any use to anyone.

“No, I remember, you do everything yourself,” Fury laughed, “how’s that working out for you?”

“It’s, uh, it’s…” Tony stuttered, wanting to come up with some witty response. It wasn’t working out for him, really. But it was too late. “I’m sorry, I don’t wanna get off on the wrong foot, do I look at the patch or the eye? Honestly, I’m a bit hungover…” Tony started rambling about Fury being not real, and, honestly, everything felt like that at that moment. The whole world felt surreal, maybe from the hangover, or maybe from the poison slowly (not so slowly) killing Tony. And, Natalie was with Fury, apparently. ‘Agent Romanoff’. Tony was glad he hadn’t told her about Peter yet, but if she worked with Fury that meant that she’d probably already figured it out. They even knew he was sick, somehow.

And then they gave him a cure. Not really a cure - but it would keep him alive a bit longer, at least. Tony wished it was that easy that it was a cure.

 

* * *

 

Fury came back with Tony to the house - still a mess, but improving. Pepper must’ve called people. Tony wished he could’ve picked up Peter on the way, but he doubted he was even at his aunt and uncles. He knew he’d still be with Pepper, because he knew what she’s like. Not only that, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up by seeing Peter. Sure, he might not be dying quite as much as before, but he wasn’t cured. He could still only have a few days or hours left until he figured out a replacement for the palladium. 

But Fury seemed to think there was some hope left for Tony, that his dad had planned improvements for the arc reactor that Tony would be capable of carrying out. Improvements that would mean it wouldn’t slowly kill him. Hopefully.

Being yelled at and threatened by an agent he barely knew the name of was one thing, but telling Tony that he couldn’t have any communication with the outside world was something else entirely. None of them knew he had a son, or a CEO that probably currently hated him. He had a lot of important things and he hated that he couldn’t be in each reach of the two of them. If he started dying he wouldn’t be able to call the to say goodbye. He knew he might as well get on with it, though. He didn’t want to die and this seemed to be his best bet.

Looking through his dad’s stuff was hard, especially when he got to the tapes. If it weren’t a life or death situation - which, unfortunately, it was - he wouldn’t have watched them. Instead he had to sit through endless footage of his dad rambling, probably more than he’d every spoke to Tony in the first 21 years of his life.

When Tony finally looked up from flicking through all his dad’s old notebooks, he saw himself on the screen. Someone he barely even remembered. He was probably about Peter’s age, playing with parts of the model his dad was stood in front of. All of that talking to the camera, and all Tony got was a glorified ‘go away’. He felt angry. He remembered so many different instances like that, his dad always getting frustrated at him getting in the way, or not being good enough or smart enough straight away, or just _being a kid_. It annoyed Tony more than it ever had before, now that he was a father too. He understood what it was like to have a kid around, while doing important work, and it still didn’t excuse how his dad treated him. It wasn’t fair.

“Tony,” his dad’s voice interrupted his thoughts now, with a more serious tone, “you’re too young to understand this right now so I thought I’d put it on film for you. I built this for you, and someday you’ll realise that it represents a whole lot more than people’s inventions. It represents my life’s work; this is the key to the future. I’m limited by the technology of my time, but one day you’ll figure this out, and when you do…you’ll change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation…is you.”

That struck a chord in Tony. It was the closest thing he’d ever gotten to hearing someone is proud of him, especially his father. He felt like a kid all over again, going all out with stupid inventions that could never live up to his dad’s in a desperate bid to get his approval. Tony was glad he wasn’t around to be Peter’s grandfather.

 

* * *

 

It was surprisingly easy to leave the house, after all the threats from Coulson. He drove straight to where Pepper would be in her office, and hopefully Peter too, only stopping to get her a present.

He knew Pepper didn’t want to see him, and that was even more obvious when he got there. She was annoyed, and he couldn’t blame her. He was trying to apologise, or _something_ , at least. But everything he said just seemed to make it worse.

“So you haven’t come here to apologise?” Pepper questioned, sitting back in her chair after Tony spewed even more nonsense.

“Well, I-”

“Because it’s not just me you need to apologise to, Tony. Rhodey, Happy and I had _no_ idea what to do. You shouldn’t have put any of us in that situation, especially Rhodey. He had to fight you, that’s not fair. More importantly, you need to apologise to your son. You put him in danger and made him feel unsafe in his own home. He’s not even eight yet, Tony. He shouldn’t have to be dealing with the aftermath of your bad decisions already.”

“I know,” Tony said, wishing she was wrong. He had been trying to avoid thinking about what he’d really done to Peter. “Where is he?”

“Downstairs with Happy,” Pepper replied, still moving on with her point quickly, “It’s been two years, Tony. When are you gonna start acting like a father?”

Tony sighed, wincing. She was right. Definitely right. Not even an hour ago Tony had been annoyed at his own dad for being such a shitty parent when he can’t even recognise his own shitty parenting. “I know, I know, listen…” Tony launched into more rambling. He didn’t know what he was trying to say, really. Partially, he was trying to tell Pepper that he had been dying - still was, for the moment - and exactly what it had made him realise. Or how it had made him behave, even. Or maybe just how he felt now. He had somewhat of a chance of making it out of this alive, and if he did he wanted to do it better. He wanted to be a better father, and he wanted to stop messing everything up with Pepper every other day. He wanted to stop having to tiptoe around how he felt about her in fear of screwing things up even more. He’s pretty sure she knew how he felt; he had tried to kiss her when he was drunker than anything, when the rational part of his brain stopped telling him not to do the things he really wanted to. Like kissing Pepper. But if she knew how he felt, then she must not want to do anything about it or she would’ve already, clearly. Maybe Tony should give up.

“I need you-” Pepper interrupted, and Tony’s hopes soared up, just for a moment.

“I need you too, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“-to leave.” Okay, Tony should definitely give up.

 

 

* * *

 

Finally realising he might have a chance at saving his own life was the only thing that managed to distract Tony from the rest of the shit going on around him. At least one of the terrible things had a possibility of improving.

It was great, being able to throw himself into something again. He could forget about everything else for once and just think about what he was working on. It was so much better than just sitting at a desk programming or adjusting his suits; he was around the house, breaking down walls, setting up various contraptions to try and get this thing to work. He preferred so much more being able to be physical and push all of the other worries out of his mind. Plus, it felt good actually being _able_ to be physical, after being drained for days from the poisoning.

Coulson came back, eventually, hardly caring that Tony had left. So, they were all just empty threats, in the end.

“What’s this doing here?” he asked, holding up what looked like a prototype for Captain America’s shield. “You know what this is?” Tony was finally feeling good, he didn’t want to remember that godforsaken soldier that his dad preferred so much to his own son.

“That’s exactly what I need to make this work.”

And it did, by some miracle. Tony actually got it to work. Maybe he could survive this, after all.

 

* * *

 

Once Tony had put together the new arc reactor and was waiting for J.A.R.V.I.S. to run the tests to make sure that it would actually work, Tony got a phone call. He was expecting just about anyone but Vanko to be on the other end. Vanko didn’t give anything away, but made it clear that he was making some kind of suit. Or, had made one already. He threatened Tony, again. But Tony couldn’t figure out how exactly he was gonna be getting his revenge, when Tony was safe at home. He checked to see who had slots at the expo that night, and of course it was Justin Hammer. The one person that would team up with a murderous criminal just to one-up Tony.

Tony swore, knowing that Pepper was probably at the expo. He picked up the new arc reactor, despite J.A.R.V.I.S.’s objections, and swapped it out with the old one. He got his suit on quickly, relieved that it was actually functioning with the new arc reactor. That was one positive. He flew to the expo, just in time to see Rhodey on stage in the suit he stole from Tony, now covered in unnecessary guns.

Hammer was, expectedly, useless, pleading ignorance for anything to do with Vanko. Even when Rhodey started aiming at him, he played dumb.

“Is that you?” Tony asked Rhodey.

“No, that’s not me, that’s not me,” Rhodey replied over comms. Tony needed to get out of there before all these people were put at risk, too. He took off, shattering the glass above and hearing Rhodey and a group of drones follow him. He flew them round the building, trying to take out as many as possible, using Rhodey’s warnings over comms. After watching the majority of the crowd run out of the building, he flew back inside to get rid of any drones left in there.

“Shit,” Tony muttered the moment he recognised the small kid stood in front of one of the drones, wearing some kind of Iron Man mask, but Tony still recognised the height and size, the clothes that he’d bought. “J.A.R.V.I.S., please tell me that’s not who I think it is.”

“That is Peter, sir.”

“ _God_ ,” Tony said, dropping to land just behind him, both of them raising their arms in sync, Tony blasting the drone back. “Good job, kid,” Tony said.

Peter turned around, “Dad!” his muffled voice said through the mask.

“I like your helmet,” Tony commented, genuinely having no clue where it came from and when, “wanna see what it’s like to fly?”

Peter nodded, and Tony could feel his excitement even without being able to see his face. It was hard not to get swept up in how nice it was to just spend time with Peter, especially knowing that he had so much more time with him now, despite the chaos around him. “Hold on tight,” he told him, grabbing him and making sure only to fly as high as necessary - he wasn’t risking anything. “Where’s Pepper?” he asked J.A.R.V.I.S., following what he showed him to where she was, round the side of the stage on the phone and talking to various people at once.

“I’m gonna leave you with Pepper, okay? Don’t leave her side,” Tony told Peter, “I’m gonna go fight the bad guys, I’ll be back soon.”

Peter nodded, watching as Tony stepped back to fly away again.

“Tony-” Pepper said when she noticed him, ignoring the people she’d been talking to.

“We’re talking about this-” he gestured as subtly as he could to Peter, “-later.”

He took off again, sending the drones on a wild goose chase round the city, knowing most of them probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with him. Vanko was good, but he’d had maybe a week to work on these. Tony’d been constantly working on his for almost a year.

The drones dropped off one by one, until him and Rhodey were alone on the ground. Fighting him while sober was worse, but better knowing it wasn’t actually him. It wasn’t long before his suit deactivated - Romanoff.

“Well done with the new chest piece, I’m reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising,” Romanoff said, which was a relief. Sure, Tony was feeling better and the suit worked, but he’d skipping the tests he probably should’ve ran.

“Yes, for the moment I’m not dying. Thank you.”

“What do you mean you’re not dying?” Pepper’s voice appeared out of nowhere, “Did you say you’re dying?”

“Is that you? Uh, no, I’m not. Not anymore.”

“What’s going on?”

“I was going to tell you, I didn’t want to alarm you.”

“You were going to tell me? You really were dying?”

“You didn’t let me-”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” Pepper was starting to get upset, and it really wasn’t a good time.

“I was gonna make you an omelette and tell you,” Tony said, frustrated from not being able to get his words out. “How about we talk about you bringing my son to a _weapons_ expo, and, not only that, but you _left him alone_ while there were _evil drones flying around_?!” Romanoff didn’t even flinch when he said son, so Tony was right.

“He was supposed to be with Happy! He wanted to come!”

“Yeah, and if I hadn’t seen him, he would’ve been dead! A drone was about to shoot at him!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Romanoff interrupted, “more important things to worry about right now.”

“Yeah, right,” Tony said, bringing himself out of the protective-dad mindset and back into the stopping-the-killer-robots mindset. He woke Rhodey up, and they both got ready for a big fight. Fighting _with_ Rhodey was a lot better than fighting against him, Tony knew that for sure. The drones weren’t too hard to take down together, but it wasn’t long before Vanko showed up too. He was harder. Harder, but not too hard that they couldn’t do it. Maybe Iron Man could use a sidekick.

“You lose,” was Vanko’s last words to Tony, which he easily brushed off as an empty threat from a near-dead guy. Not an uncommon thing. Until, that is, his suit and all the drones started flashing, counting down to something.

“All these drones are rigged to blow,” Rhodey said, “we gotta get out of here, man.”

Tony’s first thought went to the two most important people in his life, who right then were together and surrounded by way too many of the drones. 

“Get Peter,” Tony said to Rhodey, who nodded before they both took off. Tony went flying across the city faster than he had before, really, _really_ hoping they were stood somewhere easily accessible. And that this was a long countdown. Just as he approached the expo building, he saw both of them stood out on the front steps, right next to one of the drones. Tony grabbed Pepper without even stopping, making sure to check for Rhodey too, feeling relief when he sees Peter with him, safe from the explosion at their feet.

Tony flew to the nearest safe building he saw, landing and letting go of Pepper, throwing off the short-circuiting helmet.

“Oh my god, I can’t take this anymore,” Pepper said, her head in her hands.

“You can’t-?” Tony was confused if she was breaking up the relationship they didn’t have, or something else entirely.

“I can’t take this.”

“Wha- look at me!” Tony probably looked better than he felt, admittedly.

“My body literally cannot handle the stress. I never know if you’re gonna kill yourself or- or- wreck the whole company-”

“I think I did okay!” he gestured round the city he just saved, deliberately ignoring the explosions.

“I quit, I’m resigning. That’s it.”

“What did you just say? You’re done? Surprising…” Tony said. He thought he was doing something good for Pepper by making her CEO, and she had seemed happy about it. Then again, she doesn’t just have regular CEO-duties, because Tony’s involved. “No, it’s not surprising. I get it. You don’t have to make any excuses, okay?”

“I’m not making any excuses.”

“Well, you actually were just making excuses.”

“No, I wasn’t making an excuse, because I’m actually very justified-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tony said, waiting for Pepper to slow down, “you deserve better. You’ve taken such good care of me. I’ve been in a tough spot, and you got me through it, so…right?”

“Thank you. Thank you for understanding.”

“Listen, let’s talk cleanup.”

“I’ll handle the transition, it’ll be-”

“Okay, what about the press? Cause you only had the job for a week. That’s gonna seem…”

“What, with you it’s like dog years,” she wasn’t wrong. This had been one of the longest weeks of Tony’s life, so he hated to think how long it had felt for Pepper. He looked at her, realising how well she knew him. He was right, too. He’d taken such good care of her, and even without knowing he’d been dying he was one of the main reasons he managed to get through it, emotionally. She meant so much to him. “I mean, it’s like the presiden-” Tony gave up, he couldn’t hold back on this any more. The main reason he hadn’t acting on it was because he had been dying, but now he wasn’t. Now his existence wasn’t just a future burden for everyone around him, and he could start really caring about people again, and showing it. He kissed her.

It had almost happened so many times; it felt like they’d always been on the edge of this any time they were close to each other. It was so hard to resist it normally, holding back for the sake of maintaining their obscure friendship. More of a dependancy on Tony’s side. It felt amazing to finally stop resisting and do exactly what he wanted to. It felt natural, and right, and…like coming home.

It didn’t take long for Tony to start overthinking if Pepper was enjoying it too. The fact that she was kissing him back - and had started to do so as soon as their lips touched - was a good sign, but it he still wanted to make sure.

“Weird?” Tony asked, pulling away to check.

“No, it’s not weird,” Pepper had a big smile on her face, and was slightly out of breath from the kiss. She was the most gorgeous woman in the world.

“It’s okay, right?” Tony asked, trying to play down how long he’d been waiting for this to happen.

“Yeah,” Pepper agreed, leaning in with Tony to continue.

“I think it’s weird,” Rhodey interrupted, making Tony jump and both of them pulled away. The anticipation of another kiss without the follow through was unbearable. “You guys look like two seals fighting over a grape. And in front of the kid, too. God.”

Tony sighed, while Pepper started to go into explanation-fix-everything-mode. She’d perfected it after years of cleaning up Tony’s messes.

“I heard everything. _We_ heard everything.” That would be fun to explain to Peter later.

“You should get lost. Maybe take Peter home?”

“I was here first, get a roof,” Rhodey said, “I’m going home, you lovebirds will have to find somewhere else to continue.” He fell off with his suit, again. Tony knew it would be too late to ask for it back now. Besides, a sidekick from time to time isn’t such a bad thing, he’d found.

“Right,” Tony sighed, “I think it’s time we all get home. Are you okay, Peter?”

Peter nodded, yawning.

“Just so you know, this was _way_ too late for him to be out,” Tony said to Pepper, half-jokingly.

Pepper rolled her eyes, “Don’t even start.”


	6. 2010

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of Tony being somewhat emotionally stable enjoy

**May 2010**

“To Tony,” Pepper started, holding up her glass, “for making it until his forties.”

“God, don’t remind me,” Tony commented, “I’m an old man now.” He was secretly happy though; his last birthday he’d celebrated thinking he would be dying in a few days time, and now a year later he was here celebrating his 40th birthday.

“And,” Pepper continued, “for holding down a steady relationship for a whole year.”

“Almost,” Tony added, “a few more days left. You might get fed up with me still.”

“Try me,” Pepper laughed. They all drank.

“Let me be the first to say this birthday is way better than the last,” Rhodey said, and Tony had to agree. Last year, it was getting drunk and destroying his house. This year, he’d booked out a private room at a restaurant with Pepper, Rhodey and Peter. He’d even managed to convince Happy to sit with them instead of hovering around at the edge as usual. Everything was, for once, good. The Stark Tower seemed promising, and they’d be able to get it up and running in the next couple of weeks. Peter was doing well in school, and growing at a rate that scared Tony. No one had tried to kill him in almost a year.  He and Pepper were finally together, and happy. Everything seemed to be looking up.

 

* * *

 

“I’m guessing you heard about Captain America,” Pepper said, seeing Tony sat on the couch with a glass of whiskey.

“It’s not that hard to stay dead, is it? Wasn’t he supposed to have died, like, 70 years ago?” Tony asked, not really directed at Pepper.

Pepper sighed, sitting down next to him, “I know.”

“God, I wish he had died in that plane crash, or no, he could’ve survived and just been a dead old man now,” Tony said, “no, I change my mind. I would’ve had an even _less_ attentive dad then, because he would’ve been too busy fawning over Captain fucking America, more than he was when he was dead.”

“It’s not his fault your dad was obsessed with him.”

“He died _decades_ before I was born, but it still always felt like my dad would’ve swapped my life out for his in a heartbeat.”

“That’s not true, Tony,” Pepper tried to reassure him, but Tony was too far gone to listen.

“Isn’t it?” Tony asked, finishing his drink in one, “God, I hate him. If anyone tries to introduce me to him I’m gonna beat the crap out of them. And him.”

 

**June 2010**

Tony barely even got a chance to enjoy getting the Stark Tower up and running, he and Pepper were having drinks - the closest thing they got to a real date night - when they were interrupted by Agent Coulson, talking about the Avengers.

Tony sighed, after Coulson had left, “I’m gonna have to go, aren’t I?”

Pepper nodded, “This looks serious, and if they didn’t want you before then they must be desperate now.”

“God, I’m gonna be on a team with Captain America,” Tony said, “help me.”

“You’ll survive,” Pepper said, “he’s, like, 100 years old now.”

“Yeah, but when he sees me he’s just gonna see my dad, and I’m not my dad.”

“I know, you’re actually a good parent,” Pepper agreed, “speaking of…you’re gonna have to break the news to Peter.”

Tony sighed, again, “Technically I’m not going away, right? I’ll still be in New York.”

“He hates you going away, full stop.”

“I know, he’s gonna hate this.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, after Tony had stayed up all night understanding as much as he could about this cube that everyone was fighting over and while Pepper was getting ready to leave for DC, he made waffles for breakfast for Peter, which definitely wasn’t a bribe. 

He went to wake Peter up and sat down on the temporary bed they'd made up in the Stark tower, for while the few days they'd stayed there while getting it up-and-running, explaining the situation; how he had some important things to do as Iron Man, that he’d be working with other superheroes too, and that he had to go away for a bit (he wasn’t sure how long), even if he’d technically still be in New York.

Peter didn’t take it well.

Tony expected him to be upset, maybe, like he had been whenever Tony had to go away before. He’d get a bit upset, and worried, but it would be fine in the end. This time, though, he got more than just the regular upset. Tony guessed because this was the first time he was explicitly leaving to do superhero stuff in the last two years (that he told people about, anyway), Peter got more upset than usual. There was more danger, this time around. It turned into a full-fledged tantrum, and Peter even ended up _yelling_ at Tony, before sulking and stomping off to god knows where.

Tony sighed, putting his head in his hands. He didn’t know how to handle this. Peter was a good kid the majority of the time, so whenever he did act out it felt impossible to handle because Tony just wasn’t equipped to deal with it. He hadn’t known Peter from a baby, he didn’t get the chance to gradually learn what sets him off and what doesn’t and how to handle different things like this. He wished he hadn’t put Peter through so much trauma already. It was enough for his parents to die and then for him to meet his real dad when he was four. Then Tony had to go and make it even worse by getting kidnapped and everything else that’s just added onto this fear he’s given Peter of him leaving. The one thing Tony had promised himself when he’d decided to fight for custody was that he wouldn’t become his own father. He couldn’t let himself do that kind of damage to Peter, and yet he still seemed to be managing to.

“So I guess you told Peter?” Pepper asked from the doorway to Peter’s room, making Tony jump. 

Tony just groaned, putting his head back into his hands.

“Happy’s taken him to school,” Pepper told him, “what happened?”

“He really wasn’t happy with it.”

“I figured.”

“I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Tony,” Pepper argued, “he’s just a kid. It’s hard for him.”

“Exactly,” Tony said, lifting his head up but refusing to meet Pepper’s eyes, “it’s not fair, he goes through so much more than a regular kid should. What if I’ve permanently screwed him up because of this?”

Pepper sighed, sitting down next to Tony, “You know that’s not gonna happen. It was something traumatic for both of you to go through, it’ll take a while to recover. For both of you, you jus-”

“It’s been _two years_.”

“So? You were _kidnapped_ Tony, and he thought his father was _dead_. That’s not something easy to move on from, especially when other stuff keeps happening, you can’t beat yourself up over this.”

“I told myself I wouldn’t screw him up,” Tony said, rubbing his face and trying to think exactly when his life got to this point, “I didn’t want him to end up like me.”

“You’re nothing like your father,” Pepper said, but even Tony can recognise the uncertainty in her voice. He couldn’t blame her; he never spoke about his childhood, with good reason, so she didn’t really have a basis to go off. All she knew was his dad was shitty and screwed him up.

“You don’t know that,” it was unfair for Tony to use something that was his fault against Pepper, but he didn’t care. He was upset and wanted to rationalise it.

“Peter is struggling because he worries about your safety. I know enough to know that that’s definitely not what happened with your dad,” Pepper fought back, ever the voice of reason, “If you would just _talk_ to me-”

Tony shook his head, cutting her off, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I don’t know anything about your childhood because you never tell me anything!”

“Because there’s nothing to know!” Tony retorts, “It was shitty, and I don’t like to remember it, what else can I tell you?”

“Well clearly it’s affecting you in parenting so talking to me could help.”

“What do you want to know?” Tony asked, sarcastically, feeling pushed to the edge of his comfort zone. He didn’t want to open up, he didn’t want to have to reopen old wounds, even if he could already feel them resurfacing just from talking about it. “That my father treated me like shit, and made me just feel like an inconvenience for my entire childhood? That whenever I was home I’d be yelled at or hit for getting in the way or messing with any of his precious work? That he just shipped me off to boarding school to get rid of me and I actually _preferred_ it to home? And that the only person that was even _slightly_ happy to see me when I got home was the _butler_?”

Pepper was silent. Tony still didn’t look at her, he didn’t want to see her face; the look of shock or disgust or pity or whatever that Tony just didn’t want to deal with. “Tony-” she started, barely a whisper. He wished he had kept his mouth shut.

“I told you I don’t want to talk about it,” Tony replied.

“Tony, please,” she said, trying to take his hand, but Tony pulled away.

Tony’s phone went off, and he used it as a welcome distraction from the mess he’d just made. “I need to get a flight,” he said, “to Germany, apparently.”

 

* * *

 

“J.A.R.V.I.S., get on their radio,” Tony said, spotting the S.H.E.I.L.D. aircraft hovering over just above the ground, over a big group of people. He’d pushed down all the emotions from earlier down and forced himself back to his regular self, at least for the sake of his sanity and this mission, “play something I like.”

“I’m playing Shoot to Thrill by AC/DC, sir. They can hear you.”

“Agent Romanoff,” Tony said, “you miss me?”

Tony flew past the jet, blasting this guy in the chest. He looked insane - a full leather get-up complete with a green cape and a gold reindeer helmet. Tony remembered the files he read through last night mentioning the little information they knew about him, the key one being he was an alien. A very human looking alien, but still the first alien Tony’s ever encountered. He wasn’t even sure if he believed in aliens until then, but he supposed he didn’t have a choice anymore.

Tony landed, watching the ‘alien’ fall back, giving him a chance to aim and ready himself for any counterattacks he pulled out. “Make a move, reindeer games.”

He knew the presence behind him already without even having to turn, deliberately ignoring it and acknowledging the alien’s defeat. 

“Mr. Stark,” an out-of-breath voice said next to him, now. Tony still didn’t turn.

“Captain.”

 

* * *

 

Getting the alien, Loki, on to the jet was surprisingly easy. No force, no fighting, just a gentle shove in the right direction and some strapping-down for extra security once he was on board. Tony took his helmet off but kept the rest of the suit on; he wanted to be ready for any surprise attack from this guy. He was supposed to be powerful, according to the files, but he definitely wasn’t acting like it.

“So you’re Howard Stark’s kid,” Steve said once the jet had taken off again, back to New York. Tony tried not to wince; he hated when he was younger being constantly associated with his dad, but since he started to make a name for himself, it had gotten better, which doesn’t really work when he’s talking to someone that’s missed the last 70 years of the world.

“I guess so,” Tony said.

“I’m S-”

“I know who you are,” Tony interrupted, “and apparently you know who I am too.”

“Your father was a good man,” Steve said, trying to push past the awkwardness. In fairness, he probably thought it was a compliment, or being respectful, or at least being nice. Regardless, it still didn’t work.

“No he wasn’t.”

Steve looked surprised, and didn’t say anything further, probably sensing Tony’s hostility. Tony did feel bad, it wasn’t this guys fault that his dad idolised him and then was a shitty abusive father to Tony. He wasn’t even aware of it. But Tony can’t help but feel resentment towards him because of it.

“I don’t like it,” Steve said after some time silent, looking at Loki. 

“What, rock of ages giving up so easily?” Tony replied, trying to be civil but avoiding looking at him.

“I don’t remember it being that easy,” Tony tried not to roll his eyes at that. He was old, things had changed, “This guy packs a wallop.”

“Well, still, you are pretty… _spry_ , for an older fellow,” Tony finally looked at him and it just made him even more annoyed. He’d seen, and hated, that face so many times throughout his childhood. In person it was even worse. “What’s your thing, pilates?”

“What?” he was confused and Tony definitely wouldn’t admit the satisfaction that gave him. This is the one thing he had over him and he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t abuse it.

“It’s like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple of things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle,” the look of hidden annoyance behind Steve’s eyes definitely gave Tony even more satisfaction.

“Fury didn’t tell me he was calling you in.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of things Fury doesn’t tell you.”

 

* * *

 

As if one alien hadn’t been bad enough, another one ended up appearing just to steal the first one. Steve, with his military background and 1940s mindset, was increasingly irritating for Tony to be around. They definitely had different styles, techniques and approaches to just about everything, but there was no way in hell Tony was going to sit down like some solider in a war planning out how to attack someone that is already _way_ out of their league and most likely getting further out of their reach by the minute.

Fighting this new alien, who had looked just as ridiculous as the first one, was decidedly better than dealing with Steve the perfect soldier. The guy put up a good fight, even if he did speak like he was straight out of the 1500s. Of course, eventually, Steve had to interrupt. He was like a goddamn teacher telling off some kids, which Tony really didn’t appreciate. Sure, it broke up the fight and the guy, Thor, ended up coming back to help them with Loki, but that’s besides the point.

 

* * *

 

Getting to meet Bruce Banner was a positive out of all of this, for Tony. He’d known about him since before his ‘incident’ because without any of that, he was still practically a genius and a lot of his work had interested Tony. After what happened, Tony was only more interested, so it was good to finally meet him. It was a relief too, to be able to take a break from it all to do just normal science and maths and things Tony was familiar and comfortable with, not having to focus on the saving-the-world or the surrounded-by-superheroes aspect of any of it. Bruce felt like a regular person, rather than a perfect do-gooder.

He was not-so-subtly trying to convince Bruce to come visit Stark tower. He enjoyed working with him; it felt comfortable and relaxed and not like working with anyone else he had before. He didn’t have to constantly explain his thought process or a variety of different things that _should_ be common knowledge. It made the whole thing a lot less exhausting.

Until Steve came in, complaining about everything Tony was doing and everything he wasn’t doing. He was getting on Tony’s nerves more and more; he had no idea what they were doing and yet he still thought he could boss them around just because he doesn’t understand enough to be able to help them. Then, on top of that, he got on Tony’s back about trying to figure out what Fury was hiding from them, as if that isn’t something pretty significant to what they were doing.

Tony was relieved when his phone rang, interrupting Steve. He checked his phone and saw it was May calling him.

“I need to take this,” Tony said, turning to leave.

“Aren’t there more important things to focus on right now?” Steve asked.

“This,” Tony gestured at the still ringing phone, “is more important than any of that.”

Tony left, not bothering to wait to listen to any more questions or objections, and checked the hall was clear before picking up.

“Hey,” Tony said, keeping an eye out for anyone approaching.

“You could’ve warned me that Peter was in a foul mood before I had to go pick up mr. miserable from school,” May said. Over the last year, she and Tony had been getting more friendly, and even with Ben it was improving, slowly, but still improving.

“He was really upset with me about going away again,” Tony sighed, “I did my best.”

“I told him I’d call you to check you were okay, even though he was still being grumpy and acting like he didn’t want to know,” May explained.

“Tell him everything’s fine, and that hopefully this’ll be over quickly,” Tony said. Tony hoped this would be over and done with easily and it doesn’t mean the end of the world.

“Sure,” May said, “if you can call before his bedtime I can try and get him to talk to you.”

“So he definitely won’t talk to me now?” Tony asked.

“It’s not looking promising.”

Tony sighed, “Well, tell him just because he’s sulking doesn’t mean-” Tony froze, cutting himself off when Steve came through the door, eyeing him weirdly. He really hoped he didn’t hear any of that.

“Who are you talking to?” Steve asked, looking suspicious.

“None of your business,” Tony replied. If anyone was going to find out about Peter it wasn’t going to be Captain America. “I’ve got to go, someone’s here,” Tony said into the phone, not holding back on his glare at Steve, “tell Peter…the usual.”

“Who’s Peter?”

“You don’t know him.” It wasn’t technically a lie.

Steve gave one last suspicious glance, before moving on, “Do you really think Fury’s hiding something?”

“It just doesn’t add up,” Tony said, “it doesn’t hurt to be sure.”

“I guess,” Steve said, frowning, “just find the cube.”

 

 

* * *

 

Fury eventually caught on to what Tony was doing, just in time for Tony to figure it out. He wasn’t surprised, really, that S.H.I.E.L.D. was making weapons from this thing. They were making weapons out of any uniquely gifted person they could find, so why should this be any different? What did surprise Tony, was Steve. Tony was impressed when he came in and dumped one of said weapons on the table, supporting his accusation against Fury. It was a more hands-on approach than Tony’s, but nonetheless, he was still impressed. For once he wasn’t a follow-all-the-rules stick in the mud.

This brief positivity towards Steve didn’t last, though. It went to shit the moment everyone appeared in the room, and Fury started getting defensive. Somehow Steve reverted back to the same goody-two-shoes he’d been for however many hours Tony had known him, making unnecessary comments about Tony.

Tony knew it was all going to shit, and everyone was arguing and just creating a mess, but all Tony could focus on was what Steve was saying. It felt like Steve was even more annoyed by Tony than vice versa, at least, judging by the insults and the fight proposals. Tony was ready to accept, in all honesty, but stopped when he heard Banner getting riled up.

“Where? You rented my room,” Bruce was saying; he seemed the most irritated of all of them.

“The cell was just in case-”

“In case you needed to kill me, but you can’t. I know; I tried.”

Tony stopped even caring about Steve, listening to Bruce completely. He didn’t want to believe what he had said and he was consumed by this guilt of wanting to help him now or then or in any way possible.

“I got low,” Bruce started to explain, “I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I-” Bruce’s voice faded out while Tony processed what he’d said. He looked at Bruce differently; he had been through so much more than Tony had imagined and he’d just gone round messing about with it. He felt guilty and idiotic.

Tony was pulled out of his head when the computer went off, meaning they’d found the tesseract. Thank god. Tony wanted to go, get a head start. Stop whatever was going to happen before it could. Except, of course, Steve had to get in the way and stop him, and threaten him even more. Tony was getting tired of this and his resolve was wearing thin, meaning it was getting increasingly likely that he was going to try and punch Captain America.

And then the room exploded.

 

* * *

 

Once he’d gotten into his suit, Tony could see all the damage from the explosion on the outside of the ship. It didn’t look in any way good, and if he didn’t fix it quickly they wouldn’t be able to stay in the air.

Steve was helping him, miraculously. Sure, it was for the safety and wellbeing for everyone on board and of course that would be what he cared about, but he wasn’t being a dick for the first time. He didn’t know a single thing about what they were doing, but he was still helpful. It was easy stuff to explain. Admittedly, it was Steve’s fault that Tony was thrown around a giant turbine for a few seconds, but he could move past that and still stop Steve from getting shot at by Loki’s henchmen.

 

* * *

 

Together, Steve and Tony had managed to keep the helicarrier from crashing and plunging into the sea - they actually made a good team, after all. Tony was relieved they had managed to prevent the worst of the attack. Until they got back on board with everyone else.

Fury quickly got them up-to-date; Loki had escaped, Thor and Bruce were gone. Worst of all, Coulson had been killed. Even though Tony hadn’t known him that well, they’d still known each other for several years, and he was a good guy. Tony knew enough that he knew he didn’t deserve to die.

Tony could see Fury was affected by it, too. There was a weight sitting over the room he, Steve, Fury, and Hill were in. No one spoke except Fury to all but blame Coulson’s death on them. The moment Fury started explaining the whole ‘Avengers’ idea to Steve, Tony was annoyed. He was using Coulson’s death. The moment Tony thought Fury might be showing some kind of vulnerability, it was gone in an instance. This was just a tool for him to get them all to be friends. An unfortunate convenience. 

Tony left, not wanting to listen to anymore of Fury’s bullshit. He wasn’t surprised when Steve followed him a few minutes later, finding him where Coulson had been killed. 

“Was he married?” Steve asked. As if that was any kind of measure of his worth.

“No,” Tony told him, “there was a, uh, cellist…I think.” Tony knew, he’d been giving Coulson advice about it earlier.

“I’m sorry. He seemed like a good man.”

“He was an idiot.”

“Why?” Steve looked offended, somewhat satisfying Tony, “For believing?”

“For taking on Loki alone.” Tony was trying to play this off easily, but he was annoyed at Coulson. It was a stupid thing to do, and he knew better. He didn’t stop Loki from doing anything, it was useless. He got himself killed for no reason and that made it so much worse for Tony.

“He was doing his job.” Tony hated that Steve was defending that, couldn’t understand _why_ he was.

“He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have…” Not gotten killed.

“Sometimes there isn’t a way out, Tony.”

“Right. How did that work out for him?”

“Is this the first time you lost a soldier?” 

“We are _not_ soldiers,” Tony snapped. He didn’t know if it was the condescension in his voice, as if just because you’ve lost more people in your life their deaths become less meaningful. But Tony knows he _isn’t_ a solider. He never will be and he never wants to be. He would never mindlessly follow orders that ended up in innocent deaths. He alone caused too many deaths just from being around people, he could never intentionally kill people that didn’t deserve it just because they were fighting for a different cause.

As soon as Steve starts monologuing Tony zones out, staring at the blood stain left on the wall, and something clicks. He knows what Loki wants, and how he’s going to get it. The Stark Tower.

 

* * *

 

Steve got whoever was actually left ready to go, while Tony made some quick repairs to his suit. Being thrown around in a propellor wasn’t great for it. It didn’t take long to get it up-and-running again though, and he was off quickly. The others would follow in a jet, there was no use waiting. 

Of course, it would’ve been too easy to destroy the tesseract and whatever the hell the contraption was they’d made to use it then and there. Going face-to-face with an alien that was a lot more powerful than Tony instead wasn’t ideal, but he could make it work.

He got, maybe, a sip of a drink in, and a mini-heart attack that he was going to be brainwashed, all before being thrown through a window. It was eventful, and painful, to say the least. At least he knew the new deployment system worked.

He managed to get one hit in on Loki before the sky, literally, opened up and aliens flooded through. These were what real aliens looked like, not fancily-dressed humans, but monsters that didn’t even resemble anything from this planet.

“Right, army,” Tony said to himself, already getting to work. The others hadn’t arrived yet and he might as well do as much as he can before backup arrived. He saw everyone down below on the street, screaming and hiding from the aliens attacking and Tony’s heart skipped a beat.

He felt like throwing up.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., call May,” he said, trying desperately not to freak out.

“Tony, h-”

“You need to get out of the city,” he interrupted, “now.”

“What?”

“Take Peter and get out of the city,” Tony said, trying to keep his voice level while he kept trying to fend off the ever-increasing influx of aliens.

“Why? What’s happening?” The urgency in Tony’s voice must’ve been enough to scare her.

“It’s a long story. The city isn’t safe; it’s being attacked,” Tony explained, “the three of you need to get out _now_.”

“Ben’s at work, is he safe?”

“Probably not. Tell him to leave now and meet you somewhere as far away from the city as you can go, just get Peter safe whatever you do.”

“Ben has the car, I can’t-”

Tony was actually, really going to throw up. He could barely focus on the aliens flying past him enough to stop them. “Okay, the longer you leave it the less safe it’ll be to get out of the city,” Tony said, seeing all the cars and people down below being attacked. It was contained to this part of the city for now, but it probably wouldn’t be long before they reached Queens. “Get as far into the building as you can, somewhere with no windows. Lock the door and barricade it so no one can get in.”

“Tony-”

“Don’t let Peter watch the news. Tell him I love him, I need to go.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the fight, Tony found it hard to focus with the constant worry of Peter’s safety echoing in the back of his mind. That was his priority, and he wished he could do something about it, get him to safety to somehow, but anything he did would probably just put him at more risk.

Surprisingly, though, Tony enjoyed working as a team. It felt good to have someone who’s got your back. It didn’t feel as hopelessly overwhelming as knowing you’re one against many. Tony even started to feel better about Steve being there; he took control and organised them. He made sure it was contained and Tony knew he’d be eternally thankful for that if they managed to stop it from getting to Peter.

It felt surreal and terrifying fighting against aliens. It was beyond what Tony was equipped to deal with, physically and emotionally. It felt as though he was working on autopilot; fighting because he knew that’s what he needed to do. But the moment he stopped to think about it any further than that, he was swamped with the terrifying reality that there was no way they could handle this. They were _six people_. There were hundreds of aliens that just kept coming. Tony hated to think how many people had died already because of the attack, and could only be relieved that Pepper was the other side of the country and Peter’s aunt and uncle didn’t live in Manhattan. The people he cared about were safe for the moment, but if they couldn’t handle this - if they lost this fight - Tony knew it was over.

It only got worse when Fury called.

If that missile hit, Peter would be within range.

He had one minute.

He needed Natasha to keep the portal open long enough to stop the city from being wiped out. If Tony could get there in time.

“Stark, you know that’s a one way trip,” Steve said over comms.

Tony didn't bother replying, instructing J.A.R.V.I.S. instead. He knew the dangers. He didn’t want to die more than anyone else did, but if sacrificing himself meant he could save his son and his friends and thousands of other people, he knew he had to do it.

“Sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said, as Tony approached the portal, “Shall I try Ms. Potts and Mr. Parker?”

“Might as well,” Tony said. He didn’t know if he could face talking to either of them. That meant saying goodbye, which is the last thing he wanted to do. Even though it would be worse, for them, without a goodbye. He didn’t want to accept that it would be the last time he ever spoke to either of them.

Tony tried not to pay too much attention to the two unanswered phone calls flashing on the screen in front of him. He needed to focus on getting to the portal in the little time he had left.

Tony’s heart was practically leaping of of his chest by the time he got close. He flew alongside the beam holding the portal open, getting a closer look at the portal itself. He was terrified. He could see through to the other side; the ship the aliens were coming from, floating in an endless expanse of space. This was so much more than he was prepared to deal with.

“Tony?” May’s voice said out of nowhere, just as he was bracing himself to go through the portal. “Is everything okay?”

“Tell Peter I’m sorry,” Tony replied, pushing himself that bit further through the portal and through to the other side. He watched both phone calls fade out, the signal long gone and his suit failing in new territory that it wasn’t built to deal with. Tony could hardly breathe; he was terrified. This was so out of his league.

He let go of the missile, watching it collide with the alien ship as Tony fell back with the power from his suit gone. The explosion was blinding, and Tony couldn’t feel any of the relief of getting the missile safely away or finishing off the rest of the aliens. He could hardly even think about the fact that this meant Peter was safe. He knew this was it for him; his suit was breaking apart around him, J.A.R.V.I.S. was long gone. He’d never see Pepper or Peter ever again, or anyone else he cared about.

Destroying the ship was a success, but underneath that Tony couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t over. That army was more than any of them could’ve handled. Without the missile, they would’ve lost, easily. If there is a big enough army willing to attack Earth this time around, who’s to say there couldn’t be more out there? Something told Tony that Loki wasn’t behind this. Sure, he wanted to take over Earth, but Tony knew, somehow, that it wasn’t just that. There was someone behind the curtain, someone working towards something bigger and badder that would be even more devastating. This attack would only be the beginning of it all. But Tony wouldn’t be there to protect the people he cares about.

The fear coursing through Tony, at the prospect of something worse, of something hurting Peter and Pepper, of his ever-approaching death, felt like too much. Tony could hardly breathe, and the suits lack of capabilities for dealing with space wasn’t exactly helping that. He was never going to see his son again, and he was only saving him for a limited time, before something worse came to take him instead. Tony was trying so hard to hold on, but he was falling faster and faster and feeling weaker and weaker by the second.

Eventually, it became to hard to keep holding on. Tony was too weak, and it just became easier to give up. He let his eyes drift shut, feeling a heaviness take over him, replacing the fear and the pain and the grief. He didn’t have to worry about anything as he slowly drifted into the black.

 

* * *

 

A roar shook Tony back into consciousness, definitely not what he was expecting. He woke up with a gasp, feeling all the fear he’d felt on the other side of the portal wash over him in a sudden burst, before dissipating. It was still there, underneath it all, but it was buried under the relief. He was alive. 

The rest of it felt like a dream. Capturing Loki, sorting everything out with Fury, even trying some new food. Tony was still processing what happened. He thought he was going to die, he thought he _had_ died. He’d come, somewhat, to terms with it. Waking up and going back to regular life felt wrong, like he’d cheated something. It felt similar to when he’d come back from being captured by the Ten Rings, except never once during that did he actually accept that he was going to die. This was something a lot bigger, and the threat still loomed in Tony’s head, even if it was gone for everyone else.

Steve kept checking up on Tony, now that they’d given up on arguing whenever possible. He probably noticed that Tony didn’t feel quite right, but he wasn’t about to open up about it. He was probably just being paranoid.

Tony excused himself from the table in the dingy Shawarma place the group was sat in when his phone rang.

“Pepper,” Tony said when he picked up, stood outside and looking at the rest of them through the window. Everyone was sat there exhausted, recovering. He still didn’t feel like any of this was real.

“Oh my god, Tony,” she replied, sounding stressed, unsurprisingly, “are you okay?”

“Apparently.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t pick up, I was so busy watching the news I didn’t even-”

“It’s fine,” Tony interrupted, “I didn’t really get great signal in space, anyway.”

“Peter’s aunt has been calling me non-stop to see what the hell is going on, please call her, Peter’s probably worried.”

Tony agreed, and Pepper hung up to let him call her. 

“I’m okay,” he told May, “sorry about that.”

“What the hell happened?”

“It’s complicated,” Tony said. He felt so drained, emotionally, mentally and physically. He couldn’t even begin to try and explain himself. “Is Peter-?”

“Peter’s fine, I didn’t tell him anything that was going on. Is everything safe now?”

“Yeah, it’s all done now,” Tony said, not believing it himself, “did Ben get home safe?”

“Not yet,” May said, sounding worried, “I’m sure he’ll be back soon though now it’s all over.”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. I just need to deal with some stuff, then I’ll come by to pick up Peter,” Tony said, and the two of them said their goodbyes.

Changing out of his old clothes and into new ones helped somehow, made Tony feel like he was back to real-life again. But it felt fake, still. It all felt like a charade they were putting on while they ignored the danger overshadowing them. Tony knew no one else felt like that, though. Everyone else was happy and relieved after the fight, so Tony kept how he felt to himself. Even watching Loki get taken away as a prisoner didn’t relieve any of the weight Tony felt pressing on him.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Bruce asked, bringing Tony out of his head.

“Of course not,” Tony said, “you haven’t got anywhere else to go, and the tower still has plenty of undamaged floors. I can fix you up a room for as long as you need.”

“I really appreciate this, Tony,” Bruce said, sincerely. Tony wished he could open up to him, but he knew Bruce or anyone else would just think he was being paranoid, was worn out from the fight.

“I’ve got someone that I want you to meet,” Tony told Bruce, once they were both in the car and driving away from it all. “I’ll drop you off at the tower then collect them.”

“Who?” Bruce asked.

“Another scientist,” Tony told him, “the smartest person I know.”

 

* * *

 

“Dad!” Peter said, letting himself get picked up for a hug, “May told me what you did!”

Tony guessed Peter wasn’t mad at him anymore, which was at least something, “And what was that?”

“You saved everyone!”

“I don’t know about that,” Tony said, smiling; seeing Peter safe for himself brought some relief, “everyone had a part.”

“The Avengers!” Peter said, excited.

“Once you said it was safe we watched the news,” May explained.

“Can I meet them?” Peter asked.

“Actually, I’m gonna take you to meet one of them right now. Why don’t you go down to the car and I’ll be there in a second,” Tony said, waiting for Peter to be out of earshot before continuing. “Is there any news on Ben?”

“Nothing yet,” May told him; the worry was evident in her face, her smile strained, “I called his co-worker and he said he’d left after I’d called him, but he hasn’t seen him since.”

“Where does he work?”

“Midtown?”

Tony tried not to let his reaction to that show. It didn’t sound promising, but he wanted to stay positive for her sake. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, I doubt it would’ve been easy for cars to get anywhere so he’s probably just stuck somewhere with a dead phone.”

“I hope so.”

 

* * *

 

Being able to introduce Peter to Bruce was great, the two of them got along immediately and Bruce agreed with Tony over how smart Peter was, and really saw his potential. Even more importantly, Bruce understood keeping Peter a secret, even from the rest of the team. He didn’t know who he could trust and even though Natasha already knew, he didn’t want to risk telling anyone else. Especially with these new threats in Tony’s life.

 

* * *

 

“I’m on the plane back to New York now,” Pepper told Tony over the phone that night, while Tony sat alone in bed.

“Good,” Tony said. He needed Pepper back. Even being in an empty bedroom made him feel on edge. “Is it okay that Bruce stays in the tower for a bit? He doesn’t have anywhere in New York.”

“Of course,” Pepper said, “as long as he doesn’t mind all the repairs it’ll need.”

“I was thinking about that, actually,” Tony said. His mind had already been running onto his next project, something to distract him from what had happened. “Maybe we can make the tower into something else.”

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of just the Stark Tower, we could make it into the Avengers Tower? You know, somewhere they can all stay if they need. Somewhere to set up base.”

“If that’s what you want, we can work on it,” Pepper agreed, luckily. Tony kept talking to her for as long as he could but eventually she had to go to get off of the flight. He wanted her to stay on the line, so they could keep talking but she reassured him it wouldn’t be long before she was home and they would be able to talk then. Tony sighed when Pepper hung up the call, dropping his phone onto the bed next to him. He needed the distraction and reassurance of Pepper’s voice.

Tony blinked, the shadows of the room distorting around him. It felt like Chitauri or something worse were going to come crawling out any moment to attack him. He took in a deep, shaking breath, pressing the heel of his hands into his eyes. Even with his eyes closed it felt like he could still see them.

He just needed to get some sleep, Tony told himself. He hadn’t slept since this had all started, and he’d been through a lot. He was just overtired; he’d be fine in the morning.

Tony closed his eyes, lying back in the bed. He forced his eyes shut, keeping them pressed tight. If he just relaxed, he would sleep, he told himself. He could feel all the tension held in his body, but had no idea how to release it. No matter how many times Tony tried to relax, moments later he’d notice how tense again he was already.

He didn’t know how long he laid there for, trying to sleep, but the visions of aliens and portals and unknown horrors never stopped.


	7. 2011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mini chapter for y'all

**January 2011**

Ben’s funeral wasn’t until six months after New York. In the aftermath, there were a lot of missing people - buried under rubble, hidden among the aliens littered around. It took a while for the city to account for all the lives that had been lost. Every time a new one was announced, Tony felt the weight of it being piled on top of so many others. Beyond that, S.H.E.I.L.D. had to make it even worse by holding all the bodies. Apparently, they were doing it for the sake of research, to understand the alien technology and biology. It took months before they could even start planning the funeral. Tony objected, trying to talk to Fury about it - he’d started the department of damage control to try and help the city cope with what had happened, and to reduce any future mess that was made from him trying to protect people. But that still didn’t stop S.H.I.E.L.D. from swooping in to take any evidence they wanted for ‘research’. Including, but not limited to, the bodies of people's loved ones, evidently.

Dealing with the aftermath alone was hard enough for Tony. Every waking moment he felt on edge and paranoid that something was going to happen. He felt like he hadn’t slept in the six months since it happened, either. Most nights, he didn’t even try. He’d be down in the lab, trying to distract himself and focus on his work. At first, he dove into remaking the tower for the Avengers. He redesigned it and organised the rebuilding with Pepper, and that helped. Her presence had always been a comfort for him, and she was the one thing that made him feel less on edge, so working with her felt like the best thing he could do. But since they finished the building recently, and Pepper had to go back to other work, it had been a lot harder. Tony had been working on his suits more. The first thing he did was make it equipped to deal with being in space and almost any other environment. He needed to be prepared for whatever the hell was going to come next. He was thinking through every possible scenario that could happen and making sure that he’d be prepared, no matter what.

When Tony did actually try to sleep, it was never very successful. He would often be up for hours, tossing and turning and waking Pepper up. More often than not, he’d give up and go down to the lab. But when he did persist, and actually get to sleep, was the worst of all. Tony couldn’t remember the last time he slept peacefully. It felt as though every time he closed his eyes he was tormented by endless nightmares. Reliving New York over and over again until he couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like he was going slowly insane. He was slowly crumbling, falling apart at the seams. Pepper knew he was struggling, but he refused to talk to her about it. He didn't want to add more pressure on her; she worried about him enough as it was. She noticed every time he left their room in the middle of the night, every time he never even showed up to sleep, every time he jolted awake from a nightmare. Every time, she tried to talk to him about it, and every time he just pushed her away. He needed to put on a brave face for her, and for Peter. He needed to look after them, and if he started to show how much he was struggling he wouldn't be able to do that. 

It got even harder after Ben’s death was confirmed. Peter was normally such a happy kid, the light in Tony’s life that managed to keep him positive despite it all, or, at least, put on a positive face. But Ben’s death really took it’s toll on Peter, which made all of this so much harder on Tony. Not only had he lost the relief Peter gave him, but it was replaced with the torment of having to see Peter go through this alone, with no idea how to help him. Peter kept shutting him out, and Tony - struggling enough to function normally - had no idea how to deal with it. He spent Peter’s ninth birthday sat outside his bedroom trying to convince him to come and have a cake that they ended up having to throw away. His presents were still sitting in a cupboard, five months later.

The fact that they couldn’t have a funeral for months made it all so much worse; there was no closure, no way to say goodbye. Ben had been killed and then taken away from them again by S.H.I.E.L.D., making it even harder to deal with.

When Peter came to him the morning of the funeral to ask for help with the suit Tony had gotten him, he felt relieved. At least Peter still knew he could come to Tony for things, even if it was just small things like that. Tony did up Peter's tie with shaking hands, something that he'd learnt to work through. That was the most frustrating thing when he started working on the suits again. It was like he had to relearn how to use his hands, and six months later, he hardly even noticed the shaking anymore.

They sat in silence for the drive to the funeral, and met a very teary-eyed May there, who thanked Tony for coming and bringing Peter.

The funeral was as to be expected. Peter was silent throughout the whole thing, though he kept a tight hold on Tony’s hand, which relieved Tony again that at least Peter felt he could use him for some kind of support. The only time Peter let go was once the service was over, and May was sat alone as everyone left. Peter went up to her and gave her a hug, and they sat together in silence. Tony left them alone, not wanting to intrude on their moment. Tony had lost people before, but that didn’t mean he understood what either of them were going through. Tony was an adult when he lost his parents; he couldn’t begin to understand what it would’ve been like to lose them when he was young like Peter. The closest thing he had to an aunt or uncle would’ve been Jarvis or Jarvis and his dad’s friend, Peggy. The former had also died when Tony was an adult, and the latter was still alive, as far as Tony knew. He was lucky to have not had to go through how much Peter's been through when he was still so young, but it killed him that he'd never understand what Peter was going through, and thus had no clue how he could help him.

Tony didn't even want to think about what May was going through. If he lost Pepper, he wouldn’t know how to cope with it. He can hardly function if she has to go away for a few days, but if she was gone…He wouldn’t ever recover from it.

Tony waited as long as Peter needed, until he eventually came back and was ready to go home. The ride home was silent again, but Tony could feel the weight sitting over the two of them in the car. As soon as they got home Peter tried to hide back in his room, but Tony stopped him, checking that he was okay. He could see that Peter was already close to tears.

“Why didn’t you save him?” he asked, and it broke Tony’s heart.

“If I could’ve, I would’ve,” Tony tried to reassure him, “I promise. If I’d known he was in trouble…”

“It’s not fair,” Peter said, eyes welling up.

“I know, kid,” Tony said, pulling him into a hug, immediately feeling tears dripping onto his shoulder, “it shouldn’t have happened.”

The two of them sat like that for a while, not saying anything else. Eventually, Tony took Peter to bed, staying sat next to him on the bed upon Peter’s request, waiting until he fell asleep. Seeing Peter finally peaceful was comforting for Tony. It was so hard to see him upset and withdrawn every day, and he hoped that finally having this closure would get Peter on the path towards recovery. 

Tony was reluctant to leave Peter, but wanted to see Pepper when he heard her get home, so slowly and quietly got up, careful not to disturb him.

“How was the funeral?” Pepper asked when Tony came down into the living room.

“I think Peter found it hard,” Tony said, “but I think it helped.”

“How did you find it?” Pepper asked, which threw Tony off, not really understanding what she was getting at.

“It was a funeral,” Tony replied, shrugging and sitting down.

“How are you doing, Tony?” Pepper had been doing other things, taking off her shoes and jacket and sorting out her things, but she stopped to look at Tony expectantly.

“I’m fine,” he replied, noticing her skeptical look, “I’m fine.”

“I know you’re not,” she replied.

Tony shrugged, again, “I have to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. comments motivate me to write the next chapter faster & make me super happy so pls comment away


	8. 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally anything in Malibu I've just changed to New York bc otherwise it'll make no sense May being in Queens. I tried to keep it true to canon thinking 'oh la to ny must be a couple hours maybe, it could work' then I found out it's a 42 hour drive america is wild

**September 2012**

“Peter, come on you’re gonna be late!” Tony called up the stairs, “What are you doing up there?”

“Getting ready!” Peter called back, appearing a few moments later, running down the stairs looking all but ready.

“Where are you going without socks, huh?” Tony questioned, not bothering to comment on the state of Peter’s hair. Every day he got closer to being a teenager and it showed. It also terrified Tony. He wasn't ready to be the father of a  _teenager._ It made him feel old.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Peter prompted.

“There is a pair under the couch,” he answered dutifully, “though I wouldn’t recommend them, they haven’t been washed in-”

“It’s fine,” Peter interrupted, crawling onto the floor and sticking his arm under the couch, retrieving the socks and pulling them on.

“That’s disgusting,” Tony commented, “are you sure I raised you?”

“Hey, J.A.R.V.I.S., how long has dad been wearing that shirt?” Peter asked, instead of answering.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Tony said, “I get it.” In his defence, it had been a few days since he’d slept and he hadn’t bothered to change because of it. “Come on, you gotta go, it’s your first day.”

“Do I _really_ have to go?”

“Definitely,” Tony said, “you’re starting middle school! You should be excited.”

Peter sighed pointedly, all but rolling his eyes at Tony, “I won’t know anyone.”

“You’ll be fine,” Tony said, “everyone will love you. You’ll be the smartest kid there.”

“That would make everyone _hate_ me.”

“Stop being such a drama queen, Happy’s waiting in the car for you,” Tony said, handing Peter his backpack, “when you’re back I’ll show you what I’ve been working on for the new suit, okay?”

Peter sighed, “Fine,” he got up, shoving his feet into his shoes and going out the door with a half-hearted “see you later!” behind him.

“Have a good day!” Tony called back.

“I won’t!” he heard Peter’s distant yell reply, followed by the slamming of a car door and it driving away.

 

* * *

 

Tony lost track of time, only noticing it when he heard Peter come in the front door, and then down the stairs into the lab.

“How was your day?” Tony asked, without looking up. He hadn’t started building the new suit yet, but he was working on the designs and putting thought into how it was all going to work.

“It was actually pretty cool,” Peter replied, throwing his backpack down and pulling up a chair next to Tony, “I made a new friend.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony said, turning round in his chair to face Peter, “I told you so. What’s their name?”

“You didn’t tell me _that_ ,” Peter said, “and his name’s Ned.”

“Is he cool?”

“He’s awesome,” Peter said, looking happy. It was nice, knowing Peter was happy again after all that had happened two years ago. Even thinking about the memory of it still made Tony’s heart thud in his chest. “He said I can come over this weekend and watch all these old movies that he has on DVD.”

“Sounds fun,” Tony said, deliberately winding Peter up. He could see the expectant look on his face, waiting for permission.

Peter sighed, “Can I _go_?”

“Of course you can,” Tony laughed, “me or Happy can drop you off.”

“Thanks,” Peter said, spinning excessively in his chair to look at the papers Tony had spread across the desk, “what are you doing to the suit?”

“Well, remember how I had that new deployment with the special bracelets two years ago?” Tony started, blinking away the feeling of being picked up by his throat and thrown out of a window.

“Yeah,” Peter nodded, still taking in all the sketches and math in front of him.

“Well, I’m trying to figure out something better,” Tony explained, “where I won’t need bracelets, and the pieces can come to me separately, rather than one big thing.”

“Sounds cool,” Peter said, “how?”

“Still trying to figure that out,” Tony said, “wanna help?”

Peter nodded enthusiastically, grinning.

“Do you have homework?”

“No…?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Do your homework, then you can help if there’s time.”

Peter sighed, “ _Fine_ ,” he said, taking it out of his backpack and kicking off the floor to move to the desk nearby, that wasn’t covered in all of Tony’s mess. “If you promise I can have a suit too one day.”

“We’ll see,” Tony replied, trying not to go into cardiac arrest at the thought.

 

**December 2012**

It took a few months, but Tony eventually got the new system developed enough to test it out. It wasn’t fully functioning, and needed some touching up, but it was close enough for him to at least take a break. Plus, as J.A.R.V.I.S. kept reminding him, he’d been awake for three days solidly. Not a record for him by a long shot, but still long enough that he did need a break. Tony was better at functioning within a routine when it wasn’t the holidays; Peter was off of school for Christmas and it removed all structure from Tony’s life. Hence, his sleeping got even worse than it usually was.

As if the lack of sleep and being thrown across the room by his suit messing up wasn't bad enough, Tony went upstairs just in time to catch Pepper watching the morning news. Except, the news was interrupted by something far worse. Someone had hacked the TV signal, a terrorist - which made Tony feel sick enough, from past experiences - threatening America and the president.

“Tony,” Pepper said, “have you seen this?”

“What, he’s killing people just because Americans were shitty colonisers?”

“This is awful,” Pepper said, just as it cut back to the regular news; everyone reporting on the ‘Mandarin’.

“DAD!” Peter’s voice called from somewhere in the house, and he appeared a moment later, making both Tony and Pepper shoot to grab the remote, “we don’t have any- is that uncle Rhodey?”

“What?” Tony said, looking back at the TV, and, sure enough, there he was. In Tony’s suit, painted like a flag. Tony tried not to swear at how ridiculous it was. “I’m gonna call him.”

 

* * *

 

Tony met Rhodey for a drink, because he couldn’t truly express how much he hated what he had done to the suit just over the phone. Rhodey tried to defend himself, but it was useless. The suit - and the name - was stupid. Tony wouldn’t let that go and the moment he could, he’d steal the suit to paint it back.

“So what’s really going on?” Tony asked, bringing up the new cause of stress in his life as of that morning, “The Mandarin? Seriously, can we talk about this guy?”

“It’s…classified information, Tony,” Tony ignored him, deliberately, until he continued, “okay, there have been nine bombings.”

“Nine?”

“The public only knows about three. But here’s the thing; nobody can ID a device. There’s no bomb casings.”

“You know I can help,” Tony hated being on the sidelines, hated not being able to help, “just ask.” Tony started explaining his new equipment; all the stuff he’d been working on lately that would be able to stop this guy before he killed any more people.

“When’s the last time you got a good night’s sleep?” Rhodey asked, ignoring what Tony was talking about. He must’ve been talking to Pepper.

“Einstein slept three hours a year, look what he did,” Tony said. He’d used that excuse on Pepper a lot in the last two years. It’s catchier than admitting you’re afraid of going to sleep. Of what you see when you’re asleep.

“People are concerned about you, Tony,” he’d definitely been talking to Pepper, “I’m concerned about you.” That meant Pepper’s asked him to talk to him.

“You’re gonna come at me like _that_?”

“No, no,” Rhodey said, while Tony tried to argue over him. They’re both interrupted by two kids, one maybe just older than Peter, the other a bit younger. The older one, a girl, handed Tony a drawing, asking him to sign it.

He took the drawing, and it took all the little energy he had left to not flinch. It was him in his Iron Man suit, holding the missile next to the portal. So, just about everything his nightmares are made of.

“What’s your name?” Tony asked, trying to play off the horrible feeling building in his chest. His hands were shaking worse than normal.

“Erin.”

“Listen, the Pentagon is scared. After what happened in New York…” just hearing it made Tony feel like vomiting, “aliens, come on,” and even more, “they need to look strong. Stopping the Mandarin is priority, but it’s not…”

“It’s not superhero business, I get it,” Tony just wanted Rhodey to stop talking before he threw up.

“No, it’s not, quite frankly. It’s American business.”

“That’s why I said I…” Tony was trying hard to sign the picture, some nice message for Iron Man to say, but instead he just wrote exactly what he was feeling inside. His hands were shaking so much he could barely hold the crayon, and it snapped under the strain of his grip. “God,” Tony said, covering his face. He felt like crying, or throwing up, or both. He could hardly breathe.

“You okay?” Rhodey asked, just a distant echo.

“I broke the crayon,” Tony said, his own voice barely audible. He tried to take a deep breath, but it hitched in his throat.

The little kid leaned towards Tony and, clear as day, whispered, “How did you get out of the wormhole?”

Tony’s heart jolted, and he _really_ was going to throw up now. Tony stood up, pushing past people to get outside. He needed air. He needed to get to the suit. He felt like his entire body was shaking and his heart was pounding, practically bursting out of his chest. Tony couldn’t breathe, it felt like he was going to pass out. He was having a heart attack. Or a stroke. Or _something_. He felt like he was dying.

Tony practically fell into his suit, telling J.A.R.V.I.S. to check what was happening; figure out what was going wrong so Tony could get to a hospital.

“No sign of cardiac anomaly or unusual brain activity,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said.

“Okay, so I was poisoned?” Tony didn’t know if that was better or worse.

“My diagnosis is that you’ve experienced a severe anxiety attack.”

“Me?” Tony said. That wasn’t right. Rhodey appeared a few moments later, and Tony left before h could ask any questions; he didn’t know if he could handle talking to anyone at that moment. When he got back home, he fell out of the suit again, ending up kneeling on the cold floor of the lab. The cold soaking through the knees of his pants was all he could feel besides the pounding of his heart, echoing throughout his entire body and resonating in his head.

A few moments alone listening to his breathing - sharp and uneven - was enough to push him over the edge. He noticed the change in his breathing first, becoming a ragged sob. Then the wetness on his cheeks. Tony covered his face, hated feeling this weakness, even when no-one else was there. He’d reached a breaking point; he’d been on the edge for so long, and it was like he just couldn’t continue anymore.

After composing himself, Tony sat - still on the floor - staring at Pepper’s contact in his phone. He wanted to call her, to explain everything he’d been struggling with that he’d kept from her the last two years. The last time he’d called her at work she’d gotten annoyed at him interrupting a meeting, though. He didn’t want to risk that again; he didn’t know if he could handle that. He dialled Happy instead - he was always free to take his calls - and he just needed to talk to anyone, at least to distract himself.

“Hello?” Happy answered, his forehead taking up the entirety of the screen.

“Is this forehead of security?”

“What?” Happy asked. Tony rolled his eyes. “You know, look, I got a real job. What do you want? I’m working, I got something going on here.”

“What? Harassing interns?”

“Let me tell you something, you know what happened when I told people I was Iron Man’s body guard? They would laugh in my face.” Tony couldn’t help but laugh; Happy was already distracting him, taking the edge off enough for him to start to feel better. Tony missed having him around. “I had to leave while I still had a shred of dignity. Now I got a real job, I’m watching Pepper.”

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, genuinely curious. He missed Pepper, too. “Fill me in.”

“For real?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, so she's meeting up with this scientist. Rich guy, handsome.”

“Right,” Tony said, trying not to feel jealous. He wished he’d called and interrupted _that_. Or maybe he didn’t.

“I couldn’t make his face at first, right? You know I’m good with faces.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. You’re the best.”

“Yeah. Well, so I run his credentials, I make him Aldrich Killian. We actually met the guy back in…where were we in ’99? The science conference?”

“Um…” Tony said, thinking, “Switzerland.”

“Right, right, exactly.”

“Killian? No, I don’t remember that guy.”

“Of course you don’t, he’s not a blonde with a big rack,” Tony rolled his eyes because he wasn’t like _that_ anymore, if ever, “at first it was fine, they were talking business, but now it’s like getting weird. He’s showing her his big brain.”

“His what?” Tony questioned. Having a conversation with Happy could get confusing; he’d forget you didn’t have all the details he did and only half-heartedly explain things without realising.

“Big brain, and she likes it. Here, let me show you. Hold on,” Happy said, moving to face a different direction and fiddling with his tablet while it was still very clearly just facing himself, “see?”

“Look at what? You watching them?” Tony rolled his eyes, “Flip the screen and then we can get started.”

“I’m not a tech genius like you. Just…just trust me, get down here.”

“Flip the screen, then I can see what they’re doing,” Tony really wanted to see this guy now, not even bothering to hide his jealousy anymore.

“I can’t!” Happy said, “I don’t know how to flip the screen! Don’t talk to me like that anymore. You’re not my boss.”

“You’re right,” Tony said, giving up and looking up this guy by himself, “but my son kind of is, so…boss by proxy? I guess. He’s under sixteen.”

“That’s not how that works,” Happy said, “I give him a lift to school, he’s not my boss.”

“Whatever you say, big guy.”

“Whatever, alright, I don’t work for you. Now I don’t trust this guy. He’s got another guy with him, he’s shifty.”

“Relax.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m just asking you to secure the perimeter. Tell him to go out for a drink or something?”

“You know what? You should take more of an interest in what’s going on here. This woman…this woman’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and you…you’re just ignoring her.” Tony hated that Happy was right. More often than not, it happened like this. Tony got caught up in his own stuff and hardly paid any attention to Pepper. He’d fix that, tonight, though. He had her Christmas gift outside ready, he was going to finally talk to her about how he’d been feeling, and they’d have a nice night together. It was date night.

“A giant brain?” Tony asked, humouring Happy.

“Yeah, there’s a giant brain, there’s a shifty character. I’m gonna follow this guy. I’m gonna run his plates and if it gets rough, so be it.”

Tony tried not to laugh, feeling a surge of affection for Happy. He was always such a weird guy in such a well-meaning way, even if it didn’t always come off that way. “I miss you, Happy.”

“Yeah, I miss you too,” Happy agreed, half-heartedly, “but the way it used to be. Now you’re off with the ‘super friends’, I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. The world’s getting weird…”

“Hey, I…I’d hate to cut you off,” Tony started, deliberately interrupting him because he knew this conversation was heading towards something he definitely wasn’t ready to talk about, “do you have your taser on you?”

“Why?”

“I think there’s a gal in HR who’s trying to steal some printer ink, you should probably go over there and zap her,” Tony said, putting the phone into his wine fridge after getting out a bottle for him and Pepper to have when she got home.

Back in the lab, Tony couldn’t help but keep looking into this Killian guy. He was curious. After a few pictures, it clicked - the stuttering guy with a cane wearing his own t-shirt. Tony had sent him up to the roof alone, like a dick. God, Tony wouldn’t be surprised if he’d come to steal Pepper as revenge. He could probably manage it, by the looks of him. He was in better shape than Tony, younger than Tony, and probably a lot more mentally stable than him. Great.

Tony sighed, going upstairs. Pepper should be home in a little bit, so he’d make dinner for their date night. He could be a good parter; he’d be better than Killian.

“Pete!” Tony called up the stairs as he walked past to go to the kitchen, “Dinner!” There were some leftovers in the fridge from the night before, so he could heat those up for Peter and he’d eat while Tony cooked for him and Pepper.

Peter ran into the kitchen, skidding on the tiles in his socks, “What’s for dinner?”

“Don’t-” Tony tried to say, sighing, because one day Peter would go flying into the wall and hurt himself, “same as last night,” he answered, showing Peter the plate as he put it in the microwave.

“Aren’t you eating?” Peter asked, sitting at the counter.

“It’s date night, I’m cooking.”

“You’re _cooking_?”

“Hey,” Tony said, “no need to sound so surprised. I cook.”

“Hardly _ever_ ,” Peter retorted, reaching across and taking the plate out himself when the timer goes off. “I’m hungry,” he explained, at the look Tony gave him.

Tony rolled his eyes, going back to cooking. “Have you done much today?”

Peter shook his head, his mouth filled to the brim with food, “I taught J.A.R.V.I.S. about Star Wars.”

Tony frowned, giving Peter a questioning look, “He’s an AI connected to the internet, you shouldn’t have to teach him anything.”

“Yeah, sure,” Peter said, shovelling more into his mouth, “he could learn who all the characters are and the plot and everything, but he needs to have the right _opinions_.”

“Whatever you say,” Tony laughed, “so you and Ned _really_ like these movies?”

“We’ve been watching them, like, every day,” Peter said, and he wasn’t wrong; more often than not, he was over at Ned’s house. Tony wished Peter could invite him over too, but it would just get too difficult. The excuse he’s gotten Peter to give is just that Tony works full-time, but Ned had gone over to May's house a couple times, when Peter had been staying there.

“You’re gonna melt your brain staring at the TV all day.”

“You stare at screens all day,” Peter retorted quickly.

Tony sighed, “That’s _work_.”

Peter shrugged, “Same thing, just because you’re _making_ robots rather than _watching_ them, doesn’t mean-” Peter stopped suddenly gasping, “you could so make an R2-D2 or C-3PO!”

Tony laughed, not even knowing how to respond.

“You could, you make way higher tech stuff than that, it would be _easy_ for you!”

“We’ll see,” Tony said, laughing, “I’m still working on remote control of the suit at the moment.”

“Can I try then?” Peter asked, looking happy and excited, and Tony nodded, regretting it when Peter grabbed a pen and paper and started scribbling away while he still ate. He asked Tony questions and advice every now and then, but that was the rest of their conversation for the night, Tony supposed. He was still impressed, though, with how smart Peter was getting. It still amazed him every day how much Peter was really capable of. The kid really was a genius.

“Alright, kid,” Tony said, finishing off the food, “Pepper’s gonna be home in a minute, wash up your plate and remember to actually go to bed.”

Peter nodded, with a mumbled reply, focused on his new project. Tony rolled his eyes, carrying the two plates into the living room, so he’d be there waiting when Pepper got home.

 

* * *

 

Pepper was late. She always got home the same time - or called ahead - but she was late. Tony waited a few extra minutes, before giving up and taking the food down to the lab, so at least he could get some work done while he waited. 

Down in the lab, Tony thought it’d be a good opportunity to try out using remote control of the suit. He fiddled a bit with the headpiece, before sending the suit upstairs to sit on the couch and wait for Pepper. At least then he could still be there waiting for her, in a sense.

More time passed, and with each moment Tony knew it was more and more likely that Pepper would be really late. She was probably out with Killian, going for drinks or something. Tony swore; it was date night. He gave in eventually, and ate some of his food. He was hungry and Pepper was late.

After even more time, Tony started eyeing up the pull-up bar shoved in the corner of the lab, gathering dust. He just wanted something to occupy his time, he told himself, it was nothing to do with the fact that Pepper was hanging out with some buff genius.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Tony heard Pepper say through the earpiece, finally, interrupting Tony’s half-assed workout. “I was…What the…? What is that? You’re wearing this in the house now? What is that, like, Mark 15?”

“Uh, yeah…Something like that,” Tony replied, knowing it was the Mark 42. “You know, everyone needs a hobby.” The two of them kept talking, and Tony forgot about Killian, about the Mandarin, and about what had happened with Rhodey. Pepper was happy to see him and was focused on him; he could return the favour.

It was going well, until, of course, Pepper wanted to actually see him.

“There’s been a, uh…radiation leak,” Tony made up, so she wouldn’t come down to the lab and see him clearly _not_ in the suit.

“I’ll take my chances,” she replied, going down the stairs.

“That’s risky.”

Pepper ignored him, coming down into the lab and seeing him.

“Busted,” Tony said, letting go of the bar to turn and face Pepper.

“This is a new level of lame,” Pepper said. She was annoyed.

“Sorry.”

“You ate without me, already? On date night?” Pepper asked. If Tony hadn’t have tried to be nice and cook for her, he’d never have eaten. Catch-22. Kind of.

“He was just…”

“You mean you?” Pepper interrupted.

“Well, yeah,” Tony said, continuing, “I just mean we were just…just hosting you while I finished up a little work.” He was trying to avoid bringing up his jealousy if he could, because he knew it would just bite him in the ass.

“Uh-huh,” she didn’t sound convinced, so, screw it.

“And, yes, I had a quick bite. I didn’t know if you were coming home or if you were having drinks with Aldrich Killian.” Tony tried to be subtle about it, to not sound accusing, but he doubted it worked.

“What?”

“What?”

“Aldrich Killian?” _now_ she sounded annoyed, “What are you, checking up on me?”

“Happy was concerned,” Tony explained.

“No, you’re spying on me.”

“I wasn’t…” Tony tried, wishing he hadn’t said anything. This was supposed to be a nice night; he’d gotten Pepper her Christmas present, which she hadn’t even said if she’d liked or not, he’d cooked her dinner, which he ended up eating without her, and now he’d just annoyed her. He was going to finally talk to her, too.

“I’m going to bed,” Pepper said, turning to leave.

“Hold on,” Tony said, “come on, Pep,” she kept going, walking up the stairs and Tony felt desperate. Today, he’d reached his breaking point, after so long. He’d been holding it back and holding it back, avoiding talking to Pepper or anyone about it. But now he needed to, he needed _her_ , and he couldn’t risk pushing her away even more right when he needed her so badly. “Hey, I admit it! My fault, sorry.”

That stopped her, at least.

“I’m a piping hot mess,” Tony said, he took a deep breath, preparing himself to open this up, “it’s been going on for a while, I haven’t said anything. Nothing’s been the same since New York.” Tony hated even saying the words.

“Oh really?” Pepper said, sarcastically. “Well, I didn’t notice that, at all.”

“You experience things and then they’re over and you still can’t explain them? Gods, aliens, other dimensions…I…I’m just a man in a can. The only reason I haven’t cracked up is probably because you moved in. Which is great. I love you, I’m lucky. But honey…” Tony took another deep breath, “I can’t sleep. You go to bed, I come down here. I do what I know, I tinker.” Tony sat down, trying to ignore the pounding in his chest, not as bad as earlier, but getting there. “Threat is imminent, and I have to protect the two people I care about the most. I can’t live without you. My suits, they’re, uh…”

“Machines.”

“But they’re part of me.”

“A distraction.”

“Maybe.”

Pepper came over to him, finally, putting her hands on his shoulders and smiling gently at him. Tony let his head drop and rest against her chest and she wrapped her arms round him. Just her touch was enough to calm his frantic heart and slow his breathing.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” she said when she pulled away.

“Okay,” Tony nodded, not liking when she let go.

“And you’re gonna join me,” she added.

“Better.”

 

* * *

 

Tony slept in his bed next to Pepper for what felt like the first time in forever. Of the few times he did sleep, it would normally be out of exhaustion either still in the lab or on the couch. It was nice, being in a bed for once, but it was a lot easier for the nightmares to come.

Being back in New York was terrifying, even two years and many visits later. Being surrounded by aliens, completely out of his depth. Going through the wormhole, feeling his suit fail. Falling hundreds of feet above the earth.

Tony woke to Pepper’s scream, and was immediately ready to fight, even if it did only end up being his suit. 

“I must’ve called him in my sleep,” Tony explained, still feeling jittery and breathless from the nightmare. Still drowned head-to-toe in fear. “That’s not supposed to happen. I’ll…recalibrate the…sensors.” Pepper got up, looking annoyed, and it really didn’t help how Tony was feeling. “Can we just…just let me…just let me catch my breath, okay? Don’t go…Pepper.” He needed her.

“I’m going to sleep downstairs,” Pepper said, walking off, “tinker with that.”

Tony collapsed back on the bed, his chest heaving. His hands were shaking when he ran them through his hair.

“Dad?” he heard Peter say from the doorway, quiet.

“Pete?” Tony immediately tried to compose himself, for Peter’s sake, “What’s up, buddy?”

“I heard Pepper scream, is she okay?” he asked, coming into the room further and seeing the suit, collapsed on the floor.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Tony said, gesturing for Peter to come sit next to him on the bed, “you know how I made it so I can call the suit to me whenever?”

“Yeah?”

“I did that by accident in my sleep, and Pepper got scared,” Tony explained, deliberately leaving out the nightmare, “I’ll have to fix it tomorrow so that can’t happen.”

“Are you okay?” Peter asked. Tony was doing his best to cover up his heavy breathing, but probably wasn’t succeeding. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Tony lied, “you should get back to bed.”

“Can you come with me?”

“Of course,” Tony said, standing up slowly and trying to hide the fact that he was still jittery and shaking. While he and Peter were walking across the hall to his room, Tony’s phone rang. “You get in bed, I’ll be through in a second.”

"Is this Tony Stark?” an unfamiliar voice asked.

“Speaking. Who is this?”

“Harold Hogan has been in an attack. You’re listed as his emergency contact.”

“He…what?” Tony was surprised about him being the emergency contact, but more worried about what had happened, “What attack?”

“Some kind of explosion, he’s in the hospital.”

Without even asking, he knew this must be the Mandarin. “Okay, uh…thanks,” Tony said, hanging up. He went into Peter’s room, “Hey, kid, Happy’s been in an accident, I’ve gotta go to the hospital.”

“What happened?” Peter asked, sitting up in his bed, “Is he okay?”

“I hope so,” Tony said, “I’m not sure yet.”

“Can I come?”

“No, you stay here and look after Pepper for me,” Tony said; he didn’t know what state Happy would be in and he didn’t want Peter to see that, “if she asks where I am can you explain for me?”

Peter nodded, “Let me know if he’s okay.”

“Sure thing, kid,” Tony said, ruffling his hair and leaving, quickly throwing on some clothes and getting in the car.

 

* * *

 

Tony didn’t know how he felt, sat in the hospital room looking at Happy’s still figure. He was angry; not long after Tony had arrived at the hospital the TVs were all broadcasting the Mandarin’s new message. Something pointless that didn’t require hurting and killing _innocent_ people to get across. Underneath that, he was scared. He still felt in shock from this happening. Even though the threat of the Mandarin was intimidating, it had felt like nothing compared to the threat constantly plaguing Tony, mentally. Now, of the few people that Tony let get close to him, one of them had been hurt while Tony did nothing about it. He couldn’t let it get any worse or this guy get to anyone else.

It was past sunrise when Tony eventually left Happy’s hospital room. As he expected, the outside was flooded with reporters waiting for anything Tony had to say. So, he would give something. Something that he hoped would get back to the Mandarin.

“Here’s a little holiday greeting I’ve been wanting to send to the Mandarin,” Tony started,  “I just didn’t know how to phrase it until now. My name’s Tony Stark and I’m not afraid of you. I know you’re a coward. So I’ve decided that you just died, pal. I’m gonna come get the body. There’s no politics here it’s just good, old-fashioned revenge. There’s no pentagon, it’s just _you_ and _me_ , and on the off chance you’re a man, here’s my home address. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

Tony got in the car, knowing what he’d done was insane, and stupid, but he was angry and upset and this guy definitely wasn’t going to get away with it. 

May called a few minutes after Tony drove away from the hospital, which he expected. 

“Hey, I was gonna call you,” Tony said.

“Did you just _threaten_ a _terrorist_?”

“Not even a hello?” Tony replied. He knew if he actually had this conversation he would start to freak out too.

“You gave them your _address_ ,” she continued, “which is, bear in mind, also _Peter’s_ address.”

“I know,” Tony said, “I was gonna ask, can he stay with you for a few days? Just while this all…blows over?”

“Yes, definitely,” she said, sighing, “don’t get yourself killed.”

“That’s the plan.”

“I mean it, Tony,” May said, serious, “I don’t know if Peter would be able to…”

“He won’t need to,” Tony interrupted. He didn’t want to think about that possibility, “I’ll be round again in a few days, max, to pick him up. I’m on the way back from the hospital now, as soon as I’m home I can-”

“It’s fine,” May interrupted, “I’ll come pick him up. I want to get him away from there _quickly_.”

Almost the second Tony hung up after saying goodbye, a call came through from Pepper. He expected that, too.

“Why haven’t you been picking up?” Pepper said, sounding stressed and annoyed, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I was just talking to Peter’s aunt-”

“You _threatened_ a _terrorist_?”

“Funny enough, that’s what she said too,” Tony said.

“Have you lost your mind?!” Pepper was yelling now.

“He almost killed Happy!” Tony yelled back.

“And now he’s going to kill you, and me and Peter too, apparently, because you gave him our _address_!”

“Peter’s gonna stay with his aunt, she’s picking him up in a bit,” Tony said.

“Great, so me and you can leave town so we don’t get _killed_.”

“No way, we’re staying here.”

“No, you’re insane,” Pepper said, “I’m packing, we’re leaving as soon as Peter’s been picked up and you’re home.”

“It’s not safe to leave!” Tony said.

“It’s not safe to stay, anymore, either!”

“Too bad, we’re staying,” Tony said.

“We are _not_ -”

“I’ll be home soon,” Tony said.

“No, Tony-” Pepper started, before Tony hung up.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Pete,” Tony said, coming into the kitchen when he got home to find him sat there eating breakfast, “did you manage to get any sleep?”

Peter shook his head, “I was worried about Happy. Is he okay?”

“He’s a bit banged up,” Tony said, sitting down next to Peter, “but he’ll be better soon. Can I have some?”

Peter nodded, and Tony took a bite from his waffles, “What happened?”

Tony sighed, he didn’t really want to have to explain everything with the Mandarin, but he didn’t want to lie to Peter either. “A bad guy tried to hurt him,” he explained, “but I’m gonna stop him before he hurts anyone else. So, you might have to stay at May’s for a couple days.”

“Why?”

“Just to be safe,” Tony said, “I don’t want you getting hurt by accident.”

“But I can help!” Peter said.

“I’ve got a suit, you-”

“You can make me a suit,” Peter interrupted.

“You’re too young for a suit,” Tony said. There was no way he’d ever let Peter be in that kind of position.

“I’m not a kid,” Peter pouted.

Tony sighed, “I just don’t want this guy to hurt you, okay? I want to fix everything so we can have a nice, happy Christmas all together.”

Peter still looked doubtful, “You know I can help.”

“I know, kid,” Tony said, “I just don’t want to risk you getting hurt.”

 

* * *

 

Tony could relax, at least a little bit, as soon as May had picked up Peter. He didn’t know what was going to happen next and what kind of move this guy would pull, if any, and he didn’t want Peter getting caught in the crossfire.

After saying goodbye to Peter and thanking May, Tony went down to the lab to figure out what these explosions were about; if Rhodey thought there was something weird about them then there must be.

He had J.A.R.V.I.S. reconstruct the crime scene to see what he could find. Seeing Happy there, post-explosion, was difficult but Tony had to push through. Rhodey was right - something was definitely weird about it. No bomb parts, such a high heat signature, and evidence of a military guy being in the explosion, without any record of them being there.  Even weirder, was the almost identical explosion in Tennessee, another military guy, same heat signature. Not a mandarin attack. Apparently. Tony guessed a trip to Tennessee was next on his to-do list, until the doorbell rang.

“Are we still at ding-dong? We’re supposed to be on _total_ security lockdown, come on, I threatened a terrorist,” Tony said, to no one in particular. Anyone that was listening. “Who is that?”

Tony went upstairs - in his suit, naturally - stopping in front of the vaguely-familiar woman who’d just come in.

“Right there’s fine,” he said, “you’re not the Mandarin. Are you? _Are_ you?”

“You don’t remember,” she said with a laugh. Anyone who greeted Tony like that tended to hate him, so it wasn’t a good sign. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Don’t take it personally,” Tony said, “I don’t remember what I had for breakfast.”

“Gluten-free waffles, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. interjected.

“That’s right.”

“Okay, look, I need to be alone with you,” the woman said, looking around, “someplace…not here, it’s urgent.”

Tony squinted at her, trying to figure out what she wanted, “Normally, I’d go for that sort of thing,” Tony said, and it clicked who she was; they’d slept together, and discussed some science, about thirteen years ago, "but _now_ , I’m in a committed relationship.”

Cue two of Pepper’s bags dropping down from the floor above, _narrowly_ missing hitting Tony. 

“With her.”

“Tony?” Pepper called from upstairs, and he stepped out of his suit, “is somebody there?”

“Yeah,” Tony replied, “it’s Maya Hansen. Old botanist pal that I used to know. Barely.” Tony saw Pepper coming down the stairs, and he pulled Maya aside, “Please don’t tell me there’s a twelve year old kid waiting in the car that I’ve never met.”

“He’s thirteen,” she replied, just about giving Tony a heart attack, and rush through all the possibilities of having to introduce Peter to his half-brother, “ _no_ , I need your help.”

“What for, why now?”

“Because I read the papers and, frankly, I don’t think you’ll last the week.”

“I’ll be fine,” Tony said, with fake confidence.

“I’m sorry,” Pepper said, coming up to the two of them, “with Happy in the hospital, I didn’t know we were expecting guests.”

“We weren’t.”

“-and old _girlfriends_ ,” Tony could sense the jealousy in Pepper’s voice, and as much as that scared him, because he knew that meant she could be moments away from being annoyed at him, he couldn’t help but enjoy it.

“No, not really,” Maya said, “it was just… _one night_.”

“That’s…how you did it, isn’t it?” Pepper gave him a look. Tony ignored it.

“It was a great night,” Tony said, just to tease Pepper a bit more.

“You saved yourself a world of pain,” Pepper said.

“What?”

“We’re going out of town,” Pepper said, ignoring Tony.

“Okay, we’ve been through this,” Tony said, “nope.”

“Yep!”

“The man says no,” Tony argued.

“Immediately, and indefinitely.”

“Great idea,” Maya said, “let’s go.”

“I’m sorry, that’s a terrible idea, please don’t touch her bags,” Tony said.

“This is how _normal_ people behave,” Pepper said.

“I can’t protect you out there!” Tony said.

“Is that normal?” Maya interrupted, again, pointing at Pepper’s Christmas gift.

“Yes, this is normal.”

“Sadly, that is very normal,” Pepper agreed.

“It’s a big bunny, relax about it,” Tony said, knowing he was kind of, maybe, yelling. But he was frustrated.

“Calm down,” Pepper said, gentler now.

“I got this for you,” Tony said, lowering his voice, “it’s for you!”

“I know, I’m aware of that.”

“You haven’t even told me you liked it!”

“I don’t like it!”

“You don’t like it?”

“Guys!” Maya said, “do we need to worry about that?”

Tony looked where she was pointing at the TV, and it felt like all the blood in his body froze. There was a missile, clear as day, heading directly towards his house. The house he was stood in, at that exact moment. The house _Pepper_ was stood in.

Tony had a second to remember the suit and react appropriately, while staring at a missile flying towards him, before he’s thrown backwards and straight into the wall behind him. The impact took a moment to recover from, and Tony pushed himself up slowly to check it had worked, and that he’d kept Pepper safe. Maya was unconscious on the ground, and Pepper was gone. Tony laid back just in time to see the ceiling cracking above him, crumbling into pieces. Pieces still big enough to crush Tony entirely.

He panicked, trying to push himself back and get out of the way, and in the moment before it fell when he realised he couldn’t, there was a surreal peacefulness in him that disconcerted Tony. Then his suit was above him, protecting him from the falling pieces.

“I got you,” Pepper said, the helmet opening to show her face.

“I got you first,” Tony said, relieved at knowing his suit had worked, and had saved Pepper, but still feeling put off from how he’d felt just before she’d saved him. “Like I said, we can’t stay here.” Tony was so glad May hadn’t picked Peter up any later.

Tony barely got the chance to stand up before something exploded again, throwing him across the room, sending even more pain shooting through his body that just became a dull ache underneath the adrenaline.

“Move!” Tony yelled at Pepper, “I’m right behind you.” He was so close to getting to her, so close to being out of the house and safe when the ground crumbled in front of him, creating a rift between the two of them. “Get her, I’m gonna find a way around.”

More explosions were going off around Tony as he watched Pepper and Maya get safely outside. He could feel the house starting to tilt and slope downwards, towards the cliff edge as it all crumbled to pieces.

“Sir, Miss Potts is clear of the structure,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said, just in time, because Tony didn’t know how much longer he’d make it without falling into the ocean or being crushed under falling brick.

Being in the suit was a relief, just for a moment, until the building continued collapsing around him, and Tony remembered that this suit was barely functional. He’d built it to test out the new ideas, and hadn’t actually finished the flying capabilities or making it combat-ready. He managed to fight off the helicopters for a bit, but he was improvising and struggling. It wasn’t long before he was stuck for options, watching his house, his cars, his suits and his robots all explode, get crushed or fall to their deaths. And eventually, Tony was joining them.

The impact of the water didn’t help the suit any, and then he was getting caught and being dragged deeper and deeper by something Tony couldn’t get loose from. His suit was filling with water, and the main structure of the house was above him, getting closer and closer. Tony could hardly breathe. He managed to pull the wire round his neck loose, just in time to get buried under the building. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, even without the water flooding his suit. Tony was panicking, he didn’t know what to do. One minute, he and Pepper had been arguing about a stupid stuffed animal and now he was buried under the ocean, coming to terms with dying.

“Sir, take a deep breath,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. Tony didn’t even know if he listened or not, he was barely processing his surroundings anymore. He couldn’t tell if his body going into shut down was from the emotional or physical struggle.

Tony thought he got loose, remembered being dragged above the rubble of his house and taking a huge breath that was mostly water. That was all he remembered before he blacked out.

 

* * *

 

When Tony woke up, he had no idea what had happened or where he was or why he was in his suit.

“Sir?” J.A.R.V.I.S. was repeating, an ear-splitting alarm going off that wasn’t helping Tony’s headache from who knows what.

“Alright, kill the alarm. I got it,” Tony said. He didn’t remember setting an alarm, or falling asleep in his suit. He’d never slept in his suit; he wouldn’t be surprised if Pepper found him and found a reason to get annoyed about it.

“That’s the emergency alert, triggered by the power dropping below five percent,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. Tony scanned the variety of alerts and system failures littering the screen in front of him, and it clicked what had happened. What was happening. The attack on the house, almost drowning, the suit failing, and now Tony was…in the air. Flying. With 5% power. He screamed.

Tony tried to soften the fall, after smashing into and skidding across the road, but it just meant he hit a dozen or so trees along the way, before coming to a not-so-soft landing in the snow.

“It’s snowing, right?’ Tony asked, catching his breath, “Where are we, upstate?”

“We’re five miles out of Rosehill, Tennessee.”

“Why?! J.A.R.V.I.S.? Not my idea! What are we doing here? This is thousands of miles away, I gotta get Pepper, I gotta-”

“I prepared a flight plan,” J.A.R.V.I.S. explained, “this was the location.”

“Who asked you?”

“I think I may be malfunctioning, Sir.”

“Open it, J,” Tony said, sitting up out of his suit. God, he was freezing. He should’ve stayed in the suit.

“I actually think I need to sleep now, Sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said, his voice slow and distorted.

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Tony asked, with no reply, “J.A.R.V.I.S.? Don’t leave me, buddy.” Tony was alone.

 

* * *

 

Tony dragged the suit for what felt like hours. He had no idea how long it was, but it was dark when he started walking and it was dark when he stopped. He only got colder and colder the longer he was out in the never-ending snow.

Tony hated being alone. Even when he isolated himself from people, he could never stand being completely and utterly _alone_. Whenever he was at home, or in his suit, he always had J.A.R.V.I.S. - to talk to, for help, for anything. And when he worked, he had Dum-E and U, even if they weren’t as mentally capable after Tony had hardly upgraded them since he made them when he was 16.

Now, Tony was alone in every way imaginable. In every way he hated. It took a while to find any sign of life. He eventually found a convenience store, luckily with a payphone outside. He called the Stark secure server, but of course Pepper wasn’t anywhere she could pick up - their house had been destroyed. So, he was still alone.

“Pepper, it’s me,” Tony started, “I’ve got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time, so…first off, I’m so sorry I put you in harms way, that was selfish and stupid and it won’t happen again. Also, it’s Christmastime, the rabbit was too big. Done. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry in advance, because…I can’t come home yet. I’m sorry to Peter for that, too. I need to find this guy. You’ve gotta stay safe, that’s all I know. I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian…God, I…I’m sorry. I’ll be as home as soon as I can, I promise. I love you so much, I love Peter so much. Look after each other, for me.”

After hanging up, Tony felt like crying. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be with Pepper and Peter and he just wanted a normal, happy Christmas. But he was stuck here, freezing, with a broken suit and no one to help him. Tony took a deep breath, pushing back all the emotions and focusing on the task at hand. Fix the suit, kill the Mandarin. Simple.

Behind the store, there was what looked like some kind of shed or garage. No one was in the store, and it looked pretty deserted, so Tony was confident in breaking down the door and setting up shop inside the shed.

Tony dragged the suit onto the couch near the door, sitting him up nicely before collapsing next to him with deep, heaving breaths. He was exhausted.

After a while, Tony got up, knowing he had to get to work. If he sat for too long, he would want to sleep, and then he’d definitely not be in any fit state mentally to do anything. He needed to stay awake.

Just as he was starting to pull the sensors out his arms, which where entirely screwed to shit, there was some movement across the other side of the shed.

“Freeze,” a voice said, belonging to a kid no older than Peter, holding what looked like a potato gun, “don’t move.”

“You got me,” Tony said, putting his hands up in surrender, “nice potato gun. Barrels a little long. Between that and the wide gage, it’s gonna diminish your fps.” The kid fired, breaking a glass, as if to prove a point. “And now you’re out of ammo.”

“What’s that thing on your chest?”

“It’s a, uh, electromagnet. You should know, you’ve got a box of them right here.”

“What does it power?” The kid still wasn’t putting down the gun.

Tony tried not to roll his eyes in anticipation of the reaction he was about to get. He stood up and to the side, shining the lamp on the suit behind him.

“Oh my god,” the kid said, finally dropping the gun to the floor. Clearly, there were more important things now. “That…that’s…is that Iron Man?”

“Technically, I am,” Tony said.

“Technically,” the kid replied, “you’re dead.” He handed Tony a newspaper.

“Valid point,” Tony said, covering up the panic he was feeling as he read the headline, ‘Mandarin Attack: Stark Presumed Dead’. God, he hoped Pepper checked the server soon. And talked to Peter. He didn’t know how long he’d been gone.

“What happened to him?” The kid asked. Tony could already hear him fiddling with the suit but at this point he didn’t care enough to stop him.

“Life,” Tony said, “I built him, I take care of him, I’ll fix him.”

“Like a mechanic?”

“Yeah.”

“If I was building Iron Man _and_ War Machine...” the kid started.

“It’s Iron Patriot now,” Tony interrupted, as if that mattered.

“That’s way cooler!”

“No it’s not.”

“Anyways…” he continued, “I would’ve added in the…retro…”

“Retroreflective panels?” Tony asked.

“To make him stealth mode.”

“You want a stealth mode?”

“Cool, right?”

“That’s actually a good idea,” Tony admitted, “maybe I’ll build one.” This kid reminded him of Peter already, and it was killing Tony. Peter probably thought he was dead, right now.

“Whoops,” the kid said, pulling off a finger, for god knows what reason.

“What are you doing? You’re gonna break his finger? He’s in pain, he’s been injured, leave him alone.”

“Sorry,” the kid said, smiling and playing with the broken finger.

“Are you?” Tony said, sounding annoyed. He knew he was getting frustrated, but it wasn’t this kid or the stupid finger, just at the whole awful situation. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll fix it. So, uh, who’s home?”

“Well, my mum already left for the diner, and dad went to get scratchers,” the kid explained, “I guess he won cause that was six years ago.”

“Which happens, dads leave, there’s no need to be a pussy about it,” Tony said, mostly not wanting to think about little kids growing up without dad’s because that’s most likely what his own son would be thinking about, at that very moment. “Here’s what I need: a laptop, a digital watch, a cellphone, a nematic actuator from your bazooka over there, a map of town, a big spring, and a tuna fish sandwich.”

“What’s in it for me?”

Tony shrugged, “Salvation. What’s his name?”

“Who?”

“The kid that bullies you at school,” Tony said, “what’s his name?”

“How do you know that?” the kid asked, but it was obvious. This was a smart kid, Tony knew that much already, and smart kids always get bullied. He was bullied when he was younger, Peter had been bullied a couple times, so this kid must be bullied too.

“I got just the thing,” Tony said, giving a 12 year old kid a weapon as a bribe, like a responsible adult. “What’s your name?”

“Harley. And you’re…?”

“The mechanic,” Tony said, “Tony. You know what keeps going through my head? Where’s my sandwich?”

 

* * *

 

Harley held up his end of the deal, at least, and was actually being helpful to Tony. They were in town, so Harley could show him the sight of the explosion which was the whole reason he’d ended up here in the first place.

“When can we talk about New York?” Harley asked.

“Maybe never,” Tony said, forcing himself to push past it and not get stuck on it, “relax about it.”

“What about the Avengers, can we talk about them?”

“Later,” Tony said, _really_ not wanting to dwell on it.

They managed to move on, for about, two seconds. Tony was trying to focus on what he needed to do, figuring out what was wrong with the explosion, and Harley just _had_ to bring it up, even though Tony had tried to tell him _why_ he didn’t want to talk about it, earlier.

“You know what this crater reminds me of?” he asked.

“No idea, I’m not- I don’t care,” Tony said, already knowing exactly what he was thinking and already feeling his chest starting to tighten.

“That giant wormhole,” Harley just had to continue, “in, um, in New York! Does it remind you?”

Everything reminded him. “That’s manipulative, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Are they coming back? The aliens?”

“Maybe!” Tony said, feeling claustrophobic and trapped. His chest was getting tighter and it was getting harder and harder to breathe and keep his cool, “Can you stop? Remember when I told you that I have an anxiety issue?”

“Does this subject make you…make you edgy?” Harley asked, as if it wasn’t already really obvious. It felt like there was a weight sitting on Tony’s chest that got heavier by the moment - heavier with every word out of Harley’s mouth - and every breath in was a struggle.

“Yeah, a little bit,” Tony said, “can I just catch my breath for a second?”

“Are the bad guys in Rosehill? Do you need a plastic bag to breath into? Do you have medication?”

“Nope.”

“Do you need to be on it?”

“Probably.”

“Do you have PTSD?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Are you…are you going completely mental?” God, this kid. “I can stop. Do you want me to stop?”

“Remember when I said to stop doing that?” Tony snapped, “I swear to god, you’re gonna _freak_ me out.” Tony tried to control his breathing, tried to bring himself back from the edge but he could just feel himself falling further and further. “Oh, man, you did it, didn’t you,” Tony said, standing up and walking away. He needed air. “You happy now?”

“What did I say?” Harley called from behind him.

Tony ran, down to the edge of the street, hearing Harley following him. He took deep, shuddering breaths, finally feeling his racing heart start to slow. The silence was good, for a moment.

“What the hell was that?” Harley asked, having caught up to him.

Tony ignored him in favour of giving himself a face full of snow, the cold freshness helping him calm down. Even better, he got to throw it at Harley afterwards. Two birds with one snowball.

“Your fault,” Tony said, “you spaz me out. Okay, back to business, where were we?”

They moved on, luckily, and Harley knew not to start bringing up New York and hounding him about it again. Tony was still out of breath, still slowly coming back to himself, but he pushed past it. He needed to focus on the mission, get it done and fix this thing so he could go home. According to the newspaper Harley had shown him, it was December 23rd. There was no way he was letting himself miss Christmas with his family, or having his family think he was dead over Christmas.

 

* * *

 

Tony hated fighting, especially without his suit. He hated it even more when the person he was fighting had a _much_ better advantage than him. Case in point, when he had to fight a woman that could set herself on fire or turn into lava or whatever the hell she was doing. Sure, the fighting sucked. But it meant there was progress on the mission, at least. If the bad guys were trying to stop you, that meant you were going in the right direction.

But, apparently, the right direction meant Tony exploding someone, getting stuck half-drowned under a collapsed water tower, saving Harley and almost screwing up his hand trying to use one of the repulsors apart from the suit.

“You’re welcome,” Harley said, after it all, as if Tony hadn’t been the one that saved him.

“For what, did I miss something?” Tony replied.

“Me saving your life.”

“Yeah, A. saved you first. B. thanks, sort of. And C. if you do someone a solid, don’t be a yutz, alright? Just…play it cool, otherwise you come off grandiose,” Tony said, getting into the car he’d just stolen.

“Unlike you?” Harley replied. Tony gave him a look that told him exactly what he thought about that. “Admit it, you need me. We’re connected.”

“What I need is for you to go home, be with your mum, keep your trap shut, guard the suit, and stay _connected_ to the telephone, cause if I call you better pick up. Okay? Can you feel that? We’re done here,” Tony said, getting into the car _again_ , “move out of the way or I’ll run you over. Bye kid.”

Tony shut the door, starting the car and, most importantly, getting the heating on. Harley still didn’t move.

Tony sighed, rolling the window down, “I’m sorry, kid. You did good.”

“So now you’re just gonna leave me here, like my dad?” This kid really knew how to guilt-trip. Of all the things about him that reminded Tony of Peter, he was glad they didn’t have this in common.

“Yeah,” Tony said, not letting it phase him, “wait, you’re guilt-tripping me, aren’t you?” he added, playing dumb.

“I’m cold,” Harley said instead of answering, now acting all innocent and young.

“I can tell,” Tony replied, mimicking Harley’s tone-of-voice, “you know how I can tell? Cause we’re connected.”

 

* * *

 

Tony had a lot to do before he next saw Harley. First of all, he called Rhodey to figure out what was going on on his end of things, and to make sure his suit wasn’t about to be taken over by the Mandarin. After it happening once, he didn’t want to risk it again. This was why Tony never let anyone else touch his suits, but Rhodey was free and trusting and anyone and everyone would do work on it. Tony could clearly hear the happiness and relief in Rhodey’s voice when he recognised him. It was nice, knowing that people cared about him. Tony desperately wanted to ask about Peter, but he didn’t know who Rhodey was with or who could hear, so he couldn’t risk anything. It was killing him, not being able to talk to him, or even know if he knew Tony was still alive.

Next on the to-do list was figure out who these people were; where they got these powers from, what they were doing, who made them into this. Tony found a news van, and - with the brief obstacle of dealing with an apparently obsessive fan - used Rhodey’s account to get into the AIM files. It looked like they were making some kind of super soldier serum. _Aldrich Killian_ was making some kind of super soldier serum. Tony swore to himself, knowing he was right to have been suspicious. He kept watching - there were amputees and people with a variety of disabilities, all taking part. Tony recognised the woman he’d fought with before, except here she was missing one of her arms from the elbow down. Except, as soon as she was administered with the injections, it started to regrow. Tony sighed; this was a lot to compete against.

On the way back to get the suit, Tony called Harley.

“Harley, tell me what’s happening. Give me a full report.”

“Yeah I’m still eating that candy, do you want- do you…want me to keep eating it?” he asked.

“How much have you had?”

“Two or three bowls.”

“Can you still see straight?”

“Sort of.”

“That means you’re fine, give me J.A.R.V.I.S.” Tony said. It wasn’t his job to parent this kid; Pepper never kept many sweets round the house anyway, so it wasn’t as much of an issue with Peter. If the kid shouldn’t be having sweets, it was his mom’s problem. “J.A.R.V.I.S., how are we?”

“It’s totally fine, Sir, I seem to do quite well for a stretch and then at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cranberry.”

Tony winced. That was an interesting issue.

“And, Sir, you were right. Once I factored in available AIM facilities, I was able to pinpoint the Mandarin’s broadcast signal.” So Killian was working for the Mandarin.

“Where we talking, far-east Europe? North Africa? Iran? Pakistan? Syria? Where is it?”

“Actually, Sir, it’s in New York.”

“Okay…” Tony said, knowing J.A.R.V.I.S. was wrong. This guy hated America, he wouldn’t have set up camp in it, “kid, I’m gonna have to walk you through rebooting J.A.R.V.I.S.’s speech drive, but not right now. Harley, where is it really? Just look on the screen and tell me where it is.”

“Um, it does say New York,” Harley said.

“Okay, first things first, I need the armour, where are we at with it?” Tony could feel himself start to freak out but he _couldn’t_ , not right now. But, this guy was in New York. He was in the same state, the same _city_ , as the two people he cared about most and his attacks seemed to be erratic and unpredictable.

“Uh, it’s not charging,” Harley answered.

Tony slammed on the breaks, pulling off to the side of the road. He really needed to freak out now.

“Actually, sir, it is charging,” J.A.R.V.I.S. added, a distant voice. Tony looked at his hands, already knowing how badly they were shaking. He was struggling to get his breaths in. “but the power source is questionable, it may not succeed at revitalising the Mark 42.”

“What’s questionable about electricity? Alright, it’s my suit, and then- I can’t- I’m not gonna- I don’t wanna-” Tony couldn’t get his words out, he needed to breathe. His heart was racing, his chest tight. “Oh, god, not again.”

“Tony?” Harley said, as he got out of the car - there wasn’t enough air inside the car, it was stale, heavy. It wouldn’t go into his lungs. “Are you having another attack? I didn’t even mention New York.”

Great, that’s just what Tony needed to think about right now. “Right, and then you just said it _by name_ , while _denying_ having said it.” Tony sat down on the ground next to the car, wrapping his arms round himself. The cold made his lungs feel as though they were seizing up, but he knew if he got back into the car it would be even worse. Tony knew he needed to keep going, he needed to fix the suit, he needed to find the Mandarin before he got to Pepper or Peter, he needed to protect everyone…and yet he was stuck here, not able to move from this spot because he couldn’t even _breathe_ , let alone attempt to drive the way he was feeling. He felt stuck, trapped, buried underneath the overwhelming pile of things he had to do to stop people from getting hurt and yet each and every one of them was just making it even harder to attempt just one. “God, what do I do?”

“Just breathe,” Harley said, “really, just breathe.”

Tony focused on Harley; he was right, he needed to breathe. He stabilised himself, holding the door handle as an anchor while he forced air in and out of his lungs rhythmically. 

“You’re a mechanic, right?”

“Right.”

“You said so.”

“Yes I did,” Tony agreed.

“Why don’t you just build something?”

Tony was on the verge of tears, still breathless and shaking, but Harley was right. He was _right_. “Okay,” Tony said, standing up, finally breathing properly, “thanks kid.”

It was that easy. Tony went straight to a hardware store, collecting what he’d need, and got to work straight away. And then he drove to New York. It killed him, not being able to stop to see Peter or Pepper, but he needed to focus. He knew if he saw them, he’d never want to leave and he had to.

 

* * *

 

Tony didn’t expect to be waking up tied to a bed frame hours later, but he guessed that’s where he ended up. When he came to, he took a moment to process exactly what the hell had happened between leaving for New York and waking up there. Getting past the security was fine, _easy_ even. Tony had expected it to be difficult without the suit but he managed, with limited resources. Getting to the Mandarin, even, was _easy_. But…the Mandarin wasn’t the Mandarin. It was a fake, a stupid show. Tony still couldn’t wrap his head around it. It had all just been an _act_ , to cover up Killian’s mess.

Apparently, Maya must be working with him, too, because she was the first person Tony saw when he woke up. She wanted help, evidently. Was trying to convince him that this was a _sane_ idea, as if people hadn’t been killed. As if one of Tony’s best friends wasn’t in the _hospital_.

“I can’t help you,” Tony said, “you used to have a moral psychology. You used to have ideals. You wanted to help people, now look at you. I get to wake up every morning with someone who…still has their soul.” Neither of them say anything, for a while. Tony couldn’t tell if what he’d said had affected her or if she was just upset that he wouldn’t help. “Get me out of here. Come on.”

And then Killian had to show up.

He was rambling, spewing nonsense, trying to validate his own ideals and horrific actions to either himself or Tony. Tony didn’t care, he was listening just enough to notice a weakness, or a slip-up, but other than that…he was planning how the hell he could escape.

“Anyway, the point is,” Killian continued, maybe _finally_ actually getting to a point, Tony thought, “ever since that big dude with the hammer fell out of the sky…subtlety's kind of had it’s day.”

“What’s next for you and your world?” Tony asked, wanting him to talk more to give him more time to think, because, clearly, he wasn’t getting to a point.

“Well, I wanted to repay you…the same gift that you so graciously imparted to me,” he brought up a hologram, clicking it on with a remote, “desperation.”

Tony’s heart stopped.

It was Pepper.

Killian had her strapped down, tubes running into her arms. Her skin was glowing a mottled red, just like all the other Extremis victims Tony had encountered. He was going to kill him.

“Now, this is live,” Killian continued, “I’m not sure if you can tell, but at this moment the body is trying to decide whether to accept Extremis or…just give up. And if it gives up, I have to say, the…the detonation is…it’s quite spectacular.”

Tony watched Pepper screaming in pain and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to get sucked into every stupid fight Tony had, to be used as a pawn by all his enemies to get to him. She deserved so much better than this, deserved someone who could actually protect her. She didn’t deserve someone like Tony that made stupid mistakes that ended up in her getting hurt.

“But, until that point,” Killian _kept talking_ , “it’s really, just, a lot of pain.”

Tony hardly even registered when the hologram was shut off - the images of Pepper were burned into his mind forever.

Maya tried to help him, tried to stop Killian, and he killed her for it.

Even once Killian left, Tony couldn’t stop thinking about Pepper, throughout it all; escaping, getting the suit back, finding Rhodey, finding out about what they were planning.

Rhodey said it, clear as day, that it was either save the president or save Pepper. Tony didn’t want to make that call, did want to have to make that call. Of course, he had to prioritise the president and however many other innocent lives were on that plane, but it was hard. The entire time, saving all those people that he _should_ have been focusing on, Tony just kept replaying those images of Pepper over and over and he just got more angry and more scared and more desperate to help her.

Sneaking into Killian’s new base, where he’d hidden Pepper, was all on autopilot. Rhodey kept telling him what to do and Tony followed blindly. He could function enough to act normal, and that was about it. 

“Sir, I’ve located Miss Potts,” J.A.R.V.I.S. told him, _finally_.

“About time,” Tony replied, following what the screen showed him.

He found Pepper unconscious, under the collapsed remains of whatever room she’d been in. He tried to lift it off of her, but she woke up, yelling to stop.

“See what happens when I hang out with my ex-girlfriends?” Tony said, leaning down to see her. Seeing her alive flooded Tony with relief, even if Killian had infected her with his stupid experiment.

“You’re such a jerk,” she replied, still smiling and relieved from seeing Tony.

“Yeah, we’ll talk about it over dinner,” Tony replied. He didn’t know how late it was, but it was Christmas Eve. They’d planned a nice family dinner for tonight, and then presents tomorrow. It was going to be nice. They were going to be happy.

Pepper laughed, but she sounded delirious. Tony couldn’t blame her; she’d been through a lot more than anyone should have to deal with in a lifetime.

“Come on,” Tony said, reaching out to her, “a little more, baby.”

They both gasped with relief when their hands met, before Killian, _of course_ had to come and ruin it.

He attacked Tony, trying to boil him in his suit. Tony retaliated by cutting his arm off.

The arm melted through the floor, disrupted the balanced rubble and making Pepper fall with it. She got caught, on something, some kind of mechanism that was moving her further and further away from Tony. He ran after her, desperately trying to catch her before she got crushed or fell or anything bad happened to her.

When he finally caught up to her, he knew there was no way he could get any closer to her. There was a good couple feet between their extended arms; Tony didn’t know how he could catch her.

“Honey, I can’t reach any further and you can’t stay there, alright, you gotta let go!” Tony yelled across to her. He was terrified. There was such a big drop below them and Pepper looked so scared. He had no idea what to do. “You gotta let go, I’ll catch you I promise!” He had to catch her, he _would_ catch her.

The mechanism jolted, and Pepper lost her grip. 

Tony lunged forward, reaching for her.

His fingertips barely even brushed hers.

Pepper’s scream got quieter and quieter until the flames underneath them engulfed her.

She was gone.

She was gone, and it was Tony’s fault.

Tony wanted to give up.

The moment he saw Killian, something inside him snapped. It wasn’t just Tony’s fault. _Killian_ brought her here, _Killian_ infected her with Extremis, _Killian_ put her in danger. Tony’s vision went red, and the second he had a suit he was fighting to kill.

Killian was a hard fight, but Tony’s anger pushed him on. Over and over, through suit after suit, until there was nothing left. No suits were coming, Tony had no more defence.

“You really didn’t deserve her, Tony,” Killian said. But Tony already knew that. “It’s a pity, I was so close to having her…perfect.”

“You’re right, I don’t deserve her,” Tony said, “here’s where you’re wrong; she was already perfect.”

Tony gave one, last ditch effort to finish this. He directed Mark 42 at Killian, trapping him in the armour. After that, all it took was a simple instruction to J.A.R.V.I.S to blow up the suit.

Somehow, that _still_ wasn’t enough, evidently, when Killian still climbed out of the flames, really looking like a lava monster now.

The last thing, genuinely, the last thing Tony expected to interrupt Killian’s dramatic monologue was a glowing Pepper hitting him with a pole. Then, proceeding to destroy Tony’s suit and finishing Killian off with the remains. It was impressive, to say the least.

“Oh my god,” Pepper said, her skin returning to a more normal colour, “that was really violent.”

“You just scared the devil out of me, I thought you were…,” Tony said. He was still having a hard time processing that she wasn’t.

“That I was dead, why, cause I feel 200 feet?” Pepper said. Tony had no words. “Who’s the hot mess now?”

“Still debatable,” Tony replied, “probably tipping your way a little bit. Why don’t you dress like this at home?”

“You know I think I understand why you don’t wanna give up the suits, what am I gonna complain about now?”

“Well, it’s me,” Tony said, with a laugh. He wanted so badly just to be normal, to get away from this insanity, “you’ll think of something.”

Pepper got scared the moment Tony tried to touch her, worried that she’d hurt him. Even if she could, Tony didn’t care. He needed her. He reassured her that he could fix her, and then gave her a little fireworks show for their reunion hug. Tony didn’t even care about losing all his suits; he needed a fresh start. For Pepper, it was worth it.

 

* * *

 

Turns out, it was about midnight, by the time they were done with it all. Tony had one last thing to do, though.

“I’m gonna wait in the car,” Pepper said, when they pulled up outside the familiar building in Queens, “you two need to…it’s a father and son moment.”

“You sure you’re okay here?” Tony asked, “Are you cold? Not that I’m not enjoying…this.”

Pepper rolled her eyes, “I need a shower, and some comfy pyjamas, but…this is more important.”

Tony nodded, silently thanking her, “We won’t be long.”

Tony realised how tired he was after walking up to May’s apartment. It had been a long couple of days.

He knocked on the front door, and waited. No answer. He knocked again. “Hey Santa’s here, open up, he doesn’t have a key.”

There was some movement from inside the apartment, and quick footsteps and the sound of the lock being turned. A sleepy Peter opened the door, looking confused but excited.

“It’s late, shouldn’t you be in bed?” Tony teased, smirking.

“Dad,” Peter said, hugging Tony, who immediately hugged him back, “everyone kept telling me you were dead.”

“Not that easily,” Tony joked, ruffling Peter’s hair and holding on tight to him. He’d missed him.

“Please never go again,” Peter said, his face pressed into Tony’s shoulder. He was getting taller and taller by the day, and it was scaring Tony because he knew he’d probably end up taller than him.

“I won’t,” Tony told him, hoping he could keep the promise he’d made so many times before.

“What happened?” Peter pulled away, “Where did you go?”

“My suit took me to Tennessee,” Tony explained, “it’s a _long_ story. For now, let’s go-” Tony was about to say home, when he realised they didn’t have one anymore.

May came round the corner then, looking as sleepy as Peter, “What are you guys up to?”

“Well, I’ve just remembered we’re homeless,” Tony said, “but Merry Christmas. Fancy spending Christmas in a hotel?” he asked Peter.

Peter, obviously, shook his head.

“How about you stay here?” May suggested, “Just for Christmas, before you have to figure out what you’re gonna do.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked.

“Of course,” May insisted, “it’ll be nice. Is Pepper with you?”

“She’s just in the car, I’ll call her.”

Once Pepper had come up, Peter was happy to show her round the extent of the two-bedroom apartment, which May took as an opportunity to pull Tony aside.

“I’m glad you’re not dead,” May said, looking genuine, “not just for Peter’s sake.”

“Me too,” Tony said, letting himself be pulled into a hug, “thanks for looking after him.”

“It’s my pleasure,” May said, pulling back, “but if you ever do that again…”

“I know,” Tony said with a smile, “I don’t intend to.”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t the Christmas Tony had expected, but it was better, in some ways. Sure, they were homeless, and all the presents had been lost to the ocean, but they were happy. They had a nice morning, all watching Peter open his presents from May, and then she attempted to cook Christmas dinner for them, and they ending up going out to eat instead. When they got home, that evening, they played some family games before they all fell asleep in front of the TV. It was the best Christmas Tony had had in a long time and, sure, they weren’t exactly conventional, but this was his family.

“Pete,” Tony said, getting his attention when he saw him waking up, “come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Peter shook his head, “I wanna stay up longer.”

“It’s already late, and you were up really late last night,” Tony argued. Peter got up, looking too tired to continue trying to argue. Once he was in bed, Tony sat down next to him to explain and apologise for the lack of presents.

Peter shrugged, “I don’t mind the presents, I just want all my stuff back.”

“I can buy you all new stuff, okay?”

“I don’t want new stuff, I want my _old_ stuff,” Peter complained.

“I know,” Tony said. He wished he hadn’t caused this; hadn’t put Peter through all of this. Having his home destroyed, thinking his dad was dead for the second time in his life. It was too much for Peter to go through, and now he had to uproot his life again and move them across the city to start again.

“Are you gonna buy a new house?” Peter asked, “Where are we going to stay?”

Tony sighed, “I don’t know,” Tony knew what his only option really was, he just wished he had a better one, “with everything that’s going on at the moment…we’ve lost a lot, and I  need to focus on Pepper before anything goes wrong. We might have to move into the tower, for a bit.”

“Wait…the tower, like, the _Avengers_ tower?” Peter asked, “The place you _never_ let me go?”

“I don’t let you go because everyone else lives there most of the time, and they’d all be asking questions about you.”

Peter rolled his eyes, he was looking more awake now, “They’re the _Avengers_. Why can’t they know who I am?”

“Peter, you know why,” Tony didn’t want to have to argue about this again. Since Peter’s been older and understanding more, he’s been a lot more resistant to be kept a secret.

“I don’t need to be hidden! I’m not a kid.”

“You are a kid, and I don’t want you to have to go through the shit storm of the press finding out Tony Stark has a son,” Tony didn’t like keeping him a secret, and he wished he could explain that without giving Peter more to argue about. But Peter’s protection was the most important thing, not only from the invasiveness of the press, but also from all the enemies Tony makes. If they knew he had a child…

“I’d survive,” Peter said, shrugging, “it’s not like school could get any worse.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Flash still bullies me all the time.”

“Flash?” Tony felt anger just at hearing this, wishing it was acceptable to beat up an 11-year-old kid, “That kid that made fun of you years ago for saying your dad’s a superhero?”

Peter shrugged, “I think so.”

“He’s wrong, though. Don’t let him get to you,” Tony said, wishing there was some way he could help.

“He’s not wrong about everything, and he doesn’t exactly hold back,” Peter said, avoiding meeting Tony’s eye, “he’s even commented on both my parents being dead, and I can’t exactly correct him. Everyone just thinks I live with my aunt.”

Peter looked up at Tony then, and Tony finally realised what he’d been doing to Peter. He was trying to protect him from everything he could - things bigger than what an 11-year-old should have to think about - but he didn’t think about the things that mattered to an 11-year-old. The smaller things, that seem like nothing when compared to the risk of being killed or kidnapped or targeted in any way, but to Peter it was everything. Everyone he knew thought both his parents were dead, and he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that his dad wasn’t - his dad wouldn’t even tell anyone that he was his son. Tony was so, _so_ proud of everything Peter did, but he couldn’t even just show the simple fact that he was proud to have Peter as his son to the world. And Peter knew that, and it weighed on him.

“Peter, listen,” Tony started, “doing what I do…there’s a lot of people that don’t like me. I’m afraid that if everyone knew who you were they would target you, to get to me. You could’ve already been hurt when they destroyed the house, and that was without them knowing you were there.”

“You can protect me, though,” Peter said, “and Happy’s always around normally. And if we’re gonna live in the Avengers tower, all the other Avengers will be there too to protect me!”

Tony sighed, he knew Peter was right but it still felt like too much of a risk, “We’ll see. Maybe I’ll tell the Avengers, and keep it like that for a while, and see how it goes. Maybe.”

“Won’t you have to tell them though, if we’re gonna live with them?”

“It’s a big tower.”

“So I won’t get to meet them?!”

“One day, you can. Not yet, though, okay?” Tony said. “A lot has happened lately and…I don’t want to risk anything, not right now. Pepper already got hurt because of me.”

“It’s not fair, though,” Peter said.

Tony sighed, “I know it’s not, I wish there was another way.”

“There _is_ another way.”

“Peter,” Tony said, as a warning, “you need to get to bed. I’ve made my decision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long ass chapter and took me ages to write so pls leave a comment if you liked it


	9. 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in uploading, I've been back at uni and had a shit load of work to do but I'm hoping I can get back into writing more often now!

**January 2013**

When Peter went back to school after the holiday, Tony had to do all the dropping-off and picking-up. Happy was awake and on the way to recovery, but he was still in the hospital for the time being, so Tony had to take over.

They’d been staying in the tower for just over a week, and it was starting to get stressful already. Tony was trying to split his time between Peter and Pepper and the Avengers, on top of everything else. Pepper had been his main focus to start with, making sure she was okay and that she wasn’t going to explode or set fire to anything. He dedicated all of his time to that, until it was completely sorted. Pepper was the main thing pushing him on, because he wouldn’t let her go back to work until she was okay and he could tell it was driving her insane.

Tony promised her he would fix himself, too; he was going to finally get the shrapnel removed so he could get rid of the arc reactor. He’d had a consultancy with a doctor, and discussed it, but he was still waiting to actually book in the operation. As much as he wanted to do it as quickly as he could, the doctor had said there’d be at least six weeks recovery-time, if not more. Tony needed to at least wait until Happy was out of the hospital, because Tony doubted he’d be in any fit state to drive. 

When Tony got back from dropping Peter at school, Steve was waiting with his arms crossed outside the main entrance to the tower.

“Did I do something?” Tony asked, getting out of the car, “you waiting for me like it’s past my curfew.”

“It’s eight in the morning,” Steve replied.

Tony shrugged, “You’re the one that’s waiting.”

“I just thought when you moved into the tower we’d start to see more of you,” Steve said, joining Tony walking into the building.

“I mean, I’m here cause otherwise I’d be homeless,” Tony said, “don’t take it personally, my family hardly see any of me either.”

“Your family?” Steve questioned. Shit.

“You know…Pepper,” Tony said, unconvincingly.

Steve frowned at him, but didn’t push any further, “So, where are you going at 8am every day?”

“Just errands,” Tony said, getting nervous because if Steve saw him going out to drop Peter at school each day, he’d probably see Peter soon enough.

Steve stopped, waiting for Tony to stop and turn too. “What are you hiding from us, Tony?”

“Nothing, _really_ ,” Tony said.

Steve raised his eyebrows, still doubtful.

“Listen, I’ve got a surgery to book, so-” Tony said, trying to leave.

“A _surgery_? For who?”

“For me,” Tony said, “I didn’t tell you?”

“You don’t tell any of us _anything_ , lately.”

“I’m getting the shrapnel taken out of me,” Tony said, tapping his arc reactor, “I promised Pepper.”

“Really?” Steve said, looking surprised. “Isn’t that a risky surgery?”

“I mean,” Tony shrugged, “it’s open heart surgery, so, sure. But you know, it’s better than constantly being a few minutes from death and all it takes to finish me off is yank this thing out.”

“Fair enough,” Steve said, “well, let me know when it’s happening and I can help out with anything you need.”

 

**February 2013**

A couple weeks later, Tony managed to get the surgery booked in, since Happy was back to being healthy enough to return to work. Pepper and Rhodey came with him to the hospital, and stayed there throughout the several hour-long operation. Tony had to stay in the ICU for a few days afterwards, and then in a different ward of the hospital for another week. Pepper was by his side almost constantly; he had to convince her to go home to sleep, and even then most of the time it didn’t work. Peter was staying with May while Tony was in the hospital, but she’d bring him in each day after school and Peter would hang out there until around dinner time, doing his homework and telling Tony about his day.

It was weird, the arc reactor being gone. His chest felt a lot lighter without the weight of it, and it felt strange seeing his chest flat and natural. The recovery was a lot harder than Tony expected; he’d been through so much shit in the last few years that it felt like this would be something easy and simple, but it wasn’t. While the drugs from the surgery were wearing off, he got horribly realistic dreams. He was starting to recover from the bad anxiety he’d gotten at the end of last year, but the drugs definitely brought his nightmares back in full force. Tony was relieved when he was moved to a lower dose.

Moving about was hard, and the doctors warned him that he couldn’t do any kind of heavy lifting or strenuous activity, but he would have to stay active to get his mobility back. They said it would be about six weeks before he could start getting back to his regular routine, but it would be at least a full three months before his body had fully recovered.

Pepper drove him home when he was finally released from the hospital, and he fell asleep pretty much the moment he got home. He was exhausted from it all that even walking the distance from the hospital to the car and the car to the tower was enough to wear him out.

“Hey,” Pepper said from the doorway when Tony woke up again, “how are you feeling?”

“Exhausted,” Tony said, pushing himself upright.

“May’s dropped Peter off, he’s desperate to see you,” Pepper told him. Both her and May had insisted that Peter stay at May’s for the first few weeks of Tony’s recovery, until he was well enough to really be up and about, but both Tony and Peter insisted and, of course, won.

“Let him in,” Tony said, with a smile.

Peter ran in, climbing onto the bed next to Tony. “Can I see it?” he asked. He’d been desperate to see it ever since the surgery, but Tony had had to have a dressing on it, which they only took off before he left the hospital.

Tony laughed, “Sure,” he said, rolling up his shirt to show the deep, raw scar down the middle of his chest, held together with stitches.

“Woah,” Peter said, poking it gently. Not gentle enough, though, making Tony wince.

“Little sore, bud,” Tony said, and Peter immediately pulled his hand away.

“Sorry,” he said, sitting back, further away.

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony told him, “it’s weird, right?”

Peter nodded, staring at the scar.

“Come on, your dad needs rest,” Pepper said, clearly seeing how exhausted Tony was still, “let’s go make some food.”

Peter sighed but got up anyway, promising Tony that he’d come back later and going out the door past Pepper.

“Do you want anything?” she asked.

“Not at the moment,” Tony said, “maybe tomorrow?”

Pepper nodded, turning to leave.

“Wait,” Tony said, stopping her, “thank you. I know you didn’t sign up for a kid, so I appreciate everything you do for him. And me.”

Pepper smiled, “I knew you two were a package deal,” she told him, “you know I love Peter.”

“I still appreciate it,” Tony insisted, “really.”

“I know,” Pepper said, leaving with a smile.

 

* * *

 

After the first week, Tony started to feel a bit better. He could walk a couple blocks, he wasn’t getting out of breath just from sitting up in bed (standing up, he still did though). He could eat bigger meals, too. The worst part now that he was feeling better, though, was that he couldn’t do anything. Both physically, and on doctor’s orders, he couldn’t do anything he wanted to do or even just help out around the house. He couldn’t even do normal things on his own, because he could barely lift anything.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Pepper said as soon as Tony walked into the kitchen, rushing over to his side to make sure he’s supported, “Have you done your stretches?”

Tony nodded, “I can walk, you know.”

Pepper sighed, giving him some more space, “I know, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I know,” Tony said, “but I’m fine. Are you sure I can’t work?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Pepper said, sternly, “the doctor was clear about that; no work for 8 weeks and at _least_ no suit for 12 weeks.”

“What if something happens?”

“The Avengers are right upstairs,” Pepper argued, “I’m sure they can manage it.”

“What if they need help?”

“You’re better help to them alive than dead.”

Tony sighed. It felt like they’d had this exact conversation a million times a day over the last week. Tony was _bored_. He didn’t like being useless.

“Hi, sorry, the door was unlocked,” Steve’s voice said as he appeared in the doorway, making both Tony and Pepper jump, “sorry.”

“Oh, Steve, you really don’t have to…” Pepper started, seeing the food container Steve was holding, as he’d done every day for the week since Tony had been home. Most of the Avengers had been in and out to check on Tony throughout the week.

“It’s nothing,” he said, “I’m sure you’re bored of doing everything.”

Pepper laughed gently, “You’re assuming Tony does stuff regularly.”

“Hey!” Tony protested, “I do stuff. Besides,” he shrugged, “that’s what robots are for.”

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, they’re in the lab and they’re staying in the lab.”

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes, “Pe- someone else would agree with me.”

Pepper gave him a ‘careful’ look. “And who’s that, Tony?”

Tony shrugged, trying to play it off, “Bruce, probably. I’m sure Clint wouldn’t mind a robot bringing him coffee every waking moment.”

“That’s great until everyone’s too lazy to fight,” Steve commented.

“As if-” Tony started, freezing when he heard the front door opening and realising in the same moment that it was around the time Peter would be getting home, trying to move quickly to stop Steve from going out to the hallway first, but it was hard enough for Tony to move as fast as him when he wasn’t recovering from surgery.

“Dad!” Peter called out, making Tony wince. He and Pepper shared a look.

“You’re gonna have to tell them now,” she said.

Tony just sighed, knowing this wouldn’t go well.

“Tony?” Steve stuck his head back into the kitchen, looking confused. Peter appeared round the corner a moment later.

“God,” Tony muttered, crossing the room slowly to stand by Peter, “Peter, you already know who Steve is. Steve, this is my son, Peter,” he said, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Come again?”

“He-”

“Can we talk?” Steve interrupted, glancing down at Peter, “Outside?”

Tony nodded, following Steve out into the main hall of the building.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Steve said, once the door shut behind them.

“No joke,” Tony said.

“A kid, really?” Steve looked confused, and surprised. Tony couldn’t really blame him.

“What do you want me to say?”

“How did this happen?”

“Do I really have to explain the birds and the bees to you, Cap? I’m sure it can’t have changed that much since the 40s,” Tony joked. Steve didn’t look impressed.

“Is he just some kid you picked up off the street?” Steve questioned, and Tony would be offended that he thought that of Peter if it weren’t exactly something Tony knew he would do.

Tony shook his head, “My flesh and blood, through and through.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, then shrugged, “I can see the resemblance.”

That wasn’t the first time Tony had heard that, but he still liked it just the same each time. 

“Is he…” Steve started, hesitating, “Pepper’s?”

Tony shook his head, “I _wish_ it was that easy. No, he’s too old for that.”

“So his mom…”

“Just a one time thing,” Tony finished.

“So, what…you co-parent? Have him on the weekends?” Steve asked, “How long have you known about him?”

Tony decided not to comment on the fact that it was the middle of the week. “Since he was born,” Tony answered, “his mom was married-”

“Wow,” Steve interrupted, sarcastically, “really, Tony?”

Tony gave him a look and ignored him, continuing, “She didn’t want me having anything to do with him, so I kept my distance. Then she and her husband died when he was four. He went to his aunt and uncle, but I couldn’t let him grow up thinking both his parents were dead. So I went to go meet him, and as soon as I had I knew I wanted to raise him myself.”

“Since he was _four_?”

Tony nodded.

“So you’ve kept this a secret from the whole team all this time?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Oh, don’t give me that. He was a secret from _everyone_ , for his own safety. At first it was just for the sake of keeping him from the press while he was young, but now…you know he’d be targeted if people knew about him.”

“Telling the team doesn’t mean telling the world,” Steve argued.

“I didn’t know if I could trust you!”

Steve still didn’t look happy, unsurprisingly. “Are you going to tell everyone now?”

“Well…”

“You are,” Steve said for him, “Definitely. Right now. I think everyone’s here but Thor.”

“Steve, I don’t-” Tony knew it would be easy to tell everyone else. The main issue was that ‘everyone’ else right now consisted of Bruce and Natasha - who already knew - and Clint, who either knew from Nat or most likely didn’t care. Meaning, Steve could be the only one that hadn’t known and that would make everything so much harder.

“You have to tell them,” Steve was stern, and Tony didn’t know how to break it to him.

“Steve…” Tony started, just forcing himself to do it, “Bruce and Nat already know. I’d only be telling Clint.”

“What?” Steve asked, “What do you mean, they already know?”

“They know about Peter.”

“You told them?”

“Bruce was living in the tower while I was working on it every day, Peter was there a lot…I had to. I didn’t even tell Nat, she figured it out by herself back when she worked for me. We’ve never really talked about it,” Tony explained, hoping it would help.

“I can't believe you. I thought…” Steve sighed, “I don’t know. I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Tony didn’t try and stop Steve when he left. It wasn’t worth it; he’d just annoy him more. It would be best to just let him come to terms with it on his own, and maybe eventually he’d come around. He’d like Peter and Steve to be able to meet properly.

When Tony went back inside, Pepper and Peter were both waiting for him.

“How did he take it?” Pepper asked. Peter looked worried.

Tony sighed, sitting down with them, “Not exactly well. Especially when I told him Bruce and Nat already know.”

“Is he annoyed at me?” Peter asked.

“Of course not,” Tony told him, “just me.”

“Because you didn’t tell him about me?”

Tony nodded, wishing there was some way all of this could be easy.

 

* * *

 

Later, Clint came by to check Tony was okay, so he immediately assumed Steve must’ve told him.

“So you have a kid,” Clint said, not even looking somewhat surprised about it.

“You’re not annoyed at me too?” Tony signed to him; it didn’t take him long to figure out when Clint wasn’t wearing his hearing aids, from the way he looked at Tony’s mouth instead of his eyes when he spoke and how he took slightly longer to reply than normal. As soon as he’d met Clint he’d considered learning sign language, and actually started learning once he realised how often he forgot to wear his hearing aids.

Clint shrugged, “I can understand keeping a kid a secret,” he signed, “for safety.” 

“How mad is Steve?” Tony signed.

“He’s not happy,” Clint signed, “I think he’s hurt that you didn’t tell him, more than anything.”

Tony sighed, “What’s he said?”

“Not much,” Clint signed, “just talk to him, he’ll forgive you easily if you explain it.”

“I’ve tried,” Tony signed, “it didn’t work.”

“Just try again, trust me.”

 

* * *

 

“For god’s sake, just talk to me, Steve!” Tony yelled, stood outside Steve’s door. It was saying something that this felt all too familiar to dealing with Peter, an 11 year old.

Steve opened the door, swinging it open suddenly. “I don’t want to go through this again. You don’t keep secrets from the team. We’re supposed to be able to trust each other with our _lives_.”

“And I do, but there is not a _single_ person in this world I trust with my sons life. Including myself. But I’m managing the best I can. I didn’t ask for this, okay? I didn’t ask to be part of this team, or to become a father. I had no preparation, no warning. So I’m trying to juggle both of them and it’s _hard_ , you can’t even begin to understand. I want what’s best for Peter, no matter what, and I wish I could give it to him but I _don’t know what it is_. I don’t know how to do any of this! I’ve been a real dad for 7 years and I still don’t know how I’m doing it! I don’t know how to be a part of this team, I don’t know how to be a good partner to Pepper, I don’t know any of it I just feel like I’m making it all up as I go along! I can’t-” Tony stopped, out of breath. He couldn’t tell if it was from the operation or if he was about to have another attack. “You…” Tony continued, “you manage the team, and I appreciate that. I couldn’t do it without you. But Peter…bringing you into his life is a commitment and I don’t know…how to…” Tony could feel his heart stuttering and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He knew all of this stuff was true, but he never thought about it, never vocalised it. It made it so much more to deal with when he understood how he was feeling.

“Tony…” Steve said, and Tony finally looked him in the eye. Steve looked stunned.

“I should go,” Tony said, regretting having opened up, “sorry.”


	10. 2014

**March 2014**

“Tony?”

“Steve?” Tony replied. He’d been surprised to hear his voice after getting a call from an unknown number, “What’s going on? You’re a fugitive now? What have you done?”

“I can’t talk for long. You need to get out of the country, take Pepper and Peter and get as far away as you can go.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is compromised. It’s HYDRA, they’re gonna kill anyone that’s a threat to them, that thing you helped Fury with? They’re using it to target people, which is probably your whole family,” Steve said. He sounded shaken up.

“What are you talking about?” Tony asked; this had just come out of nowhere. The last year had been peaceful, meaning the Avengers didn’t really have much of a use. Thor was off on Asgard, with no way for them to contact him; Steve and Natasha had been doing S.H.I.E.L.D. work; and Clint had disappeared for a while without word. So, it had just been Bruce and Tony left in the tower, for the time being. Tony felt useless, and had wanted to keep up the promise to Pepper to use his suits less - he’d been looking to find a way to stop using them entirely. Their only function was keeping his family and the world safe, if he could achieve that in other ways, he’d finally be able to stop. Bruce agreed, and that’s why they’d started to work on a new project together, while the others were occupied. Going beyond the suits, and J.A.R.V.I.S., and all of Tony’s tech. They were working on a highly specialised AI that could replace the job of the Avengers, Ultron. A suit of armour round the world. The team didn’t keep in contact much, throughout this. They’d occasionally come visit the tower but other than that, Tony had no idea what any of them were doing. So, when he saw on the news that Captain America was a fugitive, he really didn’t understand. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

“No, you need to get away with your family, and anyone that’s in the tower. I can manage this.” He didn’t sound convincing.

“I can help,” Tony insisted, “the Avengers can help.”

“This is…” Steve said, hesitating for a moment, “this is personal. They have my friend.”

“Wha-”

“Just promise me you’ll get out of there, now.”

Tony agreed, because he knew Steve must be serious if he was this shook up by it, and just like that he was gone again.

 

**May 2014**

“Happy birthday,” Pepper said, with a kiss, somehow looking just as stunning as she always does even when she’s just woken up. Tony knew he couldn’t say the same for himself. “How are you feeling about today?”

“Extremely nervous,” Tony replied, even though she probably already knew that. Despite the team finding out about Peter over a year before, Tony had put off a proper introduction. Things had been rocky with him and Steve for a bit, during which Steve started doing S.H.I.E.L.D. work, so Tony used that as an excuse once they were back on good terms. Steve had hardly lived in the tower, and was putting himself at risk regularly. It was a good enough excuse.

The excuse wasn’t far from the truth, though. Tony was reluctant to introduce anyone new to Peter because of the risks it came with. Not only Peter’s safety, but the fact that Peter already had to go through too much for a 12-year-old because of just Tony, so introducing more people facing regular risks into his life wouldn’t be good for him. He didn’t want to put him through any more than he had been already.

Now that S.H.I.E.L.D. had collapsed though, things had changed. Everyone was back living together, even Thor would occasionally hang around after dealing with issues in Asgard (Tony didn’t admit to him that he was relieved when he told him Loki had died). Tony couldn’t freely spend time in the Avengers space of the tower with Bruce and Peter anymore, which was hard enough with Peter complaining about it all the time. On top of that, they were all getting at him to meet Peter. Thor had been impressed that Tony had a kid, but didn’t react badly like Steve, thank god. Now that they had a new mission as the Avengers, to get rid of HYDRA once and for all, Tony tried to use that as an excuse. If a mission went south, Peter would lose a lot all at once. None of them would hear it though, with the fair reason that they were all pretty much going to be risking their lives for the foreseeable future. 

They eventually wore Tony down, and he agreed to have a birthday celebration with them _and_ Peter, but he was nervous about how it would go.

“It’ll be fine, you know that,” Pepper reassured Tony, “you don’t need to worry.”

“I’m not so sure.”

 

* * *

 

“This is so cool,” Peter said. He’d been practically vibrating where he was sat since he’d gotten ready, Tony could hardly keep up with the energy of this kid; he thought it would get better as he got older but if anything it got worse.

“Don’t go scaring them off,” Tony said, giving him a look through the mirror while he tied his tie.

“They’ve fought _aliens_ ,” Peter said, forcing Tony to push through the jolt his heart gives at the reminder, “they’re not gonna be scared of me.”

“You’re underestimating how scary you can be,” Tony joked, laughing at the face Peter pulled in response, “are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready for _ages_ ,” Peter said, standing up, “why do old people take so long to get ready?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me why kids are so annoying,” Tony retorted, and the two of them went out to wait for Pepper in the hallway.

She didn’t take much longer, and the moment she stepped out Tony was amazed, like he is most times he sees her. It wasn’t a particularly fancy night, but even slightly dressed up Pepper looked stunning and Tony was hit with a wave of appreciation and feeling lucky.

“You look amazing,” he told her, loving the quick glimpse of a smile he got before she ducked her head.

“Well, I am competing with superhumans.”

“So am I,” Tony replied.

Pepper rolled her eyes, “Are you ready to do this?” she asked, with a serious undertone.

“Not really,” Tony told her, shrugging, “but it is what it is.”

The three of them went up to the top floor - the Avengers’ penthouse - and Tony just felt more and more nervous. He didn’t know what he had to be nervous about, honestly, but that didn’t stop him worrying that something could somehow go wrong.

When they walked in, everyone was sat around on the couches, joking and laughing. The moment they noticed them, though, everyone went silent.

No one said anything, and eventually Peter broke the silence with, “None of you need to introduce yourselves, I already know who you are. Except you,” he pointed at Steve’s new friend, Sam, “is Thor coming?”

Natasha laughed and Tony rolled his eyes at her.

“If we knew how the hell to contact him, he would be,” Steve answered.

“So he’s not coming?” Peter asked, looking to Tony for confirmation.

“Afraid not, bud,” Tony said, gesturing for Peter and Pepper to sit before joining them, “I miss the days when I was your favourite superhero.”

“Thor’s a _god_ , that’s so much cooler,” Peter explained, looking pleased with himself when he got various laughs from around the room.

Tony started to relax as the conversation began to flow more; everyone was getting to know Peter and they were all being welcoming and kind with him. Peter seemed happy, too. Everyone kept complimenting Tony on how smart and great Peter is, too, which Tony couldn’t deny was making him very proud. Eventually, they all moved over to the long dining table to eat, and they made it about five minutes before it was interrupted by a storm quickly clouding over.

“Do you think that’s Thor?” Peter asked, looking and sounding very exciting.

“I think it’s just a-” Tony started, cutting off when there’s a bright flash of lightning and the definitive sound of something _landing_ outside.

“That’s not a storm!” Peter said, even more excited, getting out of his chair already.

“Wait, I’ll go check,” Tony said; he didn’t want Peter outside if part of the building had been struck by lightning and collapsed.

Luckily, Tony walked head first into the wall of muscle that is Thor as soon as he turned round the corner. He didn’t want to have to think about dealing with repairs.

“Stark!” Thor said, “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” Tony said, taking a step back so he can looking up at him without really straining his neck, “we were all just having dinner, you’re just in time.”

“Everyone’s here?” Thor asked.

Tony nodded, “Everyone.”

“Good! I have some news…a new mission for us all,” Thor said, ever enthusiastic.

“Peter’s here too,” Tony added.

“Your son?”

Tony nodded.

“Wonderful!” Thor said, pausing and looking just past Tony’s shoulder.

“Oh my god,” Tony heard Peter say from behind him. Tony turned, and saw Peter stood in the doorway looking completely stunned. “You’re Thor.”

“You must be Peter!” Thor said, striding over to him and greeting him with a big hug. The moment he let go Peter looked at Tony with wide, amazed eyes. Tony tried to hide his laugh.

“You’re my favourite Avenger!” Peter said, finally breaking out of his stunned stupor.

“Not Iron Man?” Thor asked, with a laugh.

“I’m old news,” Tony said, joining the two of them.

Thor laughed again; a deep, belly laugh, “Well, you made a good choice, son of Stark,” Thor said, clapping him on the shoulder. Peter looked in awe.

“Just Peter,” Tony corrected.

“Peter,” Thor repeated. Somehow, Peter’s look of amazement only got bigger. “Stark, we have important issues to discuss,” Thor said, looking back to Tony.

“Well, everyone’s just through here,” Tony said, starting to lead the way when Peter ran ahead, climbing onto his chair next to Pepper, excitedly explaining to her what just happened.

“You’re finally here,” Clint said, “the kid’s been talking about you all night.”

Thor smiled, but continued, “I have something important to discuss.”

“Has something happened?” Steve asked, suddenly serious.

“Loki’s sceptre,” Thor started, and Tony was thankful for Pepper immediately rushing Peter out of the room, “someone’s using it.”

“Who?” Steve asked, simultaneous with Bruce saying, “Loki?”

Thor shook his head sadly, “Loki is long gone, I’m afraid,” he answered, “we don’t know who's using it, but it’s become active and remains on Earth. I was hoping you,” he looked between Tony and Bruce, “would know how to find it.”

“It had a similar energy pattern to the Tesseract so theoretic-” Bruce started.

“HYDRA,” Steve interrupted, “it must be. S.H.I.E.L.D. would’ve taken it after Loki was defeated, HYDRA would have it now. They must be using it for weapons.”

“We need to find it soon, then,” Tony said. His heart felt tight at the thought of any weapons even somewhat related to Loki.

“Definitely,” Steve said.

 

* * *

 

It was difficult to get Peter to go to bed that night; it had been hard enough to get him to leave to go home. The dinner had pretty much gone to shit after Thor’s bombshell. While they ate the discussion was mostly strategy and planning as opposed to the regular human conversation they’d been having before. Peter had been loving it, and explained after that he felt like an Avenger (followed up with the “can I be an Avenger one day?” question which made Tony want to disband the Avengers just to stop that from happening). When he finally got him to go to sleep, Tony went out to see Pepper; she’d been worryingly quiet for the latter half of the dinner.

“So I guess I’m going to see even less of you now?” she asked when Tony walked in, sitting next to her on the edge of their bed.

Tony sighed, “I wish we didn’t have to, but you know it has to be done. That thing is dangerous.”

“Why is it your responsibility, though?”

“Because otherwise no one else will do it,” Tony said.

“I hardly even see you anyway,” Pepper said, “you’re always off working with Bruce or on some defeat-HYDRA mission.”

“I need to keep you and Peter safe,” Tony tried to explain, but he knew it wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to even try and explain Ultron to Pepper because he knew she wouldn’t approve, and wouldn’t accept that it was for her sake. For the world’s sake.

“You can do that and still spend time with us,” Pepper argued.

“Not when my time’s taken up by making sure the world isn’t taken over by people messing with alien technology,” Tony said, “I’m doing my best.”

Pepper sighed, looking torn, “This is hard for me, too.”

“I know,” Tony said, wishing he didn’t have to put her through it. She didn’t deserve this. “I’m sorry,” he added, wrapping an arm round her and pulling her close. She rested her head on his shoulder, and the two of them sat there in endless silence, wishing they were on a different path than the one they were stuck on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the excessive use of exclamation marks but thor is the literal embodiment of an exclamation mark


	11. 2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally introducing some of Peter's POV!

**May 2015**

Tracking down and destroying all the HYDRA bases was hard work, and it was taking longer than Tony thought. They’d been at it for a year and it still felt like they were hardly even making a dent in it. The bases were all over the world and nearly impossible to track down. The only reason they managed to find this one in Sokovia was because they were using Loki’s sceptre and they could track that, but even so it still took a while.

It had been a regular mission, to start with. The rest of the team was handling the outside while Tony focused on trying to get to the sceptre. The moment he stepped into the secret room and saw one of the squadron’s from New York, Tony could feel all the anxious energy he’d been suppressing bubbling back up. Even when it was dead it was still terrifying, being forced to remember that day.

Tony pushed on, spotting the sceptre.

“Thor, I got eyes on the prize,” he said over comms, before a wave of nausea washed over him, making his head spin for a moment.

Tony blinked a couple times, trying to get his bearings again when a low growling sound started from behind him. Tony turned, seeing just about the worst thing possible. The squadron wasn’t dead; it moved forwards, drifting over his head. Tony stumbled back out of it’s way, trying to rationalise in his head what was happening. It must be a nightmare, except it couldn’t be. He was on a mission. He was _awake_.

When Tony turned round again, his eyes following the movement, it got even worse. He was in space again, _literally_ the place of his nightmares. On the ground in front of him the bodies of the Avengers were scattered. Tony’s heart sunk in his chest. This is what he was afraid of, this is why he was creating Ultron. He needed to protect the team, to protect all the people he cared about. He shouldn’t have gone inside - he should’ve stayed outside with the team, made sure they were safe.

Tony dropped onto his knees where Steve was laying and tried to check his pulse. He could feel the panic building up inside him. He was alone, they were all dead and it was all his fault.

Steve opened his eyes suddenly, grabbing Tony, “You could have saved us.”

This wasn’t happening, Tony thought. Steve was dead. Everyone else was dead. This was his fault.

Tony wanted to get away from this, away from the all-too-familiar portal in the sky, away from the bodies of his friends, away from everything. He stood up, and just like that, it was all gone. Tony looked around; the squadron was still where it started, the portal was gone, the bodies were gone.

Everything was okay, for now.

 

* * *

 

Peter could barely contain his excitement all day at school, which Ned had noticed straight away. It had been a long time in the making, but he’d finally worn down his dad after what felt like _months_ of begging. He and Ned had known each other ever since they both started middle school, and the whole time the most Ned had been able to know about Peter’s home life was that his dad worked a lot and he mostly lived with his aunt. Which wasn’t too far from the truth, because his dad did work a _lot_ , but that definitely wasn’t the reason Ned could only come over to Peter’s aunt’s house, rather than his actual house.

Now, though, the Avengers had known about Peter for around two years and that was the main argument Peter used to get his dad to agree to letting him tell Ned the truth. He was excited to show Ned his real house, and for him to meet his dad, and to see Ned’s excitement at the craziness in Peter’s life. It’d been killing Peter not having anyone to talk to it about; he’d been seeing _Thor_ on a regular basis and anyone he could talk about it to was either a superhero too or used to being around superheroes.

“Dude,” Ned said the second they were let out for lunch, “what is going on with you? You’re acting so weird.”

“I have exciting news,” Peter told him, grinning from ear to ear, “you know how you were gonna come over to my aunts after school?”

“Yeah?”

“My dad _finally_ said you can come to our house!” Peter said, his face practically splitting in two.

“No way!” Ned said, almost matching his excitement, “He’s _finally_ not working?”

“Actually…” Peter said, looking sheepishly at the floor, “there’s kinda a secret about my family?”

“A secret?”

“That’s why you’ve never been able to come over, or meet my dad,” Peter explained, “it’ll make sense when you meet him.”

“Wait, so-” Ned started, interrupted by Peter’s phone.

“Sorry, it’s my dad,” Peter explained, and Ned looked instantly curious, watching carefully while Peter picked up the phone, “hey, dad.”

“Hey, I know I said I’d pick you up today but it might have to be Happy again I’m afraid, bud.”

“Why?”

“We finally found what we’ve been looking for, so I’m kind of in Europe.”

“Europe??” Peter repeated, ignoring the look on Ned’s face. Ever since Peter was younger, he hated his dad travelling, especially for anything Avengers-related. He hated not knowing what was going on and not being able to see if he was safe or not. “But-”

“I know, but we’re on the way home now, okay? The fights done,” he explained.

That was something, but Peter wasn’t still happy, “Will you be home by the time I finish school?”

“Maybe, but I need to do some research with this thing, so I really can’t pick you up. I’ll make sure to be free for dinner though.”

“But Ned was gonna come over today!” Peter said.

“He can still come over, I just might not be able to come say hi cause me and Bruce will be busy, and Clint’s hurt, so…”

“You promised!” Peter argued.

“I know, kid, but this is important stuff.”

Peter sighed, and maybe it was because Ned was watching or because he was so disappointed, but he got just enough bravery to hang up the phone quickly before he could regret it.

“Your dad’s in Europe?” Ned asked.

Peter sighed again, “Yeah, he’s on a, uh…last minute business trip. So you can still come over today but you probably won’t get to meet him.”

“I still get to actually come to yours though, that’s cool!”

 

* * *

 

“Is the secret that you’re _rich_?” Ned asked as they stepped onto their floor of the building. He’d made Ned keep his eyes closed just before the car got there and as they walked in so he wouldn’t realise it was the Avengers Tower, just in case.

Peter shrugged, “That may be a bit of it.”

“A _bit_?” Ned said, “You had a driver drop us off and you live _here_! Is this why you always offer to pay for stuff when I can’t afford it?”

Peter shrugged again, “Maybe.”

“Wait, so if this is just a bit of it then what’s the actual secret?”

Peter hesitated, “You probably wouldn’t believe me if I just told you. I wanted to _show_ you, but now my dad’s busy upstairs,” he explained, sighing.

“He’s just upstairs?” Ned asked.

“Yeah, that’s where he works…I guess.”

“Why don’t we just go see him anyway then?” Ned suggested. Peter could see that he was curious and excited and it was rubbing off on him. He wanted to surprise Ned and make sure he got as excited as Peter.

“We’d have to sneak in so no one else saw us,” Peter said.

“We can _so_ do that.”

The two of them grinned at each other, “Let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

Peter felt on edge sneaking onto the top floor. He knew they could be caught at any moment, and neither he nor Ned were the most graceful of people. It didn’t help that Ned was amazed by just about everything they saw.

“This doesn’t look like an office,” he whispered.

"I never said it was an office.”

Peter knew the way to the lab off by heart, which is where he knew his dad, and probably Bruce, would be. He led Ned the way through, almost having a heart attack any time he heard a voice or footsteps nearby. Ned looked like he was having the time of his life.

“Does that voice sound super familiar to you?” Ned whispered. Peter knew Steve was nearby and could pick out his voice, but not what he was saying. Peter knew Ned must recognise it from all the stupid videos they used at school.

“Shh,” Peter whispered back, “come on.”

When they got to the lab, Peter made them stop just at the entrance. He could hear his dad talking to Bruce inside and he was hit with a sudden wave of nerves. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. His dad said he was busy, he wouldn’t want to be interrupted. Especially when it’s important Avengers stuff. All it took was one look at the excitement on Neds face, though, and the thrill of the two of them sneaking around was enough to push him through it.

Peter gestured for Ned to come further forward, and the two of them slowly poked their heads round the edge of the wall leading into the lab. Bruce and his dad were stood (not facing the entrance, luckily) looking at two displays - one small and orange, the other big and blue.

“Woah,” Ned whispered, “that’s- they’re-”

Bruce and his dad were whispering, Peter couldn’t make out what they were saying no matter how hard he tried. Just as he leaned out slightly further to try, his dad turned to face Bruce, locking eyes with Peter.

Peter shot back behind the wall, dragging Ned with him, even though he knew it was too late.

“Peter, I know you’re there,” his dad called out.

“You _know_ them?” Ned asked, looking amazed.

Peter didn’t answer, instead stepping out into the room, looking sheepish. He noticed straight away that any kind of information on the screens had been cleared.

“I told you I was busy,” Tony said, not looking impressed. He was worrying already that Peter or Ned had seen something they shouldn’t have in the lab. This stuff was secret even to the team.

“But-” Peter started.

“But nothing,” Tony interrupted, “you’re lucky I’m in a good mood cause we had a successful mission, otherwise…”

“But dad, I just wanted-”

Ned finally stepped out again, looking stunned, “Tony Stark is your _dad_?!”

“Uh…yeah,” Peter said, his excitement fading from knowing he was in trouble.

“Your dad is _Iron Man_ ,” Ned said, “and you know _Bruce Banner_?”

“I told you it was a big secret,” Peter said with a smile that he quickly got rid of as soon as Tony made eye contact with him.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, “Bruce, do you mind?” he added, gesturing at Ned, “Ned, this is Bruce, Bruce, this is Ned.”

“Oh my god, Tony Stark knows my name.”

“So does Bruce Banner, now,” Tony commented with a smirk, before leading Peter back out of the room and out of earshot of the others. “I told you I was busy.”

“You told me I could tell Ned and he could meet you,” Peter replied. He knew he was in trouble but he wanted to stand his ground regardless.

“And then I told you I was busy,” Tony retorted. He wished it didn’t have to be like this, but when Avengers stuff comes up it has to take priority sometimes, especially if it meansUltron can finally become a reality and this can all be done with. “This is important stuff, Peter. It’s also _very_ sensitive, you can’t just be bringing random people in to see it.”

“It’s not a random person, it’s Ned!” Peter said. He knew Ned would never do anything stupid like his dad’s expecting.

“I don’t care, I don’t even want you seeing that stuff,” Tony said; the more Peter knew the more he could be taken advantage of when this all finally comes out.

“But I won’t tell anyone!” Peter argued, offended that he’d even think that he would.

“I know, it’s not about that,” Tony said, “listen, you need to go home.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, I need to get back to work,” Tony said, “and the other guys _definitely_ won’t be happy if we’re inviting random kids to run around.”

“But-”

“No buts, you and Ned are going home. _Now_.”

Peter could recognise the stern voice that meant he was pushing his limits, and as frustrated as he was about this, he wasn’t about to make it worse and risk losing the chance to ever bring Ned back. “Fine,” he said with a pout.

Tony went back into the lab, sending an awed-looking Ned back off with Peter, double checking that the two of them had left after a few minutes.

He sighed when he walked back into lab, “Kids.”

“Couldn’t relate if I wanted to,” Bruce replied.

“Trust me, it’s a pain in the ass.”

 

* * *

 

“Pepper?” Tony called, looking round the apartment. They were both supposed to be going to a party upstairs and he didn’t even know if she remembered, let alone if she was ready.

He found her in their bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed.

“Pepper?” he said, “are you okay?”

“Where the hell have you been?” she replied, looking up at him. Her eyes were red like she’d been crying.

“What?”

“You haven’t come home in three days! You promised Peter you’d be home for dinner _three days_ ago!”

“I’ve been busy!” Tony replied, “I had a lot going on, I was only upstairs!”

“Yeah, and you told Peter not to come up because what you were doing was too _sensitive_ or whatever,” she said, “is that really the kind of father you are?”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“That means you can’t just neglect your family whenever you get a new project!”

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, sitting down next to her. She sunk, her shoulders slumping. It looked like she was giving up.

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Pepper continued, “do we keep it? Are we ready for that? I know you’re already a dad but are _we_ ready for it?”

“You’re pregnant?” Tony repeated. It felt like his brain was stuck.

Pepper nodded solemnly.

“If you’re ready for this, then…I’m all in,” Tony said, “I promise.”

“I don’t know if you are though, Tony.”

“No, I swear,” Tony insisted, “I missed out on the first four years of Peter’s life, I’m not making that mistake again.”

Pepper sighed, looking doubtful, “I need to think about it.”

“I guess you’re not coming to the party, then?”

She gave him an apologetic smile, “I need some time…alone, to think,” she said, “you go, though.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, honestly.”

 

* * *

 

“So, no Pepper? She’s not coming?” Rhodey asked, a question that Tony had hoped he could avoid.

Tony shrugged, making a face that could hopefully play it off without explanation, “No.”

“What about Jane?” Maria asked, “Where are the ladies, gentlemen?”

“Well, Ms. Potts has a company to run,” Tony said, which wasn’t a lie. Luckily, that was all the explanation the others seemed to need. Tony wasn’t ready to go into detail, and Pepper definitely wouldn’t be happy if she did. She was all he could think about the entire party, though, and he kept excusing himself to just stand for ages staring at his phone debating whether or not to call.

“Expecting a call?” Steve asked, appearing out of nowhere.

“Uh, not really,” Tony said, putting the phone away, “just…thinking.”

“Something going on?”

Tony shook his head, “Family stuff,” he offered as an explanation, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions.

“I’m here if you need anything, or just anyone to talk to,” Steve said. Tony appreciated it, but he knew he couldn’t. Pepper wouldn’t want anyone knowing, especially if she decided she wasn’t ready.

“I know,” Tony said, “let’s get back to the party.”

 

* * *

 

Everything started to go to shit once the party had finished. The moment the buggy suit arrived Tony had a bad feeling which only got worse and worse the more it went on.

“That was dramatic,” the robot, that had revealed itself as Ultron, said after the fight, “I’m sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn’t think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want it to change. How is humanity saved if it’s not allowed to evolve? With these?” he questioned, further destroying one of the broken suits, “these puppets? There’s only one path to peace. The Avenger’s extinction. That includes any…offspring, too,” he looked directly at Tony for that part, making his chest seize up in panic.

Thor’s hammer flying through Ultron’s chest still didn’t make him feel any better.

Tony stood up, dialling Pepper’s number and walking away from the group.

“Tony?” Pepper said when she answered the phone, “I heard gunshots, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Are you with Peter?” Tony asked, ignoring her questions, “Are you both safe?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. Tony, what’s going on?”

“I’ll be downstairs soon, I just- need to figure out what’s going on,” Tony said, hanging up. The rest of the evening just got worse, somehow. Everyone was blaming this on Tony and he felt like he was cracking under the pressure. He’d been trying to _help_ , he’d been trying to _protect_ everyone. And now he’d done just the opposite. He’d gotten J.A.R.V.I.S. killed, he’d put _specifically_ Peter in danger, and possibly this new baby. Tony froze, his heart skipping a beat. If J.A.R.V.I.S. knew Pepper was pregnant, that meant Ultron must too. Tony sighed, running his hands through his hair. That meant Pepper was in danger, too, making that _everyone_ he cared about.

“I need to go,” Tony said, interrupting the others talking.

“Is now really the time to run away?” Steve said, “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“I need to see my family,” Tony said, “because he just threatened a _lot_ more than my own life, and as far as I know none of you have that problem, so don’t even try to understand.”

“Tony-” Steve started.

“I’m going, I don’t care,” Tony said, walking out already.

“Let’s take the night,” Tony could hear Bruce saying as he walked out, “we can come back to it fresh in the morning.”

Tony was relieved to see Peter and Pepper together and he hugged both of them straight away.

“Are you both okay? No one came down here, did they?” Tony asked.

“Who?” Pepper asked, “What happened?”

“Some…experimental AI malfunctioned,” Tony explained, “it’s taken control of the bots.”

Tony tried not to say any more than that in front of Peter, and waited until he’d got him to go back to bed to talk properly with Pepper.

“He said he wanted the Avengers extinct,” Tony said, “including any ‘offspring’.”

“So Peter,” Pepper said.

“And…” Tony added, glancing at Pepper’s stomach.

Pepper sighed, “I don’t know if I want to bring a kid into this.”

“Me neither,” Tony said, “they might never be safe.”

“I want to start a family with you,” Pepper said, looking at Tony genuinely, “but I don’t want…this. I want a normal life, Tony.”

“I know, you deserve it,” Tony said, “I want that for you, for us, but…I know what’s out there. Unless I figure out something, no one’s ever gonna be safe.”

“Tony, it’s not your responsibility.”

“No one else is going to do it.”

 

* * *

 

It just got worse and worse the deeper in they got. They tried to take the fight to Ultron, following him to Africa and stop his plan before it even got traction. It didn’t work like that, though. Ultron had recruited those two kids they’d seen in Sokovia and they pulled apart the team easily. Including Bruce.

Everyone was shaken up after the fight. Tony didn’t know what to do; they’d practically destroyed the city they’d been in and things weren’t looking good. Tony could at least be relieved that the witch hadn’t gotten to him this time. He didn’t want to relive any of that again because with every passing moment it was looking more and more likely to come true. Hill suggested they go into to hiding, and right now that was the last thing Tony wanted to do. With all that was going on at home, he wished he could just be with his family. He needed to be by Pepper’s side while she needed him, he needed to fix things up with Peter, who still wasn’t happy after what had happened with Ned and Tony getting distracted with the sceptre, and on top of all that, going off to Africa without telling him. Pepper would tell him when he got home from school, but without Tony to be there safe and everything finished like he normally was, it probably wouldn’t go down as well.

 

* * *

 

Peter was already in a bad mood when he went to school that morning because of everything that happened with his dad, but it just got worse as the day went on. He and Ned were leaving Spanish class when they saw loads of people crowded round their phones in the hallway.

“What’s going on?” Ned asked.

Peter just shrugged, prompting Ned to stick his head into one of the groups to see what was happening.

“Dude,” he said, re-emerging, “it’s the Avengers.”

“What?” As far as he knew, his dad - along with all the Avengers - were back at the tower trying to research some guy. “Is my d- is Iron Man there?”

“Yeah, look,” Ned said, pushing him forward to see the phone and, sure enough, there was his dad fighting the hulk in the huge armour he’d built specifically for it. The armour he’d designed sat right next to Peter.

“Where is this?” Peter asked.

The kid holding the phone shrugged, “Somewhere in Africa.”

Peter stepped back, away from the group. He felt annoyed that his dad had left somewhere without telling him, but also worried. He was fighting the _hulk_. What if he didn’t win?

“Do you know what’s going on?” Ned asked, looking excited, “Has your dad told you?”

“He doesn’t tell me anything anymore,” Peter said, “we need to go to class,” he added, wanting to get away and distract himself.

 

* * *

 

When Clint had said he was taking them to a safe house, Tony had expected something left over from S.H.I.E.L.D. that they’d managed to keep off of HYDRA’s radar. The last thing he was expecting was a family farmhouse, family included. Tony knew he couldn’t really say anything about keeping kids secret, but this was different; Tony’s family wasn’t exactly conventional - everyone knew Pepper, and Peter hadn’t been planned - but Clint was _married_ and settled, and had made the conscious decision to have kids at least once, if not three times.

Everyone scattered quickly, shaken up after the fight and not knowing how to act in Clint’s house. Tony followed Steve outside, who’d eagerly offered up his woodchopping services. Tony knew by now that Steve liked to take his stress out physically, so he wasn’t surprised.

“So when are you gonna give Clint the speech about lying to the team?” Tony asked, only half joking.

“It was for the safety for his family,” Steve answered, uninterested in Tony’s button-pushing.

“You couldn’t have understood that two years ago?” Tony continued.

“Exactly, two years ago,” Steve answered, “you still can’t move on?”

Tony gave Steve a look, but moved on. It wasn’t worth fighting at the moment. It didn’t take long for them to get onto another argument, though. Steve was _still_ hung up on Ultron and Tony’s part in his creation and Tony had a feeling no matter the outcome of this fight, it’d be a grudge Steve held on to for a while. Maybe forever.

It was a brief relief when Tony was asked to fix their tractor; working on his own with only the company of machines was more his kind of style (unless Peter was there keeping him company). It wasn’t long before Fury showed up though, and started chastising him about Ultron as well, as if Tony didn’t know what he’d done and everyone already hadn’t been going on and on about it.

He tried to convince Tony that what he’d seen back in Sokovia was a lie; that it was just Maximoff tricking him but he _knew_ it wasn’t. It was more than that, by far. It wasn’t a nightmare come to life, it was what Tony had been waiting, _dreading_ , to happen since the first aliens arrived in New York. It was just a matter of time. Fury touched on exactly Tony’s least favourite part of it, too. Tony hated how selfish he was for it, hated that all his friends being dead wasn’t the worst situation. Him not dying with them _was_ a nightmare come to life. It would be bad enough to die with them, let alone having to live knowing he was the man that killed the Avengers.

 

* * *

 

The next thing on the ‘stop the murderous robot’ to-do list was go to Norway and figure out who was stopping Ultron from getting to the nuclear codes. Finding J.A.R.V.I.S. felt like a miracle, even if he had to piece his remains together. He went back to New York to work on him, but deliberately didn’t talk to Pepper or Peter. He knew he’d want to stay with them, and neither of them would want him to go again. He had work to do, and there would be a fight coming that he’d have to be prepared for at any moment as soon as J.A.R.V.I.S. had been fixed. It took some work, and by the time he was done Barton brought exactly what he needed next.

The body - that Ultron was going to upload himself into - it was like a blank, powerful slate. J.A.R.V.I.S. was functional. He’d been working for decades without trying to kill anyone. Ultron wasn’t even close to being finished, that’s why everything had gone wrong. But J.A.R.V.I.S. was programmed perfectly. This was Tony’s chance to make everything right again.

Bruce wasn’t convinced, and Tony had expected that. But it was Bruce, it wasn’t hard to convince him in the end. He even defended Tony when Steve inevitably showed up to stop him.

The fight was predictable, really. Even more so when Tony saw that Steve had somehow befriended that Maximoffs and had brought them along, too. That really got on Bruce’s nerves.

It was Thor that brought it to life, in the end. Everyone froze the moment it happened, and all it took was one move in Thor’s direction for him to throw it to the other side of the building.

Tony didn’t know how to feel when it spoke with J.A.R.V.I.S.’s voice. It felt surreal, him being tied to a body. It also felt wrong that the voice wasn’t coming from the familiar face from his childhood, and was instead belonging to a red android.

He was on their side, at least. Kind of. He was against Ultron, and said he would work with them. Thor said he was powerful, that the gem he had was powerful, and they needed it on their side. That, and the fact that he _easily_ handed Thor his hammer was enough to leave everyone either convinced or surprised enough not to argue.

They were heading back to Sokovia, apparently. That’s where Ultron was waiting for them. Tony uploaded a new AI, F.R.I.D.A.Y., to the system, and got a suit ready before they discussed tactics. Steve was focused, ready, but it still did nothing to calm Tony’s nerves.

“No way we all walk away from this,” Tony said. He knew it was right, and the others agreed. It was a lot for them to handle, and they had to be thorough. Four years ago, if they’d left a couple of aliens the worst they could do was cause some damage before they were found and picked off. If _any_ remnants of Ultron’s army or conscience are left behind, he’d easily rebuild it all ten times bigger within a day. Probably less.

Tony knew Pepper and Peter were just a few floors below him, and that was hard to resist. It could be the last chance to ever see them, but he knew he couldn’t. He’d never want to leave, and he knew Pepper would never let him leave. Even with a phone call, he didn’t know if he could manage it.

After sitting alone contemplating it, Tony eventually recorded a message with explicit instructions for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to give it to Peter and Pepper if something happened to him during the fight. He couldn’t leave them with nothing, even if he couldn’t face them at that moment.

 

* * *

 

“Come to confess your sins?” Ultron asked when Tony came to him for some one-on-one.

“I don’t know, how much time you got?” Tony wasn’t joking.

“More than you,” he answered, and Tony really hoped he was wrong, but also had a feeling he’d be luckier if Ultron was right.

Ultron came up behind him, looking a lot more intimidating than before. He’d been working quickly.

“You’re stalling to protect the people,” Ultron interrupted Tony’s ramblings that were, actually, to give the others enough time to evacuate the city. Tony didn’t know what Ultron had planned but he knew there’d be a fight, and he had to make sure there was a little fallout as possible.

“Well, that is the mission. Did you forget?” He needed to keep stalling without Ultron realising.

“I’ve moved beyond your mission. I’m free,” Ultron answered, just as the ground erupted between them, some kind of machine settling instead. “This is how you end, Tony. This is peace in my time.”

Tony felt sick. He still couldn’t believe this was happening; that he had caused this mess. He felt like he was drowning, completely overwhelmed. Like there was nothing he could do. It felt like no matter what, they couldn’t win.

But he had to, he had to keep fighting, keep trying. He pushed through the panic filling up his head, shutting down all possible emotional reactions. He became numb; he would fight to stop Ultron and that would be it. If he died, he died.

 

* * *

 

It got harder and harder to keep his resolve as the fight went on. The fight wasn’t even the worst part. Ultron and his robots were tough, but not unbeatable. The city breaking out of the Earth and flying, though. That was a challenge.

Tony’s brain felt like it was going to overwork itself. His mind was racing thinking through every single possible solution to get the civilians safely off of the city and to stop the city from destroying the planet. Every second it took Tony to think of a solution was more and more people killed by the impact.

Nick Fury arriving was a blessing, even more so when Tony realised Rhodey was with him. He felt an instant wave of relief; the situation was still shitty, but Tony knew he could count on Rhodey, no matter what. He calmed down just enough to figure out a solution, and now they had the perfect escape route for everyone on the city, it might just work with minimal casualties.

It was going to work, if Ultron didn’t manage to turn the key.

Tony knew he had to think fast, and he didn’t think twice in going straight to the core and using his arc reactor to follow through with the plan. If it killed him, then at least he managed to save everyone else.

 

* * *

 

Tony wasn’t disappointed that he survived. He wanted to keep going, if only for Pepper and Peter’s sake. But that didn’t change the way he felt whenever they won when the odds weren’t in their favour; it wasn’t relief or proudness or anything. It felt like he’d cheated. He’d cheated his way out of dying, out of killing everyone else with him, and it was just a matter of time before something came around again to finish the job. It felt like he’d bought some more time, but that was it. His fate was still sealed.

 

* * *

 

“So you’re alive,” is how Pepper greeted him when he finally got back home to her.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, “for leaving, for not telling you what was happening. For not being here.”

“I was so worried Tony, you can’t just-”

“I know,” Tony interrupted, “I know, and I’m done now. I promise, I’m done.”

“No, you’re not.”

 

* * *

 

Seeing Peter again made Tony even more nervous, but straight away he was greeted with a hug.

“You’re alive,” Peter mumbled into Tony’s shirt, “I’m annoyed at you, though.”

“Are you?” Tony questioned. It wasn’t particularly threatening when paired with a hug.

“You didn’t tell me,” Peter said, pulling away, “Pepper was really upset, too.”

“I know,” Tony said, putting his arm round Peter, “I’m gonna be better now, I promise.”

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take too long to get the new Avengers facility up and running, just a lot of work. Tony was mostly doing it as a goodbye present. It was time to hang up his position, focus on Pepper and Peter and the baby on the way. He wanted a real house for them, a real family life. After seeing what Clint had, it was hard not to want it too. Especially knowing how terrible he’d been as a father and a partner.

He had to put in the extra time to get the facility sorted, and got a house ready for them to move into. He spent a few days in the new facility making sure everything was up-and-running and everyone was finding it okay, before he had to say goodbye to everyone when both he and Thor were leaving.

Saying goodbye to Thor again was disappointing, after him spending so much time on Earth, but he knew it was necessary. Everything Thor said about these ‘infinity stones’ just confirmed all of Tony’s worst fears; that something was coming and had been for years.

He had to say goodbye to Steve, too. With the Avengers were finally in the new facility and Tony in a real house with Pepper and Peter he wouldn't be seeing as much of any of them. He wanted to make things right, wanted to be ready to be a real family especially with the baby on the way. He was, finally, going to be a good partner to Pepper. At least, he’d try.

Pepper was at the Tower when Tony got back to pick up the last few things to move to their new house.

“Pep?” Tony asked, having expected her to be at the house, “Are you okay?”

“I lost the baby,” she said, simply, and Tony noticed how tired and sad she looked. They hadn’t seen each other in a few days while he sorted out the facility and she sorted out the house, but she hadn’t called him with any news.

“What?” Tony didn’t even really process what she said. It didn’t make sense.

“I woke up last night and I was bleeding,” Pepper explained, “the doctor said…”

“But…” Tony couldn’t even feel sad, he was just stunned. He stepped towards her but she moved away. “We can try again,” he suggested, “if you want.”

Pepper looked at him sadly, “I think we should take a break.”

“What?” that hit Tony even more.

“You’re still not ready for a serious relationship, Tony.”

“We’ve been in a serious relationship for six years.”

“And you’re still yet to prove you’re ready,” Tony knew she was right but he still didn’t want to believe this. He was bad at relationships, and bad at expressing how he felt, but he loved her and couldn’t live without her. “You told me you were all in with this baby, and I thought maybe you’d finally prove that you can handle an adult relationship. But then you disappeared again with the Avengers and I had to do this all alone.”

“I’m sorry, I know,” Tony said, “but I’m done now. I’ve left the Avengers. I’m done.”

“You’re never going to be done, Tony,” Pepper said, “there’ll always be something.”

“Not this time, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Pepper said, “I need to go, I just need some time alone…to think. I’m sorry.”

“Pepper-” Tony tried to stop her, but she still left.

Tony felt the waves of anxiety that had been getting bigger and bigger ever since everything with Ultron started - and hadn’t stopped even when he was defeated - washing over him. He’d been trying to hold them back for so long and now they were overtaking him.

Pepper was normally the only thing that could help him, but now she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably be split into maybe three parts cause there is a LOT going on I'm very excited


	12. 2016: part I

**February 2016**

“Daaad!” Peter called out from somewhere in the house, footsteps getting louder until he burst into the lab, out of breath. “I’m gonna be late.”

Tony took his headpiece off; he’d been working on some new technology lately - trying to distract himself from everything he didn’t want to think about. “Then why are you talking to me?”

“You need to sign this permission slip,” he explained, handing across a piece of paper, “for that school trip.”

Tony nodded, reminding himself at the last second to use his ‘parent’ signature instead of his real one. He didn’t want to get a call questioning why Peter’s permission slip was signed ‘Tony Stark’. “Have fun,” Tony told him when he handed the slip back, watching Peter run back out with a quick ‘bye’ over his shoulder.

Tony sighed, turning back to his work. He’d been working on a technology to alter old memories, specifically traumatic memories. Ever since Pepper had left, everything seemed to have gotten worse. He and Peter were alone in a house meant for four and being home alone all day was unbearable for Tony. With the stress of being without Pepper for the first time in over a decade and sleeping alone again, all the nightmares and anxiety came back in full force. Tony had lost J.A.R.V.I.S., even if some of him lived on in Vision, and Bruce was still presumed dead after going missing after the fight last year. Three of the people closest to him were gone and Tony could feel the effects it was having on him. The other Avengers were busy, too, still tracking down HYDRA agents and bases. Tony knew he could get involved, if he wanted to, but he wanted to keep his promise to Pepper even if she wasn’t around to see it anymore.

Peter was the only thing keeping Tony going, and he knew he needed to keep him safe. That was the main reason he refused to give up the suits, even if he wasn’t an Avenger anymore. What Thor had said had stuck with Tony; something was coming, something that orchestrated everything that had been going on the last few years. It was exactly what Tony had been worried about, exactly what all his nightmares were made of. It only made sense that he stopped sleeping again.

The new technology he was working on was a way to distract himself - he had a number of traumatic memories he’d happily get rid of, so it was a reasonable thing to work on.

When Pepper’s face appeared on the screen in front of him - signifying a phone call - Tony’s heart skipped a beat.

“Pepper?” he answered, sounding ridiculously hopeful.

“I need your approval for something company-related, Tony,” she replied, “can you stop answering the phone like I’m going to suddenly change my mind on everything.”

“You said you wanted a _break_ ,” Tony said, “it’s been nine months.”

They both sat in silence for a moment, processing what that actually meant. The reason this had all happened to begin with - the pregnancy, the miscarriage, Tony being useless in general. That was nine months ago. They could’ve been parents, now.

“I said I needed time to think. Alone.”

“For nine months?” Tony repeated, “I can’t live without you.”

“You’ve been doing fine, so far.”

“I haven’t.”

Pepper sighed, sounding worn out. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I should go,”Pepper said, after a length silence, “I’m gonna email you some stuff to go over.”

“Okay,” Tony said, hesitating, “I love you.”

“Goodbye, Tony.”

 

* * *

 

When Tony got a call later in the day, he was hoping it would be Pepper again (despite it coming from an unknown number) and he was definitely surprised when it was one of Peter’s teachers, instead.

“Is everything okay?” Tony asked. They never called unless it was an issue, so Tony had reason to worry. Especially on a school trip.

“Peter’s fallen ill, you might want to collect him,” the teacher explained, going into a long explanation about only having one bus and not being able to cut off the trip early for one student. Tony interrupted and ended the call as quick as he could, wanting to check on Peter.

“Pete?” Tony said the second he picked up the phone, “Your teacher called to say you’re ill.”

“Mm-hmm,” Peter mumbled, not sounding great, “I think a spider bit me.” His voice sounded tinny and echoey like he was in a bathroom.

“A spider?”

“I think.”

“Are you okay? Do you need me to pick you up?”

“I feel like ‘m gonna throw up,” Peter said, “and my hand is- oh crap, my hand is _really_ swollen.”

“Okay, I’m coming to pick you up,” Tony said.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be…I’ll be okay in a minute,” Peter said, entirely unconvincing.

“I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t a long drive, but Tony was still worried. The moment he arrived he called Peter again.

“I’m parked outside, how are you feeling?” Tony asked.

“I’ve thrown up,” Peter said, “but it just made me feel worse.”

“Can you make it to the car?”

“Uhh…” there was some fumbling, which Tony presumed was Peter standing up, “not right now. Gimme a minute.”

“Okay, I’m coming to get you,” Tony said. Peter had a habit of really understating how badly ill he was.

“No, it’s fine,” Peter insisted, “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll try throwing up again.”

“Don’t try anything again, I’ll be there in a second,” Tony said, hanging up. He knew it was a bad idea when Peter’s whole class would be here, and a variety of other people to witness, but he couldn’t bring himself to care when he was too busy worrying about Peter.

“Peter?” Tony called into the first bathroom he found. There was a muffled groan in response from one of the stalls.

Luckily unlocked, Tony pushed it open to see Peter sat on the floor with his head back against the wall. His entire face was a sickly white with a sheen of sweat covering it, and he wasn’t wrong about his hand.

“Gimme a sec, I just-” Peter started, interrupting himself to turn and throw up into the toilet.

“God, Pete,” Tony said, feeling his forehead with the back of his hand. He was burning up.

“Sorry,” Peter said, pushing his hair out of his face.

“I should take you to the hospital,” Tony said.

Peter shook his head, “‘m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Tony argued, lowering himself down to sit on the floor opposite Peter. It’s a good thing he was just wearing his ‘mechanic’ clothes.

“I just wanna go home.”

Tony sighed, “Fine, but if you get even _slightly_ worse, I’m taking you to the hospital straight away.”

Peter nodded, agreeing luckily.

“Peter?” Someone called out into the bathroom, “Mr. Harrington wanted me to-” Ned appeared, his head stuck round the side of the stall door. He froze the second he saw Tony. “Oh. Hi, Mr. Stark, Peter’s dad…Iron Man, sir.”

Tony couldn’t help but laugh, “Tony.”

“Tony,” Ned repeated, before looking over at Peter, “dude you look _awful_.”

“I’m taking him home,” Tony told him.

Peter nodded, “He’s taking me home,” he repeated.

“Okay,” Ned said, “no big deal, just Tony Stark taking you home.”

“He’s my _dad_!”

“ _Still_ ,” Ned replied.

“Can you help me get him up?” Tony asked Ned. He didn’t really want to disturb and move Peter, but he knew the sooner he could get him home and resting the better.

“Sure,” Ned said, over-eagerly, rushing forward to help. Peter was very shaky standing up, but they managed to get him out into the hallway with a lot of support on Tony.

“Do we need to tell your teacher you’re going home?” Tony asked.

“I can tell him,” Ned offered, “to keep your secret identity safe,” he added, stopping with a gasp, “is your real name Peter Stark?”

Peter laughed, very weakly, “Still Peter Parker. It was my mom’s name.”

Ned nodded, before saying goodbye to both of them and re-joining the rest of the class. Getting Peter back to the car was difficult, but they got there eventually.

“Are you gonna throw up in my car?” Tony asked, teasing.

“I’ll do my best,” Peter replied with a smile, then suddenly sighed, dropping his head back against the seat, “I’ve got my stuff at school I need.”

“That’s fine,” Tony said, “I can go collect it on the way home.”

“Are you sure?” Peter asked.

“As long as you stay in the car.”

“But what if someone sees you?” Peter asked, looking worried.

“It’s fine,” Tony shrugged; he was past caring at this point.

Tony very nearly drove to the wrong school - he was used to driving to Peter’s old middle school, and still hadn’t gotten used to Peter being in high school yet even after five months. Peter had insisted that he start walking to school when he started, because it was closer than his old one, which meant that Tony had driven there all of one time.

“Where’s your stuff?” Tony asked, when they pulled up outside the school.

“In my locker,” Peter said, explaining how to get to it and the combination to open.

“I won’t be long,” Tony told him, “try not to throw up.”

Luckily, the hallways were all empty inside. Tony wouldn’t know what to do if he walked in and everyone was between classes. He followed Peter’s directions to find his locker and was relieved when the combination worked. He didn’t know the timetable of the school and he didn’t want to risk getting stuck in students moving between classes. He grabbed the stuff Peter said he needed, and just as he shut the locker behind him, the bell rung out through the halls.

Tony swore under his breath. The hallway flooded with students quickly and Tony started walking, wanting to spend as little time to be seen as possible. Straight away, people were stopping and not-so-subtly staring, and he could hear lots of whispers around him. He tried not to roll his eyes; Pepper had told him off too many times for having pictures of him in the press rolling his eyes.

When he got out to the car, there were a number of students hovering near it and staring at it. It was Tony’s own fault for bringing a flashy car, really, but at least it was one with tinted enough windows that they couldn’t see Peter through it.

The look on the kids’ faces got even worse when they saw Tony walk up to and get in the car.

“I’ve got your stuff,” Tony said, leaning back to put it on the back seat, “a couple kids may have seen me.”

Peter winced, “It’s just gone lunch. Everyone’s gonna be talking about this.”

“It’ll be fine,” Tony shrugged. He’d gone a good few years without being specifically targeted by anyone, so that hopefully meant no one would try and target Peter. And if Thor was right, when this unknown enemy comes, he’ll come for everyone.

 

* * *

 

The first headlines that broke were covered in pictures of Tony at Peter’s school, speculating exactly what he could be doing there. An anonymous donator? A new teacher? None of them seemed to be able to figure out the obvious, not that Tony was complaining.

When they’d gotten home, Tony had made sure Peter got straight to bed and had F.R.I.D.A.Y. keep a close eye on all of his vitals to make sure he didn’t get any worse. His fever had been through the roof, but at least he didn’t throw up any more. Tony still left a bowl next to his bed, just in case, before digging into some research about spider bites.

Peter’s reaction seemed to be fairly normal, and they recommended going to a doctor if you have trouble breathing or start to go into shock so Tony made sure F.R.I.D.A.Y. was looking out for that.

“How’s he looking?” Tony asked her, not wanting to actually disturb him and wake him up to check.

“He seems to be recovering well, boss,” she answered, displaying some kind of medical graphs on the screen in front of him that didn’t mean much to Tony. He could decipher the heart monitor, at least, and that seemed steady. “The bite has almost entirely healed, which is very abnormal.”

“How long does it normally take to heal?” Tony asked. Peter had said he’d been bitten a couple hours before he started to get ill, so it had been maybe 5 hours at most since the bite.

“It can be as long as eight weeks.”

Okay, that really wasn’t normal, then. “Is there anything else weird?”

“His body seems to have stopped rejecting the venom.”

“So that’s good?”

“Yes, boss. His vitals all seem healthy. However his body does seem to be reacting in some way.”

“What do you mean?” Tony asked, instantly worried.

“I’m not sure, boss. It’s not something I’m familiar with.” That made Tony even more worried; F.R.I.D.A.Y. was hooked up to the internet, she’s familiar with everything.

“Let me know if he wakes up, or if anything changes.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Tony was struggling not to worry, and ended up going into Peter’s room to make sure he was okay. He was careful not to disturb him, but he looked fine - a lot healthier than he had before he’d slept. It was a welcome relief when Tony’s phone rang. Something to distract him.

“Pepper?” Tony answered, “Sorry, I’ve still gotta go over that stuff you sent, I’ll get to it soon but a lots going on.”

“Yeah, I know,” Pepper replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Have you seen the news?” She asked, and Tony made his way to the lab to check.

“About me being seen in a school?” Tony replied, “Yeah, they can’t seem to figure that one out.” He added, sitting down and pulling up a news search for his name.

“No, about Peter,” Pepper corrected, just as the articles filled the screen - ‘Tony Stark hiding secret child’, ‘The child of Tony Stark?’, ‘Is Tony Stark a father?’, “I think they figured it out.”

“Shit,” Tony said, opening up the first article, paired with a picture of Tony picking Peter up from the field trip. Luckily, Peter’s face wasn’t in shot, but it was pretty obvious what was going on. Tony wasn’t seen hanging out with kids or going into schools often.

“We should call a press conference,” Pepper said.

“We?” Tony replied, stunned for a moment. They hadn’t been ‘we’ in a long time. She hadn’t spoken to him more personally than anything business-related since she left.

“I’ve already got people working on a cover story,” Pepper continued, “something about charity work with at-risk kids. It’ll make for a good enough story that people will move on.”

“Peter’s not at-risk,” Tony replied.

“He’s not even recognisable from the photo.”

“There might be more photos than that,” Tony said. He didn’t want some made-up story to be released and then people publish photos with his face and he get thought of as some charity case.

“You’ve got to say something, Tony.”

“I’ll say the truth.”

“After ten years of hiding it?” Pepper questioned. She had a point, but Tony was fed up. It was exhausting keeping something a secret that he was _proud_ of. Peter deserved more than that.

“He’s fourteen,” Tony said, “he’s not a kid anymore. He can handle it.”

“That’s not the only reason, Tony,” she reminded him.

“I can protect him,” Tony said, mostly to convince himself, “I think he’s in danger no matter what. There’s no point trying to hide him anymore.”

Pepper sighed, still sounding unsure, “If that’s what you think, it’s your decision.”

“Call a press conference, but not yet. Pete’s ill and I want to make sure he’s okay, first.”

“Okay,” Pepper said, “send him my love.”

“I will,” Tony said, “I’ll call you later.”

Tony hung up, not wanting to miss anything happening with Peter.

“He’s awake, boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, when Tony asked how he was. Tony went straight upstairs to check on him, knocking on the door gently and pushing it open.

“How are you doing?” he asked. Peter was still lying down, but his face was still a healthier colour, thank god.

“It’s so bright in here,” Peter answered, with his forearm covering his eyes.

Tony walked over and pulled the curtains, darkening the room significantly. “Do you still need to throw up?”

Peter shook his head, “I think I’m good,” he said, sitting up and uncovering his eyes. He still winced, “I think I have a migraine, though. You know when it feels like you can hear every noise everyone’s making in the world?”

Tony nodded, sitting down on the edge of his bed and feeling his forehead. His fever was gone, at least. “You’re definitely not going to school tomorrow.”

“Good,” Peter said, “I don’t wanna deal with everyone trying to figure out why you were in school.”

“About that…” Tony said, “I think they’ll have figured it out.”

“Why?”

“Someone got a picture of me picking you up,” Tony explained, “they didn’t get your face in the picture, but people have figured out what’s probably going on.”

“Are you gonna make up something to tell them?” Peter asked.

Tony sighed, “I’m just gonna say the truth,” he said, “Pepper will call a press conference once you’re better.”

Peter nodded, and Tony could tell he was holding back his actual excitement, “I miss Pepper.”

“Me too, bud,” Tony answered. They both stayed silent for a while, before Tony eventually got up, “You should get some more rest,” he said, “try sleep it off. I’ll get you some painkillers for your migraine.”

Peter thanked him, wincing again when Tony opened the door and let all the light in, and was happy when he left again, closing the door and leaving Peter in the dark. He took the medicine and grabbed the headphones on his bedside table, just for the sake of blocking out the sounds around him.

Peter laid back against his pillow again, taking some deep breaths. He felt so weird, he didn’t even know where to start. Even with his eyes shut and the majority of the sound blocked out, he felt hyper-aware of everything that was going on around him. It felt like there was a sixth sense inputting all this extra information and completely overwhelming him.

By the time he managed to tune out all the extra information and just focused on his thoughts, Peter still felt weird and different. He couldn’t put his finger on _what_ it was exactly, but something was definitely _very_ different. He felt even hyper-aware of his body and his movements, like everything was completely precise and calculated.

Peter was _starving_ , too. That was a familiar feeling. He knew what to do with that, at least. He had slept through lunch, but it wasn’t like he had a regular eating schedule on the best of days. He and his dad were a bad combination for that, especially since Pepper left. There was no one to keep an eye on them.

Peter got out of bed and stood up slowly. It felt weird, his movements felt a lot more controlled, and where he’d normally slam his head straight into the top of his bunk bed, he dodged it without even thinking about it.

He was still in jeans and a t-shirt from the field trip, so Peter decided to get changed before going to search for food. He needed comfier clothes that didn’t smell slightly of vomit.

The only mirror in Peter’s room was next to his chest of drawers, so he didn’t even notice at first when he pulled off his shirt and kicked his jeans onto the floor behind him. When he went over to get some pyjamas, though, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and froze.

 _That_ was definitely new.

Where he’d been skinny before was replaced with real, _defined_ muscles. Peter felt like he was looking at a stranger’s body. He could barely run the requirements for gym class. He _didn’t_ work out. He definitely didn’t look like _that_.

Peter pulled on his pyjamas, covering up the unfamiliar parts of him. He must be dreaming, or delusional, or something. Maybe he was dreaming he was Captain America. He used to be skinny, too.

“Pepper, can I call you back?” Tony said into his phone when he saw Peter walk into the kitchen, “What are you doing up?”

“I’m hungry,” Peter explained, starting to look through the cupboards, “are you and Pepper talking again?”

“Nothing like that,” Tony said, with a sigh. “She’s just worried about you, and about the press.”

Peter had already forgotten about that. He was so excited that he _finally_ wouldn’t be a secret anymore. Maybe, finally, people wouldn’t make fun of him so much at school if they knew Tony Stark was his dad. Except, he also had a lot of other things to worry about. Like the fact that he had an entirely different body. And that his brain suddenly seems incapable of filtering out extra information. When he looked around, it felt like he could see and process everything all at once, instead of just focusing on one thing. It was disorientating and overwhelming at the same time. He had no idea what to do with all this extra information.

“Let me make you lunch,” Tony said, “you should be sitting down.”

Peter agreed, because he was struggling to think about anything other than everything he was processing as going on around him. When he rested his hand on the counter to climb onto the stool, it was almost like his hand stuck to it for a second. Peter ignored it, chalking it up to him just going completely insane.

“How do you feel?” Tony asked, making some sandwiches for the both of them.

“So weird,” Peter said, choosing to leave out how physically different he looked. “It feels really hard to see because, like, I’m seeing _so much more_ than normal.”

Tony made a face that meant he had no idea what Peter was saying, but didn’t question it. “How’s the migraine?”

Peter sighed, “The painkillers didn’t do anything.”

Tony gave him a look of sympathy, “What about the bite? Is it gone?”

Peter looked down at the hand that had been bitten, and ran a finger along where he would’ve expected at least a _mark_ to be, but there was nothing. He flinched straight away when his finger touched his skin, because it was rough to the touch. He looked at his fingers, and they looked normal, but didn’t _feel_ normal. He tried touching the counter again, and it was like his fingers gripped onto it.

“What’s up?” Tony asked, noticing how weird Peter was acting.

“I don’t know,” Peter answered, “I might be going insane.”

“Well, according to the internet, that’s not a symptom of spider bites.”

“I don’t think any of this is a symptom of spider bites,” Peter mumbled.

“What do you mean?” Tony asked, putting the sandwich he’d made in front of Peter and sitting down opposite him.

“I don’t know,” Peter said, “I don’t know what’s happening to me. Everything feels weird.”

“Do you want me to get F.R.I.D.A.Y. to run some tests?” Tony asked, and Peter nodded straight away. He wanted to find some kind of explanation, even if this was a dream. It felt far too real to be a dream, anyway. “We don’t have the equipment here but I can take you over to the compound.”

Peter nodded again, though not as enthusiastically. Going to the Avengers compound was usually exciting, but he didn’t really want to advertise whatever the hell was happening.

“We can be subtle about it,” Tony said, guessing what Peter was thinking. “Eat up, first.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Peter devoured the sandwich in a matter of seconds, and it barely even touched the hunger clawing at his stomach. “I’m still starving.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “We’ll pick up some food on the way over, too. Go and get dressed.”

It felt counter-productive, getting back into clothes _right_ after he changed into pyjamas, but at least this time he was in clothes that didn’t smell like vomit. Peter deliberately avoided looking in the mirror while he got changed, hoping that if he ignored it then whatever had happened to his body would just go away. Not that he was complaining that he suddenly didn’t look like he could barely hold up in an arm wrestle, it was more that it had happened so suddenly.

“Ready to go?” Tony asked when Peter came out again. Tony was relieved at how much better he was looking; he had a healthy, normal colour now as opposed to the sickly pale he was before. Sure, Peter still wasn’t exactly his best, but Tony could manage this. He knew how to deal with weird. He didn’t know how to deal with regular things.

Tony did wish Bruce was still around, though. He would know how to handle this better. Or, at least, he would understand the biology of it all more.

“What was the school trip about?” Tony asked as the two of them got in the car, “What were you guys doing? What happened when the spider bit you?”

“It was some science lab,” Peter answered, “they were giving us some demonstration on how they get rid of all their radioactive waste. I pretty much missed the rest of it cause I was throwing up in the toilet. I didn’t get to see the actual _interesting_ science stuff.”

Tony nodded. This was _definitely_ more Bruce’s area of expertise. He at least knew enough that radioactive mutations don’t happen _that_ quickly, or even any kind of responses to radiation, if that’s why Peter was feeling so weird. None of the other kids were sick, either, and they would’ve been affected too if it was anything to do with the radiation. It must’ve been the spider bite.

After a detour for food, they got to the compound and snuck round to the lab to avoid being seen by anyone. Tony didn’t want to have to try and explain this any more than Peter did, and didn’t want anyone intruding and trying to ‘help’.

“We can do a blood test first,” Tony explained, “to check if you’re having an allergic reaction or if there’s anything in your blood from the spider we can look at.”

Peter sat patiently while Tony took his blood, holding cotton to stop the bleeding while Tony went over to the computer to start processing it. When he moved the cotton to check it, he couldn’t even see a mark.

While F.R.I.D.A.Y. processed the blood test, Tony starting pulling up research so he could understand what it meant, or what else he could do to follow up anything he found. Peter had guessed this is how it would go, and he took out some homework to at least make some use of the time.

“There aren’t any histamines in his bloodstream, he doesn’t appear to be having an allergic reaction, boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said after not long. Both of them looked up to listen.

“Is there anything else abnormal in the blood?” Tony asked.

“There’s something I can’t recognise,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, “it has some commonalities with spider venom but there’s parts of it that are unfamiliar to me.”

“Maybe you’ve discovered a new species of spider,” Tony joked, “it’s probably hopeless to go back and try find it, right?”

Peter winced, “I think I killed it.”

“That’s fine,” Tony reassured, “I can figure this out.”

“There’s one more thing, boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. added.

“Hmm?” Tony prompted.

“There seems to be something bizarre about Peter’s DNA.”

“What about it?” Tony asked. That really got his attention.

“There’s parts of it that don’t make sense, I can’t decode them.”

“But we know the whole human genome,” Tony said.

“Exactly, boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, “I should be able to recognise all human DNA, but there’s parts of it that I can’t. And if I compare it to his DNA from the paternity test-”

“Paternity test?” Peter interrupted, “What paternity test?”

Tony sighed, “When I wanted custody, your uncle made me take a paternity test. To prove it.”

“Really?” Peter questioned.

“Your uncle was really protective,” Tony explained, then gestured for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to continue.

“Peter’s DNA has changed, boss,” she finished.

“ _Changed_?” Tony said. That sounded bad.

“There are some similarities to the venom in the abnormalities but nothing I can decipher,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. explained.

“The spider changed my DNA?” Peter asked.

“That’s…” Tony didn’t even know where to start with that. He _really_ wished Bruce were there, “I don’t even know if that’s possible.”

“With Mr. Rogers…the super-solider serum…” Peter said, “did that change his DNA?”

“Probably,” Tony said, “maybe. You think it’s the same?”

Peter shrugged, “I don’t even know what’s different, but I feel weird. But I did notice something when I got changed.” Tony raised his eyebrows, prompting Peter to continue. “I actually have _muscles_ now.”

“Like…?”

Peter hesitated, then pulled his shirt off. It still felt foreign, this new body.

Tony looked shocked to say the least, “For a fourteen-year-old that’s never even looked at a gym…”

Peter pulled his shirt back on, “I didn’t look like that when I got dressed this morning!”

“There’s no way a spider bite can do that,” Tony said.

“Maybe a radioactive spider is the secret to the super soldier serum,” Peter joked.

Tony didn’t appreciate the joke. His son being a super solider definitely didn’t sit well with him. It was too close to superhero. Too close to danger.

“Is there anything else different?” Tony asked, “What feels weird?”

“My sight,” Peter said, “all my senses, really.”

“Maybe I should talk to Steve,” Tony said.

“No, please don’t tell anyone,” Peter said.

“Let me at least talk to a doctor I know,” Tony said, “she’s a specialist, and I won’t mention anything about you.”

“Fine.”

As soon as Tony had left, Peter started to feel restless. There _must_ be more to this than just having muscles and overwhelming senses.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., where’s the gym?” he asked. He wanted to at least see if the muscles were functional, that was all.

Luckily, no one was in there at the time. Peter went straight over to the selection of weights and picked up what he assumed would be his regular limit.

It didn’t even need any effort.

Peter kept going. And going. And going. Eventually, he ran out of weights to use.

He hadn’t even broken a sweat.

Peter felt a tingling on the back of his neck, and had a feeling his dad would be finished, so he rushed back to the lab. He _definitely_ couldn’t move that fast before.

“She said crazier things have happened,” Tony explained when he walked in, not noticing anything. Peter’s breath hadn’t even changed to give anything away. “She said it’s best to just keep going on like normal but keep a close eye on anything that develops, cause we don’t know what it’s done to you we can’t test for everything in the world, so it’s best to just wait and see.”

Peter sighed, “ _Wait_?” he didn’t want to wait, he wanted to know everything he could do. Already, he felt like a superhero. That was a gym for _super soldiers_ and it still wasn’t even challenging.

“I’m not happy about it either, kid,” Tony said. He mind was already racing with all the possible things that could be happening to Peter that he should be worrying about. “Let’s get you home,” he added, “are you okay for school tomorrow?”

“I think so,” Peter said.

“You sure you don’t want to wait until after the press conference?” Tony asked. Peter had completely forgotten about that, again, in all honesty. Everyone was going to be talking about it, trying to figure out who it was at their school in the picture.

“I’ll be fine,” Peter insisted. He hoped.

 

* * *

 

The next day at school was as to be expected.

“Are you sure you should be in school?” Ned asked, “You’re not gonna throw up over everyone?”

“I just slept it off,” Peter shrugged, closing his locker. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Peter wished he could tell Ned about his apparent superpowers, but his dad had insisted he shouldn’t talk to anyone about it, especially before they fully understood it.

“Okay, good,” Ned said, ready to move on quickly after he’d checked Peter was okay, “so have you seen the news? Everyone knows!”

“They don’t know it’s me, though,” Peter said. He hoped. Sure, he’s wanted pretty much his whole life to not be a secret any more, but he also doesn’t want to deal with the attention that comes with him suddenly being revealed as Tony Stark’s son.

“Don’t know what’s you?” Michelle asked, appearing out of nowhere and making both Peter and Ned jump. Peter definitely wasn’t feeling as in control of his senses and aware of everything in school. On a regular day, there was too much to process in the school corridors, let alone when everything was turned up to the max.

“Nothing,” Peter answered, turning to look at her while Ned got stuff out of his locker.

“That picture everyone’s been obsessing over looks an awful lot like you,” she commented. Peter shouldn’t be surprised, really. If anyone was going to figure it out it’d be Michelle.

“You can’t even see the kid in it,” Peter said, knowing it probably wouldn’t work.

“Mm-hm,” Michelle said, not sounding convinced, unsurprisingly, “try not to throw up over everyone in class,” she teased, before disappearing again into the crowd.

“She’s so weird,” Ned commented, “I can never tell if she actually likes us or not.”

“I think she dislikes us less than everyone else,” Peter answered, starting to walk with Ned to their first class, “or she just enjoys making fun of us because she knows we’ll take it.”

“That’s probably it,” Ned agreed.

 

* * *

 

Peter had heard the same conversation pretty much the entire day, but it was even worse in Academic Decathlon after school. Liz had asked him how he was feeling, which was simultaneously mortifying and nerve-wracking, especially considering she hadn’t even _been_ on the school trip. Mr. Harrington had also completely given up on trying to get them to stay focused, and it had just turned into a full discussion about who everyone thought it could be in the photo. Michelle kept looking at him but Peter couldn’t tell if that was because she knew or if it was just her usual staring.

“You should tell them,” Ned whispered, “it’d be _so cool_.”

“My dad’s gonna make an official statement soon, though,” Peter said, “so I shouldn’t.”

“When?” Ned questioned, “This is _torture_.”

Peter shrugged, “I can text him if you want,” he suggested, already taking out his phone.

Ned nodded enthusiastically, “Ask him if you can tell people at school.”

Peter rolled his eyes, typing out a text asking when the press conference will be, ignoring Ned’s suggestion.

 _Right now_ , he got in reply almost straight away, followed by, _Good luck, I’ll see you after Academic Decathlon._

There was a commotion the other side of the room where everyone was sat, and Peter saw them all gathering round someone’s phone.

“Oh my god,” Peter said, putting his head in his hands. His stomach jumped with nerves when he heard the familiar voice of Pepper, quickly followed by his dad, playing through tinny phone speakers. “I’m going to die.”

He couldn’t make out what his dad was saying, but everyone went completely silent very quickly and Peter could feel all of their eyes on him.

“Please kill me,” Peter mumbled to Ned, glancing to the side to look at him.

Ned gave an apologetic look that barely concealed his excitement.

“No way, this is fake,” Flash said after a few beats of silence. Peter shouldn’t have been surprised.

Peter looked up eventually, knowing his face must be beet red. Everyone was staring at him expectantly, except Michelle. She had a cocky smile that told Peter she had already known the truth.

“There’s no way Penis Parker has such a cool dad,” Flash said, glaring at Peter.

“Peter?” Liz questioned, softly. Mr. Harrington looked uncomfortable.

“Uh…” Peter said, lost for where to even start.

“If he _was_ your dad,” Flash continued, “your name would be Stark.”

“‘Cause that would really help keep the secret,” Michelle quipped, “Parker’s his mom’s name, dumbass.”

Peter didn’t know how Michelle knew that, but he didn’t question it. At least it took some of the attention off of him.

“No way, you edited the footage,” Flash said to Peter.

“No he didn’t, I’ve met his dad!” Ned said, in support.

“And why would it be on the news if he edited it?” Betty added.

Flash ignored them both, “I won’t believe it without proof.”

“You _just_ saw proof, Flash,” Liz even commented. She and Flash were _friends_ , so Peter couldn’t deny the warm feeling that gave him.

 _Do you want me to pick you up?_ , a new text from his dad said, _I don’t want you getting harassed by reporters. It’ll die down after the weekend._

 _Yes, please_ , Peter replied. He wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Mr. Harrington gave a few more feeble attempts to get the group together and actually working, but they were all too distracted. Namely Flash, but everyone else, too.

Peter was filled with relief when he saw the text from his dad telling him he’d gotten to school. “I’ve gotta go, my dad’s here,” he said, an offhand comment that he wouldn’t have thought about regularly. Now, though, everyone started at him the second he said it.

Flash’s face all but lit up. “Your dad, huh?”

Peter sighed, “He doesn’t wanna be harassed by a bunch of high school kids.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Flash said.

Ned looked at Peter, rolling his eyes. He grabbed Peter’s arm and dragged him out of the room. Peter didn’t need to look behind him to know Flash had stood up as well.

“He’s such an asshole,” Ned said. Peter wholeheartedly agreed. The two of them rushed down the hallway, Peter being overly conscious of how fast he was moving, having to hold back to stay at a regular pace.

When they got outside, his dad was leaning against the side of his car in his typical press conference look - a suit and sunglasses, even though it was February.

“I bet he’ll still follow us,” Ned said.

“Who?” Tony questioned, as the two of them approached him.

“A guy in Academic Decathlon’s being an asshole,” Peter explained.

“He said Peter somehow edited the news footage and faked that you said he’s your son,” Ned added.

“Was this Flash Thompson again?” Tony questioned, “I hate that kid.”

“Oh, no,” Peter said when he heard the doors behind them open. Flash was leading the way with a smug smile, and pretty much everyone else was following him, probably out of curiosity.

The smile was wiped straight off his face as soon as he saw Tony.

“Is that him?” Tony asked. He looked annoyed.

Ned nodded and Peter immediately tried to stop Tony when he started walking forward. He easily held him back, and that surprised Peter enough for him to let up and Tony kept going.

“You’re Tony Stark,” Flash said, in awe.

“You’re an asshole,” Tony replied. He wished he wasn’t a kid so he could punch him in the face. He stared at him for a few beats longer, and then eventually turned back to get in the car with Peter. Peter wished he could capture the look of Flash’s face. This was the best day of his life.

“I wish I could’ve punched him,” Tony told Peter once they were both in the car, “if he’s still that much of an asshole when he’s an adult he better watch out.”

“He will be, trust me,” Peter said.

 

**March 2016**

The next few weeks were weird, for Peter. People would recognise him in the street, he’d have press taking pictures of him on the way to and from school or when he was out with his friends. It was something weird to get used to.

School was different, too, at first. Random kids would talk to him as if they were best friends, and even his teacher’s acted kind of weird. Everything started to settle, eventually. Peter still felt a lot more popular than he had before, though.

For a while, Peter had thought that his dad and Pepper would finally get back together. They were talking a lot to manage the publicity and keep everything under control, and Peter had gotten hopeful. He thinks he dad had gotten hopeful, too, because he suddenly got very reclusive and distant again after a phone call with Pepper and they didn’t talk so much after that.

The effects of the spider bite kept showing up. He was thousands times faster and stronger than he’d ever been. His reactions were also _far_ better, and he’d lost the clumsiness he’d gotten used to dealing with. Most insane of all, he could _climb walls_. He didn’t know how, but it was practically effortless. He didn’t tell all of this to his dad, because he knew he’d freak out about it. He’d told Peter way too many times that he never wants him to have anything to do with superhero business, so his newly-acquired superpowers might be too close to that for him. Tony _had_ figured out the change in Peter’s metabolism, though, probably considered Peter ate about five times as much as he used to. That was the extent of how the bite affected him, though, in Tony’s eyes. Peter intended to keep the rest secret.

He pretty much just used his powers for simple things, like making life easier for himself. The first time he really considered using them for something good was when he saw someone robbing a store, but convinced himself out of it. He didn’t want anything caught on camera, and that was the police’s job anyway. He was sure the shop’s insurance would cover whatever happened, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

The next day, he saw on the news that several people had been shot, including some police officers. The suspect hadn’t been caught, and Peter recognised the photo from the guy he watched rob the store. That was a bit of a big deal.

Peter felt like he was stuck. He needed someone to talk to about it, but there was no one he could actually open up to.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” he said eventually, sat on the window ledge of his bedroom, “if I watched a crime happen that I could’ve stopped, does that mean it’s my fault?”

“I might need some context,” she answered, which is exactly what Peter didn’t want to hear.

“Can you keep secrets from my dad?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Mr. Stark has access to all my information,” she explained, “so, no. Sorry Peter.”

Peter sighed, swinging his legs back into his bedroom. He knew it was his fault. He _could’ve_ stopped it. If someone could’ve stopped his mom dying, or his uncle dying, and didn’t…all those people would’ve had families, too. _He’s_ the reason that they lost someone close to them.

Peter sat for a few more moments, thinking, before he reached above him to grab the top of the window frame, pulling himself up and climbing to the roof easily. He sat there, looking out at the city. He could _help people_ with these powers. Especially in New York, there was so much crime and he could _stop_ that.

The whole night, Peter brainstormed. He needed a mask, definitely, so he wasn’t recognisable, and maybe a full costume. Peter told himself it was for the sake of having some kind of protection, but it was mostly to have a recognisable _look_. One of the main struggles would be getting from building to building. He could patrol the city from up high but having to go down to the street to go between buildings just wouldn’t work.

Somewhere along the line, Peter got distracted and starting reading about spiders. He was curious if he could figure out what kind of spider bit him, and the effects of spider venom to see if he could understand where his powers came from. That research didn’t amount to much, but he learnt a lot about spiders, like the fact that some can lift 120 times their weight. He probably didn’t even get to twice or three times his weight when he was testing it out, which really got him thinking.

Eventually, he ended up looking at spider webs, which _really_ gave him an idea. He seemed to have gotten a lot of proportional spider abilities, but web-making wasn’t one of them. So, he’d just have to make his own.

He started drawing up plans, hypothesising, and researching. He could figure this out. At school on Monday, he’d start trying different things in the chemistry lab. Sure, he had probably one of the best labs in the country in his house, but there was no way he’d be able to explain to his dad why he needed to synthesise spider silk.

After his mind had gone numb from staring at equations, Peter decided he needed a break. It was well past 4am, but he was wide awake and excited. He snuck out his window, making his way down to the ground carefully. He knew there wouldn’t be loads of shops open at this time, but he didn’t want to wait, and at least if he went out now his dad didn’t need to know.

Eventually, Peter found a thrift shop that was open and grabbed some materials; a blue jumper and sweatpants, a red hoodie, a red ski mask, and some goggles. He subtly testedout whether he would still have grip on his hands through regular gloves, and had to opt for fingerless gloves instead. He wasn’t about to go climbing around the city barefoot, though, so he tried to find some shoes with the best grip to support him while he was climbing. Unfortunately, those were knee-high red boots. It had to be done.

Peter spent the rest of the night sewing the old clothes together, and working on some tech for the goggles to help his vision. He was still finding his sight too overwhelming, which was fine for everyday life, but for fighting he’d need to be able to narrow it down a bit. He fixed them up so it would filter out some of the light, and make things easier to process, as well as creating a reactive camera-shutter type thing that would respond to how he moved his eyes. That way, he’d be able to focus his vision on smaller parts and make it easier. With his heightened sense, he’d have enough of an awareness of everything else for it to work. He hoped, anyway.

 

**August 2016**

Tony didn’t keep up with small news much. He kept up-to-date on what was happening with the Avengers, and he kept up with world news, but that was pretty much it. He didn’t know what was going on around the city, most of the time. While he was working on some adjustments to F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s system, he had the news on in the background as just filler noise. Tony didn’t like quiet while he worked; he’d think too much.

It was pretty much just an undistinguishable drone in the background, but when Tony heard the word ‘superhero’ he was definitely interested. That probably meant someone he was responsible for. He moved away from his desk to watch the screen, seeing crappy phone clips of a ‘superhero’ he definitely didn’t recognise. He got up, moving to the couch in front of the TV. They were wearing some god-awful homemade costume that looked like a onesie with a ski mask and goggles, but they were swinging around on what looked like spider webs. That, at least, was impressive. The next clip, they stopped a moving car with their bare hands. That was _definitely_ impressive.

Even though Tony wasn’t really an Avenger anymore, he still worked with them, and provided for them. He’d definitely recruit for them. He moved back to his desk, having F.R.I.D.A.Y. start analysing all available footage of this guy while he started sketching out some ideas already to fix that horrendous suit.

It didn’t take Tony long to figure out their actual identity.


	13. 2016: part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow two chapters in two days what a concept. I wish I could say I wrote this in one day but I'd already written like...most of this chapter when I published the last one bc I couldn't decide where to split them

**August 2016**

Peter swung back to his building, exhilarated after an afternoon as Spider-Man. The five months he’d been doing this had been _amazing_ , he’d never stopped enjoying it once. It felt like he was actually making a difference, too. He _saved people’s lives_. You didn’t get a better feeling than that.

When he got to his bedroom window, ready to climb in, he already had that feeling on the back of his neck that got his heart racing and adrenaline pumping round his body. He automatically assumed the worst, climbing in through the window warily.

The worst wasn’t as bad as it actually was, though.

“ _Spider-Man_?” Tony yelled straight away. Tony had hoped his hunch had been wrong, but he’d literally caught Peter in the act, now. “When the _hell_ were you going to tell me about this?”

“I-” Peter started, not even knowing what to say.

“How long have you been doing this?” Tony asked. He sounded angrier than Peter had ever seen him his whole life, “Going out and risking your life? Being _unbelievably_ stupid?”

Peter shrugged, avoiding Tony’s eyes, “A few months, since the spider-”

“ _Months_?”

“I’m sorry, dad, I just-” Peter tried to say.

“No, sorry doesn’t even _begin_ to cover what you’ve done,” Tony said, he couldn’t believe how angry he felt. And hurt, that Peter had kept this a secret.

“But-”

“Don’t even try,” Tony interrupted, “you _know_ I didn’t want this for you, your whole life I’ve been trying to protect you from it. This world it’s…so much more than you think. It’s not just stopping a few robberies or a car crash. You get in over your head…once you get into that there’s _no_ getting out,” the more Tony thought about it, the more scared he got, “it’s not just…just a _hobby_ , Peter. This is a life, and you _can’t_  get out of it.”

“I’m _helping_  people!” Peter argued.

“I don’t care what you’re doing, you’re putting yourself in danger!”

“If you can do it why can’t I?”

“You don’t think I wish I could take it back _every single day_?” Tony retorted, stepping closer, “I _wish_  I could have a normal life. I wish I’d never gotten involved in all of this, and we could have a real, family life. But I can _never_  have that and I never will. I built that suit out of _necessity_ , because if I didn’t I’d never have been able to see you again. I improved it to get revenge on the people who killed the man who saved my life. From then on out, it was self-defence. Or protecting you, or Pepper. You don’t _get_  a choice with this. It _just keeps coming_. That’s why I never wanted this for you, because I didn’t want you stuck with this like I am. I know there’ll never be a day where me and the people I love are safe.”

“Dad-”

“You’re grounded,” Tony interrupted, closing off; he was done, “and I want the suit, I never want you wearing it again.”

“But-”

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Tony interrupted again, “get changed, then I want the suit.”

Tony turned and left, slamming the door behind him, and that was it. Peter felt like crying. He changed into his regular clothes and left the suit in a pile outside his door, then locked it behind him. He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, least of all his dad.

 

* * *

 

Tony left it a while before he collected the suit. He felt guilty, for yelling at Peter, for getting mad at all. But he still felt hurt, that Peter had done this, especially without telling him. If he’d gotten hurt because his suit didn’t have enough protection…Tony could've at least made him something durable.

He wished he could explain to Peter why he didn’t want this, but he knew Peter would never understand. Tony would never be able to explain the debilitating fear of losing the people he loves that he’s had since this all began, the nightmares that never really completely stopped, the fact that he’ll never really be the same person he was before it all. He wanted to protect Peter from that, even if it meant his son hating him.

When he eventually collected the suit, he was amazed. The clothes were awful, but the technology was _impressive_. The goggles were high-tech, but the web fluid was something else entirely. Scientists had never been able to synthesise spider silk, and yet Peter had managed it in his bedroom.

Tony looked back over the design he’d started, before he’d realised it was Peter in the suit. He couldn’t resist making some adjustments after seeing the suit firsthand. It was just hypothetical, he told himself, calculating all these different safety mechanisms that would make the suit a lot safer. Just hypothetical. He’d never let Peter wear it.

 

* * *

 

“Listen, Pete,” Tony said, when they saw each other the next morning, “I’m sorry, you just know how I feel about it, and the fact that you didn’t tell me, just…”

“I didn’t tell you cause that’s how you’d react!” Peter replied; he was feeling better since the night before, but still not great.

“You could’ve gotten killed in that suit, they barely counted as clothes,” Tony said, “I could’ve helped.”

“You wouldn’t have, though,” Peter said, “you would’ve forbidden me from doing anything before I even got the chance to try it.”

Tony sighed. He knew Peter was right, and he wished he could be supportive, “It’s not safe.”

“I can look after myself.”

“You’re a _kid_ , Pete,” Tony said, “you’re _fourteen_. I was more than twice your age when I got involved in this stuff, and it’s still used up too much of my life.”

“I want to help people,” Peter explained, “I _can_  help people.”

“Peter-”

“No,” Peter interrupted, “you’ve seen all the stuff I can do. When you can do things like that and you don’t, and then the bad stuff happens, they happen because of you.”

“You don’t need to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“I can make a difference.”

“I know, that’s what I’m afraid of,” Tony said, “not everyone will be happy with that difference.”

“Then I can stop them, too,” Peter argued, determined.

Tony sighed, “I don’t know where to go with this, Pete, I really don’t. You’re just a kid, you’ve got _so much_  potential. If the spider hadn’t…”

“But it did,” Peter said, “that happened, and we can’t change that. Sure, I had options before, but anyone can be smart. Not everyone can stop cars at 40 miles an hour.”

“That doesn’t make it your responsibility to do this.”

“It does.”

 

* * *

 

Later in the day, Tony was called into an emergency meeting about the Avengers. He and Peter had been talking on and off about everything and they still didn’t seem to be meeting any kind of agreement.

Steve had called, explaining their mission in Nigeria, that Wanda had made a mistake and a group of innocent people had been killed. He wanted Tony to come over to the compound. Secretary Ross also called, about meeting with the Avengers about the ‘incident’. Tony thought he might as well kill two birds with one stone and bring him along.

Ross had them all sat round the table, talking nonsense about his heart attack. Tony sat to the side, barely focusing. All this was making him think about was that poor kid that had gotten killed in Sokovia. His mother blamed _Tony_ , no one else. Tony couldn’t even begin to think about who else they’d killed that he hadn’t met the relatives of, yet. He was starting to think maybe the Avengers couldn’t be trusted. Tony had been trying to protect the world when he made Ultron, and look what happened then. In Nigeria, they’d been trying to stop HYDRA agents, but all it took was a slight mistake for Wanda to kill nearly a dozen people. It was too easy for them to kill, and get away with it. They shouldn’t have that kind of power.

The clips of all the damages the Avengers had caused were unnecessary, really. Tony felt on the verge of panic as it was, but seeing footage of his worst nightmares and worst mistakes _really_  didn’t help that.

Ross had already told Tony about the Sokovia Accords in the car, and Tony couldn’t agree with it more. He was ready to sign already. He didn’t want anything that had been happening over the last few years to repeat itself. Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place, I feel we’ve done that,” Steve said. Tony wasn’t surprised that he was arguing. He knew he’d be the most difficult to agree, and that too many of them would follow Steve blindly.

“Tell me Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now? If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes, you can bet there’d be consequences,” Ross retorted, “Compromise. Reassurance. That’s how the world works. Believe me, this is the middle ground.”

The moment Ross left, the arguments broke out. Tony didn’t even bother trying to participate. Except, the second everyone tried to get him to talk, he snapped. He didn’t have the tolerance anymore. He told everyone about the kid, and made it very clear that he supported the Accords.

When Steve disappeared suddenly, Tony didn’t know why until later.

“Peggy died,” he told Rhodey. He’d gotten a phone call about it, also inviting him to her funeral. He knew he couldn’t go. Steve wouldn’t want him there, especially with everything up in the air about the Accords.

“Steve’s girl?” Rhodey asked. Tony didn’t talk enough about his childhood for him to know any more than that.

“I can’t go to her funeral,” Tony said. He felt in shock; he knew she was old, but it was still hard to process. She was only a bit younger than his dad, about the same age as his mom. They could’ve both lived this long, too. “Steve wouldn’t want me there.”

“Why would you…?”

“She and Jarvis were the only ones that were actually around,” Tony explained.

“Jarvis? Like-”

Tony shook his head, “He was our butler. He pretty much raised me. He was good friends with Peggy, and she worked with my dad when they were younger,” Tony said, “she was around more than my parents were.”

“Tony,” Rhodey said, sympathetically, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Tony said, standing up and pushing it to the back of his mind like everything else he didn’t want to deal with.

 

* * *

 

Tony should’ve expected something to go wrong, really. A terrorist attack by Steve’s best friend wasn’t what he would’ve expected, though. Steve fighting law enforcement in response, definitely expected.

“I have to go to Vienna, just for a few days,” Tony told Peter, “nothing huge.”

“Why?” Peter asked, looking instantly worried.

“Just dealing with half the Avengers being fugitives,” Tony said, nonchalant. He’d been planning to go to Vienna in the first place to represent the Avengers, but Natasha had insisted she go instead, something about Tony not behaving in front of officials. He couldn’t really deny it.

“Are you fighting?”

“No,” Tony said, “just legal stuff. If I try and handle it myself I can stop the government trying to get involved and throwing them all in prison. Are you okay to stay with May for a few days?”

Peter nodded, “Let me know what’s happening, though.”

Tony agreed, “I’ll drop you off on the way to the airport.”

 

* * *

 

Steve didn’t even seem fazed by being technically arrested. Maybe Tony should’ve let them put them in cells. He seemed more concerned with his terrorist friend than anything, which really got on Tony’s nerves.

Tony tried to work up to convincing him to sign the Accords, but Steve wasn’t even _slightly_  entertaining the idea.

“Is Pepper here?” he asked, moving away from the conversation and reminding Tony of one of the things currently residing in the very back of his head, behind it all, “I didn’t see her.”

“We’re…kind of…well, not kind of-” Tony started. He didn’t know how to say it.

“Pregnant?” Steve asked. Tony tried not to wince. It was the opposite of that, literally.

“No, definitely not,” Tony said, trying to keep his composure, “we’re taking a break. It’s nobody’s fault.” He knew it was his fault, but the miscarriage didn’t help.

“I’m so sorry, Tony,” Steve said, “I didn’t know.”

“A few years ago I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to mop up HYDRA, then... _Ultron_. My fault. And then, and then, and then,” _we lost a baby_ , “I never stopped, cause the truth is I don’t wanna stop. I don’t wanna lose her, I thought maybe the Accords could split the difference.” Steve lost that stubborn look on his face, at least. Tony stood up; he needed a breath.

They talked, and just when Tony thought he could get Steve to sign, he flipped again. As soon as Steve left, Tony sighed, putting his head in his hands. This all felt impossible.

When the interrogation started, Tony watched Steve though the glass walls; he was intently watching the screens where Barnes was being spoken to. He knew this guy was Steve’s weakness, and until whatever was sorted with him he wouldn’t sign the Accords. He needed to figure out a better deal that could convince him.

Out of nowhere, the power cut. Tony could see Steve and Sam, so it couldn’t be either of them - not that either of them knew how - but someone must’ve been trying to break out Barnes.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you get me a source on that outage?” Tony said. He saw Steve and Sam leave straight away, and had no idea whose side they were on.

“Please tell me you brought a suit,” Natasha said.

“Sure did, it’s a lovely Tom Ford three-piece two button,” Tony said, “I’m an active duty non-combatant.” Tony regretted not bringing a suit; it had been nice, at first, to not take it everywhere with him, paranoid that something could happen. Now, though, he remembered why he took it everywhere with him.

He and Natasha found their way up to the ground level, where Barnes had also made his way, too. He felt nervous, hiding behind the wall and preparing himself. He never fought without the suit, let alone against the deadliest assassin in the world. Tony had his watch, at least, which he pulled out into a repulsor - he had come far, but not far enough to not have _any_  protection.

The fight with Barnes was short-lived, unsurprisingly. Tony got some hits in, but not enough, and he happily let Nat take over when he was thrown aside. She was better trained for this.

 

* * *

 

Ross gave him 36 hours, that was all. Then, he’d probably kill the lot of them just to get the problem out of the way. Tony felt like he was having a heart attack. He wished this wasn’t his responsibility, wished he could just go home and live the private life he’d had going on since Ultron. But he knew he couldn’t, because if he didn’t take on this responsibility his friends would be killed, because god knows Steve Rogers is far too stubborn to have any kind of self-preservation.

Tony had an idea, and he hated himself for it, but it just might work.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, May,” Peter said when he got home from school. He’d been anxiously checking up on the news all day, because something bad was bound to happen in Vienna, he knew it. Even if his dad said no fighting, that just meant he wasn’t prepared for it.

“Hey, how was school today?” She asked.

“It was okay,” he told her, walking round into the kitchen to get some food, freezing when he looked at the couch, because his dad was there. He wasn’t expecting to see or even hear anything from him for _days_.

“Hi, Pete,” Tony said, with a smirk.

“You’re home early?” Peter said, surprised, “What happened to your eye?”

“Just…the usual,” Tony said, “super soldiers throwing punches around.”

“What happened? Why are you here?”

“I need your help, with some…tech…stuff,” Tony made up. Peter looked confused. “Come on,” he said, getting up and already going towards Peter’s room, “we won’t be long,” he told May.

“Tech stuff?” Peter asked once Tony had shut the door behind them, “I thought you said there’d be no fighting?”

“There wasn’t supposed to be,” Tony explained, and left it at that. Peter knew it. “So, I need your help.”

“With what?”

“I have 36 hours,” Tony explained, “to bring in Steve and all his friends, before they go in to get them, dead or alive.”

“How- how could I help, though?”

“You’re Spider-Man, aren’t you?” Tony couldn’t help but smile when he saw the excitement spread across Peter's face.

“ _Really_?” he said, “You’d let me?”

“I’m still not happy about it,” Tony said, making sure to keep his disapproval evident through the whole stern-father act, “but you’re good. Probably better than Steve, even. This would be exclusively a one time thing, okay? Then this whole…superhero…thing? You’re done, alright?”

“But I get to help you?” Peter asked, “As Spider-Man?”

“Yes,” Tony said, “but not in that onesie.”

“It’s not a onesie,” Peter argued.

“You need an upgrade,” Tony continued, “systemic, top-to-bottom.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Tony said, “and we’re gonna have to get you a passport.”

“A passport?”

“We’re going to Germany.”

“ _Germany_? I can’t go to Germany.”

“Why?”

“I got…” Peter hesitated, “homework.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Do you wanna do this, or not?”

“Yeah, but-” Peter hesitated again, working it all out in his head. He could do homework on the flight, maybe? Or after the fight. He could figure it out.

“I’ve gotta go to Berlin, but Happy will pick you up and make sure you get there alright, he’ll look after you.”

Peter nodded, excited. He was going to fight with the _Avengers_.

 

* * *

 

Tony started to regret inviting Peter almost instantly. He was too desperate, and acted too quickly on the idea. The _only_  reason he hadn’t shut down the idea straight away was because he knew this would be the safest situation for him. Steve definitely wouldn’t hurt anyone seriously in this fight, so it would be a good way for Peter to get this out of his system without actually putting him in danger. Tony tried to convince himself that’s what would happen, anyway.

He got Peter’s suit together as quick as he could, but still made sure to pay attention to every detail. He couldn’t afford to make any mistakes. He already had the basic schematics sorted, he just developed it to accommodate for Peter’s powers, and made sure it had every safety feature imaginable. He fitted it with a new AI he’d been working on, too, that would be gentler and kinder for Peter. Something supportive.

He dropped the suit off at the hotel Peter would be staying in when he arrived in Berlin, and then started getting ready to fight one of his best friends.

 

* * *

 

“Wow, it’s so weird how you run into people at the airport, don’t you think that’s weird?” Tony said when he and Rhodey confronted Steve. He wanted to be friendly, he didn’t want to argue. If they argued it would make it so much easier for Steve to fight him.

“Definitely weird,” Rhodey answered.

“Hear me out, Tony,” Steve said, “that doctor, the psychiatrist? He’s behind all of this.”

Steve didn’t even flinch when King T’Challa showed up, even though that guy wanted to kill Barnes the most.

“Ross gave me 36 hours to bring you all in, that was 24 hours ago,” Tony explained. He wanted Steve to know he didn’t want it to go down like this. He hoped he wouldn’t even have to get Peter involved, if this went well. “Can you help a brother out?”

“You’re after the wrong guy.”

“Your judgement is askew,” Tony was getting fed up already, “your old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday.”

“And there are five more super soldiers just like him,” Steve said, “I can’t let the doctor find them first, Tony. I can’t.”

“Steve,” Natasha said, finally arriving. If anyone, she would get this to stop, “you know what’s about to happen. Do you really wanna punch your way out of this one?”

Steve barely even had a _glimpse_  of doubt on his face, even when he was currently one against four. Tony knew he’d have to make it five.

“Alright, I’ve ran out of patience,” he said, “Underoos!” he called. That was Peter’s cue.

Peter backflipped over Steve’s head, mostly to be dramatic. They’d discussed the plan over the phone and Peter said he wanted a ‘cool entrance’, which was fair enough. He was Tony’s kid, after all. Tony wanted to use the element of surprise to his advantage; Steve wouldn’t be expecting any more than the four of them.

Peter grabbed Steve’s shield and webbed up his hands, landing on the vehicle next to them.

“Nice job, kid,” Tony said. He should’ve given Peter more credit, or maybe the spider bite more credit. He’d expected less after living with Peter the klutz for ten years.

“Thanks!” Peter said, genuinely, “Well, I could’ve stuck the landing a little better, it’s just…new suit. Wait- it’s- it’s nothing, da- Mr. Stark, it’s- it’s perfect, thank you.”

“Yeah, we don’t really need to…start a conversation,” Tony said. It was obvious Peter wasn’t used to this.

“Okay,” Peter said. Tony could tell he was nervous because as much as he talked regularly, it increased by a million when he was nervous, “Cap- Captain,” he said to Steve, with a little salute, “big fan, Spider-Man.”

“Yeah, we’ll talk about it later, just-”

“Hey everyone,” Peter interrupted, doing a big wave. Tony was cringing internally at how much of a _kid_ Peter was. This was way out of his depth, Tony never should’ve brought him along.

“-good job,” Tony finished.

“You’ve been busy,” Steve commented.

“And you’ve been a complete idiot,” Tony retorted. He’d had enough, now. “Dragging in Clint, _rescuing_  Wanda from a place she doesn’t even want to leave, a _safe place_. I’m trying to keep-” Tony realised he was yelling, and took a breath, “I’m trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.”

“You did that when you signed,” Steve said.

“Alright, I’m done. You’re gonna turn Barnes over and you’re gonna come with us, _now_ , because it’s _us_  or a squad of guys with no compunction about being polite. Come on.”

Steve, clearly, wasn’t having it. With presumably one of Clint’s arrows, he broke free from the webbing, and _somehow_ some guy appeared in front of Peter and kicked him, sending him falling backwards.

That was it.

Tony kicked into action, going straight to Wanda because he couldn’t risk her powers being anywhere within range of Peter, and he knew she was too powerful that she unbalanced the whole team.

“Hey, da- uh, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, he was _so close_  to slipping up and it was making Tony nervous. He didn’t know what would happen if they all found out it was Peter in that suit, but he didn’t want to risk it, “what should I do?”

“What we discussed,” Tony answered, “keep your distance, web ‘em up.”

“Okay, copy that.”

Peter was excited; this was _way_  cooler than chasing after some random guy stealing a handbag. He was fighting with _the Avengers_ , _and_  against them. It was awesome. He followed two of the guys he could see running in the airport - one he’d never met but knew he was Steve’s friend, and the main reason this was all happening, and Sam who he’d kind of met, but not really.

He swung in, kicking Sam out of the way and focusing on Steve’s friend. He swung a punch at Peter, so he put his hand up to stop it, amazed when he noticed the metal arm. It was harder to hold back than the regular punches he got in New York, but still not impossible to stop.

“You have a metal arm?” he said, unable to hide his amazement, “that is awesome, dude!”

These guys put up a much better fight than Peter’s usual guys; it made for a much more interesting fight.

“Are those wings carbon fibre?” he asked Sam when he got him stuck. The wings were impressive.

“Is this stuff coming out of you?”

“That would explain the rigidity-flexibility ratio,” Peter continued, “which, gotta say, that’s awesome.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a fight before, but there’s not usually this much talking.”

“Alright, sorry, my bad,” Peter said, already knowing Steve’s friend was coming up behind him. He swung out, knocking both of them over and webbing them up. He wasn’t expecting it when some kind of tiny robot flew at him and threw him through the window of the building.

 

* * *

 

Tony was focusing on stopping Wanda, but he couldn’t help but worry about Peter the whole time. When he saw finally him again, he looked fine, at least. That was something, but there was still time. Still things to worry about.

The confrontation, their two sides facing one another, felt too real. It really sunk in what was happening. Tony was fighting his _friends_. He was trying to save them from being killed and they were fighting him for it.

All the stress about Peter was worth it in the end because, of course, Peter saved the day. With Star Wars knowledge, of all things. Tony loved that kid; he knew he brought him along for a reason. He thought that for all of two seconds, until he watched this new big guy send him flying through the air and crashing into the ground, pretty much sending Tony into cardiac arrest.

Tony rushed straight to him, and the closer he got the more the panic filled his chest. Peter was on the floor, unmoving.

“Kid, you alright?” he asked. Peter flinched, turning ready to fight with his mask barely on his head. “Woah,” Tony said, holding back his arms, “same side, guess who? Hi!”

Peter paused, finally actually looking at Tony, and relaxed. “Hey, man,” he said, letting out a sigh of relief, “that was scary.”

“Yeah, you’re _done_ , alright?”

“What?”

“You did a good job, stay down.”

“No, I’m good, I’m fine.”

“Stay down.”

Peter kept protesting, insisting that he could help.

“You’re going home, or you’re grounded _again_ , and you definitely won’t see any more of this suit.”

“Wait, but I thought-” Peter tried to say, but Tony was already gone.

Now that he was sure Peter was okay, Tony had to focus on going after Steve. He could see Rhodey already following the quinjet, and Tony caught up quickly. They might just be able to catch them in time.

But then Rhodey got hit. Sam dodged Vision’s shot, and it went right through to Rhodey’s chest-piece.

He wasn’t slowing down, his suit was offline.

Tony didn’t catch up to him in time.

“Read vitals,” Tony told F.R.I.D.A.Y. when he reached Rhodey on the ground.

“Heartbeat detected,” she told him, “emergency medical is on it’s way.”

 

* * *

 

Some kind of paralysis, the doctors said. Nat said that could be their best case scenario, if they didn’t stop. The best case scenario was abandoned when Steve refused to sign the Accords. Now, Tony was just desperately grasping at anything more than the worst case scenario.

Finally, shattered in the wake of the news about Rhodey, Tony got some good news. Barnes wasn’t behind the bombing. The fake psychiatrist, Zemo, had framed him, faked it. If Tony could get Barnes’ name cleared, he could get Steve to see reason.

He went straight to Ross, to try get it cleared up, but he didn’t even care in the slightest. Tony was allowed to see the ‘prisoners’ and that was the extent of the help he got from Ross.

Seeing everyone locked up was hard. They had Wanda _tied up_  to stop her from using her powers. She wouldn't even look at Tony. Clint just _vividly_  expressed how annoyed he was at Tony. Sam was the only one that would actually speak to him, and he managed to find out where Steve was so he could help him. They could figure out everything with the Accords after they’d stopped Zemo.

 

* * *

 

When he got to Siberia, Steve didn’t immediately try to attack Tony, and actually accepted his truce, which was something. They could fix this, and maybe even put it in the past.

Tony was expected to be attacked by five super soldiers when the three of them were going deeper into the bunker, trying to find this guy. He definitely wasn’t expecting Zemo to admit he’d killed them all. If he didn’t want to bring them all back, why were they even there?

When the screen in front of Steve flicked on with a video, Tony was confused. It didn’t take him long to recognise it.

“I know that road,” he said. He’d spent so much time there, mourning. “What is this?” he called to Zemo. He flinched when the car he knew from his childhood appeared, driving straight into the wall. He watched Barnes beat his dad to death. He watched him choke his mom.

He remembered the day they died. The police calling, telling him about the accident. Their car had crashed, they had died on impact. By the time Tony had gotten there all that was left was the half-crushed car. He’d stayed there for hours, numb and hollow. He hadn’t even said _goodbye_  to them. He’d been ungrateful and rude and he knew he’d never see his parents again. He was still a _kid_ , just a stupid kid trying to figure himself out. He never even got the chance, because his parents died and he had to deal with more than he ever wanted, was thrown into the spotlight as CEO in an industry he was never really sure he wanted to be a part of.

Tony was that 21-year-old kid again, alone and confused and in so much pain, and he _finally_  knew who murdered his parents. After all these years, he finally had something to direct all that anger, all that pain, at.

Steve held him back before he even got a chance.

“Did you know?” he asked, simply.

“I didn’t know it was him.”

“Don’t _bullshit_  me, Rogers. _Did you know_?”

“Yes.”

Hitting Steve felt good. Hitting Barnes felt even better. With every hit, he felt his anger building and building, the image of his mom dying replaying over and over in his head.

His parents could still be alive, today. Tony could’ve had a chance to have a real relationship with his father. Peter could’ve had grandparents.

Tony kept losing the upper hand; it was two against one and his suit was looking worse and worse. But the anger never stopped. Even when Steve had thrown him to the ground and kept hitting him, over and over and over, the anger never subsided.

Steve ripped off Tony’s helmet, raising his shield above his head. That split second seemed to last a million years, as Tony brought his arms up to protect his head, all he could think was _this is it_.

Steve plunged his shield into the arc reactor, and Tony gasped, his breath heaving. He was alive.

They both left.

Tony didn’t know how long he sat there before he tried to do anything. His suit was all but destroyed, the power flickering. He was screwed, and he knew it. He lifted his mangled helmet, attempting to talk to F.R.I.D.A.Y. but all he got was an unintelligible, crackled response.

Tony didn’t know if he’d be able to get out of the suit, or even stand up with or without it. Steve had left him there to die.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” Tony tried, hopelessly, “call Pepper. Keep trying until it connects.”

There wasn’t even a recognition from F.R.I.D.A.Y., Tony really was stuck there.

Eventually, a jet landed just outside, T’Challa getting out.

“Mr. Stark, I thought I’d find you here,” he said, offering a hand to help him up.

“When-?” Tony started.

“I followed you here,” he explained, “and then heard the truth about Barnes, so I captured Zemo instead,” he gestured to the jet behind him, “I’m guessing you need a ride?”

 

* * *

 

After stopping in Vienna to give Zemo to the authorities, T’Challa dropped Tony in New York.

Pepper was waiting for him, somehow. She ran up to him straight away, holding him tight. “What happened?”

“How did you-” Tony asked instead. He didn’t know how to answer her question, truthfully.

“I kept getting these calls from you that would just fizzle out and disappear, I was getting worried,” she explained, “I got Peter to break into the system and track your suit. You look awful, Tony. What happened?”

Tony took a deep, painful breath. He couldn’t avoid it forever. “My parents didn’t die in a car crash,” he started, “the _winter solider_  killed them. And I got front row seats to the footage.”

“Oh, Tony.”

“Steve knew about it,” Tony said, that part hurt, more than anything, “he knew about it and he _kept it from me_.”

Pepper didn’t say anything, but pulled Tony into another hug. Tony felt numb, as if no tears or anything could come anymore. It was all gone. He had left it in that bunker.


	14. 2016: part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me ages because it is INSANELY long pls let me know what you think in the comments because I love nothing more than reading how you all felt

**August 2016**

When the fight was over, and Peter went back to his hotel, he couldn’t contain the adrenaline still coursing through him. It had been _so cool_. He wished he could talk about it to someone, but his dad was still dealing with stuff and Happy _definitely_  wasn’t interested. Peter kept up with the video diary that he’d decided to do for the trip; he knew he wouldn’t be able to actually ever release it or show anyone, but it was fun to do, at least. It was someone to talk to about it all, when he had no one else. He couldn’t even tell _Ned_  why he’d been suddenly taken out of school, or tell him how awesome Germany was, or how he fought _Captain America_.

The next morning, Peter woke up to a banging on the wall above his head, shortly followed by the same on his door.

“Rise and shine, kid,” Happy’s muffled voice came through the door.

Peter forced himself to stand up, opening the door for Happy.

“Come on, get dressed, we’re going,” Happy told him.

“Home?”

“Yes, home,” Happy said, “come on, we’ve got a flight to catch. Don’t be late like your dad always is.”

That made Peter perk up, through the sleepiness. He loved it any time people compared him to his dad, even if it wasn’t supposed to be good. “Is my dad coming?”

“No,” Happy said, bluntly, “he’s in Russia.”

“Russia?” Peter was still half asleep and it was hard to keep up, “Does he need help?”

“No, I have _strict_  instructions to get you home.”

“But he might need help!”

“Tony can handle himself,” Happy said, “get dressed, I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

That was that. Peter knew he couldn’t get to Russia on his own, and it was a _big_  country, he wouldn’t really know where to start. So, he had to accept defeat, and got the plane with Happy back to New York.

“Back again so soon?” May joked when Peter showed up at her door.

Peter shrugged, walking past her into the apartment, “Dad’s off doing more Avengers stuff.” She hadn’t know he’d gone to Germany; as far as she knew, Peter had stayed with his dad for a night while he was in New York.

“He’ll be fine,” May said, shutting the door, already knowing what Peter was thinking.

“I just wish I could help him,” Peter said, slumping onto the couch.

“I know, sweetie,” she said, throwing him an apple - she had no idea about the spider bite, but she’d caught on to the change in Peter’s metabolism, and appetite, so she always tried to give him healthy snacks before he started on anything else, “but the way you can help is looking after yourself while he’s gone, so he doesn’t have anything more to worry about.”

Peter just shrugged again, he _could_  help more than he already had.

“Speaking of looking after yourself,” May continued, sitting next to him, “what the hell is this?” She poked the skin under his eye, making him flinch.

“What is what?” Peter replied genuinely, whatever it was was _painful_ , but he still had no idea.

May sighed, “Go look in the mirror, dummy.”

Peter climbed over the back of the sofa, ignoring May’s protests, and went to the bathroom. He shouldn’t have been shocked when he looked in the mirror, really. He _had_  been hit in the head by a super soldier. There was a swollen, deep purple bruise surrounding his eye. It must’ve developed on the flight, because Peter didn’t notice it when he was in the hotel. A heads up from Happy would’ve been good.

“Uh, I didn’t think it would bruise,” Peter said, going back into the living room.

“What happened?”

“This kid at school…” he lied.

“Don’t tell me you started it,” May said, while Peter was wracking his brain for a lie to back this up. Something that made him look good so May wouldn’t get mad at him.

“He was making fun of this girl,” Peter started. He wished he could picture Liz and him coming to her rescue, but realistically there’s nothing anyone could make fun of her for. Picturing Michelle was easier. “I tried to defend her, but this guy was a _lot_  bigger than me.”

“Did you get a few hits in, at least?” May asked, with a smile.

“Yeah, I managed a couple,” Peter said, truthfully.

“Well, I’m sure the girl appreciated it a lot,” May said. Peter could tell by the look on her face she was hinting at something, but he chose to ignore it.

“Maybe,” Peter said. Thinking about it, Michelle wasn’t that realistic either. Most people were probably too scared of her to make fun of her; she was more likely to punch someone that was making fun of Peter than vice versa.

“Let me get you some ice,” May said, sitting Peter down again, “you need to rest.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m worried about your dad,” was the first thing Pepper said when she called Peter out of nowhere later in the day. For someone that was always so well put together, she sounded very stressed.

“Why?” Peter asked, the stress immediately rubbing off on him, especially because it was about his dad.

“I keep getting these calls from him that just crackle out to nothing,” she explained, “I have no idea where he is, I don’t know if he’s hurt, or stranded again like he was at Christmas a few years ago.”

“What can I do?”

“If we can figure out a way to track his suit…I don’t know how but you might be able to figure it out.”

Peter got May to drop him off at home, and then he and Pepper sat for a while in front of his dad’s computers, figuring out how to get into the system and track his suit. Peter got it eventually. Apparently he was in the middle of the ocean.

“He’s on a plane, thank god,” Pepper said. Peter didn’t admit that he hadn’t made that connection, “I’m going to go to the airport to meet him, hopefully I won’t be too long.” Peter wished he could go with her - he _really_  wanted to see his dad after the time he and Pepper had spent worrying, but he also knew that Pepper needed to be alone with him. He hoped, with everything that happened, this might push them back together. He didn’t want to get in the way of that.

 

* * *

 

Tony tried to avoid explaining what happened to Peter; he didn’t want to repeat it again, and wanted to protect Peter from having to think about it. He let Peter guide the conversation as soon as he was home - he was excited and happy to talk about how he did in the fight.

“Who is this from?” was the first thing Tony said to Peter, clearly looking at his eye. He sounded annoyed and it threw Peter for a moment. Tony himself was looking a lot worse, and he didn’t have any superhuman powers, so he didn’t know why he was so worried about a black eye.

“Uh,” Peter hesitated, looking at Pepper. He didn’t know if she knew or not, or if Tony had told her. “I think it was Steve,” he continued, when Tony kept looking at him expectantly, “he hit me with his shield, it wasn’t so bad.”

Peter could see the muscles in Tony’s jaw working, a cold look behind his eyes. The anger that had been replaced by tiredness was coming back, a cold harsh anger that Tony was hardly familiar with. Barnes had killed Tony’s parents, and in the same day Steve had hurt the only other family Tony had. He knew he should be blaming himself for bringing Peter along, but it was so much easier to blame Steve. _He_  had hurt Peter.

“Really, it was fine,” Peter insisted, trying to diffuse the situation, “the fight was good, I understand my powers more now!”

Tony let his face soften, with considerable effort.

“I can hold up a lot more than I thought I could,” Peter continued, with an excited grin, “I could hold up a _jet bridge_.”

“How the hell did you figure that out?” Tony asked, ready to get annoyed again.

“Uh…” _crap_ , Peter thought, “it doesn’t matter.”

Tony gave him a look.

“Steve…he, uh, knocked the support out from the jet bridge while I was under it,” Peter explained, “I caught it though! I held it up!”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Tony said, and Pepper reacted immediately, moving to stand in front of Tony.

“He didn’t know it was Peter, okay?” Pepper said, her voice calm and reassuring.

“He shouldn’t be dropping jet bridges on fourteen-year-olds!” Tony said, close to yelling.

“It’s done now,” Pepper said, “Peter’s alive, he’s fine.”

Tony sighed, giving up and sinking into Pepper’s arms. He was so tired and drained from everything that had happened that day. He just wanted to go to bed and forget about it all.

 

* * *

 

Pepper stayed for the days following the fight, and Peter didn’t know what it meant. It felt like it was a year ago again, and everything was back to normal. He didn’t know how long it would last, though.

Tony didn’t know what was happening, either. Pepper was looking after him, keeping an eye on him. It felt like everything could be okay, again.

“We need to talk, Tony,” Pepper said, eventually, bursting the bubble that they could just keep going on like that forever. Tony knew she’d just say that this still wasn’t what was best for them.

Tony agreed, taking a deep breath and preparing himself.

“I want to try again,” Pepper said. Tony froze, he didn’t know if he heard her right, or understood what she meant. He couldn’t get his hopes up.

“You want-” Tony tried.

“This last year has been so hard,” she said, taking both of his hands, “but we were right to take a break. We lost each other somewhere between everything. There was so much going on, with the Avengers and the…just…everything.”

“I gave it all up,” Tony said, “I kept my promise. This was the first time I put the suit on since Sokovia.” He and Pepper were the closest they’ve been in a year and Tony was so scared he’d lose her again.

“I know,” Pepper said, resting her forehead against his and closing her eyes, “I’m sorry, Tony, for this whole year.”

“Me too,” Tony said, “for the last fifteen years.”

Pepper laughed, her eyes opening and creasing at the corners. Tony was the luckiest guy in the world.

“I’m serious about this,” Tony said, sitting back a bit, “I’m all in.”

Pepper gave him a sad smile, “You’ve said that before.”

“I mean it.”

“I want to believe that.”

“Really, Pep, I do,” Tony insisted, taking her hands, “I know I’m getting old, and probably don’t have the same appeal I did when you accepted the job 15 years ago.”

Pepper laughed, “Is that why I took the job?”

“I think so, right? I was 30, young, and attractive. You couldn’t resist me,” Tony joked.

“Well I managed to for the first eight years,” Pepper retorted.

“But I wore you down eventually,” Tony said with a smile, “point is, I know I’m old, and I already have a fourteen year old, but I still want all of this. I want to marry you, I want us to have kids, I want to do it all.”

“Are you really ready for that?” Pepper questioned.

Tony didn’t have to even think twice about that. He knew he’d made a lot of progress over the last few years, and liked to think that he had reached a point where he was good enough to be a good husband to Pepper, but that didn’t change that he’d been ready to marry her for years. Before they even first kissed, and first admitted they liked each other. Tony still remembered the day.

_“What’s so important that you’re missing the board meeting about your sudden change of mind about how you make your living?” Happy questioned, sat in the passenger seat while Tony drove._

_“I’m sure they’d rather manage without me,” Tony said, “this is very important business.”_

_“Important business in a jewellery store?” Happy asked when Tony pulled up outside._

_“Yes, actually,” Tony answered simply. He’d tried to brush it off and not think about it, but he just couldn’t shake the way he felt when he saw Pepper after being rescued. He couldn’t deny the way he’d felt about her since he’d hired her as his assistant, but he knew she’d never be interested so he ignored it. He_ knew _he couldn’t any more though. Other than Peter, she was the only thing he cared about seeing again. Being without her in that cave really proved how much she meant to him._

_“Don’t tell me you’re proposing to some one night stand,” Happy said, sounding fed up, while he watched Tony looking at the different rings on display._

_“Not a one night stand,” Tony corrected, “more important than that.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Pepper.”_

_“_ Pepper _?” Happy repeated, looking shocked, “Don’t you think that’s quite a bold move considering you guys still aren’t together.”_

_Tony shrugged, “I would’ve thought the fact that we don’t even know if she’s interested in me would be a bigger flaw, for you.”_

_“Oh, no, she definitely likes you.”_

_That made Tony stop in his tracks. Happy sounded_ certain _. “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean of the seven years I’ve worked closely with her, I’ve never doubted that she’s one hundred percent interested in you._

_“I think you need to work on your people-reading skills,” Tony said, brushing it off because there was no way Happy could be right._

_“You do remember who she’s working for, right? She’s a sensible woman, the_ only _possible reason she hasn’t quit yet is that she’s in love with you.”_

_“She’s just good at putting up with me.”_

_“Because she’s in love with you.”_

_Tony didn’t want to get his hopes up, because he knew he’d just be setting himself up to be let down. “Well, all the more reason to get a ring, then,” he said._

_Tony picked out the best ring in the shop, barely even glancing at the price. He gave the box straight to Happy._

_“What am I supposed to do with this?” he asked, looking confused._

_“Look after it,” Tony said, “I want to wait for the right moment, so I need the ring ready for when it comes.”_

“I’ve been ready since before you even decided you liked me.”

 

* * *

 

“How did you find the new suit?” Tony asked Peter, nearly a week after the fight, “In Berlin?”

“It was _so cool_ ,” Peter said enthusiastically, “it works way better than my old one.”

Tony laughed, “I should hope so.” Secretly, he’d been working on the suit some more since they’d gotten back. Whenever Pepper had been at work, Tony couldn’t help but tinker. It’s what he did. He couldn’t resist experimenting a little bit. The more he worked on it, the more he was warming up to the idea of Peter doing this. As long as he could keep him safe, it might not be the worst thing in the world. It would make Peter happy. “You weren’t too out of your depth, were you, in the fight?”

Peter shook his head, “It was really cool, it felt like I was actually pushing myself. Normally it’s easy,” he shrugged.

That wasn’t really Tony wanted to hear. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he was about to say this. “I was thinking… _maybe_ …you can try out being Spider-Man again.”

Peter’s face lit up, and Tony had to hurry to explain himself.

“ _Only_  a test run,” he said, “nothing dangerous, just a…friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man.”

“Looking out for the little guy,” Peter added.

“Exactly,” Tony said, “and I reserve the right to change my mind if _anything_  happens. So I mean it, nothing dangerous. Petty crime and people in need only.”

“Done,” Peter said. He looked over the moon.

“I’ve been working on the suit a bit, I’ll just finish up and then you can have it,” Tony said. He’d have to put some restrictions on it until he was sure Peter could be responsible, also because some of the features he’d added weren’t exactly suitable for a fourteen-year-old, Tony had just gotten carried away having the new project, “as long as you swear to be responsible and _safe_.”

“I swear.”

 

**October 2016**

Peter did a very quick, half-hearted assessment when he saw some guys robbing the ATMs. They were just a few guys, it was hardly _dangerous_. Peter had fought off super soldiers. Sure, it was a bit more than a petty crime, but his dad was a billionaire. Maybe to him, robbing an ATM was petty theft. Peter could use that as an excuse, anyway.

Besides, Peter was _bored_. Sure, being Spider-Man was cool, but all he’d done was stopped someone from stealing a bike and helped a woman with directions. He needed _something_  to do. Now, he could do this. His dad wouldn’t even have to know. His dad wasn’t even in the _country_. He and Pepper were off at a wedding across the other side of the world, so Peter was staying with May, as usual, and she didn’t have to know _any_  of it.

Peter regretted his decision, only a little bit, when he actually tried to fight the guys. They had weapons, _weird_  ones. These were dangerous, and he kicked himself when he realised he’d have to tell his dad about it. If he could catch the guys, maybe his dad would cut him some slack.

Of course, it didn’t work that way. Peter lost them making sure Mr. Delmar and his cat across the road were okay when they lost control of their weapon.

Peter went back to May’s, defeated. He tried calling Happy only the way back - knowing his dad would be probably too busy to answer - but he didn’t want to hear any of it either.

The last thing Peter expected to see when he got into his room was Ned sat on his bed, holding the half-built lego death star he’d told him about that morning. Before he dropped it and it shattered into pieces, that was.

“You’re the Spider-Man,” Ned said, his face completely awe-struck, “from YouTube.”

“I’m not, I’m not,” Peter said, realising he was wearing the suit and that probably wasn’t helping. He hit the chest, letting it deflate around him.

“You were on the _ceiling_ ,” Ned said. He sounded like he was about to freak out and that was making Peter ready to freak out. Peter knew Ned could hardly keep a secret, and if he told May then Peter was screwed, even if he told his dad Peter knew he was still screwed.

“No, I wasn’t,” Peter was panicking. He _had_  been on the ceiling, but what else was he supposed to say? “Ned, what are you doing in my room?”

“May let me in, you said we were gonna finish the death star!”

“You can’t just bust into my room!” Peter said, jumping when May walked in - casual and oblivious - to invite Ned to dinner.

“Oh, she doesn’t know,” Ned said as soon as she left.

“Nobody knows!” Peter said, “Well, I mean my dad because he made my suit, and, uh, Pepper…cause he told her. But that’s it.”

“Tony Stark made you that?”

“He’s my _dad_!” Peter replied. He was still struggling to get Ned to call him his dad instead of ‘Tony Stark’ all the time, even after a year and a half of him knowing.

“Are you an Avenger?” Ned asked.

“Yeah, basically,” Peter said. He knew he wasn’t, really. His dad had made it clear that the Avengers were too dangerous, but Peter had fought with _some_  of the Avengers, so that could count.

“Oh, jeez.”

“You can’t tell anybody about this, you gotta keep it secret,” Peter said.

“Secret? Why?”

“Because you know what she’s like! If she finds out people try to kill me every single night, she’s not gonna let me do this anymore!” Peter said, whispering but trying to emphasise his point, “It already took so much to get my dad to let me do it and he does _way_  more than this! Come on, Ned, please.”

“Okay, I’ll level with you,” Ned said, “I don’t think I can keep this a secret, it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me!”

“May _cannot_  know, I _cannot_  do that to her right now.”

Peter eventually got Ned to agree not to tell anyone. But if the next day at school was anything to go by, it wasn’t going to last long. He spent the _entire_  morning asking Peter questions - about his powers, fights, the Avengers. Everything. He wasn’t subtle about it, either.

So, Peter should’ve expected exactly how bad it would go the _second_  they heard Liz talking about Spider-Man in gym.

Ned and Peter shared a look of equal amazement. Peter couldn’t stop listening in, or staring. This was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Liz pretty much had a crush on _him_.

“Peter knows Spider-Man!” Ned blurted out, making Peter’s heart leap in his chest. Everyone in the room froze and stared at the two of them.

“No, I don’t,” Peter stammered; he had no idea how to recover from this, “no, I- I mean…”

“They’re friends,” Ned continued, digging Peter further into this hole.

“Yeah, like Coach Wilson and Captain America are friends,” Flash retorted from across the room.

That annoyed Peter, so he decided to change his tactic. “I’ve met him, yeah. A couple times. But it’s, um…through my dad, you know? He doesn’t really want me talking about it,” he added, giving Ned a glare.

“Well, that’s awesome,” Flash quipped, “Hey, you know what maybe you should invite him to Liz’s party, right?”

“Yeah, um, I’m having a few people over tonight,” Liz said, nearly killing Peter, “you’re more than welcome to come.”

Peter couldn’t believe it. He was still annoyed at Ned for _nearly_  revealing his secret identity, after only a day of knowing about it. But he was _invited to Liz’s party_. _This_  was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

 

* * *

 

“How’s school?” Tony asked Peter when he called him that afternoon. Tony was paranoid that something would happen to Peter while he was away, even if it was only a couple days. “Are you out Spider-Maning?”

“No, I’m taking a day off tonight,” Peter said. Tony tried to hide his surprise; ever since he’d agreed to give Peter back the suit, he hadn’t taken a single day off, “I’m going to a _party_.”

“A party, really?” Tony could say with confidence that he’d never seen Peter go to a party.

“Yeah, me and Ned were invited,” Peter explained, choosing to leave out the part where he was going to take the suit with him and make an appearance as Spider-Man to impress his crush. That would probably be enough to get his dad to fly home that second, and he didn’t want to risk losing the suit again.

Peter was nervous the second the time of the party started to approach. He’d put his suit on under his clothes, which already made him paranoid he’d get caught, then in the whole ride over in May’s car Ned wouldn’t stop talking about the party and it was making Peter _very_  nervous. He could easily slip up.

He let out a sigh of relief when they were finally dropped off. Peter had been so close to changing his mind, but there was no going back now.

The first person they ran into was Michelle, which shouldn’t of been a surprise, really. She was as mysterious as usual. The _second_  person they ran into, though, was _Liz_. She greeted them _specifically_. Peter thought he might die. _She was happy they came_.

Peter quickly realised he didn’t want to do this. He wanted Liz to like him for him, not for being a superhero. Then he’d _never_  know if she actually liked him or if she just liked Spider-Man. Besides, it wasn’t a party trick. If his dad heard, he’d be screwed. He needed to prove he was responsible.

Except, Flash just had to open his mouth.

While he got changed, Peter told himself it was just to get Flash to shut up. Nothing more. It had _nothing_  to do with Liz.

He started to get nervous, though, looking at everyone below in the party. They’d recognise his voice, and any voice he put on sounded so stupid. This was a bad idea. It wasn’t being responsible, like his dad wanted. There’s no way his dad _ever_  would wear his suit just to impress people at a party. None of the Avengers would.

Before Peter could even decide to back out, he saw an explosion in the distance. Checking on that _would_  be the responsible thing. That’s what his dad would do.

Peter didn’t know if it was good or bad luck that it was the same weapons from before. Sure, at least now he knew who was selling them and how bank robbers were getting these high-tech weapons, but now he had to tell his dad about _this_ , too. It also meant they used the weapons on him as soon as they saw him, which wasn’t so fun. Neither was getting dragged along the street while trying to stop them from getting away.

They managed to knock him free and Peter decided to take a shortcut, which may have resulted in a _lot_  of property damage in people’s backyards, but he didn’t hurt anyone, at least. He just about managed to catch up with them, and was _just_  going to make it when he felt something grab him from above and start lifting him into the air.

Peter had no idea what was happening, or who this was, but he kept taking him higher and higher until his suit starting beeping which _definitely_  wasn’t a good sign. Peter was even more clueless when he was suddenly pulled out of the guy’s grip, and it took him a moment to process that the cloth he was now getting completely wrapped up in must’ve been a parachute his dad had put into his suit. He really did prepare for the worst. Peter would’ve been thankful, except it wasn’t working at _all_ ; it had completely wrapped around him and he was still plummeting to the ground at full speed. Peter was panicking, trying to untangle himself, but it just got worse and worse the more he tried.

Hitting the water felt like hitting solid ground that caved underneath him and swallowed him whole. The parachute was still wrapped round him and Peter couldn’t get loose, couldn’t swim to the surface and _definitely_  couldn’t breathe. It didn’t take long for everything to go black.

 

* * *

 

Tony had been talking to another guest when his phone went off with a sound specifically reserved for emergencies. He excused himself quickly, his heart leaping out of his chest. When he checked his phone, there were three alerts from Peter’s suit - that it had reached a certain altitude, that the parachute had been released, and that it had been fully submerged. Tony automatically assumed the worst, straight away deploying a suit to find him.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” Tony prompted.

“He appears to be unconscious, boss,” she replied into his ear piece, “he’s still underwater.”

 _Shit_ , Tony thought, waiting on edge for the suit to get to him.

 

* * *

 

When Peter woke up, he was in the air again. He had a moment of panic before he recognised his dad’s suit holding him up.

“Oh, hey,” he said, relieved. He’d thought he was going to die, “when did you get home?”

His dad didn’t answer, just dropped him by the edge of the river. Peter took his mask off so he could get some deep breaths in and get the cold water away from his face. He explained what happened to his dad, trying to make it sound like it was all the other guy’s fault and Peter didn’t do anything ‘ _dangerous_ ’.

“How’d you find me?” he finally asked, realising, “Did you put a tracker in my suit or something?”

“I put everything in your suit,” Tony answered. He had gotten stranded a few too many times for his liking; he couldn’t let the same thing happen to Peter. “Including this heater.”

“Woah,” Peter said, feeling the heat surround him and finally stop his shivering, “that’s better, thanks.”

“I thought you were supposed to be at a party,” Tony said. He _specifically_  remembered Peter saying he was taking a night off, “what happened to the night off?”

“I was!” Peter said, immediately going to defend himself, “I was supposed to have a night off, but then there was this- this _explosion_  and I thought, you know, if there were these really bad weapons before, maybe they’d be there again. And maybe someone was hurt. I couldn’t just _ignore_  it.”

“What were you thinking?” Tony asked, accusingly.

“The guy with the wings is obviously the source of the weapons, I gotta take him down!”

“Take him _down_  now, huh? Steady, Crockett, there are people who handle this kind of thing.”

“The Avengers?” Peter questioned. He could convince his dad to let him be an Avenger again.

“No, this is a little below their pay grade,” Tony said, “but it’s _definitely_  above yours. This is way too dangerous for you to get involved in.”

“But-”

“I’m serious, Peter.”

“You didn’t have to come all the way out here you know, I can handle it myself. I was fine. I know you’re…busy, or whatever.”

“I’m not here,” Tony answered, opening the helmet to his suit to reveal an empty hole. Peter shouldn’t have been surprised, really. “Still at the wedding. You’re lucky this place has Wi-Fi, or you’d be toast right now. Look, Pete, forget the flying vulture guy, please.”

“Why?” Peter questioned, this had been _his_  fight. He could do it. He could _stop_  these people.

“Why? Because I said so!” Tony replied, raising his voice and Peter already knew he’d lost this fight, “Stay close to the ground, build up your game helping the little people, like the lady that bought you the churro. Can’t you just be a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man?”

“But I’m ready for more than that now!” Peter said, trying his luck. He _wanted_  this. He was so bored of doing nothing in the streets all day.

“No, you’re not.”

“That’s not what you thought when I took on Captain America!”

“Trust me, if Cap wanted to lay you out, he would’ve. Listen to me, if you come across these weapons again, call me or Happy.”

“Are you _driving_?” Peter asked, changing the subject when he heard an engine revving through the suit.

“You know, it’s never too early to start thinking about college,” Tony said, moving on. That just frustrated Peter even more, “I’ve got some pull at MIT.”

“No, I don’t-” Peter started, but F.R.I.D.A.Y. interrupted him to tell him that his dad was gone. He’d hung up. Of course. Peter was fed up; his dad was getting more and more busy and more and more distant lately. It felt like he never saw him. He loved aunt May, but he was _always_  staying at her house. He had no idea what his dad was even doing, anymore.

On the way walking back to the party, Peter spotted something in the debris from his fighting in the street. He couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but it was some part of their weapons. It looked like alien tech. There were people that were making _weapons_  out of alien materials and his dad was just blowing it off like it was nothing. Peter knew nothing would happen if he didn’t do anything. He knew he’d have to go against what his dad said. That’s why he took the weapon, and started looking into it.

It was probably a bad idea to take it to school, and to show Ned, who was now _officially_  the worst secret keeper. Peter knew this for sure when the guys showed up at school, looking for it. He _did_  manage to attach a tracker to one of them, though, while managing to stay hidden. He could hear a voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like his dad reminding him that he’d endangered everyone at school, including himself, and it wasn’t worth it. Peter chose to ignore that, celebrating the small victory. He _could_  take these guys down, because god knows no one else was going to do it.

 

* * *

 

“How was the trip?” Peter asked when Pepper and his dad got home that afternoon. He told himself he wasn’t going to sulk because it would just make it even worse when his dad inevitably found out that Peter was still going after them. Hopefully, it would be after Peter had already stopped them.

Tony sighed, dropping their bags down, “Unsuccessful.”

“Unsuccessful? Wasn’t it a wedding?” Peter questioned. Pepper caught his eye with a look only understandable to people who’d known Tony as long as them.

“The wedding was an excuse, really,” Tony explained, making coffee and offering it round.

“You know your dad doesn’t ever accept invitations to anything,” Pepper added. Peter nodded in agreement.

Tony continued, unperturbed, “Bruce used to live in Calcutta, before the Avengers started. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to come back to all that again, especially if he’d seen about the Accords. I thought, maybe, he’d go back to Calcutta again to get away from it all. When I got the invitation it was close enough that I could use it as an excuse to visit and look for him,” Tony shrugged light-heartedly, but both Pepper and Peter saw through it - they could see the disappointment underneath it all, the grief he’d been holding for the last year and a half over his missing friend that just got worse as the hope he’d reappear got smaller and smaller.

“He’ll be out there somewhere,” Pepper said, taking a coffee from Tony. He wasn’t fully convinced; it felt like he’d exhausted every possible lead and it had been over a _year_. He had to turn up at some point, if he was still alive. Tony couldn’t imagine the hulk would let him die, but that meant he was still out there, either as Bruce or the hulk. Bruce _knew_  there were lots of people that cared about him, and wouldn’t disappear without a word. The hulk wouldn’t care so much, but there’s no way he’d go unnoticed for over a year.

Tony sighed. Maybe it was better he didn’t know what happened to Bruce; he didn’t want to lose more than he already had.

“I’ve got some work to do,” Pepper said, silently checking he was okay before she left with a long, meaningful look. Tony didn’t want her to, but he let her go.

“Is it okay if Ned comes round later?” Peter asked. Tony had been surprised he hadn’t already been here when he and Pepper got home.

“Sure,” Tony said, taking a long gulp of coffee, “I’m gonna be in the lab, what are you guys doing?”

Peter was obviously thrown off by the question; Tony never usually asked. Even though he still had no idea Ned knew about Peter’s secret identity, he was still suspicious after what had happened when Peter was ‘at a party’, so he wanted to keep a close eye. He couldn’t risk Peter getting hurt again; it was scary enough the first time.

“Uh,” Peter hesitated, partly because of the surprising question, mostly because Peter was going to be catching Ned up on what had happened, and how he’s tracking the bad guys, “Ned wants to build some more of his new Lego Death Star.”

Tony nodded slowly, still suspicious. Peter’s face was the picture of innocence, he hoped.

“Tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. if you need me, I’ll be busy,” Tony said as he left to go to the lab, meaning he didn’t want to be disturbed. He didn’t want Peter to see the new suit he was working on for him, partly because he wanted it to be a surprise, partly because he was still annoyed about what had happened with the ‘party’ and he didn’t want to encourage anything too quickly. He didn’t want to work on Peter’s suit at the moment anyway, because of that. He chose to work more on his latest suit.

Ever since the fight with Barnes in Vienna, Tony had started thinking about this idea, but it was taking some time to bring it to reality. If he wanted, he could shut himself away for a few days and get it done and dusted, but Tony was trying to be different. Trying to be better, to prove to Pepper that she made the right choice. So, it was a longer process.

He didn’t want to get caught off guard again, without a suit, in a fight. Even though Peter was probably better than Tony at defending himself, he still wanted to be able to protect his family, especially if he and Pepper ever had kids of their own. Tony needed to be ready for that, especially if Thor was right about a big fight coming. Tony needed to be ready for that, too. That’s why he started thinking about nanotech, working on a suit that he could bring out of practically nothing. He knew from when he was in Monaco that lugging around a case for the suit didn’t really work the best.

Tony only noticed how much time had passed while he was working on the suit when he started getting hungry, looking up to see that it was already pitch black outside. He took a deep breath, stretching out his shoulders after being hunched over the minuscule tech, deciding to order some food. He knew what Pepper would want, but thought Peter and Ned were probably getting hungry, too.

He poked his head into Peter’s room, immediately noticing the way Peter flinched to cover something up. Tony _did_  see the Lego that Peter had told him about, though, so he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn’t want to turn into his own dad and start getting annoyed at Peter for not doing anything. He also chose to ignore the fact that there was a variety of different Spider-Man gear around the room; Peter’s web-shooters were on the desk and his mask hanging over the edge of the top bunk. Tony hoped Ned was just really oblivious and Peter hadn’t actually told him.

“What do you two want to eat? I’m ordering food.”

 

* * *

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Peter yelled behind him the next morning, hoping his dad wouldn’t catch on and question it. He almost made it.

“Wait!” Tony yelled back, walking out the hallway to see him, “Tomorrow?”

“It’s Academic Decathlon, remember?” Peter said, “In DC.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Tony said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, “you weren’t going.”

 _Crap_ , Peter thought. “Uh, yeah. I decided to go.”

Tony raised his eyebrows, “How come?”

“Well, I thought I shouldn’t drop _everything_  for Spider-Man, you know, just in case…yeah,” Peter made up, instead of telling the truth that he’d tracked the weapons guys to Maryland and DC was as close as he’d get, “and Ned wanted company.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, still suspicious. He made a mental note to check the footage from his suit that night. “Alright,” he accepted, “but behave. No reckless behaviour, _no Spider-Man_.”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” Peter said, knowing his dad would never have to find out.

Tony rolled his eyes, “Go on, have fun,” he said, “good luck.”

“Thanks, dad,” Peter grinned, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Even though he was only on the trip to get close to the weapons guys, Peter felt happy to be back as part of the team. It felt nice, and _normal_ , practicing questions on the bus and hanging out with everyone. Not to mention the way his heart skipped every time Liz looked at him when he answered a question. And, of course, the satisfaction of Flash getting most of the questions wrong. Sure, Peter loved being a superhero, and felt lucky to be Spider-Man, but it was nice to forget about that even if only for a second, and just think about regular kid stuff.

It didn’t last long, though. As soon as Peter and Ned got into their hotel room, Peter had to start thinking about how he’d get to these guys. He knew for _sure_  his dad had put a tracker in his suit, so he needed to get rid of that first, otherwise he was screwed.

“Peter, why are we removing the tracker from your suit?” Ned asked. Luckily, he’d brought his laptop, so Peter had hooked the suit up to it to get Ned to work on the software side, while Peter dealt with the physical part.

“Because I’ve gotta follow these guys to their boss before they move again, and I don’t _really_  want my dad to know about it,” Peter explained.

“So you’re lying to Iron Man now?”

Peter didn’t even bother to try and correct Ned anymore, it had been over a year and he still never just said ‘your dad’. He didn’t think it would ever happen. “No, no, no, not _lying_. I mean…he’s my _dad_ , don’t you ever lie to your parents?”

Ned shrugged, “My parents aren’t superheroes.”

Peter shrugged back, “Doesn’t make a difference. He’d be the same if he was just a regular dad. He just…doesn’t really get what I can do yet,” Peter explained, managing to get the tracker loose, “last time I fought them he found me and forbid me from going after them anymore.”

“The night of the party? Maybe he’s right,” Ned said, and the offended look Peter gave him was enough to stop that train of thought in it’s tracks, “I’m just saying! He’s been doing this for ages, he knows what he’s doing, right?”

Peter sighed, “That doesn’t mean-”

Before Peter could continue, Ned interrupted, “Woah, dude, there’s a ton of other sub-systems in here.”

“Hmm?” Peter asked, not even looking up. He knew his dad, so he didn’t think anything of it. He would’ve included _tons_  of stuff that Peter wouldn’t even know how to use yet.

“But, they’re all disabled by the…” Ned continued. That got Peter’s interest more. Why was his dad keeping stuff disabled? “‘training wheels protocol’,” he finished, with a laugh.

“What?” Peter said, moving next to Ned to see the screen. Sure enough, he was right. “Training wheels protocol?”

Ned laughed again.

“Turn it off!” Peter exclaimed. He couldn’t believe his dad wasn’t letting him use the full suit.

“I…don’t think that’s a good idea, I mean, they’re probably blocked for a reason.”

“Oh, come on, man. I don’t need training wheels!” Peter said, climbing up onto the other bed and bouncing to use up his excess energy, mostly from his frustration at his dad, but he and Ned _had_  also gorged on snacks on the bus, “I’m sick of him treating me like a kid all the time. It’s not cool!”

“But…you are a kid.”

“Yeah, a kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands!” Peter had already been annoyed that his dad didn’t have faith in his abilities and wouldn’t let him go after these guys, but keeping half the suit _disabled_  as well? It felt like his dad didn’t think he was capable of nearly enough as he was.

“Peter, I just don’t think this is a great idea! I mean, what if this is illegal?” Ned questioned, sounding nervous. Peter _had_  to convince him.

“Look, please,” Peter begged, jumping off the bed and kneeling down on the floor next to him, “this is my chance to prove myself. I can handle it, Ned, come on.” He needed to be able to prove himself to his dad. If he could use the full suit, _without_  help, _and_  take down these guys, then his dad couldn’t say he wasn’t ready enough or responsible enough for any of this.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Look, guy in the chair,” Peter whispered, knowing it would get Ned.

“Don’t do that,” Ned said. He’d _definitely_  got him.

“Come _on_ ,” Peter begged, one last time.

Ned sighed in defeat, tapping a few keys and the suit responded instantly. Peter buzzed with excitement.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, jumping up to get the suit on already.

“Are you going now?” Ned asked. He looked worried.

Peter nodded, putting the suit back together, “I need to get them before they move.”

“Be careful,” Ned said, while Peter swapped his clothes for the suit and then pulled them back on over the top of it. He was excited, ready to prove himself. He stuck his head out the door to check no one was there, quickly said goodbye to Ned, and then he was ready to take down some bad guys.

Except, LIz. Liz was there. In a swimsuit.

“Hey, Liz,” Peter said, his voice shaky and nervous. All confidence he’d had a second ago was gone.

“Perfect timing,” Liz whispered, coming closer to Peter. He was going to explode, “we’re gonna go swimming,” she explained, gesturing behind him and everyone else followed, running past Peter.

“I was gonna go, uh, study…in the…business centre,” he _wished_  he could join her.

“Peter, you don’t need to study. You’re, like, the smartest guy I’ve ever met,” Peter was _actually_  going to explode. This didn’t feel real. _Liz_  thought he was _smart_ , “and besides, um, a rebellious group activity the day before competition is good for morale.”

“Hmm?”

“Um, well, I read that in a TED talk, so…I-I _heard_  it,” she corrected, laughing. Peter couldn’t stop staring at her, “in a TED talk…and I read a coaching book.”

“Wow, you’re really- this is really important to you.” She amazed him. She was so passionate about this; she cared so much.

“ _Yeah_ , it’s our future. I’m not gonna screw it up. Besides, we raided the mini bar and these candy bars were like…$11. So get your trunks on and come _on_ ,” she said, throwing one of the candy bars at him and turning to join the others. Just like that, she was gone again. Peter hesitated, just for a minute, wanting to change his mind and go hang out with everyone else. He knew he’d regret missing out on this, on the time spent with Liz, and the chance to just be carefree with his classmates and be a _kid_.

But, he had responsibilities. As much as his dad had tried to tell him they weren’t his, _he_  clearly wasn’t doing anything about it, so someone had to.

Peter only stopped briefly to watch everyone else having fun in the pool, feeling a pang of jealousy that he had to push through and ignore. The second he pulled his mask over his head, he had more important things to worry about.

“Good evening, Peter,” a woman’s voice said, coming from nowhere in particular.

“Hello?” Peter said, immediately going defensive. He had no idea what was happening. “Hello?”

“Congratulations on completing the rigorous training wheels protocol and gaining access to your suit’s full capabilities,” the woman continued. All kinds of things were flashing up on the display in front of Peter and it was overwhelming him; it was too much to process all at once and he didn’t understand most of it.

“Uh,” Peter said, taking a minute to process it. The training wheels protocol. Ned had gotten rid of it, and now Peter had all this stuff, including an AI. Like his dad had F.R.I.D.A.Y., Peter supposed he made one for him, too. “Thank you.”

“So where would you like to take me tonight?”

“I…put a tracker on someone,” Peter said, “he’s a bad guy,” he added, feeling the need to explain himself.

“Tracker located. Plotting course to intercept target.”

“Okay, well as long as I make it back in time for the Decathlon, it’s fine,” Peter said, already following the directions on the display in front of him. This was _so_ _cool_. He didn’t know why his dad had kept this stuff disabled. It made everything so much _easier_. This was going to be fine.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t fine, in the end. He thought it would be fine. It _started off_  fine. There were so many cool new things he could do, like listen in on conversations really far away, and apparently he had an ‘instant kill mode’, but he also had about a _million_  different ways to use his web shooters, which definitely threw him off. Maybe this was why he needed training wheels. Peter barely even got a chance to fight before he managed to knock himself out and get stuck in a truck.

Peter was stuck in a vault. With no way to get out until morning. If he _could_  even get out in the morning. Peter felt like an idiot. Maybe his dad had been right. He shouldn’t have removed the tracker, otherwise his dad would’ve probably gotten him out by now.

Peter’s biggest concern _was_  that he would miss the Decathlon and screw everything up for the team, and annoy Liz. He couldn’t risk it after she’d been so nice to him. That’s why he was digging through all the alien tech to try and find something to get him out. That’s why he found another glow-y thing like the one Ned was looking after. That’s why the suit lady, who he’d started calling Karen, could tell him what it actually was. Which was a bomb. The thing they’d been carrying round for _days_. The thing Ned had _right that second_. That was a bigger concern than Academic Decathlon.

He didn’t know how many hours it took to get the door open, but by the time he did it was already morning. He was so screwed. Ned wouldn’t pick up the phone, and the one time he did he didn’t get the chance to tell him he was _carrying a bomb_  before he was gone again. It took way too long to get to the Washington Monument, and when he did he knew it was already too late. A deep crack had formed all the way round the top. He had no idea what was going on, but he needed to get inside.

“The Chitauri core has detonated and caused severe structural damage to the elevator,” Karen told Peter, which didn’t make him feel any better, but she showed him the inside and everyone looked okay, at least. For now.

“My friends are up there!” A familiar voice said from behind him, making Peter jump. Michelle. At least she was safe.

“Uh…don’t worry, ma’am, everything’s gonna be okay,” Peter said, deepening his voice so she didn’t recognise it. He _hoped_  everything was going to be okay, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t freaking out. Ned and Liz and everyone else were in danger and he was the only one that could help. This was his fault.

Climbing the building wasn’t even the worst part, in the end. Looking down and having to still function, though. That was difficult. Arguably, getting shot at by a helicopter wasn’t even as bad.

Saving all his friends and Liz, definitely good.

Falling hundreds of feet down an elevator shaft, not so much.

It took him a moment, but he managed to walk it off. Just about. He wished he could go straight out there and check everyone was definitely okay, but he knew it would just raise questions of how he got there when he hadn’t even been at the competition. Peter sighed, picking himself up again and wincing at the ache spreading through every muscle in his body. He’d be sore for a few hours, but at least he hadn’t broken any bones.

Peter went straight back to the hotel, trying to be subtle and avoid the crowds and authorities gathered around. The others hadn’t made it down yet, but he spotted Michelle at the forefront of the crowd, the only person who spotted him. He was still in his suit, so it should’ve been fine, but she was staring directly at him, a weird look on her face that made him feel on edge.

After getting back to the hotel, Peter didn’t have long to lie down for a bit before Ned arrived, talking a mile a minute about how cool it was. Peter didn’t even want to sit up.

“Liz kept asking where you were,” Ned said out of nowhere, which made Peter sit bolt upright.

“Ugh,” Peter groaned, feeling his entire body protest at the movement.

“Are you okay? You fell pretty far.”

“Mmm,” Peter groaned, lying back down, “everything hurts.”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Peter shook his head, “I’ll be fine, I just need to stop moving.”

“Well, we gotta get on the bus in a second,” Ned said, destroying Peter.

“What did Liz say?”

“Well, at first she was super annoyed that you missed the competition,” he explained, which didn’t help how Peter felt, “but then she was worrying about you. I think she’s got a crush on you.”

Peter felt his whole face go red, “No way. Maybe _Spider-Man_.”

Ned shrugged, “I don’t know, man. She mentioned you a _lot_.”

Peter forced himself not to get his hopes up, but that didn’t mean that wasn’t all he thought about the entire bus ride back to New York.

The second they got off the bus that evening, he was bombarded with hugs from his aunt and his dad. He hadn’t even expected his dad to _be_ _there._  He just assumed he’d be too busy with other things.

“Oh, Peter,” May said, when they both let him go, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t even in the building,” Peter explained. Officially, he wasn’t.

“Everyone’s safe, and okay?” May asked. Peter _really_  didn’t like the way his dad was standing stoically to the side.

“Yeah, everyone’s fine, Spider-Man was there and saved everyone.”

That got a reaction from Tony, unsurprisingly. “I saw on the news he fell down the elevator shaft, so he might not be fine.”

Peter shrugged, avoiding eye contact with him, “He’s a pretty tough guy, I bet he’ll be fine.”

Tony raised his eyebrows, “Mm, I’m sure,” he said, giving Peter a look that meant he believed none of it, and that he was _definitely_  going to talk to him when they were home, “you need to get home and rest, either way.”

“Agreed,” May said, disappointingly. As much as Peter _did_  want to go home and rest, he didn’t want to face the conversation with his dad.

May fussed over Peter a bit more, and he said goodbye to Ned and the others, and then he was alone in the car with his dad, holding his breath.

“I don’t even know where to start, honestly,” his dad said, after a few unbearable minutes of silence.

“We could just _not_ ,” Peter suggested.

“You know how _incredibly_  irresponsible that was, right? What I told you _not_  to do?” Tony asked, turning to look at Peter.

“My friends were in danger!” Peter defended, “You told me not to go after the weapons guys and I didn’t!” At least, as far as he knew.

“You shouldn’t have even had your suit!” Tony replied, matching Peter’s tone.

“I needed it in case anything happened!” Peter argued. Tony couldn’t even argue back, because he knew Peter would bring up the fact that he took his suit everywhere. “It’s a good thing I had it, too.”

Tony sighed, “I know. Are you okay? I saw that fall.”

Peter nodded, “It hurt a lot, but I didn’t break anything.”

“God,” Tony said, sighing again. As glad as he was that Peter could walk away from things like that without so much as a scratch, he also didn’t want that to start changing Peter’s attitude towards danger, because he knew exactly how well that would go. “Let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

Pepper fussed over Peter to make sure he was okay when they got home, but other than that, he seemed to get off okay. He finally relaxed when he was alone in his room. He’d expected worse, really, but he guessed because his dad hadn’t known about him going after the weapons guys he didn’t have much to be annoyed about. Until the next morning.

“Care to tell me why one of the damage control vaults is covered in awfully large spider webs?” Tony asked, appearing in the bathroom doorway while Peter was brushing his teeth.

“Uh,” Peter hesitated, spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing off his brush. He had no excuse, really. He knew his dad already knew the answer, “maybe the alien tech is making really huge mutated spiders?”

Tony just gave him a look. “We both know that’s not how that works.”

Peter shrugged, “Well, maybe if you didn’t keep it locked up all night it wouldn’t attract such freakish spiders.”

“And how would you know they’re locked all night?”

“I, uh, I- just- lucky guess?”

No response, just another look.

“I overheard you on a phone call?” Peter tried.

“Try again.”

“I can explain,” Peter started, “but, uh, not right now. School, you know?”

“I’m sure it can wait five minutes.”

“I don’t think it can,” Peter said, sliding past him and grabbing his backpack quickly, “I don’t want to be late!”

“I’ll drive you, then,” Tony suggested.

“No, really, it’s fine!” Peter called over his shoulder, running out the front door. He was screwed. He needed to stop these guys before the end of the day, so his dad couldn’t stop him this time.

He did go to school, intending to leave straight after collecting some web fluid, until he ran into Principal Morita.

Detention was to be expected, really, but it didn’t make it any more easy to bear. He wished he could yell at the handful of people in the room that he _shouldn’t_  be there because he’s _Spider-Man_  and he was _saving people’s lives_. But he couldn’t, of course, and it just made him more and more frustrated. To make it even worse, he had to watch the stupid Captain America video that just made him more and more annoyed the longer he stared at it. He shouldn’t even be _shown_ in schools. He’d committed crimes, and refused to do what was best for the safety of everyone. On top of all of that, he’d put his dad through _so much_. His friend had killed Peter’s grandparents, and he’d protected him anyway. Ever since all that happened, his dad had been different in a way that Peter just couldn’t quite put his finger on. Sure, he was happier with Pepper back, but there was still something missing. So it was reasonable that Peter ended up wanting to just punch him. He did the next best thing, and walked out, ignoring the half-hearted calls behind him. He was going to get these guys.

He went to May’s apartment to figure out what he was going to do next - he couldn’t risk running into his dad and getting into more trouble for skipping school. It would’ve been so much easier if he could identify the guys from the bridge straight away, but he got to them eventually, even though it meant embarrassing himself trying to interrogate the guy that was buying the weapons from them.

He took the guys directions to the ferry, hoping to be able to catch them in the act of a weapons deal and stop them permanently. Just a fight wouldn’t be enough, they needed to be _stopped_.

Everything was going perfectly; he’d found the guys from the bridge, they had a car _full_  of weapons, and whoever it was that was buying it all was there, too. He could take down a load of criminals all at once. It was working out perfectly, until…

“Incoming call from Tony Stark,” Karen announced.

“No, no, no, no,” Peter panicked, “don’t answer!”

It was too late; his dad’s face appeared on the display in front of him. Peter was screwed.

“Peter, you got a sec?” he asked.

“Uh, I’m actually at school,” he _should_  be, anyway.

“No you’re not,” Karen interjected. Peter really hoped Tony couldn’t hear her.

“I won’t be long,” Tony said, “and I still don’t appreciate you running off this morning, but we can talk about that tonight. I’ve just been thinking about it, and I wanted to say nice work in DC. I’m sorry for overreacting last night, I was just worried about you. My dad never really gave me, uh, a lot of support and I’m just trying to break the cycle of shame.” Tony had thought a lot about it, and regretted instantly going into accusing Peter of making a mistake. He _had_  been right - it was a good thing he was there, and had his suit, because otherwise all of those kids would’ve been dead and he could’ve been with them. Tony wanted to make more effort to _not_  keep freaking out over the stuff Peter did and turn into his dad entirely.

“Uh, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.”

“Don’t cut me off when I’m complimenting you. Anyway, great things are about to-” Tony said, when he was interrupted by a _loud_  horn, “what is that?”

“Uh, I’m at…band…practice,” Peter said, hoping the horn wasn’t too obviously _not_  an instrument.

“That’s _odd_  since you quit band six weeks ago,” Tony said, instantly getting suspicious but trying to keep his cool, “What’s up?” he asked, instead.

“I gotta go, uh, end call!”

“ _Hey_ ,” Tony said, but Peter was gone. Straight away, Tony threw away the whole ‘keeping his cool’, because Peter could be in trouble. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., track Peter’s suit.”

“He’s in a hotel in DC, boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. answered, bringing up a map, a small blinking dot showing Peter’s suit.

“ _What?_ “ Tony responded. That definitely wasn’t right. “Show me the location for the last 48 hours.”

The screen changed, showing their house in New York, then followed the route to DC, and then stopped.

“It hasn’t moved since then,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. explained. Tony sighed; Peter had removed the tracker. He must’ve.

“Bring up the footage from the last 48 hours.”

It started up on what looked life a rooftop, looking down at a swimming pool. Tony thought he might’ve recognised some of Peter’s classmates, but he was moving on quickly and he didn’t get a chance to look properly. This was when he was in DC, according to the timestamp, but was long before the incident at the monument. Tony sped through footage of Peter hitching a ride on the back of a truck until he got to wherever he was going. Then, Tony watched him spying on the same guys he’d caught selling weapons before, who Tony recognised from last time he had to dig through Peter’s suit footage to give some kind of reference to the authorities so they could deal with them. Peter had _deliberately_  sought out these guys, and, evidently, lost the fight quickly. Tony wouldn’t be surprised if he was about to do the same again.

Tony got to work breaking into the FBI’s system, because he knew they were going to try and break up one of the deals within the next few days, and Tony had a feeling it would be the exact same deal that Peter would be trying to interrupt. He brought the case file up; it was today, on Staten Island Ferry. Which just so happens to have a foghorn that sounds exactly like what Tony heard on their phone call.

“ _Shit,_ ” Tony mumbled, calling his suit. Peter was not only going to mess up the FBI’s operation, but probably get himself killed in the process.

Tony flew straight to the coastline, processing what he’d seen while he was on the way.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., bring up the footage again,” Tony said, “from before the fight.”

Watching more closely this time, it confirmed exactly what Tony didn’t want to have happened. Peter had somehow managed to unlock the full capabilities of the suit, and definitely had no idea how to use them. He was _really_  going to get himself killed. Tony couldn’t get there fast enough.

 

* * *

 

Peter messed up, he knew that. He was way out of his league and he had no idea how to fix what he’d done. The relief at seeing his dad was quickly overshadowed with how royally screwed he was.

“ _Hi Spider-Man_ ,” Tony said when Peter spotted him, his voice dripping with sarcasm and anger, “band practice, was it?”

Peter felt useless, standing there watching his dad fix all his mistakes. The second he moved on, Peter followed him, practically chasing him round the boat.

“Uh, dad,” he called out, “hey, can I do anything? What do you want me to do?”

“I think you’ve done _enough_ ,” he replied coldly, before flying off without another word.

Peter had to wait for the ferry to turn around and dock again, and it was torture. The second they got close enough to land he shot a web across to escape all the people he almost killed. He climbed the nearest building, wanting to get away from everything. He had no idea if his dad - or, his dad’s suit - was still around, or if he was just going to wait until Peter got home to yell at him, or what.

Peter sat on the edge of the wall, his mask off, looking down at the water, the boats moving, and the people below. He knew he was screwed. He knew he was going to get yelled at now - by a _robot_  - and then again, when he got home and actually saw his dad.

“Previously on Peter Screws the Pooch,” Tony started, the suit finally flying up, “I tell you to stay away from this. Instead you hacked a _multimillion-dollar_  suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the _one_  thing I told you not to do.”

“Is everyone okay?” Peter asked, trying to ignore the jabs. He felt like crying. He knew he’d been stupid, and he could’ve been smarter about it. He _wished_  he’d been good enough to prove himself to his dad, but he hadn’t, so he was still just going to think of him as just a useless kid that can’t actually do anything. He knew he’d never be able to live up to his dad’s legacy.

“No thanks to you.”

“No thanks to me?” Peter asked, in disbelief, turning round and standing up to face his dad, or, more realistically, the suit. That did it for him, because Peter was _trying_  to help those people, and protect _everyone_  in the city. He _tried_  to tell his dad about it, so he wouldn’t have had to be the one to take responsibility for it, but he didn’t _do_ _anything_  about it, so Peter had to. “Those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it but you _didn’t listen_. None of this would’ve happened if you had just _listened to me_!” Peter knew he was yelling, and knew it was risky but he couldn’t just sit by and listen to his dad telling him how much he’d screwed up. He knew he’d been doing the right thing, even if he could’ve done better. Peter was out there trying to help people while his dad was probably just sat at home controlling the suit. “If you even cared you’d actually be here.”

And then, just like that, Tony was stepping out of the suit, looking pissed. Peter took a few steps back, surprised and overwhelmed.

“I _did_  listen, kid,” Tony said, “who do you think called the FBI, huh? Do you know that I was the _only one who believed in you_? Everyone else thought it was crazy. I trusted you with this. You _knew_  I didn’t want this for you, but I let you, and I helped you and this is how you thank me.”

“But, I-”

“No, this is where you zip it, all right?” Tony raised his voice, and Peter backed away more, “The adult is talking. What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? Because that’s on you. And if you died…” Tony sighed, “I couldn’t…”

“Dad- I’m sorry…”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“I understand. I just- I just wanted to be like you.”

“And I wanted you to be better.”

“Dad-”

“No, I told you when this whole thing started I didn’t want you to be a part of this life. I have spent _so long_  trying to protect you from this, you have no idea. You’re- you’re the reason I started this, in the first place. To protect you, and make sure you were safe. That’s the reason this suit exists. But when you keep doing this, I can’t- I can’t protect you.” Tony paused, and Peter couldn’t help but feel guilty - all he had thought about was trying to help people and do the right thing, he’d never even considered the rest of it. "I’m taking the suit back.”

“For how long?”

“Forever.”

“No, no, no. Please, dad. This is all I have,” Peter said, trying not to let his voice break, “I’m nothing without the suit.”

“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it. Okay?” Tony stared at Peter, scaring him with this new kind of anger. His whole childhood, Tony had hardly ever gotten annoyed, and even then he hardly reacted. But now…Peter could see the anger, and the _disappointment_ , and it killed him. “God, I sound like my dad. We’re going home.”

“Can…” Peter paused, considering if it’s worth annoying him more, “can I stay at my aunt’s tonight?”

“Fine,” Tony said, his voice void of emotion, “Happy will drop you off.”

 

* * *

 

“Peter?” May said when she answered the door, looking surprised, but standing aside so both of them could go inside, “What are you doing here?”

“I…” Peter didn’t know what to say, and just stood there for a while while May waited. He had declined his dad’s offer of Happy dropping him off, and waited for he didn’t know how long just thinking, after his dad had left. He felt like an idiot, but also like there was nothing else he could’ve done. It wasn’t fair. “My dad’s mad at me,” he finally explained, “really mad.”

“What happened?”

"I just…try so hard all the time, and I just wanted to…I thought that…he was mad at me before, and I thought I could make it better if I tried harder and did something that would make him proud, but…it’s just…I just…” Peter paused, trying not to cry. He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but even if he _could_  tell May what was going on, he probably wouldn’t be able to make any sense. “I just made it worse.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” May said, stroking his hair and back, “it’s okay.”

The days following what happened on the ferry were different. Peter felt miserable, he was useless without being able to go out in his suit each night and try and help people and make a difference. He felt like he was just rattling around, with nothing to do. After school the next day, he had to go back home, as much as he wanted to just stay at May’s forever. He barely even saw his dad; he didn’t know if he was avoiding Peter or he’d just gotten lucky, but Peter didn’t have to deal with the tension he knew would be still hanging in the air between them.

Of course, his detention sentence was only built upon, for skipping the Decathlon _and_  school _and_  detention. Ned said he was lucky he wasn’t expelled, but Peter could hardly care. He and Michelle bonded over their shared time in detention, even though he was pretty sure she didn’t _have_  detention. She drew lots of pictures of him, looking equally as miserable each time, and they started to figure out a wordless language of communicating through facial expressions, not that Coach Wilson was paying much attention anyway.

He and Ned finally finished building the death star, too. Peter was happy to be spending more time with Ned again, but it wasn’t as cool as it had been when they’d been doing Spider-Man stuff together. Ned had known not to bring up Spider-Man much any more, because Peter was just never in the mood, but Peter knew that Ned supported him and agreed with him, and at least that was something.

The first time Peter saw Liz after DC, his heart skipped a beat. A bigger one than normal, because he knew he had to apologise and bring up what happened. He’d hardly seen her, because she’d been so busy with Homecoming stuff that she hadn’t been going to the Academic Decathlon meetings, and he wouldn’t even see her round school.

“Hey, look, uh…” he said, not knowing where to start, “I just- I just wanted to apologise about the whole Decathlon thing-”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted, “last week, Decathlon was the most important thing, but…then I almost died.”

“No- I, uh- I just mean that…it was not cool, especially be-” Peter stopped himself, knowing exactly what he wanted to say but not really being brave enough to say it. “Because…I…like you.”

“I know,” was all Liz said in reply, which immediately made Peter feel like even _more_  of an idiot.

“You do?”

“You’re terrible at keeping secrets,” she said, with a smile.

“Yeah,” Peter laughed, nervously, “you’d be surprised.” That was a stupid thing to say. “I- I’ve gotta get to class…I’d say we should hang out, but I’m gonna be in detention for…ever. But, um, I guess you already have a date to homecoming?” Peter couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“Actually, I’ve been so busy planning it I never really got around to that part, so…”

“Uh, you wanna-” Peter could barely breathe because he was so nervous, “go with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, with a smile and a gentle laugh.

“Really?” Peter sounded like a kid and he knew it, but he also couldn’t help it. He had a _date_  with _Liz_. “I mean, uh, great, cool.”

“Cool.”

Peter found it _very_  hard not to freak out for the rest of the day. When he got home, he completely forgot about everything with his dad, and that he was supposed to be annoyed at him. He didn’t want to think about all that superhero stuff, he just wanted to have a dad and things be _normal_.

“Dad!” he called out when he got home, happy that he actually _was_  home and not busy, “I need your help.”

“Why?” he asked, looking immediately worried, and Peter knew he’d be already be thinking worst-case-scenario.

“I have a date,” Peter said simply, it _was_ as simply as that, but it was also so so much more complicated.

“A date?” Tony questioned, confusion and surprise written all over his face.

“For homecoming!” Peter explained, excitedly. He still couldn’t believe it himself.

“With who?”

“You know Liz from Academic Decathlon?” Peter said, “The one whose party I went to?”

“Oh yeah,” Tony nodded.

“What do I do!” Peter exclaimed, nerves overtaking him, “What do I wear, how do I act, I don’t even know how to _dance_!”

Tony laughed, happy that things were feeling more _normal_. He’d spent the last week or so since the ferry wracked with guilt over what had happened, thinking maybe he’d been too harsh on Peter and he should’ve done something differently. The thing he’d been telling himself for the past eleven years since he got custody of Peter was that he _wouldn’t_  turn into his father, and he just ended up going in that direction anyway. But now, _finally_ , he could try and change that. He helped Peter tie a tie, and get ready in his suit, and gave him all sorts of advice (which was subsequently corrected by Pepper when she walked in).

“Don’t abandon her on the balcony on your first date,” she joked, looking at Tony.

“Was that our first date?” Tony replied, matching her expression.

“Well, it was better than blowing up the city before our first kiss.”

“I remember that!” Peter said, laughing.

“Really? You were…seven, maybe?” Tony said.

“I got to fly around with War Machine, it stuck in my head,” Peter explained - some of the details were fuzzy but he still remembered the night, “that was your guys’ first kiss?”

“Well we definitely weren’t doing it before then,” Pepper said.

“It feels like you guys have been together my whole life,” Peter said, which was true. He couldn’t remember a time when his dad and Pepper _weren’t_  together, other than their break. He didn’t know if that was cause they always acted like a couple, or if he just couldn’t remember any earlier.

Pepper and Tony shared a look that Peter didn’t understand; maybe he’d understand all their secrets look now he was finally going on a date, and maybe had a girlfriend. _Was_  Liz his girlfriend? He really hoped so.

When his dad dropped him off at Liz’s house Peter thought he was actually going to have a heart attack from how nervous he was. He couldn’t believe any of this was happening. He’d never _once_  looked forward to homecoming before, and now he was going with _Liz Toomes_ , the prettiest girl in school.

His dad wished him luck, and he made sure to grab the corsage he’d gotten for her, and then all that was left was to wait for someone to answer the door. Meeting her parents wouldn’t even be the hard bit, it would be making sure he didn’t make an idiot out of himself. That’s what he thought, at least.

The _very_ _last_  person Peter had expected to open the door was the Vulture. The guy that, only a _week_  ago, had been doing an illegal arms deal and trying to _kill_  Peter was just standing there, like a regular guy. Peter had a brief second of panic that he’d hurt Liz and her family, and now he was coming for Peter, until he processed it all. He didn’t know who Spider-Man was. He didn’t know it was Peter.

“You must be Peter,” he said, with a slight smile. This was Liz’s _dad_.

“Y-yeah,” Peter said, overtaken with a completely different kind of nerve now. He felt sick.

“I’m Liz’s dad,” he said, “put her there,” he stuck his hand out for Peter to shake, which he took. It all felt so _wrong_. This _couldn’t_  be real.

Peter felt on edge. He couldn’t talk to Liz’s mum, or Liz. He couldn’t even appreciate how amazing Liz looked, because his brain was still struggling to process what the _hell_  was happening.

It only got worse once they were in the car alone with him.

“What you gonna do, Pete?” he asked, after a while of silence.

“What?” Peter said, completely thrown by the question.

“When you graduate, what are you gonna do?”

“I- uh, I don’t know.” He could hardly tell him that he was planning on joining the Avengers and being Spider-Man full time. If that’s even an option, anymore.

“Don’t grill him, dad.”

“Just saying, you know, all you guys that go to that school…you pretty much have your life planned out, right?”

“Yeah, no, I- uh, I’m just a sophomore,” Peter said, really wishing they could stop talking and just get to the dance.

“Didn’t you say your dad wanted you to go to MIT?” Liz prompted, and Peter forgot he’d even mentioned that to her, “He knows them, right? Peter’s dad is Tony Stark,” she added, directed at her dad.

“Really?” he replied, raising his eyebrows, “Stark?”

That definitely wasn’t good. Everyone knew Iron Man had been there that day on the ferry, and everyone knew who Iron Man was.

“Uh, yeah,” Peter said, getting even more nervous. Maybe he should call his dad.

“And didn’t you have that…internship…thing at your dad’s company?” Liz asked.

“Um, I did, yeah,” Peter said, “but not anymore.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, it got…um…boring,” Peter lied.

“It was boring?” Liz questioned, “You got to hang out with _Spider-Man_.”

“Really? Spider-Man?” Liz’s dad asked. Peter wanted to jump out of the car. “Wow, what’s he like?”

“Yeah, he’s nice. Nice…man. Solid dude,” Peter knew he sounded like an idiot, he was panicking. He had no idea how he’d gotten into this situation, it was so absurd. He hadn’t even been doing _anything_  Spider-Man related since the ferry, he hadn’t sought this out at all.

Liz’s dad seemed to move on, the conversation drifting back to silence. Peter still couldn’t feel relieved, though.

“I’ve seen you around, right? I mean, somewhere we’ve, uh…have we ever? Cause even the voice,” Liz’s dad said, eyes piercing into Peter’s skull through the mirror. Peter was actually going to have a heart attack. Of _course_  he’d recognise his voice.

“Um, he does Academic Decathlon with me,” Liz suggested, and Peter really hoped that was enough, “and he was at my party.”

“Ah.”

“It was a great party,” Peter said, “really great, yeah, beautiful house, a lot of windows.”

“You were there for like, two seconds,” Liz said, with a smile, and Peter knew she meant well, that she was just trying to joke and be friendly, but it _really_  didn’t help.

“That was- I was there longer than two seconds.”

“You disappeared.”

“ _No_ ,” Peter said, “I did not disappear.”

“ _Yes_ , you did,” Liz persisted, “you disappeared, like you always do, like you did in DC.”

Peter tried to laugh it off, but it sounded strained and nervous.

“It’s terrible what happened down there in DC, though,” Liz’s dad added. Peter hoped he wasn’t catching on, but he had a bad feeling about it. “Were you scared? I bet you were glad when your old pal Spider-Man showed up in the elevator, though, huh?”

“Yeah, well, I- I actually didn’t go up, I saw it off on the ground.”

“Good old Spider-Man,” he said, not taking his eyes off of Peter. Peter was terrified.

When they pulled up outside the school, Peter thought everything would _finally_  be over, and he’d be able to get out of that car and forget any of that happened. He’d be able to call his dad, and he’d fix it, and Peter could have a nice night with Liz. Except, when Liz got out the car, her dad wanted Peter to stay behind.

When he pulled out the gun, Peter really thought he was going to die. He had super powers, but he doubt he could survive a bullet wound.

“Does she know?”

“Know what?” Peter tried to play dumb, hoping he could get away with it.

“So she doesn’t, good. Close to the vest. I admire that, I’ve got a few secrets of my own. Of all the reasons I didn’t want my daughter to date… Peter, _nothing_  is more important than family. You saved my daughter’s life, and I could never forget something like that, so I’m gonna give you one chance. Are you ready?” Peter definitely wasn’t. “You walk through those doors, you forget _any of this_  happened, and don’t you ever, _ever_ , interfere with my business again. Cause if you do, I’ll kill you and everybody you love. I’ll kill you _dead_. It’d probably be easier to run my business without Iron Man in the way, anyway. That’s what I’ll do to protect my family, Peter. Do you understand?”

Peter gave a tiny nod, avoiding his eyes.

“Hey, I just saved your life, now what do you say?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you go in there and you show my daughter a good time, okay? Just not too good.” He managed one last creepy smile before Peter left, without a word. The second the car pulled away he realised what he’d done. He’d panicked and left his phone behind, deliberately. You can track a phone. Peter didn’t know what he was thinking; he didn’t want to get everyone close to him killed, but he also couldn’t let him get away.

Peter felt numb. He couldn’t believe what just happened. He had _no_ _idea_  what to do. He’d just come face to face with the first guy that had been able to beat him in a fight, and he’d threatened to kill him, and his dad, and _everyone_  else he cared about.

He walked into the hall, practically blindly, and moved over towards the direction he could see Liz was in. It felt like he was autopilot while he processed what was happening. The Vulture was Liz’s dad. He had said he wouldn’t kill Peter if he left him alone. If he _didn’t_ leave him alone, though, he’d kill everyone Peter loved. Liz’s dad was _also_  going out of town that night, which mean he must be planning another hijack. If Peter _actually_  stopped him this time, he wouldn’t be able to kill anyone from prison.

“Hey,” Liz said, with a gentle smile. It only took her a moment to pick up on how freaked out Peter was. “What did he say to you?”

“I gotta go,” Peter said, “I- I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

Peter had to stop them. He didn’t want to let Liz down like this, especially after doing it to her already, but people were in danger. He needed to stop it once and for all, even if he had to go back to the crappy suit he kept hidden under the lockers that he hadn’t used since before his dad knew about Spider-Man. The fancy suit would’ve been useful right now, but Peter had to settle for what he had. Maybe this would, at last, prove himself to his dad.

 

* * *

 

If Peter hadn’t been so stressed by the entire situation, he would’ve been able to appreciate how _awesome_  Ned saving the day was. He used Peter’s web shooters to save him, and Peter could take down the guy with the giant taser arm.

“Ned, the guy with the wings is Liz’s _dad_ ,” Peter said, feeling validated by the look of shock on Ned’s face. He wasn’t the only one completely freaked out by it, at least.

“ _What_?”

“I know, I’ve gotta tell my dad, call him and if you can’t get to him try Happy Hogan, he’s the head of security, and, uh, get a computer and track my phone for me,” Peter told Ned, hurriedly, before going after Liz’s dad.

Ned was right, he was the perfect guy in the chair. He directed Peter to where Liz’s dad had stopped, helped him figure out how to use Flash’s car that he stole (which Peter also couldn’t appreciate how awesome it wasn’t until _after_  the stress had finally worn off) and got hold of Happy.

When he got to the abandoned warehouse, it only confirmed his worst fears. Liz’s dad was going after the plane with all the Avengers stuff. This wasn’t just Peter trying to protect the city, this was _personal_ , this was _years_  of his dad’s work. If they managed to get their hands on this, Peter didn’t know what would happen. At least with the alien tech it was just bits and pieces - scraps. There was nothing developed, they had to find a way to make it useable. But the stuff that would be on that plane was fully developed high-tech stuff that was probably better than anything those guys had used before.

Peter wished he could get this over with straight away, that he could just stop Liz’s dad straight away and not have it turn into a big fight. He _wished_  it was that easy. It was already hard enough as it was, because he knew his only two options were to stop him or let him go. If he let him go, countless people could get hurt. But if he stopped him, he’d go to prison and it’d destroy Liz’s family. Peter knew he’d already screwed up his relationship with her, but he still wanted her to be happy. He couldn’t imagine how hard it’d be to find out the kind of horrible things her dad was doing and have him sent to prison.

He put up a fight, which Peter expected. He’d hoped otherwise, but knew from the other fights that he wouldn’t go down easy.For a moment, Peter almost thought he could get the upper hand. Liz’s dad was trying to hit him with the wings and couldn’t seem to manage it. Maybe Peter _could_  do this.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” Liz’s dad said. Peter didn’t bother to hide his confusion, and it still only fuelled his confidence.

“What are you talking about, that thing hasn’t even touched me yet!”

“True,” he shrugged, “but then again, it wasn’t really trying to.”

Peter only had a second to realise what he meant, what was happening. The wings had smashed through all the supporting beams of the building surrounding Peter. The ceiling was going to cave in on him.

The impact was like a wave pushing him to the ground, except without a chance to get back up again, because it was unrelenting. The weight kept pushing and pushing on him, heavier and heavier as the building settled.

Peter couldn’t move an inch, he was stuck. Even forcing air in and out of his lungs was an effort with the weight bearing down on his back. The mask wasn’t helping, the material wet and heavy, clinging to his face and stopping almost any air getting past. Peter just about managed to get his arms loose enough to pull his mask off, but that was a struggle in itself.

With his head finally free, Peter sucked in huge, heaving breaths, coughing up the dust surrounding him. He couldn’t let himself panic, or he _knew_  he’d die there. He had to get this off of himself, and he had to get after Liz’s dad before he got to the plane.

Peter focused his energy, getting a grip on the concrete above him and pushed with all the power he had. It didn’t even budge. Peter tried again, and again, and again, before giving up with a sigh. There was no way he could get out, and no way for anyone to find him. They probably wouldn’t find him until days after he’d died.

The panic set in quickly and Peter started to reach new levels of desperation.

“Hello?” he called out, his voice hoarse and weak. He knew no one would hear him, who was around to listen? Ned probably wasn’t expecting a call back, and everyone else thought he was just at the dance. He didn’t even have the good suit for his dad to track him or realise he was in trouble. Not that he would’ve been able to anyway, because Peter had been an idiot and taken out the tracker. He was starting to realise more and more that his dad was right about everything, and maybe Peter should actually start listening.Not that he’d have a chance to, anymore. “Hello?” he tried again, more desperate this time, “Please, please, I’m down here, I’m down here, I’m stuck. I’m stuck, I can’t move, I can’t-” Peter’s voice trailed off. No one was coming for him, no one was going to hear him. Peter let his head drop, staring at his reflection in the puddle in front of him, the mask to his suit lying alongside it.

Peter remembered what his dad had said when he’d taken his suit, _if you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it._  He was right. Peter was Spider-Man long before he had the fancy suit, and he managed then. Sure, he hadn’t faced anything like this, but he was still capable. His abilities were so much more than just his suit, he knew that. That was the _whole_  reason he’d become Spider-Man, not because of some costume.

He could do this.

“Come on Peter,” he told himself, getting a grip again and pushing up. He could do this. He knew he could. “Come on _Spider-Man_ ,” he said, repeating it to himself over and over as he finally started to make some progress. It was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done, and he could feel every single muscle in his body straining past the point they were used to, but the concrete and rubble was lifting. Peter was doing it.

The moment he got free, all Peter wanted to do was lie down and _stop_. He needed a break. But he couldn’t, he knew that. He had to catch up with Liz’s dad and stop this once and for all.

He just about managed to catch up with Liz’s dad, shooting a web and literally hanging off the back of his suit. It wasn’t even a relief when they got to the plane, because that was even harder to hang onto. Not only that, but the wing suit seemed to cling onto the plane and create a seal, so there was no way for Peter to follow him inside.

Eventually, Peter managed to dislodge it, ever so slightly, with his foot. That was enough to get his attention.

The fight didn’t last long until the wing suit had destroyed the plane enough that it started dropping, quickly, heading right for the city. Peter used his webs to force the plane to turn and avoid the buildings, and even though it was difficult, he managed to direct the crash towards a strip of beach.

That didn’t stop Liz’s dad from flying right into him, though, sending him flying across the sand.

He could tell he was trying to kill him. He threw him around, hitting him, slamming him into the ground, digging the metal claws into his chest. He wanted Peter dead. He gave up, letting himself go limp until his attention was moved to something else - the arc reactors. Peter watched him grabbing the box, trying to take off in the _badly_  damaged suit that Peter knew wasn’t going to make it further than a few more feet.

He really tried to stop him. He tried and failed and then had to watch him fall to the ground in a burst of flames. Peter didn’t think twice before running straight through the fire to get him out. He could feel the flames scorching his skin, all of his muscles protesting at just standing up, let alone carrying a full grown man. He didn’t stop until they were both safe, though.

After he’d tied up Liz’s dad and put everything together, Peter just wanted to go home. His entire body was aching and his skin felt raw from the flames. But, he had no idea how his dad was going to react, and he wanted to put that off for as long as possible. He hid out sat on top of one of the rollercoasters at the theme park next to the beach, but knew he couldn’t for long. He needed to get out of the suit, and get some rest, so he eventually decided to go home when other people started showing up at the site of the crash.

“Peter, are you okay?” Pepper said when she answered the door, hugging him and looking over his face at the cuts and bruises and burns.

Peter nodded weakly, “Is my dad home?”

“No, he’s off dealing with all of this, I don’t know when he’ll be home,” Pepper explained, stepping aside so Peter could come in, “Happy told me you stopped this guy?”

Peter nodded again, with a sigh, dropping his weight against the wall behind him. He could barely stand, “He was my homecoming date’s dad.”

A look of surprise briefly crossed Pepper’s face before she composed herself, “Are you okay?” she asked, and Peter knew she meant something different this time.

“I don’t know yet,” Peter answered honestly. He still hadn’t even really processed it all, yet. One minute he’d been excited about having Liz as his date, and then everything else kept piling on and piling on and Peter just had force himself into action instead of thinking about it. “Is he annoyed at me?” he asked to distract himself.

“I think he’s worried about you more than anything,” Pepper said.

“Does he know I’m home?”

Pepper nodded, “He got F.R.I.D.A.Y. to tell him the moment you got back.”

Peter nodded; at least his dad wouldn’t come rushing home to check Peter was okay. Maybe. Pepper checked him over a few more times before Peter could finally go to bed, barely even able to think about everything that had happened or worry about what was going to happen with his dad before he was out like a light.

 

* * *

 

“Is he okay?” was the first thing Tony asked when he got home, sometime in the early hours in the morning. He’d wanted to be home for Peter, to make sure he was okay, but he had to deal with all the cleanup and everything that had happened. He’d hoped Peter still would’ve been there on the scene, but it was probably for the best that he wasn’t, in the end.

“Yeah, he went almost straight to bed,” Pepper told him, “he’s a bit banged up, but he’ll be fine.”

Tony nodded, trying to stop himself from worrying too much. He _wished_  he could wake Peter up to really make sure he was okay, but he knew he’d need the sleep.

“He was worried you’d be annoyed at him.”

Tony sighed. He still didn’t know how he felt about it. “I don’t know what I am, really,” he said. He’d been feeling so guilty for yelling at him and taking his suit, worrying that it wasn’t the right thing. Sure, he had been irresponsible and put himself in a _lot_  of danger, but he _had_  been trying to help people. That’s what he’d been doing this time, too. He just wanted to help people, the same as Tony did, and he shouldn’t be discouraging that. Tony at least knew from what happened with the plane that there was no way he could stop Peter from doing this. He could take his suit, but no matter what Peter would probably find a way, even if it meant fighting on a plane in pyjamas. So, the best thing Tony could do was at least make sure he’d be safe while doing it. Maybe it was time to give him the new suit he’d been working on, something a bit closer to his own suit.

“I think he did the right thing tonight,” Pepper said, which Tony knew was right.

“Yeah, I know,” Tony said, “I know, I just wish the right thing was safer for him.”

“I know,” Pepper sympathised.

Tony _wished_  he didn’t start thinking about what had been in the back of his mind since the fight in Berlin. He had avoided it, not wanting to consider it, but he knew he had to eventually. “Peter would be safer with people watching his back,” he said. He needed Pepper’s opinion, too.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” she asked.

“I want him to be safe.”

 

* * *

 

When Peter woke up the morning after, he still wasn’t feeling great, but at least the burns and cuts and bruises that had been littering his skin had cleared up. That wouldn’t have been great to explain at school.

Peter had been worried about seeing his dad before school - he still had _no_ _idea_ how he was going to react - but Pepper explained that he’d only got home a few hours ago, and was still asleep. So Peter could postpone this a few more hours.

School was weird. Ned was still on a high from helping Peter out in the fight, and Peter chose not to say that that had been the easiest part of the night. Ned was happy. He had to say goodbye to Liz, too, which was hard. The news had already spread around school what had happened, and everyone was talking about it. Her dad had been arrested, and would be going on trial soon. Liz was leaving, moving to Oregon with her mom. Peter wished he hadn’t had to leave her last night, because he knew it was such a crappy thing to do to her, and she deserved better than that. He didn’t want that to be the last memory she had of him, or of her last homecoming at the school. But he had to do it, even though he’d destroyed Liz’s life completely. Other people would’ve gotten hurt.

Peter hated that he had to justify it to himself, but he knew that was the only way he could live with himself.

Having an Academic Decathlon meeting with her was even weirder. She was their captain, it felt empty without her there.

“We will need a new team captain next year,” Mr. Harrington explained, “so I am appointing…Michelle.”

Everyone turned to look at her, a brief moment of surprise before everyone clapped and cheered. Peter could deal with that; he liked Michelle. Now that he’d spent a bit more time with her with all the detention, he could appreciate how cool she was - she was funny and passionate and interesting and if Liz couldn’t be the captain anymore, then Michelle was the next best option, really.

“Uh, thank you,” Michelle said, “my- my friends call me MJ.”

“I thought you didn’t have any friends,” Ned said.

“I…didn’t,” Michelle - MJ - said, looking at Peter with a small smile. Maybe things would be okay, after all.

 

* * *

 

Peter immediately got nervous when Happy was waiting for him outside school after the Decathlon meeting.

“I can still walk home, you know, Happy,” Peter said, waiting before he got in the car.

“I know, your dad wants me to take you upstate,” Happy explained.

“Upstate? Like…” Peter didn’t want to get his hopes up, because his dad could still be annoyed at him.

“The new facility,” Happy finished.

Peter got in the car, giving up on not getting excited. He’d been there _once_ , when he got his powers and his dad wanted to run some tests, but other than that he hadn’t been allowed to go there or _really_  look at it.

When they got there, Peter made sure to take everything in. He didn’t know when he’d get to come there again, so he wanted to make the most of it. It was all _so_ _cool._

“Oh, there they are,” Peter heard his dad say, and turned to see Tony walking up to him and Happy. “How was the ride up? Good? Happy, can we have a minute?”

Happy wasn’t pleased with it, but he let Tony and Peter walk ahead while he trailed behind.

Tony gave Peter a gentle punch in the shoulder before he wrapped his arm round him. Peter was _definitely_  expecting a worse reaction than that.

“Sorry I took your suit, I mean, you had it coming,” Tony started, “actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough-love moment that you needed, right, to urge you on?” he asked, and Peter didn’t give a reply because he was still baffled by the unexpected reaction, “Wouldn’t you think? Don’t you think?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Peter said, still confused.

“Let’s just say it was.”

“Dad, I really-”

“You screwed the pooch _hard_.” _There it was_. “Big time. But then you did the right thing; you took the dog to the free clinic, you…raised the hybrid puppies. Alright, not my best analogy. I was wrong. I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.”

“To- to- to the team?” He couldn’t mean what Peter thought he meant because there was no _way_  his dad would let that happen.

“Yeah,” Tony said, “don’t get me wrong, what you did was _super_  irresponsible, and dangerous, and I’m still not happy about it, but I know now I need to trust you more. I think having team to work with, having people that have got your back, would be good for you. I think you’re ready for bigger things.”

“ _Really_?” Peter couldn’t believe the words coming out of his dad’s mouth.

“Yeah, anyway, there’s about 50 reporters behind that door. Real ones, not bloggers. When you’re ready…why don’t you try that on,” Tony said, clicking something to reveal Peter’s new suit. Peter _really_  couldn’t believe it. It looked amazing. “And I’ll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers, Spider-Man.”

“I, uh,” Peter laughed, nervously. This was _so_  unreal, and Peter wanted to kick himself for what he was about to do. “Thank you, dad, but I’m good.”

“You’re good? How are you good?”

“Well, I- I mean, I’d rather just stay on the ground, for a little while. Friendly, neighbourhood Spider-Man. Somebody’s gotta look out for the little guy, right?” Peter said. It was exciting, being offered a place on the Avengers, but after all of this, Peter knew his dad had been right. He wasn't ready for all that big stuff. He wanted to do the smaller stuff, at least for a little while longer.

“You're turning me down? You better think about this, look at that. Look at me. Last chance, yes or no.”

“No.”

“Okay. It’s kind of a Springsteen-y, working class hero vibe, I get it,” Tony said, trying to cover up his surprise. He definitely hadn’t expected Peter to reject his offer, but this was good. Peter was making a mature decision. “Happy can take you back home.”

Peter nodded, walking off to go wait in the car as per Happy’s request. Now that he’d made his decision, and was walking away, Peter realised that none of that could’ve been real. His dad _definitely_  wouldn’t let him be an Avenger, even if he wasn’t annoyed over what happened. It _must’ve_  been a test. “That was a test, right?” he called back to him, turning round, “There’s, uh, nobody back there?”

“Yeah,” Tony lied, "you passed.” Thinking it was a test or not, Tony was proud of the decision Peter had made, and Happy seemed to be, too.

“Where’s Peter?” Pepper asked, coming out from behind the door of reporters.

“He left,” Happy said, simply.

“Everybody’s waiting.”

“You know he actually made a really mature choice,” Tony explained, “just surprised the heck out of us.”

“Did you guys screw this up?” Pepper asked, “How did you get _Peter_  to turn down the _Avengers_? I have a room full of people in there waiting for some big announcement, what am I gonna tell them?”

“Think of something. What about, um…” Tony said, remembering the decision he’d made back in 2008 that he never got round to carrying out, "Hap, you still got that ring?”

“Do I, uh…”

“The engagement ring,” Tony explained.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been carrying this since 2008,” Happy said, pulling it out.

“Okay,” Tony said, looking at it. He was impressed Happy was still carrying it. There’d been a few times Tony had gotten close to finally using it, but it still never seemed like the right time. Now, though, he and Pepper were in the best place they’d ever been. They had a real, mature relationship. Tony wanted to prove to Pepper that he was all in. He wanted to do this.

“I think I can think of something better than that,” Pepper said, making a face.

“Well, it’d buy us a little time,” Tony said, accepting her kiss. “Like we need time,” he mumbled.

“I can’t believe you have that thing in your pocket,” Pepper said as she walked off, going back to the reporters.

Tony didn’t care, he was serious about this. He took the ring from Happy, following Pepper through the door.

He was finally going to marry the love of his life.


	15. 2016: part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter to have some happiness because we all know what's coming next

**December 2016**

“So we’re not gonna see you at _all_ in the holidays?” Peter complained. He’d been saying this on repeat ever since Ned told him that his parents wanted to travel over Christmas, and he knew Ned was probably getting bored of it but Peter didn’t care.

“I told you, my parents wanted to have some ‘family time’,” Ned explained, for the millionth time. The roll of his eyes showed exactly how happy he was about _that_.

“And you can’t have family time in New York?” MJ asked, leaning across the table of the diner the three of them had sought out as the designated post-school hang out spot. It had taken a while, because MJ was picky, but it was worth it in the end. Some of the other kids from Academic Decathlon sometimes joined them, too, but it was mostly just the three of them. She took a long sip of Peter’s drink, making _direct_  eye contact with him, before sitting back in her seat normally. Peter had given up even trying to stop her.

“Apparently not,” Ned said, poking his food round his plate.

“But why would you want to go somewhere _sunny_  at _Christmas_?” MJ said, with a frown.

“Beats me,” Ned shrugged, “you guys are gonna see me in, like, two weeks, though. I’m sure you can survive.”

“I don’t know, Ned,” Peter joked, “we might not.” A year earlier, that probably would’ve been true. Now, though, even though he _really_  wasn’t happy Ned was leaving, he at least had Michelle. The three of them had been hanging out more and more over the last few months, and Peter definitely enjoyed the extra company. Michelle was so much cooler than he’d given her credit for, too.

“We definitely won’t,” MJ supported, “I don’t wanna hang out with Peter _alone_.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but still liked the small smile MJ gave him.

“What are you guys doing for Christmas?” Ned asked, wanting the attention away from him because he knew the two of them would be able to complain for hours.

Peter shrugged, “The usual. My aunt will come over and we’ll do some Christmas stuff.” Peter could never predict how a Christmas would go; some years, everyone was too busy and they’d barely have the day as a family, other years they’d do loads before and after Christmas. It really depended. He hoped this year was the latter.

“Exciting times in the Parker household,” Michelle joked, “Parker? Or Stark? Parker-Stark?”

“Uh, I don’t know. We all have different last names,” Peter said, genuinely never having thought about that before. “I mean, Pepper might take my dad’s name when they get married, but I don’t know.”

“Dude, you should change your name to Stark!” Ned said, excitedly, “You know, now that it’s not a secret.”

“I don’t know,” Peter said, “I know I’m _technically_  a Stark, but I’ve always been Peter Parker. It would be weird.”

“I like Peter Parker,” MJ said, with a genuine smile.

“Ugh, you guys ruin all the fun,” Ned complained, sighing.

Peter laughed, grinning at Ned just to wind him up more. “What are you doing for Christmas, MJ?”

MJ shrugged, staring down at the table, “Probably jumping between my parent’s houses and hoping that at least _one_  of my brothers or sisters actually come home. I’ll be hiding out here most of the time. You know, if you guys ever feel like keeping me company.”

“I can’t,” Ned said.

“I’ll come whenever I’m free,” Peter said. He was always hungry after he’d gone out as Spider-Man so he could always stop in and hang out with MJ for a bit.

“When you’re not busy fighting bad guys in spandex?” MJ questioned, her face deadpan.

Peter choked on his drink, trying not to spit it everywhere.

“She _knows_?” Ned said, a mix between whispering and yelling, giving Peter an offending look.

“It’s not spandex!” Peter said at the same time, “I mean, uh, what- I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

MJ rolled her eyes, “Come on, really? You thought I wouldn’t catch on? You’re _so_  not subtle, Peter.”

“I thought I did pretty well!” Peter argued. He couldn’t _believe_  Michelle knew.

“I mean, for one thing, you have the _exact_  same voice, really not subtle. And when Ned found out you were loudly discussing which Avengers you’d fought, also not subtle. Then it was just a case of adding up the fact that you weren’t in school when ‘Spider-Man’ was in Germany, and you quit all your extracurriculars right after that, _and_  you weren’t there in DC when Spider-Man was.”

Ned scoffed, “You only noticed cause you’re obsessed with Peter.”

“I’m _not_  obsessed with him,” MJ defended, just as Peter said, “She’s not obsessed with me!”

Ned just raised his eyebrows, “Whatever you say.”

“Whatever,” MJ said, “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Hello? Earth to Peter?” Ned said, waving a hand in front of Peter’s face, bringing his attention back to the table. He hadn’t been staring at Michelle, it was just she had been the only thing moving in the practically empty diner, it was normal for his line of sight to follow her. “Stop being creepy.”

“What? I’m not- I wasn’t-” Peter sighed, giving up. Ned kept picking up on these tiny things and blowing them out of proportion.

“I know what’s happening,” Ned said, with an annoying smile.

“Nothing’s _happening_.”

“That’s what _you_  think,” Ned said. He looked like he wanted to say more, but was interrupted by his phone, “that’s my mum, she’s gonna want me to come home to pack,” he said with a sigh, walking off with his phone.

“Where’s Ned disappeared to?” MJ asked when she got back, sitting down again. Peter attributes the fact that he _really_  notices when MJ’s knees brush against his to Ned being weird about everything and making Peter overthink stuff, nothing more.

“His mom called him,” Peter explained, which was enough of an explanation for them. They both knew what Ned’s mom was like.

When Ned practically slammed himself against the window next to them, they both flinched. He pressed his face against the glass, gesturing that he needed to go before walking off with nothing but a face-print left on the glass.

“That means I can eat his fries,” MJ said, pulling his plate across the table and already digging in.

Peter tried to reach across and grab one, but MJ pushed his hand away.

“I claimed them first,” she shrugged, “that’s the rules.”

“Hey, I’m the one that needs to keep up with a superhuman appetite,” Peter said, using the opportunity of Michelle frowning at him to grab a couple of fries.

“You actually have super powers?” she asked, “It’s not just some fancy suit?”

Peter shook his head, “I actually have super powers,” he repeated, “I mean, it’s a fancy suit, but not _that_  fancy.”

MJ shrugged, “I just assumed because your dad practically invented superhero suits he just made you one.”

“No way, he hated the whole idea of Spider-Man for ages.”

“That’s parents, isn’t it?” MJ said, sliding the plate in between them without a word. “They’re a pain in the ass. Sorry, I forgot who I’m talking to. I bet you can’t relate at _all_.”

“Just cause my dad’s famous doesn’t mean he’s not still a dad!”

“Yeah, a _cool_  dad,” MJ said, “like, everyone knows he was a _total_  playboy, so he can’t tell you off for partying or _anything_.”

“Gross,” Peter said, making a face, “I mean, he goes and does dangerous superhero stuff all the time and he still told me off for going after dangerous people.”

“Oh my god, that’s _such_  a Peter thing,” MJ laughed. Peter definitely wasn’t thinking about how nice her laugh was.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter asked, ignoring the way his voice went high-pitched.

“You don’t get in trouble for going to parties, you get in trouble for trying to be all righteous and stop bad guys.”

“You know, of all things I never expected you to be a bully, MJ,” Peter said.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing! It’s cool that you’re, like, a super good person and everything. I was just saying. It’s very Peter. Like, ‘I’ll punch my girlfriends dad ‘cause he was hurting people’. Very Peter.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Peter objected.

“Fine. _Was_ ,” MJ corrected.

“Barely,” Peter said. Normally, he’d be _happy_  that someone called Liz his girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, or _whatever_. Peter didn’t know why he didn’t want Michelle calling Liz his girlfriend, or thinking of Liz as his girlfriend. Peter tried not to think anything of it. It was just Ned getting into his head. Nothing more.

* * *

Peter got nervous when someone knocked on the door later than anyone would normally knock. It was a couple days away from Christmas, and Peter was home alone while his dad and Pepper were out on a date. It _had_  been snowing earlier, but it had turned into a rainy mush instead, which was the perfect weather for a murderer.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., who is it?" Peter asked when he got to the door. Maybe watching Christmas horror movies had been a bad idea.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. brought up the footage from the security camera outside on the screen by the door, and it took Peter a moment to register what he saw.

" _Michelle_?" Peter said, opening the door. She was stood in the rain, completely soaked and shivering.

"I might've misjudged how easy it would be to walk to your house," she said, coming in when Peter stepped aside.

"W-what are you- how did you even-?"

"Ned gave me your address," MJ explained, "my dad's new girlfriend is at his house, so I needed to get out and my mom isn't home, and the diner is shut. I had nowhere else to go."

"Do you need a blanket? Or a change of clothes?" Peter asked, watching MJ kick off her shoes.

"Both, please," she said, "is anyone else home?"

"Just me," Peter told her, "you'd probably fit into Pepper's stuff, but I don't think she'd like me going through it, so you'll have to deal with mine."

"I can deal with wearing a crop top and cropped pants," MJ joked, and Peter rolled his eyes, leaving her while he went and found everything.

When he came back with a towel, blanket, and the longest clothes he could find, MJ was sat under the heating vent, still shivering.

Peter passed her the stuff, "There's a bathroom just round that corner," he told her, going to wait back in the living room while she got changed.

"You live like such a rich person!" she yelled from the bathroom, making Peter laugh. She was right about the clothes, because when she came back in the top looked ever so slightly out of proportion, and it meant when she lifted her arms to dry her hair with the towel, a small strip of skin was exposed above the waistband. Peter looked away straight away, knowing if he looked at her he'd end up staring. "You don't even act like a rich person, and yet you live like _this_ ," MJ continued, dropping down onto the couch next to Peter and keeping working on her hair. Peter gave it a moment before he deemed it safe to look at her again. He still ended up staring, though, at the way her wet curls clung to her face and how the cold had given her a rosy glow.

Peter shrugged, "My dad's pretty down to earth for a rich guy, and my aunt is, like, the opposite of rich."

"See, I wouldn't know cause you've never introduced me."

"I didn't think you cared about meeting famous people," Peter said, poking her in the leg that she had up on the couch between them, "I'm surprised."

"I  _don't_ ," she said, "I'm just interested in meeting the guy that raised you. Cause I _care_ ," she teased, "I want to meet your aunt, too."

Peter sighed, thinking he'd caught her out. In the months they'd been getting to know each other, he was still yet to find anything that made Michelle even remotely shallow or anything other than being a completely good person.

"So what were you watching?" MJ asked, moving on, which just started a long-winded discussed of the eligibility of horror movies as Christmas movies which, unsurprisingly, brought up MJ's strong opinions on the harmful tropes of horror movies. Peter found it so interesting when she talked, because, sure, everyone at their school was really smart, but MJ was a _different_  kind of smart as well as book-smart. She was so aware of all these different issues and could talk about them passionately for hours, which worked out pretty well because Peter could listen to her talk about it for hours.

* * *

Tony had been putting in considerably more effort since he and Pepper had gotten engaged, making time for them as a couple. Especially now that Pepper was off of work for Christmas, he wanted to take her on dates and really treat her how she deserved. The date that night had gone well - they'd managed to go the entire evening without the Avengers or Tony's suit being mentioned  _once_. It felt like they could finally move on from that a bit. Sure, Tony still wanted to work on the suits and be prepared in case something happened, but it wasn't his full-time job anymore. It was just a worst-case-scenario backup. Besides, Thor might've been wrong anyway, and nothing was coming. Tony could only hope. He didn't want anything to ruin the good place he was finally reaching, at least with his family. He was still working on himself. Ideally, he would have the confidence not to have to work on the suits at all and just be content trusting what was left of the Avengers to protect the world. But, no matter how well things were going day-to-day, that didn't mean the nightmares and general anxieties about how the world was going to end up didn't still consistently plague Tony. He'd gotten better at functioning normally on little sleep because of it.

When they came in from their date, Pepper and Tony shared a look of confusion at the sound of voices and laughter in the living room. They'd left Peter home alone watching movies, and there was definitely an unfamiliar voice mixed in with Peter's.

"Is that a  _girl_?" Tony said. Pepper looked just as surprised as him.

"Maybe he's finally taking after you," Pepper joked.

"God, I hope not," Tony said. Peter took after him in a lot of things and he hoped that would never be one of them.

Tony was ready to sneak into the living room to see what was happening, but Pepper grabbed his arm to stop him. "Peter, we're home!" she called out. Tony rolled his eyes, walking through to the living room anyway. Sure enough, Peter was sat there with an unfamiliar girl, the two of them both now silent.

"Care to introduce me?" Tony questioned.

"Uh, this is Michelle," Peter said, "we're in Academic Decathlon together," he explained, "she's the new captain...since, uh, y'know..."

"So you're having an Academic Decathlon meeting?" Tony asked, deliberately winding Peter up.

"I had to get away from my family," Michelle explained, "Peter so kindly took me in."

"And gave you his clothes?" Tony said. That was the part he was  _actually_ suspicious about.

"It was the rain," Peter said hurriedly. He realised now how bad it looked, and didn't want his dad to take it the wrong way.

"I was soaked," MJ supported, "Peter saved me from dying from hypothermia."

Tony raised his eyebrows, but didn't say any more. He knew Peter, and knew that was the most likely possibility, anyway. "Well, it was nice to meet you, don't keep him up too late," Tony said, already thinking about how much he'd be able to tease Peter over this.

"See?" Tony could hear Peter say once he'd left, "It could've gone better, but you've met him now."

"Would it make you happy if I say that I'm star struck?"


	16. 2017: part I

**May 2017**

“Is it the field trip today?” Tony asked, when Peter came through into the kitchen, looking a lot more awake than Tony felt.

Peter nodded, “I won’t be home ‘till late.”

“Is Michelle going?” he asked, teasing.

Peter groaned, “We’re just _friends_ ,” he said. Ever since his dad had met MJ last year, he wouldn’t stop teasing him about her. They’d met a few more times, when she and Ned would come over to hang out, and every time he just teased Peter more and more.

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” Tony laughed, putting his hands up, “you’re the one thinking about that.”

Peter just sighed, giving Tony a look, “I’ll see you later,” he said, grabbing his backpack and leaving.

Tony went back to his coffee, waiting for Pepper to finish getting dressed for their run. He thought about last night, and the dream he had. It had been _so real_. He was used to having scarily real dreams, but they were more based around the end of the world or everyone he loved dying. That was what he had become used to. This was one of the first non-nightmares he’d had in a _long_  time. He and Pepper had had a _kid_ , they had a _real_  family, and Tony actually got the chance to raise his child from birth. He’d never stop regretting what he’d missed out on with Peter. When he’d woken up, it had taken him a moment to realise that it _wasn’t_  real, and Tony couldn’t deny that he was disappointed. He couldn't get the memory out of his head, how it felt. How happy he'd been. He could  _have_ that.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Pepper asked, coming in and taking a sip of Tony’s coffee.

“Yeah, good to go,” Tony said, finishing the last of the coffee when Pepper handed it back and standing up.

“Really, this still?” Pepper questioned, tapping the housing unit for the new nanotech suit. Tony had finished working on it not long after everything that had happened with Peter last fall, because it had made him more paranoid than ever about his safety. Pepper wasn’t happy about it, but Tony hated going out without it. He needed to keep his family safe. He wished that wasn't something he had to worry about constantly, but that wasn't the world they lived in. It was better to be realistic than one of them get killed. Both Pepper and Peter had gotten close too many times, and each time Tony knew it had been his fault.

Tony shrugged, “You know me,” he said.

Pepper sighed, “I do.”

She didn’t say anything more on it, at least, and they moved on, going for their run. He liked that they’d become this couple that went for _runs_  and did things other than get into life-or-death situation. It was so domestic and boring and it’s what Tony had been waiting almost five decades for.

“So, I had this dream last night,” he started when they slowed down in the park. They hadn’t talked about kids since what had happened a few years ago, and Tony knew it might be a touchy subject. But he just wanted it, more than anything.

“The nightmares again?” Pepper asked, immediately looking worried. As far as she knew, the nightmares had been left in 2012. She didn't need to know otherwise.

“No, something else,” Tony said, “look, you know how when you’re having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, and then you’re like…oh my god, there’s no bathrooms, what am I gonna do? Oh, someone’s watching, I’m gonna-”

“And then you wake up, and in real life you actually have to pee,” Pepper finished.

“Yeah,” Tony said.

“Yeah, everybody has that.”

“Yeah, that’s the point I’m trying to make,” Tony said, “last night, I dreamt…we had a kid,” Pepper made a face already, “it was _so_  real. We named him after your eccentric uncle, uh, what was his name…Morgan!”

“Right…” Pepper said, “so you woke up and thought that we were…”

“Expecting.”

“Yeah, no.”

“I had a dream about it, it was so real!”

“If you wanted to have a kid, you wouldn’t have done that,” Pepper said, and he knew what she was talking about before she even poked him in the chest.

“I’m glad you brought this up,” Tony said, as if she hadn’t mentioned it every time he wore it, “cause it’s…nothing, it’s just a housing unit for nanoparticles.”

“You’re, just…not helping your case.”

“No, this is detachable, it’s not a-”

“You don’t _need_  that.”

“I know, I had the surgery,” Tony said. He wanted to not need it, wanted to be able to leave the suits behind him and just focus on his life with Pepper. He hated any time she brought it up solely because he would never be able to get her to understand _why_  he needed this stuff, without making her worry about him again. He let his cracks show when they first started after New York, and it only put more strain on their relationship. He knew he needed to keep it hidden if he wanted him and Pepper to be happy. Sometimes, he could forget that they were there. “I’m just trying to protect us. Just in case there’s a monster in the closet instead of, you know…”

“Shirts,” Pepper finished.

“You know me so well,” Tony said, “you finish all my sentences.”

“You should have shirts in your closet.”

“Yeah…you know what there should be? No more surprises. We can have a nice dinner tonight. I've made a reservation, Peter’s not gonna be home until late…so-”

Pepper laughed, gentle and perfect. Tony couldn’t wait to marry her.

“And we should have no more surprises, ever. I should promise you,” he said. He knew this was as close as he could get to _actually_  promising her, and he was glad she understood that. He didn’t want to ever break another promise, after all that had happened, and he wasn’t in control of this. Both he and Pepper knew that Tony wouldn’t be able to stop himself from jumping into action the second something went wrong. Those were the exact kind of surprises he wishes he could get rid of.

“Yes,” she agreed.

“I will.” Maybe one day the world would be safe enough that he _could_  promise her. Hopefully in his lifetime, he thought, leaning in to kiss her. He was so lucky to have her, that she understood all of the crap he put her through.

Their kiss was interrupted by something behind him that made Pepper jump, flinching away. Tony had reached the point where he wasn’t even fazed by the fact that there wasa man in a cape that had just stepped through a portal.

“Tony Stark?” he said, “I’m Dr. Stephen Strange, I need you to come with me. Oh, and, uh, congratulations on the wedding, by the way.”

“I’m sorry, are you giving out tickets to something?” Tony said, making his annoyance evident. He was _retired_. From the Avengers, from all of that. He and Pepper were out for a run, this guy had no right to interrupt. He had better things to do with his day, there were plenty of other people that would still be willing to help.

“We need your help,” Strange said, “look, it’s not overselling to say the fate of the universe is at stake.”

“And who’s we?” Tony asked, still not backing down. These were the kind of surprises he didn’t want.

The last thing Tony expected was Bruce to step out of the portal behind him.

“Hey, Tony,” he said. He looked the same as he had two years ago, when they last saw each other. Tony thought he was _dead_.

“Bruce,” Tony said, his voice softer. “You okay?” he asked when Bruce came up to him. He didn’t say a word, just practically fell into Tony’s arms.

“You have to come, Tony,” he said when he pulled away, “this is big. This is bigger than…anything we’ve ever faced before.”

Tony nodded, pushing down the familiar feeling rising in his chest. He looked to Pepper, and she nodded with understanding. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, kissing him gently, “be safe.”

Tony followed Bruce and Strange through the portal, which led into an old-looking, library-esque building.

“So, what, you’ve been hiding in Calcutta or something again for the last two years?” Tony asked, trying to keep his tone light-hearted to stop the worry building up inside him, “I looked for you, you know. You were hidden pretty deep.”

“Try on another planet,” Bruce said.

“Another _planet_?” Tony questioned. That was his worst nightmare. “How did you end up there?”

“Beats me,” Bruce shrugged, “it’s a kind of an…in-between place, according to Thor.”

“You were with Thor?”

“He found me there, like, a week ago. I think,” Bruce said, “Until he arrived, I’d been the Hulk the whole time. Everything with Ultron feels like it was a few days ago.”

“Is Thor here, too?” Tony asked. Having him fighting for their side was never a bad thing.

Bruce shook his head sadly, “Thor’s gone.”

“Gone, like…?”

“He’s dead,” Bruce said, simply. His voice sounded empty and defeated. “Asgard was destroyed, but we managed to escape, with _Loki’s_  help, of all people.”

“Loki’s _alive_?” Tony questioned. That didn’t help how he felt.

“Not anymore,” Bruce answered. Even that didn’t make Tony feel better. “Thanos killed them both. He killed everyone on that ship. And he’s coming for Earth, next.”

“Why?” The name didn't ring any bells.

“The infinity stones,” Strange answered, “there’s two on Earth. He wants them.”

“He’s coming here for some rocks?” Tony asked.

“A lot more than just rocks,” Strange’s friend added. He went on to explain the stones, their power, everything. This was all just making Tony feel worse, a deep feeling of dread growing in his stomach. He knew what this was.

“Tell me his name again,” Tony said.

“Thanos,” Bruce answered, “he’s a plague, Tony. He invades planets, he takes what he wants, he wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York - _that’s him_.”

Tony’s stomach dropped.

“This is it,” he said, barely audible. His entire body flooded with nervous energy that he had to immediately suppress so he wouldn’t start having some kind of anxiety attack. He didn’t want to deal with those again.

This is what he’d been waiting for, what Thor had warned them about. Tony had hoped, prayed that he was paranoid. That he was just being overly cautious because of everything he’d been through. The possibility that he was completely insane was the best outcome, really. This is what had driven Tony to obsess over his suits, to drive countless wedges between him and Pepper, and him and Peter, what had made him create Ultron in the first place. This is what it had all been trying to stop, and now it was actually here.

Tony felt so unbelievably out of his depth. He knew he was close to panicking, and he had to stop himself. He could barely breathe, thinking that this is what the last seven years had been leading up to. All those nightmares were more than just irrational fears. The guy that had been in his head for _years_  was here, ready to destroy everything and everyone Tony loved. Tony could only hope he’d be included in that, too.

 

* * *

 

“Dude, do you think I could be best man at the wedding?” Ned asked once they’d sat down on the bus. Peter already regretted having mentioned that his dad and Pepper were going to get married sometime in the next three months. Ned wouldn’t stop talking about it now that it was no longer just some hypothetical future event.

“No way,” Peter said, “it’ll definitely be Rhodey, and if he picked a kid, it’d be _me_.”

Ned sighed over-dramatically, “Fine, suit yourself. Can I at least come? I can be your date!”

“I couldn’t think of a better date,” Peter joked.

“Not even MJ?” Ned retorted. Peter ignored the blush that crept up his cheeks, and tried to avoid looking at her.

“MJ definitely isn’t interested in celebrity weddings,” Peter replied.

“Don’t try and figure me out, Parker,” MJ said, from across the aisle, not even lifting her head from her book. Peter waited, knowing there’d be more. Eventually, she turned to look at the two of them. “You’re not wrong, though,” she admitted.

“Exactly,” Peter said, giving Ned an _I told you so_  look, relieved that he didn’t have to process the idea of MJ being his date.

“But your _dad’s_  wedding,” MJ continued, “I wouldn’t object to an invitation. If you can have a plus-two.”

“We’ll have to fight over who gets to be Peter’s date,” Ned joked easily, not realising the effect it has on Peter. He _definitely_  doesn’t picture MJ dressed up for the wedding and spending the entire ceremony and reception with her. He especially doesn’t think about what could happen when a slow song came on.

“I mean,” Peter laughed nervously, “my dad would probably give you both full invitations anyway, so I wouldn’t even need to bring a plus-one.”

“Shame,” MJ said, “I was looking forward to fighting Ned.”

“I don’t think _either_  of you should be fighting.”

“You can’t talk,” Ned scoffed, “that’s basically your _job_.”

“Exactly, I know best,” Peter said.

MJ’s deadpan expression was pretty close to an eye-roll, “I think I could beat Spider-Man in a fight.”

“Spider-Man wouldn’t fight you,” Peter said immediately. There were plenty of reasons for him not to, like her not being a criminal a prime contender. But the only thing he could really think of was that he could never even get _close_  to hurting her, and he knew she understood his reasoning based off the prolonged eye contact she held, that felt intimidatingly intimate.

“Yeah, that’s why I’d win,” she said after too long of a pause, still managing to brush it off easily somehow. She shrugged, and even though she had her usual unreadable expression, he could see the smile behind her eyes, directed right at him. She turned back to her book again just in time to miss the blush reappearing on Peter’s face.

Peter spent the next few minutes pointedly _not_  thinking about MJ, completely unsuccessfully. The uncomfortable feeling that ran down his spine and made all his hairs stand on end was a welcome relief for all of a second. Except, that was _not_  a good feeling, and Peter recognised it all too well from the worst of situations. He turned to look out the window, eyes immediately locking onto the spaceship descending on the city. He was right. Not good.

“Ned, hey,” he said, blindly reaching his arm behind him to hit Ned and get his attention, “I need you to cause a distraction.”

“Holy shit,” Ned said, looking past Peter, “we’re all gonna die!” he yelled, getting up and running to the back of the bus. Luckily, the rest of the bus followed and cleared the space for Peter to get off without anyone noticing.

MJ hadn’t moved, unsurprisingly. She looked at him with a face he hadn’t seen before.

“Be careful,” she said. Even after Peter had climbed out the window and pulled his mask on, he could still feel her eyes on his back.

When Peter got close to whatever was going on, he spotted his dad straight away, fighting with some big ugly alien. He was relieved to see his dad, someone he trusted, already on the case. Taking on this fight alone would be scary, or with someone he’d never met before.

“Hey, man,” Peter said to the alien. He had to play it cool so he didn’t freak out that it was an _alien_. “What’s up, dad?”

“Peter, where’d you come from?”

“The field trip to-” Peter started, interrupted by a hand wrapping round his _entire body_. He panicked at how easy this guy picked him up, reaching out his arm behind him to grab his dad to save him, but he wasn’t quick enough, and got thrown across the park instead. “What is this guy’s problem?” he asked when he picked himself back up, rejoining the fight.

“Uh, he’s from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard,” Tony explained.

Naturally, Peter thought. Didn’t get simpler than that.

He couldn’t deny, fighting with his dad was _exciting_. Sure this dude was huge, and scary. But it was so cool working one-on-one with his dad. Back in the fight in Berlin, he barely even saw his dad during the fight. It didn’t count. But _now_ , they were actually working together and fighting together. It was the coolest thing ever.

“Kid, that’s the wizard, get on it,” Tony said to Peter, when some kind of red thing flew past quickly.

“On it,” Peter said, following him. Peter couldn’t deny that he was amazed by this other aliens powers, even if it meant he got hit in the face with a billboard. He still managed to do a pretty good job, though, Peter thought. Until, the wizard started getting pulled up by some magic beam and dragging Peter along with him.

“Uh, dad, I’m being beamed up!” Peter yelled.

“Hang on, kid!” Tony yelled back. He tried not to panic, because this guy had him. He couldn’t leave Peter.

The other wizard, Wong, came to Tony’s rescue. He could’ve kissed him. “Wong, you’re invited to my wedding,” he said, before actually jetting off to get to Peter.

“Unlock 17A,” he told F.R.I.D.A.Y., hoping he could reach Peter in time, but it wouldn’t hurt having the extra support.

Tony was getting closer, and he could start to make out Peter’s shape hanging off the edge of the ship. He could see him trying to climb his way up. At the speed the ship was now lifting, there was no way he’d make it anywhere.

“Pete, you gotta let go. I’m gonna catch you.”

“But you said save the wizard!” Peter replied. Tony hated how much he took after him. “Uh, I can’t breathe,” Peter gasped.

 _Don’t_ _panic_ , Tony told himself. If he panicked, he knew Peter would, too. “You’re too high up, you’re running out of air.”

“That makes sense,” Peter said, breathlessly. Tony saw his grip falter, and Peter start to fall. He _knew_  the suit would make it in time to catch him, but that didn’t stop his heart from freezing in his chest watching his son fall from the sky. That was definitely enough, for Tony. Peter was always helpful in a fight, but any time Tony could avoid it, he would. This was what pushed it over the edge from ‘it’s helpful to have him here’ to ‘it’s too dangerous to have him here’. That, and Tony _knew_  whoever got on this ship would have no way home. He could make that sacrifice for the sake of protecting his family and the people he cared about, but he wouldn’t let Peter do the same.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., send him home,” Tony said. He knew Peter would be annoyed at him, but it was for the best. He couldn’t risk this. He barely even wanted to do it himself. Tony hesitated long enough to watch Peter get pulled back towards Earth, before continuing onto the ship.

“Boss, incoming call from Ms. Potts,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, once he had gotten onto the ship.

“Tony, oh my god, are you alright?” Pepper asked, "What’s going on?”

“I’m fine,” Tony reassured her, “I just think we might have to push our 8.30 res.”

“Why?” Pepper sounded accusing now. Tony knew she was scared. They both knew what happened when things came up like this.

“Just cause I’ll…” Tony hesitated. He didn’t want to tell her, didn’t want to admit that he knew this was a one way trip. He wanted to tell her this was all to keep her safe, “…probably not make it back, for a while.”

“Tell me you’re not on that ship.”

“Yeah.”

“God, no. Please tell me you’re not on that ship.” It broke Tony’s heart to hear her. After all they’d gone through to get to this point, it felt like it had all gone backwards. Like it was 2012 again and Tony had gone missing for days and then gotten her almost killed. He didn't want to put her through something like that again. Except this time he'd be gone for good, in all likelihood. She didn't need to know that, though.

“Honey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say-”

“Come back here, Tony!” Pepper yelled, “I swear to god, come back here _right now_.” Her voice started to crackle, fading out. Tony didn’t want to say goodbye to her, not yet.

“Pepper?”

“Come _back_.” She was barely even audible, at this point.

“Boss, we’re losing her,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. told him.

“I’m going to-” Pepper started, before the signal was lost entirely, F.R.I.D.A.Y. included. Tony was in this alone.

He moved on, knowing if he dwelled on it too much he’d freeze. Pepper had to be in the back of his mind. Peter, too. God, he couldn’t even check if he got to the ground safely.

Tony pushed _that_  thought out his head, leaning over the edge to see what was happening with Strange. He needed to figure a plan to get him free, before this ship got too far out. Maybe then they could get home.

Tony practically jumped a mile when he was tapped on the shoulder. He wasn’t expecting a cloak, of all things. “Wow, you are a seriously loyal piece of outerwear, aren’t you?”

“Uh, yeah, speaking of loyalty,” an all-too-familiar voice said. Tony didn’t want to believe it.

“ _What the_ -“ Tony started, watching Peter drop down onto the floor from where he was hanging.

“I know what you’re gonna say,” Peter started, before Tony could even start.

“You should _not_  be here,” Tony said. He was angry, without a doubt. He’d sent Peter _home_ , with a good reason, too. The _last place_ he wanted him was on this ship. This wasn't him just being a strict parent, this was him trying to stop Peter from getting either killed or stuck in space.

“I _was_  gonna go home-”

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Tony said, knowing the excuses wouldn’t change the fact that Peter had just put his life at risk with  _no_  good reason, and that they only person Tony could blame was himself for letting Peter even join the fight to start with.

“-but it was such a long way down, and I just thought about shooting a web-”

“And now I gotta hear it.”

“-and it stuck to the side of the ship, and this suit is _ridiculously_  intuitive, by the way. So, if anything, it’s kind of...your fault that I’m here.”

Tony froze, looking up at Peter. “What did you just say?”

“I-I take that back,” Peter backtracked, “and- and now I’m here in space, so…”

“Yeah,” Tony said, stepping right up to Peter, “right where I didn’t _want_  you to be. This isn’t Coney Island, or some field trip, this is a _one way ticket_. You hear me? _Don’t_  pretend you thought this through.”

“No, I did think this through-”

“You could _not_  have-”

“I did think this through!”

“- _possibly_ thought this through.”

“You can’t be a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighbourhood,” Peter said. Tony knew he had a point, but that didn’t justify risking his _l_ _ife_. More than just risking his life. Practically signing a death sentence. This wasn't Peter's responsibility to manage. He was a _kid_. “Okay, that didn’t really make sense, but you know what I’m trying to say.”

Tony took a deep breath. He was annoyed, but more than anything, he was terrified. This kind of stuff was the reason he didn’t want Peter getting involved in superhero stuff to begin with. He knew the kid, and he knew he took after him far too much, so he knew he’d sacrifice himself in a heartbeat for others without even a consideration. Peter had a _future_ , and he’d just thrown it all away, for nothing. But in spite of all this, Tony knew he couldn’t send him home. It was too late now, it wouldn’t be safe. The best he could do was actually use Peter, as much as he hated it. “Come on,” he said, giving up, "we got a situation.”

Peter was helpful, after all. He came up with the idea and did most of the execution of saving Strange. It wasn’t enough to justify sacrificing himself, but it was something to make Tony feel better.

“We’ve gotta turn this ship around,” Strange said, picking himself up.

“Yeah, now he wants to run, great,” Tony said, sarcastically. Strange was getting on his nerves already. He’d done all that, almost sent his son off into space to save this guy, and for what? The thank you he didn’t bother with?

“I want to protect the stone.”

“And I want you to thank me now,” Tony said, “go ahead, I’m listening.”

“For what? Nearly blasting me into space?”

“ _Who_  just saved your magical ass? Me.”

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.”

Tony ignored that comment. “Admit it, you should’ve ducked out when I told you too, I tried to bench you, you refused.”

“Unlike everyone else in your life, I don’t work for you.”

And that one, too. “And due to that fact, we’re now on a flying donut, billions of miles from earth, no backup.”

“I’m backup,” Peter interjected.

“No,” Tony said, immediately. Peter would be kept as safe as possible and fight as little as possible. “You’re a stowaway. The adults are talking.”

“I’m sorry,” Strange said, "I’m confused as to the relationship here, what is he… your ward?”

“No, I’m Peter, by the way.”

“Doctor Strange.”

“Oh, we’re using our made-up names. I’m Spider-Man then.”

“This ship is self-correcting its course,” Tony said, moving on. He didn’t have time to explain everything to this guy. If he didn’t already know, he didn’t need to. “Things on auto-pilot.”

“Can we control it? Fly us home?” Strange asked. Tony pretended to consider it. He knew he couldn’t take them home, even if he could figure out how to work the ship. He couldn’t risk the damage that had already been done the city being increased by tenfold when Thanos decided to show up. “Stark.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get us home?”

“Yeah, I heard you,” Tony said, “I’m thinking I’m not so sure we should.”

“Under no circumstances can we bring the time stone to Thanos. I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.”

“What? No, it’s _you_ who doesn’t understand,” Tony said, getting in Strange’s face, because he had _no clue_ about any of this. He had one of the infinity stones, that was it. He hadn’t dealt with Thanos before, he didn’t understand just how bad that had been, and that had been when Thanos was working through someone else, “that Thanos has been inside my head for _six years_ , since he sent an army to New York and now he’s _back_! And I don’t know what to do, so I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his because we saw what they did, what they can do. At least on his turf he’s not expecting it. So I say we take the fight to _him_. Doctor. Do you concur?”

“Alright, Stark. We go to him. But you have to understand, if it comes to saving you, or the kid, or the time stone, I will not hesitate to let either of you die. I can’t, because the universe depends on it,” Strange said. Tony tried not to flinch when he mentioned Peter dying. Tony wouldn’t let that happen. He would give up the stone in a heartbeat if it was Peter’s life on the line. He couldn’t say the same if it was his own life.

“Nice. Good moral compass,” Tony said, trying to hide his discomfort. He went over to Peter, instead. “Alright, kid,” he said, putting his hand on each shoulder like he was knighting him, “You’re an Avenger now.”

Peter couldn’t hide the excitement in his face. Sure, he’d turned down the offer before, but this was different. “Wait, really, dad?” he asked.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Strange interrupted, “ _dad_?”

Tony sighed, “Didn’t you read _any_  news in 2016?”

“I had a…busy year. Are you saying this kid is only a year old? What did you, grow him in a lab?”

“No, the person I grew in a lab is back on Earth with the mind stone,” Tony replied, just sarcastic enough to annoy Strange.

“I was born in 2001!” Peter added.

“Great, a fifteen-year-old is our backup, I don’t know if that’s better or worse,” Strange said, “so you have a kid?”

Tony shrugged, “I know how to keep a secret.”

“Not a secret identity, clearly,” Strange retorted.

“Says the man who walks round with a cloak and a magic necklace.”

Strange ignored his comment, “You know, I’m not even going to start on how irresponsible it is to bring your kid along to a fight.”

“You think I wanted him here?”

“He’s right,” Peter said, “he told me to go home. I didn’t listen.”

“Okay, that’s enough, I don’t need to get in the middle of your family issues,” Strange said, “as long as you’re both capable of fighting Thanos, I can deal with it."

“Then deal with it.”

 

* * *

 

After the ship had crashed, Peter decided to have a look around on how to get out of the ship while his dad and Dr. Strange got themselves together. It was a good thing he was climbing along the ceiling, because as soon as he got close to what was either a door or where part of the ship had broken during the crash, he spotted a group of people coming in. Not people, he reminded himself. Aliens. He rushed back to the others, hanging down from the ceiling by a web.

He was ready to say ‘people are coming’, but stopped himself again. Not people that they could talk to and maybe reason with. Aliens that they would probably definitely have to fight. Aliens that could do _all_  kinds of weird stuff to them, like lay eggs in them or eat their brains.

“Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I’m sorry,” Peter said, in the end, stuck with the image of him recreating that scene from Alien.

“I don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip,” Tony said, “you understand?”

“I’m trying to say that something is coming,” Peter explained. Ned would’ve understood.

That was the only chance he got for the warning, because next thing they knew something exploded between them, and then they were being attacked from all sides by a load of different weird-looking aliens. Peter _really_  didn’t want eggs laid in his chest. He managed to defend himself against the scary bug-looking one, but the one that looked more like a robot than an alien grabbed him, holding some kind of space gun to his head.

“Everybody stay where you are, chill the F out,” the robot-alien-guy said, “I’m gonna ask you this one time: where is Gamora?”

“Yeah, I’ll do you one better,” Tony replied. He could hear the strain in his voice. He _definitely_  wasn’t panicking seeing Peter with a gun to his head. He wouldn’t let himself panic, that could get Peter killed, “ _who’s_ Gamora?”

“I’ll do _you_  one better,” the guy Tony had pinned said, “ _why_  is Gamora?”

Tony ignored that. Maybe he was from a less-intelligent race. “Tell me where the girl is or I swear to you I’m gonna french fry this little freak,” the guy that had Peter said.

“Let’s do it,” Tony countered. He wasn’t panicking. “You shoot my guy, and I’ll blast him, let’s go!” His arm extended into the biggest weapon he could make, praying it’d be enough to stop the guy from even _thinking_  about hurting Peter.

“Do it Quill!” the guy yelled, “I can take it.”

“No, he can’t take it!” The girl that Peter had webbed up yelled.

“She’s right, you can’t,” Strange supported, thank god.

“Oh yeah, you don’t wanna tell me where she is? That’s _fine_ , I’ll kill all three of you and beat it out of Thanos myself. Starting with you,” Quill said, directing it at Peter. Tony _really_  didn’t like that. He’d kill this guy in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew he’d kill Peter before Tony could even get close.

“Wait, what? Than-” Strange said, “Let me ask you this, one time: what master do you serve?”

“What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?”

Tony sighed. “You’re from Earth.”

“No, I’m not from Earth, I’m from Missouri.”

“Yeah, that’s on Earth, dipshit. What you hassling us for?”

“So you’re not with Thanos?” Peter asked.

“ _With_  Thanos? No. I’m here to kill Thanos, he took my girl. Wait, who _are_  you?”

“We’re the Avengers, man,” Peter said, taking his mask off.

“ _Oh_ ,” Quill said, letting go of Peter. Tony tried not to make his breath of relief obvious, while Peter tried to be subtle about realising that this guy had a human head, not a robot head.

“You’re the ones Thor told us about,” the girl said.

“You know Thor?” Tony asked. Had they met Bruce, too?

“Yeah, tall guy, not that good-looking. Needed saving.”

“Where is he now?” Strange asked.

“Nidavellir. Said there was some Thanos-killing weapon he could get there.”

“He’s alive?” Tony said, surprised. Bruce thought they’d all been killed. Thor was probably one of their best hopes.

“Last time I saw him,” Quill said.

“We thought he’d been killed by Thanos, he attacked his ship.”

“We rescued him!” the girl said. That was a relief, at least. Thor was alive, most likely with a vengeance, if his brother had been killed, which was exactly what they needed to take down Thanos. Tony _wished_  that could be it, that they could stop now. Let Thor take over, because he clearly knew what he was doing more than the rest of them, especially if he had some Thanos-killing weapon. But Tony knew he couldn’t just stand down, they needed to fight back, too. They had to stop Thanos from getting the time stone, and hopefully throw a spanner in the works of his plan, enough to buy them time to get him killed. Probably by Thor.

The six of them got off the ship, and Tony starting hypothesising plans already, which wasn’t exactly easy with the three musketeers daydreaming their way through the situation. He _had_  been relieved to have some more backup, but now that he'd interacting with them for a significant period of time, not so much.

“Excuse me, does your friend normally do that?” the girl that Tony now knew as Mantis asked, pointing at Strange. He didn’t look in the best state, if Tony was honest.

Tony approached him slowly, not wanting to do anything to make it worse. Suddenly, Strange dropped from where he’d been _floating_ , and Tony grabbed him, supporting him.

“You’re back, you’re alright,” Tony said.

“Hey, what was that?” Peter asked.

“I went forward in time,” Strange explained, as if it was nothing, “to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

“How many did you see?” Quill asked.

“14,000,605.”

So, not too many. “How many did we win?”

“One.”

“Alright, so the odds aren’t in our favour.”

“You can say that again,” Quill scoffed.

“We’re screwed,” Peter said. Tony could hear the shake in his voice. He wished he knew how to reassure him.

“We’ll figure this out,” he said, “I mean, you know what we have to do right? To win? You’ve got a plan?”

“The closest we’ll get to one,” Strange said.

Tony kept a close eye on Peter throughout the planning and figuring out how they were going to pull this off. He still couldn’t believe that Peter was actually _here_. His worst nightmare, that had ruined his life for the last six years, would be coming face to face with the most important person in his life.

“The kid can hide under here,” Quill said, gesturing to one of the many pieces of rubble scattered around, it was part of an old ship or the foundations for a building, but there was a peter-sized dip in the ground underneath it, “he’s the only one that’ll fit.”

“Quill’s right, he is tiny,” Drax said.

“Uh, I-I think I’d be better high up,” Peter said, his voice shaking ever so slightly, his eyes wide, “I’m good with, like…overhead attacks.”

“Come on, it’s perfect, you can squeeze right in!” Quill insisted. Tony recognised the look on Peter’s face from the countless times he’s panicked whenever he remembered New York. It took a long time to be able to think about it without reacting like that, so seeing that in Peter was terrifying.

“I think I’ll just, uh, go find a…vantage…point,” Peter said, shooting his webs up to one of the bigger pieces - high up and away from them all - and disappearing quickly.

Tony didn’t say a word to the others, just took off after him. When he landed on the old ruins, Peter had already sat down, his legs hanging over the edge.

“Pete?” he said, retracting his suit entirely. He just wanted to be his dad, in this moment, “You good?”

“Yeah,” Peter said, breathlessly, “all good.”

Tony sat down next to him, leaving him enough space to breathe. He didn’t say anymore, or try pushing it. If Peter wanted to talk, he could.

“I’m just…not good with small spaces,” Peter explained eventually. He sounded a bit calmer.

“That doesn’t sound like you,” Tony said; he’d been a pro hide-and-seek player when he was younger because he could squeeze into any tiny space.

“It’s a, uh…recent thing.”

“Has something happened?” Tony immediately started worrying.

“It was, um, last year,” Peter started, “y’know when I went after Mr. Toomes…behind your back."

“I remember."

“He was in this old warehouse place, and the way he stopped me from following him was kind of, uh, dropping the building on me.”

Tony felt a surge of anger course through him and he could’ve _easily_  killed Toomes in that moment, if he was there. Tony had to remind himself that Peter was okay, and Toomes was in prison, getting what he deserved.

“I got out okay!’ Peter reassured quickly, recognising the look on Tony’s face, “It was just…I was trapped for a few minutes and it was terrifying. I thought I was never gonna get out. So I’m just a bit…paranoid, I guess.”

“I get it,” Tony said, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder, “when I got paranoid I built dozens of suits and a murderous robot to try and protect everyone.” _E_ _xcept it wasn’t paranoia_ , Tony thought, _Thanos is coming_.

Peter laughed, and it was the best thing Tony could’ve heard, “Yeah, I’m not as bad as you.”

“Hey, I’m still your dad,” Tony said, elbowing Peter in the side before standing up, “are you good to wait for Thanos up here? Do a famous overhead attack?”

Peter smiled, bringing his mask back to cover his face, “I’m good.”

“Remember the plan?”

Peter nodded, “This is going to work.”

“I hope so.”

 

* * *

 

The plan _almost_  worked. They had been _so close_  to getting the gauntlet off. Tony had actually started to get hopeful. A friend of the guardians had even shown up. It was going _well_.

Until Quill started asking about Gamora.

It just went downhill from there, really. Quill lost it, Tony could understand that. He did better than Tony would’ve in the same situation. They tried to recover from the mistake, but Thanos had the upper hand and they all knew it. He took down the others easily, and Tony thought maybe, just _maybe_ , he could get enough power to hold Thanos down long enough for everyone else to back him up. And then he threw a moon at him.

“You throw another moon at me, and I’m gonna lose it,” he told Thanos when he eventually made it back to the action. Peter was nowhere to be seen and he hoped that was a good thing, but he couldn't help the thought growing in the back of his mind that Thanos had killed all the others already.

“Stark.”

“You know me?” That wasn’t reassuring, at all.

“I do,” Thanos said, “You’re not the only one cursed with knowledge.”

“My only curse is you.”

Tony put in his all, he really did. He did it for Pepper, back on Earth, probably worried sick about him with no idea what could be coming. For Peter, who could be dying somewhere on that planet and Tony would have no idea. He could already be dead. He did it for all his friends, for Rhodey, and Steve, and Happy, and Bruce, and Clint, and everyone that had been kind to him on the street, or helped him when he was down. He fought for them, to protect _their_  lives. Tony had stopped caring about his own. If he died in this battle, he at least knew he did it saving the people he cared about, protecting people he hadn’t even met. If he was going to die, he wanted to take Thanos with him.

Except, Thanos was stronger than him. Tony had known this already but it just became more and more obvious the longer he fought. He gave his all and it still wasn’t enough.

In the end, it was his own weapon that did it. As he fell back, blood filling his mouth, Tony still thought about the irony of that. The weapons he’d spent years working on to protect himself and his family was what would probably kill him.

“You have my respect, Stark,” Thanos said, “when I’m done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you.”

Tony was terrified, watching Thanos raise the gauntlet, ready to kill him. He looked around for everyone else but no one was to be seen. Thanos _must’ve_ killed them all. With his last, shaking breaths, Tony started to accept that this was it. Tony was the only one left on this planet. His friends had been killed. Peter had been killed. Tony knew being the only one left alive was far worse. He could die knowing he’d done everything he possibly could to stop Thanos.

“Stop,” Strange said. Strange was alive? “Spare his life, and I will give you the stone.”

“No tricks?”

“Don’t-” Tony said. He could barely make that one word out. His life wasn’t worth Thanos getting closer to his goal. Tony would rather be dead. Even with Strange alive, Peter was gone. Tony had given up.

Watching Strange hand the stone over destroyed Tony. He’d had enough. He wanted out; he didn’t want to do this any more.

Quill appeared just as Thanos disappeared, and Tony was just as surprised to see him as he’d been to see Strange. It still didn’t change how he felt.

“Why would you do that?”

“We’re in the endgame now.”

Tony sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. He never should’ve gotten on that ship. Nothing he did had made a difference.

“Dad?” Peter’s familiar voice came from behind Tony, and he immediately thought he must be hallucinating from blood loss. He was actually delirious. He wasn’t surprised. “Are you okay?”

Tony opened his eyes when he heard footsteps next to him, and immediately saw Peter’s concerned face leaning over him. He definitely couldn’t be real, he’d really lost it, Tony thought, closing his eyes again.

“Wait, dad?” Quill questioned.

He was real.

“Pete?”

“What happened? Where did Thanos go?”

Tony was flooded relief that Thanos hadn’t killed him, at least for Peter’s sake. At this point, nothing could change how he felt about it, but if Peter had come back to his dad’s corpse…

“He’s gone,” Quill said. He sounded just as stunned and broken as Tony felt.

“We lost,” Tony added.

“Lost? We can’t have _l_ _ost_ ,” Peter said, his eyebrows knitted together. He looked tired and scared and so _young_  that it broke Tony’s heart. He was just a kid, he shouldn’t have to be here.

“He’s still got one more stone to collect,” Strange explained.

“He might still be stopped yet,” Tony said, mostly for Peter’s sake. He couldn’t tell if he was still holding out hope or not, “god knows Steve Rogers would’ve raised hell ready for this.”

“So we might win?” Peter asked.

“Let’s hope so, kid,” Tony said, “help me up, would you?”

Peter put an arm out, supporting Tony as he stood up. He tried not to show how bad it was, but he could already see the worry in Peter’s face.

“Is there anything else we can do?” Peter asked, “We must be able to help or _something_.”

“I think we’re done now, Pete,” Tony said, retracting what was left of his suit back into the housing unit. He was done with it. He could see written across Peter’s face that he wanted to keep going, that he _needed_  to keep going, but Tony knew everyone else was done. The others had slowly made their way back, miraculously still alive, and they were all together now, exhausted, but alive.

“Something’s happening,” Mantis said, as they all came together. Tony wouldn’t be surprised if the planet was collapsing in on itself. She didn’t get any more words out before her body crumbled apart into dust, drifting off into the wind.

Tony’s heart stopped.

This was it, he’d done it. It was so quick, there must've barely even been a fight to get the last stone.

“Quill?” Drax said, as he crumbled apart too.

“Steady, Quill,” Tony said, already seeing his body breaking apart.

“Oh, man,” he said, and he was gone.

“Tony,” Strange said, “there was no other way.” Then he was gone, too. Tony’s heart was pounding in his chest, just waiting to feel himself fall apart.

“Dad?” Peter said from behind him. He sounded scared and uncertain, and the second Tony turned to look at him, he knew. No. This couldn’t be happening. “I don’t feel so good.”

“You’re alright,” Tony said. He wanted to believe it, but he could already see the flakes of dust breaking off of Peter’s suit.

“I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t-” Peter said, stumbling forward. Tony caught him, holding on tight. He wasn’t going to let him go. He could feel Peter crumbling under his hands. “I don’t wanna go,” Peter said, clinging onto him, “I don’t wanna go, dad, please, _please_ , I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go.”

Tony could barely even breathe. He knelt down, letting Peter rest against the floor but keeping a tight hold on him. The others had all disappeared so quickly, it kept a flicker of hope inside Tony that maybe this wouldn’t happen, maybe everything would be okay.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said, barely a whisper, and Tony could feel the weight lifting off of his hand, watched Peter’s body and then head slowly disappear until he was nothing more than a pile of dust. Tony tried to grab him, but he was gone.

“He did it,” Nebula, the only other one left, said.

Tony sat back, looking at the dust coating his hands. That was all that was left of him. He waited for his hands to fall apart into dust in front of him, he _welcomed_  it, but he already knew he wasn’t that lucky. He was part of the 50% of the population that was still alive. It could never be that easy.

“We really lost,” Tony said. Once upon a time, this would’ve pushed him on, he’d have been fuelled by his anger and loss to fix what had happened. Tony knew that wasn’t him any more, though, or if it was, he’d lost himself. Through everything that had happened since that first suit of armour, Tony had lost the will to go on. If Thanos was face-to-face with him now, Tony doesn’t know if he’d even have the energy to fight him. Even for Peter’s sake.

Nebula sat down silently, leaving space between the two of them, “The boy, who was he?”

“My son,” Tony answered. It hurt to say it. Tony's heart was a hollow space in his chest, aching and bruised.

“Thanos will pay for this.”

Tony wished that gave him any semblance of comfort, but it didn’t. Nothing could change what had just happened. No revenge could make this better. “The guardians, were they-?”

“Gamora was their friend, not me.”

“Gamora? Quill’s girl?” Tony asked. Distracting himself was the only thing he could do, really. Otherwise he’d start thinking about all the people on Earth he could’ve lost, too.

“She was my sister,” Nebula explained.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said.

“Don’t be. I will make Thanos pay for her death.”

Tony was glad for her, that she would be able to get her revenge. He couldn’t say the same. “Do you have a home to go to?” he didn’t know if he could go back to his.

“Not anymore,” she said, “I can take you back to Earth in Quill’s ship, they should have enough fuel to make the journey.”

Tony didn’t want to go, not really. He didn’t want to face the reality of the list of the dead. The loss of Peter was enough. He knew he couldn’t handle arriving home to another pile of bodies. 

“Let’s go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the endgame trailer dropping completely changed what i was planning to do with both this chapter & the next ones, so let me know what theories you like for what happens next/what you'd want to see happen even if it probably won't in the movie! or if there's ever any scenes you'd like to see let me know and i can try find a way to add it into the story!


	17. 2017: part II

**May 2017**

They overestimated how far the fuel would get them. Quill’s ship was slower than the one that had taken them to Titan to begin with, and Nebula disclosed from the start that it would be a several day journey, if she could even figure how to get back to Earth. Tony could at least help out with the flying somewhat - it wasn’t too difficult to figure out, anyway. He would fly occasionally to give Nebula a break, but most of the time she would be fine for hours on end. Tony quickly realised that she liked the distracting flying gave, too. He let her fly more after that, leaving himself alone with his thoughts.

“Stark, we have a problem,” she said, walking into the back of the ship, disturbing Tony from where he’d been sleeping. He was exhausted and in pain, still recovering from the deep stab wound Thanos had given him. Sleeping was a welcome distracting, too. He couldn’t think about what happened while he was asleep. As long as he didn’t remember his dreams.

“What?” he asked, feeling his body immediately preparing himself for a fight, while his mind told him it wasn’t worth it. He was too tired and badly injured. He had no fight left to give.

“We’ve ran out of fuel,” she explained, “I thought there’d be enough. We’re still at least a day out from Earth.”

“We’re not gonna make it,” Tony finished what she didn’t say.

She nodded solemnly. “Unless we figure out some way to get this ship moving…we’re stranded.”

Tony wasn’t even fazed by it, really. Somewhere, back in the depths of his mind, there a panicked alarm blaring that this what it, that he was going to die, but it never got further than a muffled, hidden thought. His mind had reached its full capacity for bad news, he didn’t think he was capable of absorbing any more. He just continued on autopilot,as if this was normal, looking through the supplies and calculating it all, completely detached. He figured out that there was maybe a handful of days supply of food and water, that he could probably stretch out to a week or two. He didn’t know how long he’d survive, after that.

“You don’t eat? Or drink?” Tony asked Nebula a few hours after the bad news. They were both sat at the front of the ship, Tony with a small, sad meal in front of him.

“Not anymore,” she answered, “Thanos took that away from me a long time ago. I get hungry, sometimes. It’s rare.”

“What did he do to you?” Tony asked. He’d tried to hide his surprise when he found out Thanos was Nebula and Gamora’s father, but it was pretty obvious. He wasn’t surprised that he was a shitty father. That at least made Tony feel better about his own parenting. Until he remembered with a stab in the heart that he wasn’t really a parent, not anymore. That was as much thinking as he could do about _that_.

“He would make me and Gamora fight each other, to train,” she explained, “every time I lost, he would replace another part of me with a machine to make me better.”

Tony’s blood boiled just hearing that. No one deserved to be treated that way, especially not a kid. If he was going to kidnap kids to have as his own, the least he could do was be a decent father to them.

“I’ll get my revenge,” Nebula said, to reassure him, noticing his anger. “You can get yours, too,” she added.

Tony turned to her, and he must’ve looked confused. Revenge wasn’t even on his mind, he was far past that. He was too tired for revenge. It wouldn’t bring him back.

“For your son,” she explained, at Tony’s confusion. The memory ingrained into his head replayed for the millionth time that day, Peter apologising before disappearing in front of him. Tony took a deep shaking breath, look down and away. _Don’t freak out_ , he told himself, pushing down everything he was feeling. He couldn’t deal with it, not now, probably not ever.

 

* * *

 

Tony woke up from a restless sleep hours later. It could be the next day, or days later, he didn’t know. The sun was always shining. He could check his suit to figure out how much time had passed since they were on the ship, but he wanted to conserve as much power as he could.

He’d fallen asleep in one of the piloting chairs, which were semi-comfortable but not really enough to sleep in. It didn’t make the ache in his chest any better from where Thanos had left his mark.

Tony pushed himself upright, feeling a familiar dampness on his cheeks that always seemed to be there when he woke up. He refused to think about what happened, refused to process what it meant. He didn’t want to let himself feel it, because then he knew there’d be no going back. When he was asleep, though, he didn’t have any control. He guessed that’s why he always woke up crying.

 

**June 2017**

When food and water ran out after a week and a half, it started to sink in what was really happening. Tony was going to die, no one was coming to rescue them, and he’d leave Nebula trapped in this ship for who knows how long.

Tony had done the math; he had about four days left of oxygen until he fell asleep and didn’t wake up. Or until the carbon dioxide poisoned him.

Nebula left him alone, for the most part. She could see he was in mourning, coming to terms with what was happening. She knew he needed to be alone.

As the days went on, Tony started to feel the effects of it on his body. If he’d been tired before, now was something else entirely. He could barely stay awake, or hold a train of thought. It overshadowed the hunger and thirst, at least. He became numb to those, eventually.

“You’re giving up,” a voice came from the other side of his closed eyelids. Tony barely had the energy to open his eyes to see who it was. He blinked the blurry image of Peter sat in front of him into somewhat clarity.

Looking at him only made Tony feel worse.

“You’re dead,” he told him. That was the first time Tony had even thought it, let alone said it out loud.

“What if I’m not?” Peter asked, “You’re not going to try rescue me?”

“I watched you die.” Tony was too tired for this. He didn’t need the guilt trip. Peter was dead and Tony knew there was nothing he could do. He’d already gotten Peter killed. There was _nothing_  he could do. There was no point continuing.

“Pepper’s still alive.”

“You don’t know that.” Tony hadn’t let himself consider it either way. He didn’t want Pepper to be dead, and he didn’t want to be abandoning Pepper if she was alive.

“What about Morgan?”

“Morgan doesn’t exist,” Tony answered, biting and harsh. The memories of having a happy family, raising a child with Pepper, Peter having a brother, they were all too much. “You don’t exist.”

“You can’t ignore my death. You’ve got to face it.”

Tony knew this wasn’t Peter, knew it was just because he was dying, but it was still so hard to face him, after he’d gotten him killed. “I’m sorry,” Tony said, dropping his shoulders and finally accepting the weight of it all, “I killed you.” It had been two weeks and he hadn’t let himself think about it. He’d known it deep down, known it was his fault. He shouldn’t have let Peter get on the ship, he should’ve turned the ship round and taken him home. He shouldn’t have let Peter be Spider-Man. He never should’ve joined the Avengers and started all of this. He never should’ve made that first suit. If he’d let himself die in that cave, maybe Peter would’ve lived a full life. Pepper, too.

“You’re abandoning her,” Peter said.

“No I’m not.” Tony knew he was. “I’m stuck, I can’t get back to her.”

“If I was here, you’d find a way.”

That was what really broke Tony’s heart, because he knew it was true. If Peter had survived the snap, and he was trapped on this ship with them, he knew he wouldn’t rest until he’d found a way to save Peter. The only life he could save right now was his own, and he couldn’t find a reason for that any more. Even if Peter was here, he might not be able to find a way to save him.

Maybe it was a good thing Peter had been killed by Thanos.

Tony hated that he thought it, but he couldn’t help it. The more he thought, the more he knew it was true. Peter had died a quick, painless death. He wasn’t stuck, scared and alone, starved and dehydrated. This was a slow, painful death that Tony wouldn’t wish upon anyone. He was glad Peter wasn’t here.

Tony left his eyes fall shut again, feeling the tears pour down his cheeks. This was the first time he’d let himself cry since he’d watched Peter die. Accepting it had added a new, aching weight to his heart. He felt hollow.

When he opened his eyes, Peter was gone. His words about Pepper still rung in his head, though. He didn’t know she was dead. If she was alive, she wouldn’t know what happened to him.

With the little energy left in his body, Tony released what was left of the suit, taking off the helmet before retracting the rest of it. He knew he wouldn’t be able to connect to a signal on Earth, but maybe, somehow, the message would reach her.

He put the helmet down in front of him. He didn’t want her to be able to see him in this state, but he knew that’s what she would want. He flicked it on, watching it scan his body, making sure it was working before he started.

Staring into the damaged face of his suit, he started the message to the love of his life, praying that she was still alive and able to receive it.

“Hey, Miss Potts,” he started, “if you find this recording, don’t feel bad about this. Part of the journey is the end.” He didn’t want her to feel guilty, or upset, or anything. He wanted her to be able to move on with her life, really. He knew he’d taken up so much of her life, and he thought he’d be able to make up for that when they got married and started a family together, but he guessed that wasn’t an option anymore. He had expected this to happen, for years. He wanted her to know that this was inevitable, and there was nothing to be sad about. “Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds. Food and water ran out…four days ago. Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning. Then it’ll be it.” He needed her to know what happened. He needed her to know how much he loved her. She’s the love of his life, and she always will be. This was all, always, for her. “When I drift off, I will dream about you. It’s always you.”

Tony shut the recording off. As part of the emergency protocol, the suit would send it to anywhere it could reach. Hopefully, it would make its way back to Pepper. Tony could only hope.

When Tony started trying to pull himself up to move into one of the seats, Nebula appeared, helping him up.

“You saw that, huh?” he asked, once he’d sat down, staring out into the abyss of his worst nightmare. He could almost see the Chitauri ship in front of him and feel the portal behind him, still, after it all. After facing so much worse, it was still always back to that.

“I wanted to give you some privacy,” she said, “is she back on Earth?”

“I hope so,” Tony said. He wanted her to have survived, without the pain of losing the people around her.

Nebula didn’t say any more, resting a hand gently on his shoulder, reassuringly, before slipping silently away again. Tony was glad to be left alone. He knew this was it for him.

It was so easy to close his eyes and slip away.

 

* * *

 

Tony didn’t expect to wake up. When he did, bright light pouring in before he even opened his eyes, he was confused. The ship was dark, cold and uncomfortable. He was in a warm, soft bed, in a bright room. When he opened his eyes, it wasn’t any more clear.

He could feel a warm weight next to him, all along the side of his body. He turned his head slowly, taking in the sight of a tired, disheveled looking Pepper.

He thought he’d never see her again. 

 _I’m dead_ , he thought, _Thanos killed Pepper and now I’m dead_. He and Pepper were together, at least. That was enough for Tony, and he closed his eyes, drifting back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When he woke up again, the weight of Pepper by his side was gone, and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He opened his eyes, looking around the room this time. It looked like a hospital room, not really what he expected death to look like.

“Tony? Tony!” _Pepper_. Tony’s heart skipped a beat just hearing her voice. She was stood in the doorway, and turned away before coming over to him. “He’s awake!” she told someone behind her, and what looked like a nurse followed her in. “We had no idea if you were going to wake up.”

“What-” Tony started. He was confused and disorientated, his brain moving at a sluggish pace.

“I got your message,” she said, sitting in the chair next to the bed and pulling it close to him, “I got it, just in time,” she continued, leaning forward and resting their foreheads together, “god, Tony. You scared me.”

The message was a goodbye, not a cry for rescue. “What happened?”

“Thor found you,” she explained, after the tiniest hesitation, “the second I told them all you were alive everyone jumped into action.”

“Nebula, is she-?” Tony asked, “The girl-”

“She’s fine,” Pepper said before Tony could finish, “she’s with the Avengers. Oh, god, I need to tell them you’re okay.”

Tony felt nervous straight away. He wanted to stay with Pepper, not think about anyone or anything else. “Who else…?” Tony didn’t know how to finish.

“Rhodey’s alive,” Pepper said straight away, “and Bruce, Natasha…Steve. Vision’s gone, and Wanda. We don’t know if Clint’s alive or not.”

Tony nodded, ignoring the pang in his chest. This was all too real.

“And Tony…Peter’s missing,” she said, and that just made it so, so much worse. He’d only accepted Peter’s death when he accepted he was dying, too. Now that he hadn’t died…

This meant he had to live without Peter, knowing he’d died, and knowing it was his fault.

“He was on Titan, with me,” Tony said, sounding as numb and removed as he felt, “he…didn’t make it.” Tony’s voice cracked saying it out loud.

Pepper looked heartbroken, “No…” she whispered, “I’d hoped, maybe, somehow…I don’t know,” she leant forward and wrapped Tony in a tight hug, “oh, Tony,” she said. He could feel her tears spilling onto his shoulder and that was enough to push him over the edge. His son was gone, he wasn’t coming back, and Tony had to live the rest of his life with that. He wasn’t going to die in space and never have to face what happened. He’d have to go to his home, see all the remnants of Peter, and feel the empty space he’d left in Tony’s life. He’d have to tell May, if she was still alive. He’d have to go back to how it was eleven years ago, when he barely had something to wake up for. Sure, he had Pepper now, but that didn’t make the hole any smaller.

“I watched him die,” Tony whispered, like it was this awful secret. He didn’t want to say it out loud. It hurt enough to think it, let alone hear it.

Pepper didn’t say anything, but held on even tighter.

“It was my fault,” he wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew Pepper would try to tell him that it wasn’t, which might be what he needs, but he didn’t want it. He knew he had to deal with it. He couldn’t accept anything other than the blame on himself. He couldn’t deal with the lack of control otherwise. He could blame himself for Peter’s death, it was his fault. He was the reason Peter died. The alternative was Peter’s death being inevitable. That was even worse.

“Thor!” Pepper said, as the door opened behind Tony. The moment she pulled away, he closed himself off again, the only remnants of him letting himself feel were the teardrops left on her shoulder. That was it, now; he had to move on, if he wanted to function. He didn’t, really. If it weren’t for Pepper, he’d rather still be on that spaceship.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Stark,” Thor said, with significantly less energy than Tony was used to. He looked different - not just the short hair, and the beard, and the eye, but something inside him was different. Thanos had taken things from all of them.

Tony tried to push himself upright, but it just made him out of breath and reminded him of how shitty he felt physically, too. “Thanks for saving me,” he said, trying to sound genuine despite how he felt.

“Don’t thank me,” Thor said, then paused. He and Pepper exchanged a look that Tony was too tired to figure out. “You were on the Guardians’ ship, you met them?” Thor questioned, continuing as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Tony felt immediately sick. He’d been hoping Nebula would’ve broken all the bad news to everyone else and Tony wouldn’t have to face it.

Tony nodded, “They mentioned they’d met you,” he said, postponing the inevitable. He saw the expectant look on Thor’s face, waiting to find out what happened. He looked as hopeful as he could, considering it all. “They didn’t make it.”

Thor’s expression dropped instantly, it broke Tony’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as if it helped. He knew it didn’t.

Thor sighed. He looked just as broken as Tony. “Thanos will be made to pay,” he said, with attempted certainty, “we all lost something. You’ve given them hope, again.”

“Me?” Tony was confused; he’d done nothing but lie in a hospital bed for however many days since he’d been rescued.

“We all thought you were dead, Tony,” Pepper said, her tone serious. He felt guilty for so readily accepting his death.

“Everyone was mourning all we had lost,” Thor explained, “you coming back, it’s brought back hope that maybe this isn’t it. Maybe they can come back.”

“I didn’t die, though. I was stuck in space. They _did_  die,” Tony said, knowing he couldn’t let himself get his hopes up. It was too dangerous. If he got his hopes up, he’d never be able to recover from this. “They’re not coming back.”

“But what if we can bring them back?” Thor said, “There’s a lot we don’t know about the stones. We don’t know what happened to them when Thanos snapped.”

“They’re gone,” Tony insisted.

“We don’t know that,” Thor insisted, “the sun may shine again.”

Tony wanted to insist, that this was _it_ , there was nothing they could do, but there was something in Thor’s face that stopped him. He’d lost people, too, Tony knew that. If this is what he needed to deal with what had happened, he wasn’t going to stop him from having that.

“Carol, too,” Pepper interjected, "she's going to help. And Scott."

“Who?” Tony hadn’t been gone _that_  long.

“It seems Fury is looking out for us, from wherever he is,” Thor said, “he sent out a distress call, which was answered. Fury had a secret weapon, all along.”

The name rang a bell, and the moment Thor mentioned Fury it clicked. “Carol Danvers?”

Thor shrugged, but Pepper nodded. “You know her?”

“I know _of_ her. I shouldn’t,” Tony explained, “she was buried _deep_  in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s files, wasn’t easy to find. I didn’t read much, but enough to know she’s powerful. I didn’t even think she was still on Earth.”

“She wasn’t,” Thor explained, “Fury’s call brought her here.”

Tony nodded. He didn’t want to help, didn’t want to get involved in the fight. He was past the point of revenge of anything. He didn’t care about Thanos. What’s done is done. No amount of revenge would bring Peter back. Regardless, it was reassuring to know they had someone like that on their side, if only for the sake of the others. “And Scott?”

“He can…get…really…small?” Thor said, unsure. 

A wave of familiarity washed through Tony. Of course. The guy that was in Berlin. “He can get big, too.”

 

* * *

 

The doctors released him after a few days. Pepper didn’t leave his side the entire time, and still refused to even when they left the hospital. It was a good thing, really, because he needed the help making it to the car. He didn’t feel much better than when he’d first woken up, they’d only really agreed to release him because of the high-tech medical equipment at the compound. Tony didn’t really want to go home, but both Thor and Pepper had agreed no more visitors was best for Tony, and he knew he’d have to face everyone else eventually.

He had to make one stop first.

The door opened with a panicked certainty, and May looked just as awful as the rest of them.

“No,” she said, shaking her head once she’d taken in the look on Tony’s face, “no, where is he? _Where is he?_ “

Tony kept quiet. He couldn’t do this. “He-” was as much as he could get out before his voice caught in his throat. He shook his head.

That was enough for her to understand. Her body crumpled in front of him, completely giving up.

Tony knelt down in front of her, wrapping his arms round her shaking shoulders and absorbing her sadness. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could do. It was too late for anything else.

 

* * *

 

“Do I have to do this?” Tony asked Pepper, back in the car. She nodded, a sympathetic look on her face. “I can’t face them. I can’t face him.”

“You knew you’d have to eventually,” Pepper said. He knew she was right.

“Not like this, though,” Tony said, “he _hurt_  Peter, and now…”

“This was Thanos, not him,” Pepper tried to reason, but it was too late, because the anger was starting to build up in him just thinking about it.

“If it wasn’t for him behaving so _idiotically_ , Peter never would’ve gotten into this,” Tony said. He knew that he was the one that brought Peter along to that first fight, that he was the one that started it, but Tony already had the weight of Peter’s death pressing on his shoulders. He’d crumble under anything more.

“Tony-”

“I can’t see him.”

 

* * *

 

Steve was waiting outside the building the moment they pulled up outside, Natasha next to him. “Tony,” he said as soon as Tony had gotten out of the car, with Pepper’s help again. Just seeing him brought the anger to an entirely new level, and Tony knew he couldn’t stand here and talk to him as if nothing had happened, as if this shared tragedy had overwritten what had happened barely even a year ago. He was here to see Bruce, and whoever else was still alive, and to get updated on what was going on. He’d even been planning to stay there, until he saw Steve’s stupid face and he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t know if he could go home without Peter, either, though.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Tony replied, feeling the anger coursing through him; for what Steve had done to him, for how he’d hurt Peter, for how he’d started this _all_. Under it all, a seed of anger directed at Thanos was planted, because no one could deny his role in this, in Peter’s death. Now that Tony had gotten enough energy to feel anything more than emptiness, the anger towards Thanos came easy, but still didn’t overpower the anger towards Steve.

“Tony-” Natasha tried to say.

“Really, Tony? Half the population has just been killed and you’re _still_ -“ Steve sighed, “Bucky died, is that what you wanna hear? Does that help with _any_  of this, cause I’ve lost people, too.”

“No, don’t you even _start_ , you have _no_ _idea_. I don’t care that Thanos got to your old war buddy, okay?”

“He was my best friend,” Steve interrupted, looking ready to argue, “he-“

“He was my _son_!” Tony yelled back. He wanted to cry. He’d closed himself off, he didn’t want to let himself feel any more and yet Steve was still managing to force it out of him.

“Peter…?”

“We thought he was just missing, we didn’t know,” Natasha said.

“I watched him die,” Tony said. His whole body was numb. He could still see Peter’s face, still hear his last words. Could still feel him disappearing in his arms.

“Peter was on Titan?” Steve questioned, “Why-”

“I tried to stop it,” Tony said, no emotion in his voice, trying to shut it away, “but he got these powers, and he was insistent on doing it. The best thing I could do was at least give him a decent suit so he’d be protected. It still wasn’t enough.”

“Peter’s-”

“Remember Spider-Man?” Tony said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “That kid you were happily throwing around and beating up and dropping 11 tons of steel on, ring any bells?”

“Tony…” Steve started. The recognition was evident in his face. And guilt.

“You know _he_  didn’t even think he could lift that much, so there’s no way you could’ve figured it out. What would’ve happened if he _couldn’t_  have held it, huh? Were you just planning on crushing the opposing side to death just cause you didn’t happen to be friends with the one you were fighting?”

“I thought the kid could take it, Tony.”

“You know that kid can practically fall off a building and walk away without so much as a scratch and you _still_  managed to leave a mark on him?”

“I’m sorry, Tony. I didn’t know.”

“Because you didn’t know he was my kid that made it any better?” Tony accused, “He was _fourteen_ , you know, he’d just finished his freshman year of high school,” Tony started to lose his energy then, thinking about it, “he didn’t even get to finish his sophomore year. He was so excited to be a junior. He was going to turn 16 in a few months.”

“Let’s go inside,” Pepper said, holding up more and more of Tony’s weight. Tony didn’t protest, and let her lead him inside. He didn’t want to deal with Steve any more, and was relieved when he didn’t try to follow.

Pepper helped him upstairs to where Bruce was working, before leaving the two of them alone. Bruce rushed over, greeting Tony with a hug before helping him to a seat.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, not so subtly hiding the list of missing people being projected into the room.

“Like shit,” Tony answered truthfully.

“Peter?” Bruce questioned; that was all he needed to say, really.

Tony shook his head, knowing neither of them would want to go into depth about it. Tony wasn’t sure he could even get the words out again.

“He was in that suit, wasn’t he?” Bruce asked, “When Thanos’ people came.”

Tony nodded. He wanted to explain, go into the long-winded account of what happened that proved Tony wasn’t as bad of a father as he seemed, but he was too tired, and _really_  didn’t want to think about the trivial issues of him and Peter arguing over whether he could be Spider-Man or not when Peter was dead now. Everything paled in comparison. None of it mattered.

“I don’t think it could’ve worked out any other way,” Bruce said, “he was always going to take after you, no matter what.”

That, weirdly, made Tony feel a bit better. Not about Peter’s death, but the guilt he had about it. “I still wished I could’ve stopped it, kept him safe.”

“You know you couldn’t stop that kid from doing anything he set his mind to,” Bruce said, and Tony took comfort in how _right_  he was. Tony could’ve done everything in his power to stop Peter, but when he was determined he’d always find a way. “Plus, you know how much he looked up to you. He was going to follow in your footsteps one way or another.”

Tony didn’t say anything to that, didn’t let it show how much it meant to him. Peter had told him that he wanted to be like him, but Tony hadn’t really listened to it. He’d been mad and frustrated with Peter, and never really took in what it _meant_  that he wanted to be a superhero too. What Bruce said made sense, and it healed the hole in Tony’s chest, just a little bit.

“Do I want to see the list?” Tony asked, moving on before he could make himself feel worse by thinking about Peter too long. He had to ration his time or he knew he’d just end up in a pit he couldn’t get out of.

Bruce sighed, rubbing his eyes. “There’s more than we can even count.”

“About 4 billion people?” Tony asked, trying to joke. It came out flat and strained.

Bruce gave a short laugh, sounding just as strained, “It’s a lot to work through.”

“Are you good?” Tony asked, realising he hadn’t checked how Bruce was holding up, “Was there…anyone?”

He looked immediately more uncomfortable, looking down, “Not from the snap,” Bruce said, his voice showing the strain, “when Thanos attacked the ship we were on…he didn’t leave any survivors.”

“There were people you knew?” Tony asked, the ‘other than Thor?’ unspoken but obvious.

“Good friends,” Bruce said, “people that saved my life. Even Loki.”

Tony had forgotten about Loki; no wonder Thor had seemed so broken, so desperate for some hope. Tony definitely wasn’t a fan of Loki, but he could appreciate how much he meant to Thor.

“We think Fury is gone, too,” Bruce said, any hint of mourning gone, returning to his serious but solemn tone, “we thought he would’ve got in contact, but there’s been no sign of him since the snap. Sure, he sent Carol, but…that’s it. She hasn’t heard any more, either. She hadn’t even known what happened.”

“We know how much he likes to go underground, though,” Tony disputed. Fury being gone wasn’t good news for anyone, especially if the others were actually planning on fighting back. Fury had contacts. Useful ones.

“But not a _single_  word?” Bruce questioned, “From Maria, either?”

Tony sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Do they have a plan?”

“I don’t know. They’re working on something. We’ve lost so many people…” Bruce trailed off, looking helpless for a minute before he composed himself, “With Bucky, Sam and Clint gone…those two are not in a good place. They won’t stop, you know that.”

“If that’s what they need to do…” Tony said. He didn’t want to feel responsible for either of them. They’d both betrayed him.

“They need a united force, more than anything, right now,” Bruce said.

“Bruce…”

“I mean it, Tony,” Bruce interrupted, “half the world is dead, this isn’t the time for stupid team politics. It’s all in the past, now. I know it’s hard with Peter gone, but if we’ve got any hope of fixing this it has to be as a united force.”

Tony sighed. He knew Bruce was right. He knew he’d have to move on, but it was so much easier being angry at Steve instead of thinking about this new reality. “I know, I know,” Tony said, “I need to lie down for a bit.”

Tony managed it back to his room on his own, tired and out-of-breath, but he made it. He hated feeling completely useless, so it was good to be able to do _something_  on his own.

Pepper was sat on the edge of their bed, doing something on her phone. Tony noticed it straight away, sending a horrible feeling straight to his stomach. He felt like he was going to pass out, or throw up, or both.

“What’s that doing here?” he asked accusingly, staring right at the backpack, sitting harmlessly against the wall.

“That’s-” Pepper started, hesitating when she noticed the look on Tony’s face, “Peter left it on the bus, Ned dropped it off at the house. I was staying here so I brought it back with me.”

Tony took a deep, shuddering breath, picking up the bag. He had just enough energy to make it to the bed with the bag, sitting on the opposite side to Pepper. She didn’t move.

He knew looking through it would just make him feel worse, but he couldn’t stop himself. It felt like he was in a trance.

The first thing Tony pulled out was the hoodie he’d been wearing the day of the field trip. He must’ve taken it off to put his suit on. As soon as Tony pulled it out, he could smell Peter. It was almost like he was there. Almost.

Next was a couple of his textbooks, worn and covering in Peter’s non-sensical scribbles and notes. Just seeing his writing and annotations was enough to make Tony’s hands shake; this all felt too real. Then there was a tupperware container, with what should’ve been Peter’s lunch for the field trip. It had been a month since it should’ve been eaten, the food rotting inside. That hit Tony like a train. Peter should’ve eaten this, sat with his friends on a regular school trip. Instead, he was trapped on an alien planet hours before his death. More than anything else, that made Peter feel really dead.

Tony thought it couldn’t get worse, but the next thing he pulled out was Peter’s phone.

The screen lit up when Tony picked it up. He didn’t want to look at it, he knew that. He couldn’t help it.

The battery was barely still going, especially for Peter, who kept his phone religiously charged up. He’d forget to bring his phone with him places the majority of the time, but it would always be charged. That made it more real, too. It made sense that the only way his phone would be close to dying was when he’d been dead himself for a month. 

Tony had seen the background of his phone before, but it was different seeing it like this. It felt intrusive and wrong; Tony felt like an outsider on his son’s life. It was a picture of him, Ned and Michelle, all three of them leaning over the phone so they took up their own corner of the picture, the rest being taken up by Michelle’s hair falling in front of them all. They were each pulling their own weird face, being stupid, annoying kids. It broke Tony’s heart. They were all _kids_. They shouldn’t be having to deal with any of this.

Peter was too trusting, and never kept a passcode on his phone, so Tony opened it easily. He told himself he wasn’t intruding on his privacy, it was because he had a few dozen missed calls and Tony wanted to make sure it wasn’t anything important, even though nothing was important anymore. Peter was dead.

He opened the call log. There were some from May and Ned around the time of the snap, both calling a few times. Both checking he was okay. Michelle had called around the same time, but she hadn’t given up like the other two. The most recent attempt was yesterday.

Tony knew he shouldn’t click to listen to the messages. He _shouldn’t_. He had to, though. 

“Dude, did you go on that spaceship?” Ned’s excited voice came through the phone’s tinny speakers, “If you meet aliens you’ve gotta tell me _all_  about it. Unless they lay eggs in you. Then _please_  don’t eat me.” Tony laughed, despite himself. The two were perfect for each other. It broke his heart even more. “I know you probably won’t get signal in space, and I’m _pretty_  sure I heard your phone ringing in your backpack, but let me know when you’re back on Earth. I need to hear _everything_. I’ll drop your backpack at your house once we get back from the field trip. Also, MJ keeps worrying about you. She’s trying to play it cool like she doesn’t care, but she _so_  does, dude.”

The phone beeped. Next message, a few hours later.

“Peter, if you don’t pick up soon I’m going to show up at your house, god help me. I don’t care if I get you in trouble. Pick up _now_ ,” May’s voice said. She sounded stressed and angry.

“She did,” Pepper said, right behind Tony, making him jump. “I had no idea what to tell her,” she explained, “I didn’t even know Peter was on that ship with you.”

“I didn’t think he was,” Tony said, “he was _supposed_  to go home.”

Pepper gave a sympathetic half-smile, before they both turned the phone back when it beeped again. A few minutes after the last message.

“I don’t know if what’s happening is to do with that spaceship, but things are creepy, man,” Ned’s voice came through again, “my mom just disappeared in the middle of the living room, and loads of people on the street are disappearing. Please tell me you know what’s going on, and you haven’t disappeared too. Let me know you’re okay.”

Another beep. Another few minutes later.

There was complete silence, aside from some white noise, and Tony thought it must just be a mistake, until an uncertain, less-familiar voice came through. “Peter?” Michelle said. She sounded nervous and quiet. “I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know if you know, or your dad knows, but please call me back. My whole family’s just disappeared, I don’t know what to do…” she goes quiet again, before continuing, “Ned thinks you got on that ship. I really hope you didn’t. Just…let me know you’re okay. I…yeah, call me back.”

“I should go see her,” Tony said, more to himself than anything else.

“It won’t give you closure, Tony.”

“I don’t need closure,” Tony said, “this isn’t a…break-up. This was Peter’s _life_. She meant a lot to him.”

“You don’t even know when she lives.”

“Happy’s dropped her home before, he can take me,” Tony said, freezing after realising, “Happy’s still alive, right?”

Pepper rolled her eyes, “Yes, he is,” she said, “god forbid you survive without him.”

“You two are the only things that keep me functioning,” Tony said, kissing her quickly before he left. Left behind all the reminders of Peter’s death that he _knew_  he couldn’t cope with. He knew seeing Michelle wouldn’t bring Peter back to life, but it could do something. He hoped. It was the right thing to do, no matter what.

“Good to see you again, boss,” Happy said when he pulled up, after Tony had texted him to come.

“Wish I could say it was good to be back,” Tony said. It was better to be back than to be starving in space, but going back to before it all would’ve been even better. “Remember Peter’s friend that you dropped off?”

“The excited kid or the weird kid?”

“The weird kid,” Tony said, “I need you to take me to her place.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

The drive was pretty short, and as soon as they pulled up outside Tony started to regret the decision to just show up at her door. Maybe it was a mistake. He wasn’t in any state to see people, and she probably wouldn’t appreciate her friends dad just showing up out of nowhere. Regardless, she needed to know what happened to Peter. Plus, she was a fifteen-year-old _kid_. The message was _a month_  ago. He needed to make sure she was okay.

“Thanks, Hap,” he said, forcing himself out of the car before he changed his mind, “I won’t be long.”

She didn’t take long to answer the door, unsurprisingly.

“I thought you were supposed to be dead,” was the first thing Michelle said. Tony had only met her a few times, but he really shouldn’t have expected anything different.

“Just stranded in space,” Tony shrugged, as if it was nothing. As if he wasn’t still recovering, physically and emotionally.

“Was Peter with you?” she asked, looking hopeful. Tony hated that he had to be the one to ruin that hope.

“He was,” Tony said, and the look on her face told him that was enough information, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You’re his dad, this sucks for you too,” she sounded annoyed. Tony wouldn’t blame her if she blamed him.

Tony shrugged. “You were right,” he said, “I heard your message. The people disappearing, it was to do with the spaceship.”

“Yeah, I had a bad feeling about that.”

“Peter did everything he could to stop it.”

“Not enough, clearly,” she said. Tony knew she was just mourning, and angry, but it was hard not to react to that.

“Are you okay?” he asked, “You said your family was gone.”

She shrugged, “As okay as you can be.”

“If you need somewhere to stay…”

“I’m fine,” she interrupted, “I’m pretty self-sufficient.”

“I don’t think social services would agree.”

She shrugged again, “They haven’t bothered me yet.”

“Well, if they do, let me know,” Tony said, trying to sound as genuine as possible, “I know how much you meant to Peter. You’ve always got a place to stay, or just if you need anything at all.”

She nodded, with a small smile, “Thank you. Really, I appreciate the offer.”

Tony nodded, and the two of them said goodbye, and that was that. It wasn’t as hard as Tony had thought.

That’s what he thought to start with, anyway. He had slightly too much time to think on the way back, and everything started to close in again.

Tony couldn’t get out of the car fast enough.

He was greeted by Steve, waiting inside. He really didn’t need that right now.

“Listen, Tony,” Steve started, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have kept that from you, and I should’ve been more careful with Peter. I had no idea it was him or that he was so young.”

“I know,” Tony said. He couldn’t worry about being angry at Steve when he had Peter’s dying face replaying in his head, along with the face of each and every person he’d had to tell about Peter dying. It was too much; if he had to tell one more person Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up this facade of a functioning person.

“Really, Tony,” Steve continued, “I crossed a line, and I know we-”

“Steve, I get it, I do,” Tony interrupted, “I just have…a lot…going on right now,” he said, feeling and sounding breathless. He couldn’t tell if it was from him still recovering or because of a panic attack. The telltale tightness in his chest had just become constant, at this point.

“Are you okay? Tony?” Steve said, his voice a million miles away from Tony. _Great_ , he thought, _this is really happening again_.

“I need to sit down,” Tony said, barely hearing his own voice. Steve helped him to stairs nearby to sit down on. He pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes, forcing breaths in and out of his lungs.

“Tony, what’s going on?” Steve said. He was knelt just in front of Tony, and he knew he was probably a respectable distance away, but it felt _far_  too close for Tony. “Tony?” 

“God,” Tony mumbled, replacing his palms with his fingertips and taking a deep breath before he opened his eyes, staring right into Steve’s, “I had to tell his aunt, and Pepper. They’re both like mothers to him. And then you, and Nat, and Bruce, and-” Tony took another deep, shaking breath, “and now I’ve just had to tell the girl I’m pretty sure he had a crush on, and- _god_  I haven’t even told Ned, and- I-”

“It’s okay, Tony.”

“It’s not,” Tony said, “it’s not. He’s dead.” Even _Harley_  was better at handling this than Steve, Tony thought, surprising himself by that sudden, old memory. Harley was probably dead, too.

“We’re going to get them back,” Steve sounded sure, but it wasn’t enough for Tony.

“How?” Tony said, sounding a lot more accusing now, even through the ragged breaths, “They’re _dead_ , all of them. They’re _not coming back_.”

“We can find a way, if we work together-”

“This isn’t the time for ‘as long as we’re a team, we can do it’,” Tony said, his voice raising to a yell, “there _is no team_ , the team is _dead_ , Steve. They’re not coming back. Thanos killed them, and we can’t change that.”

“Tony, we can’t give up.”

“This isn’t giving up,” Tony said, standing up, “this is accepting our defeat, and accepting that we’re lucky to have only lost half the team. This is quitting while we’re ahead.”

 

* * *

 

The worst part about getting a bigger team, getting more people in your life, is that there’s more people to lose. The same, consistent dream plaguing the little sleep Tony got is about just that. It’s all but a recreation of the vision he had back when he was already filled with such a paralysing fear of losing his teammates that he built a murderous robot. It only got worse with the years.

Now, at the culmination of it all, Tony was waking up every single day with the image of all his teammates dead burnt into his memory, twice as many as in the original vision. That wasn’t even the worst part though, because when he woke up, half of it was still real.

“I keep expecting to wake up and everything be normal again,” Tony said to Pepper one morning.

“Me too,” she said, “it feels like a never-ending nightmare.”

Tony laughed, forced and harsh, “You’re telling me.”

“It was so much worse before you came home,” Pepper said, turning to face him in the bed, to which he followed suit. “All I knew was you’d gotten on that spaceship and not come home. I didn’t know if Thanos had killed you, or you’d died in the snap, or if you were still alive somewhere, somehow.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It sure feels a hell of a lot like it,” Tony said, “we were _so_ _close_  to stopping him. It makes it all even worse, somehow.”

Pepper nodded, “It’s gonna be okay,” she said, reassuringly. Tony didn’t believe it. “I mean it.”

Tony sighed, “I hope you’re right.”

 

**July 2017**

“I’ve got some news,” Pepper said when Tony got back from the hospital, the doctors checking how much his lung function had improved. It was looking better, at least. It was something. It got him away from the compound, too, which was a relief. Steve, Nat and the new guys were still planning something. Tony wouldn’t let himself get involved. Thor, on the other hand, broken but determined, kept helping them. Tony didn’t know how he did it. Losing Peter was enough; Thor had lost everyone he had.

“Good news?” Tony asked. He couldn’t handle bad news.

“It would’ve been…a month or two ago,” she said, “I don’t know any more.”

“What is it?”

“You were right,” she said, “I’m pregnant.”

Tony’s world came crashing down around him. _Pregnant_. That had been exactly what he’d wanted, before all of this. He’d wanted a family, to be happy. But now…was he really up to raising a kid?

“Pregnant?” Tony said, immediately noticing how breathless he sounded. His voice sounded panicked and strained, which wasn’t exactly different from how he felt.

“I only want to do this if you do,” Pepper said, “you have loads of time to think about it.”

Tony nodded, not really knowing what else he could say. _Pregnant_.

Pepper gave up, eventually, and left Tony to think. He didn’t know how long he sat there for. _Pregnant_. He got up after a while, intending to look for Bruce to talk it out with him. He ran into Steve, instead.

“Hey, Tony,” he said. There was still some awkwardness between them; Tony was avoiding him as much as possible. Things were still getting better between them, though, just from being around each other more.

“Pepper’s pregnant,” Tony said straight away, unable to hold it in. He’d been repeating that sentence over and over in his head for what felt like hours. He hadn’t _meant_  to say it.

“Oh…” Steve said, “wow. That’s…good news?”

Tony couldn’t blame him for not knowing; he didn’t either. “I don’t know,” he admitted, sitting down with a sigh, “I thought I’d wanted that. I’d practically _begged_  her for us to have kids. I probably could’ve worn her down eventually, too.”

“But…?” Steve prompted, sensing the something more behind Tony’s words.

“ _But_ ,” Tony continued, “that had been the day Thanos showed up. I never got the chance to do any more than bring it up before I was called to action. And now Peter…”

“You don’t have to feel guilty that you don’t want the same things right now,” Steve said, “everyone needs time to mourn.”

“I don’t want to wake up in nine months time and regret that I don’t have a baby,” Tony said, “maybe it’s what I need.”

“Only you can know that,” Steve said, “but don’t push yourself too far too quickly. You need time.”

Tony didn’t want time. He didn’t even want to have to _acknowledge_  what happened. “I never got to look after Peter when he was a baby,” he said, “I feel like I missed out on so much important stuff.”

“He still turned out a great kid, Tony.”

“Yeah, not anymore,” Tony said, only making the pain in his chest worse for himself, “I need to talk to Pepper.”

Steve nodded, “Good idea.”

Tony nodded back, the two of them stood there awkwardly for a moment before Tony walked away.

“I don’t want to just replace him with another kid,” Tony said when he found Pepper. She looked surprised that he was even talking about it. That he was talking about Peter, too.

“You know that won’t be what this is,” she reassured him, “you wanted this before any of that.”

Tony nodded. He would do this right.

 

* * *

 

Tony threw himself all in to Pepper’s pregnancy. He liked to think it was because he wanted to be a good father, a better father, and not make the same mistakes he had before, but he knew there was more to it than that. He refused to let himself think it, but he knew he was using it as a distraction. He still wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , let himself come to terms with Peter’s death. He couldn’t process it or think about it or accept it in the slightest. He’d get angry at the others, when they suggested that these deaths might not be permanent, that they could find a way to reverse them. He didn’t want to let himself get his hopes up like that. But even so, he still couldn’t accept that Peter was gone. He was ignoring what had happened, hoping that he could put off thinking about it forever. It didn’t take long for Pepper to notice what was happening.

“Tony,” she interrupted his reading of another parenting/pregnancy/newborn/whatever book. He wouldn’t work on his suits - he never wanted to touch them again - so this was his replacement. He tinkered with baby furniture, instead. “You need to take a break.”

Tony barely even looked up. He had the half-finished book in front of him, a half-built crib in front of that. He’d bought a generic one, but decided to make some improvements. He knew he was jumping ahead; they wouldn’t need one for _months_ , but he needed _something_  to do. “I’m fine,” he said. He didn’t need a break.

“Where are you gonna put all this stuff, huh?” she asked, “In our house that you refuse to go inside?”

Tony tried to ignore that. “We can build a nursery.”

“Not _here_  we can’t,” she said, “at _home_ , yeah, we can. But that would mean you’d have to go inside.” This had started to become a regular conversation that Tony _really_  hated. Pepper kept trying to convince him that it was time for them to go back home, to stop staying at the compound. But it wouldn’t be home, not without all three of them. The house would be full of reminders that would push Tony deep into the dark place he’d fought hard to get out of, even if it was only through denial. “Tony, please.”

“Here is fine,” he said.

“No, it’s not. You know it’s not,” she said, “I’m starting to think this is a bad idea.”

Tony’s head whipped up at that, “No it’s not. We need this.”

“You _think_  you need this,” Pepper corrected, “you’re not ready to raise a kid, Tony.”

“I’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, and you can’t even acknowledge his existence!”

“He’s _gone_ , I don’t need to!”

“You can’t just pretend like Peter never existed, Tony,” Pepper said, “it’s not healthy.”

“I’m not,” Tony lied.

“May wants to have a funeral,” Pepper said, after a moment of silence, “a ceremony…something.”

“With what body?” Tony asked, with a surprising amount of venom, “There’s nothing to bury.”

“I think that’s what you need, Tony,” Pepper said, not reacting to him. “I know you want to be a good parent, but you need to remember your other son, first.”

 

* * *

 

It took him a few days to work up to it, but he got there in the end, standing at the front door of his own house, absolutely terrified. He’d tried to listen to what Pepper said; he didn’t want to make the same mistake he’d made countless times before that had screwed up their relationship so many times in the past. And she was right. He was avoiding it, avoiding Peter, avoiding the house, avoiding anything that would make him think about the fact that his son was dead. It was too much for him, so he just did what he did best - he shut down, he ignored what was going on, and he distracted himself. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t even know how to _begin_  mourning what he’d lost.

Tony took a deep breath, pushing his key into the lock. Pepper didn’t know he was here, she’d want to be with him. He needed to do this alone.

Stepping inside felt like going back in time. It had been almost two months since he’d been in the house. The last time was saying goodbye to Peter before his school trip just before he went on a run with Pepper. That morning had seemed so easy, so _normal_. He hadn’t expected any of this to come from that.

The house looked completely normal; as tidy as Pepper liked to keep it, with all of their shoes lined up by the door. Tony tried not to look too long at Peter’s.

Everything was empty and normal, as if Pepper was at work and Peter was at school. It felt like if Tony just waited here a few hours, maybe they’d both come home, and everything would be right again.

Tony knew it was a bad idea, but he was drawn to Peter’s room. He needed to see it.

It was as messy as Peter always left it, a new prototype for his web shooters laid out and pulled apart on his desk, a load of his clothes on the top bunk, some homework on the floor.

Tony could feel himself breaking apart. It was like Peter was going to be back any minute. He sat down, taking some deep breaths. He wouldn’t let himself panic or freak out. He _needed_  to do this, for his sake, for Pepper’s sake, for the baby’s sake.

Tony’s heart dropped as he realised that this would be Peter’s younger brother or sister, and they’d never get to meet. He knew Peter would’ve loved to be an older brother, and this new baby would never know Peter, he’d just be a story to them. Nothing more. Tony felt like throwing up.

Pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes, Tony took more deep breaths that were getting faster and faster by the second. Peter couldn’t be gone, but he was. Peter was _dead_.

“You’re _dead_ ,” he told the framed photo of him, Peter and Pepper that was sat on Peter’s desk. He wanted someone to come and prove him wrong, wanted Peter to walk up behind him and tell him that he’s wrong.

But he’s not.

Peter’s dead.

Tony tried to calm himself down, but it was hard when everywhere he looked was another reminder of Peter. He managed to just enough to open Peter’s computer. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but he knew he wouldn’t find it.

On his desktop, there was a video file titled ‘Berlin Vlog’, and Tony couldn’t resist.

‘A Film by Peter Parker,’ came up on the screen, which made Tony’s heart jolt. He’d never seen this, and had no idea what it was.

“New York,” a deep, raspy version of Peter’s voice said, over a video of the New York roads, through a car window, “Queens. It’s a rough borough, but hey, it’s home.”

“Who you talking to?” Happy said, and the camera panned to him, looking over his shoulder from the driver’s seat.

“No one, just…making a little video of the trip.”

“You know you can’t show it to anyone.”

“Well, yeah, I know.”

“Then why are you narrating in that voice?”

“Uhhh…cause it’s fun.” Peter sounded so happy, and it made Tony want to cry. He could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Fine.”

The video cut to Happy in front of the private jet, with Peter’s bags. “Come on, I’m not carrying your bags, let’s go,” he said.

“Hey, should I go to the bathroom before?” Peter asked, following Happy up the steps.

“There’s a bathroom on it.”

“Woahhh, no pilot, that’s awesome!” Peter said, showing the empty cockpit, then following Happy again and sitting across from him.

“Is that where you’re gonna sit?”

“Yeah.”

“This your first time on a private plane?”

“You know my dad never let me fly in them.” Peter was right. Tony had tried to avoid it; even though they were rich, he didn’t want Peter growing up with a ridiculous amount of luxuries. He wanted him to have everything he needed, and the best of what he needed, but he didn’t want him to be spoilt with unnecessary things. That, he got right, at least, because Peter turned out to be the most humble and least spoilt kid in the world. Besides, they never had the time for family holidays, and were too dysfunctional of a family for them, so there was never much use for a plane journey.

The video cut again, to Peter putting a finger to his lips, saying “shhhhh.” Seeing his face, smiling and happy, really broke Tony. He watched him flip the camera, zooming into the sleeping face of Happy, until he woke up with a jump. Tony couldn’t help but laugh, because of how much Peter took after him, tearing up for the same reason.

“No one has actually told me why I’m in Berlin, or what I’m doing. Something about…Captain America going crazy.” Peter was walking round Berlin now, following Happy into the hotel and up to their room.

“This is you.”

“Oh, we’re neighbours?”

“We’re not roommates. Suit up.”

The video cut to Peter in front of the mirror, wearing his old, handmade suit. “Okay, Peter, you got this. You got this.”

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“It’s my suit.”

“Where’s the case?”

“What case?”

Tony had a small smile, through the tears that were now freely falling, watching Peter following Happy round the hotel room, and finding the case with his new suit. Watching his reaction to it was better than Tony could’ve imagined. It warmed his heart, seeing how happy and excited it made Peter. That was something Tony did.

Tony was surprised to see the video cut to him, in his suit, standing across from Steve in the airport. That gave a horrible jolt of memory.

“Okay, there’s Captain America, Iron Man, that’s my dad, Black Widow, woahhh, who’s that new guy?” Peter was saying.

“Underoos,” Tony heard his own voice call, far away in the video.

“Oh, that’s me, I gotta go, I gotta go!”

The video cut away again, now to Peter facing the camera, still in his suit.

“Okay, so the craziest thing just happened, right? I was in a fight with Captain America, and I stole his shield and I threw it at him, and-“ he paused, looking behind him at Scott, having grown to 20 times his size, “what the hell, he’s big now. I gotta go, hang on.”

Peter was back in his hotel room now, looking fresh-faced and still as excited as ever. In that moment, Peter felt alive, and Tony felt better about his death than he had in the two months since it had happened. “It was the most amazing thing that’s ever happened! So my dad was like ‘hey Underoos’ and I just sort of flipped in, and I stole Cap’s shield, and I was like ‘hey what’s up everybody?’, and then- hey just a second, coming!” He yelled in response to a knock on the door, flipping backwards over the bed just as Happy walked in.

“Hey.”

“We have thin walls here.”

Tony _really_  wasn’t expecting the video to cut to him, sat in the car next to Peter. He remembered this; he’d completely forgotten about the recording. He watched him talking to Peter through the camera, until Peter moved into the frame so the two of them were sat together. Tony shut the playback off as quick as he could.

The second the video stopped, Tony let out a sigh of relief. Watching that would be too hard, and he knew it. He stood up, walking out of Peter’s room. The video had helped and made it worse at the same time, somehow. Seeing Peter, alive and happy, felt amazing. But it just reminded Tony that that was gone, forever, and he’d never be able to see Peter like that again. It still didn’t cover up the memory of his face as he died.

Tony decided to go down to his lab, because there might be some stuff he’d need to pick up. Sure, he’d made progress by coming to the house. He wasn’t ready to live in it again, though. Not without Peter.

As soon as he stepped into the lab, he realised his mistake. He’d gone two months of not seeing Peter, no pictures, nothing. He’d gotten used to that. So, it was a big difference. He’d never really noticed how many pictures he kept down in the lab, but he guessed he’d been used to it, so it didn’t seem like much. There were pictures of the two of them, or them with Pepper, or Peter and May, and lots of him at all different ages. He even kept one of him, as a baby, with his mom. Next to his computer, he kept the first photo he’d ever seen of him, that his mom had sent him the day he was born.

Tony felt so close to crying, again. This was as far as the pictures would go, he’d never get any more. All the photos he had, Peter would just stop at age 15. Peter was never going to get older than that.

Tony wished he could swap his life for Peter’s. 

He was so distracted by the pictures of Peter, he almost didn’t notice what was _actually_  wrong with the lab.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y…”

“Welcome back, boss,” she replied.

“What’s this suit doing out?” he asked. He still kept his old suits - the ones he’d made since destroying them all a few years ago - but there was only space for a few of them to be on display, meaning the others were stored behind. They were only brought forward if he used them or took them out.

That was why Tony was confused when he saw the suit he’d built for Pepper, a worst-case-scenario suit. He’d thought of it after he’d used his suit to protect her when their house was blown up. He thought it would be worth having an extra layer of protection, an extra protector for her. Plus, he knew Pepper would like to be able to protect herself. He’d called the suit Rescue, because of a joke she’d made that if she had a suit, she’d be rescuing him all the time.

He hadn’t told Pepper about it, but he’d added in protocols so it would be called if she was in danger, or so F.R.I.D.A.Y. would activate it and tell her about it if she needed it. He’d pre-recorded a message and everything to explain it all to her.

“Miss Potts activated the Rescue Protocol, sir.”

Tony’s stomach dropped. “When?”

“33 days ago.”

Tony worked it out in his head; that was exactly when he was rescued. By Thor, apparently. He hoped it was an accident, or she didn’t actually use it, or _anything_  that wasn’t her wearing that suit into space to rescue him. It made too much sense, though, with how she and Thor had been acting. The suit was capable and could withstand all that, yes, but it was a predominantly defensive suit. He’d built it to _protect_  her, so she’d be safe inside it. It wasn’t meant for missions, or attacks, or anything other than her protection.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., call Pepper.”

“Calling Miss Potts.”

“Tony?” Pepper’s voice rung through the lab. 

“Rescue?” he replied.

Pepper was silent for a moment, “I was going to tell you.”

“When?"

“When you were less fragile!”

“ _Fragile_? I’m not fragile!”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, you lost a kid, there’s _no_  better reason to be fragile.”

“I’m not fragile!” Tony repeated. “You used the suit.”

“I had no other option.”

“Maybe _not_  using the suit?”

“You made it for me to use!” Pepper argued, which he expected. She wasn’t wrong.

“I made it to protect you! Not for you to risk your life going into space!”

“I wasn’t risking my life, I was saving yours!” she said, “I was with Thor, I was perfectly fine.”

That was a partial relief, at least, that she had been with Thor rather than alone. “He could’ve come alone.”

“Tony, I saw that message. I could see you dying, there was no way I wasn’t coming.”

Tony sighed, knowing there was no way he could argue with her. “How am I supposed to keep you safe when you do stuff like this?” 

“That’s not your responsibility,” Pepper said, and he knew she meant she could look after herself, but it just struck a chord with him. It _was_  his responsibility. “So you went in the house?”

“Yeah,” Tony said, thinking about how he already neglected his responsibility of keeping Peter safe, and he couldn’t do the same for Pepper. He couldn’t lose her, too. He looked round the room, at all the pictures of his son growing up, and he wanted there to be more. He _needed_  there to be more. This couldn’t be it, Peter was such an amazing kid, with so much potential, there must be more for him. Tony’s responsibility couldn’t be over, not yet. “I’ve gotta go,” he told Pepper, getting an idea in his head.

He drove, probably too fast, back to the compound, and found where what was left of the team were gathered. 

“I want to help.”


	18. Present Day: part I

**October**

Tony remembers how he got here; how this all started. Twelve years ago, everything had been on the right track. He had custody of his son, he had Pepper, and the two of them were getting closer every day. Somewhere along the line, it just all went wrong. Tony doesn’t know if it was in that cave, when he first made the suit. Maybe that was the point of no return, and it all started heading in the direction where it could’ve only ended up here. Except, if he hadn’t, he would’ve died in that cave.

Maybe it was making a second suit, and a third, and a fourth, and so on and so forth. It was Obadiah, though, that really started that all. That was without even seeing his new suits. Without that, he never would’ve known the kind of poison there was running his company.

Tony runs through each and every point that led him to here, and it’s all the same. If he hadn’t joined the Avengers in New York, the city would’ve been blown to pieces. If he’d never made Ultron, they’d never have gotten Vision, or Wanda, on the team. If he hadn’t gotten on that ship five months ago, Strange would’ve been imprisoned and Thanos would’ve gotten the stones even quicker. Everything seemed to need to happen.

Maybe, if Tony had never fought for custody of Peter, things would’ve been different. May would’ve raised him, he would’ve still turned out great. He wouldn’t have had to deal with all the shit Tony put him through over the years, going missing multiple times and putting himself in life-or-death situations regularly. He still would’ve gone on that school trip, though. He would’ve still gotten his powers, probably still took on the role of Spider-Man, but without anyone to make a half-decent suit for him.

Except, Tony had found out about Spider-Man the same way he would have if it hadn’t been Peter. He could’ve approached him about Berlin the same way, given him a new suit. Peter wouldn’t even have to know he was his dad. He could’ve kept an eye on him, gotten to know him, without getting too close. Close enough that he became a danger to Peter, that the danger in his life would’ve started seeping into Peter’s, too.

He still would’ve gotten on that spaceship, Tony realises. It was inevitable, really. He still would’ve died.

They bury Peter on his 16th birthday. There’s no body to put in the ground, it’s purely ceremonial. To have _something_  to mourn, he guesses. Tony’s sure the day of his funeral is the worst day of his life so far.

He doesn’t even remember planning the funeral; he’s sure it must’ve been managed by May and Pepper, and Tony had shut down enough that he doesn’t even remember any of it. Tony feels numb, walking into that room. Pepper’s holding his arm, supporting him significantly more than he’s supporting her. The first thing that registers in his mind is that the casket is open. That, immediately, sets off alarm bells in Tony’s head, through the numbness. Having a reminder out in the open that they have nothing to bury doesn’t really help any of this. Why was it open?

The closer they get, the more sick Tony feels. He kind of anticipates it, really. It doesn’t change how much of a gut-punching shock it is when he sees it, though.

Peter - Peter’s _body_  - is lying in the casket, eyes closed and skin pale. He’s still wearing the suit Tony had made him. He’d put so much work into that suit, and yet it still couldn’t protect him.

Tony doesn’t even feel himself falling to the floor, but his brain eventually registers that he’s kneeling in front of the casket instead of standing. At least he can’t see the body anymore.

“Tony?” Pepper calls behind him, sounding distant. Tony’s buried deep underwater, his mind replaying over and over the moment of Peter’s death. Except, this time, he didn’t disappear. He died, in Tony’s arms, and then that was it. He could feel all the life leave his body, until there was nothing. It was worse. So, so much worse.

“Tony!” Pepper repeats, and he feels her hand grab his shoulder.

Tony wakes up with a yell.

“Tony, you alright?” Steve is asking, his hand on Tony’s shoulder. Not Pepper. Pepper’s at home, safe. There's still no body.

Tony nods, trying to hide his heavy breathing and shaking hands.

“Want to talk about it?” Steve asks, sitting on the floor next to him.

“It’s his birthday,” Tony blurts out, not really thinking about it, “on Earth, it’s Peter’s birthday.”

“He’s sixteen?”

“I hope so.”

“This will have worked, Tony,” Steve tries to reassure him, but Tony knows he won’t be able to let his mind rest until he sees Peter, in the flesh. They had done it. They’d defeated Thanos, very nearly killing themselves in the process, and they’d reversed the snap. They _hope_. Thanos had been on some far away, abandoned planet, there was no way to see if anyone actually came _back_. They just have to make the long journey back to Earth, and hope everything will be back to normal when they arrive. That’s what’s killing Tony - this _uncertainty_. His son could be alive at this very moment, at home and _safe_. Or he could be just as dead as he had been for the last five months. Tony could _actually_  have to bury him. With Thanos gone, this is what replaced his nightmares.

“I guess we’ll see,” Tony says. Looking around, he could see everyone else sat around the ship, some asleep, some looking exhausted. Everyone’s worn out. Thanos had put up a big fight, unsurprisingly. If he’s honest, Tony hadn’t expected to win. When he’d fought him before, he’d barely gotten a drop of blood. This fight hadn’t been much different, to start with. If anything, Thanos left even more of a mark on Tony. _But_ , he came prepared. He’d spent the last couple months working on his suit, tailoring it exactly to how he knew Thanos fought, and what he guessed could be his weaknesses.

It must’ve worked, somehow, because Tony had ended up the last one standing in the fight. Again 

“You’re not going to win, you know,” Thanos had said, just as smug as Tony had remembered. “You’ve lost all your support.”

“I’ve lost a hell of a lot more than that, asshole,” Tony replied through gritted teeth.

That had stopped him, and he looked even more smug then, somehow. “You lost someone, to a balanced universe.”

Tony didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of answering him.

“A girl? A friend? A parent?”

“You claim to be smart but you can’t figure this out?”

Tony could see him thinking, just for a moment. It was enough for him to start figuring out his next move. “A child?” he said, a strange mix of surprise and impression written across his face.“I wouldn’t pin you as the fatherly type. We have more in common than I thought.”

“We have _nothing_  in common,” Tony retorted, lunging for a hit, but Thanos anticipated it, stopping him and holding him in place. “You’re not a father.”

Tony could see a slight flinch from that, and it pushed him on.

“I don’t exactly win any awards for best dad, but you’re really something else. If two of your kids want to kill you, that’s usually a bad sign.”

Tony could tell he struck a chord. “I wonder if your child called out for their father while they were brought to dust,” Thanos said, trying to get to Tony, but the walls he’d built up around himself were far too strong.

“He did, and I was there,” Tony said, “like any decent father should be.”

Thanos looked confused, just for a moment, before realisation crossed his face. “The insect,” he said, distaste on his face, “he was a waste of resources anyway.”

Tony drew a lot more than blood then.

“He’s dead, Tony,” Bruce interrupts Tony's thoughts, sat across from him on the floor, “I know that look on your face.”

“I wish I could kill him all over again,” Tony says, feeling the anger running through him just thinking about it. No amount of pain or suffering on Thanos’ part would ever get rid of that.

Bruce nods, understandingly, “I know.”

Tony sighs, hoping he’d finally be able to rest when they got back to Earth, and this would all be over.

 

* * *

 

When they finally land, outside the compound, there’s a lot of people waiting for them. As they all step out, Tony’s eyes first go to Pepper - who was looking significantly more pregnant than when he’d left - before he starts scanning the rest of the people stood there. In the time it takes Tony to register the new faces, faces he hadn’t seen in five months, everyone is already beginning their reunions. A deep pit starts forming in Tony’ stomach, not seeing Peter, or the guardians, anywhere.

Before Tony could _really_  start to worry, there’s a blur and then he’s hit, full-force, with the exact same greeting Peter had given him when he’d first escaped that cave. Except, Peter isn’t a tiny seven-year-old anymore. He’s a superhuman sixteen-year-old, who’s _almost_  as tall as Tony, by _far_  stronger, and hadn’t just been beaten to a pulp by the most powerful guy in the universe. Needless to say, they both go flying.

“Sorry,” Peter says with a big grin, standing up easily, looking no worse-for-wear. Tony feels like he’d been hit by a bus.

Peter sticks a hand out and helps Tony up, pulling him into another hug.

“I’m sorry I got on that ship,” he says, quietly.

“Does this mean you’re finally going to listen to me?” Tony jokes. He feels lighter than he could ever remember. He can’t even care enough to reprimand Peter about following him onto the ship.

Peter pretends to think about it, “That depends if I agree with you.”

Tony laughs, ruffling Peter’s hair, “Happy birthday, Pete,” he says, “I missed you, never do that again.”

Peter nods seriously, eyes wide. “Wait,” he says, frowning, “it’s my birthday?”

Tony nods, “Sweet sixteen.”

“Oh, man, I was gonna do something with-” he starts, cutting himself off when he realises, “Are- who else…died? Were my friends okay? What about May?”

“They were all alive,” Tony says, “god, we gotta get May here.”

“I’ve already called her,” Pepper says, smiling as she comes up to the two of them. Tony immediately feels his heart warm seeing her, properly. He’d spent the last five months with her, but he’d hardly been himself. It felt like he was finally with her again. “Welcome back,” she says to Tony, giving him a kiss and pulling him into a hug.

“You’re looking pregnant,” he says, while they hugged

“Mmm, strange that, isn’t it?” Pepper replies, pulling away.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna be a brother!” Peter says, the excitement clear in his face. Tony could actually finally think about that; Peter _would_  be a brother. He isn’t going to have to raise this new baby knowing they’ve got a brother that died before they were even born. They’d meet, and spend time together, and it would be so much better than Tony could’ve hoped. Everything so far with the pregnancy had been overshadowed by Peter’s death, and Tony had struggled not to focus on the negatives. It’s a relief, finally being able to look forward to having another kid, without having to mourn his first one.

“Do you think he’s okay?” Pepper asks when Peter disappears once May arrives. Both she and Tony know to leave the two of them alone to reunite.

“What do you mean?” Tony asks, immediately worrying and assuming the worst.

“I don’t know,” Pepper says, thinking, “he died and came back to life. He seems to be handling that remarkably well.”

Tony shrugs, not wanting anything to be going badly, “He’s a positive kid,” he says, trying to excuse it to both Pepper and himself, because he knows he can’t handle anything worse than normal, not for a long time.

“He needs to process what’s happened to him, though.”

“He will,” Tony nods, pushing any seeds of worry out of his mind. Pepper watches him walk away, knowing that if Peter takes after his dad in this area, he definitely won’t be.

 

* * *

 

“Good job,” Quill says when he spots Tony, just inside the building, “on the whole…Thanos front.”

Tony shrugs, “Someone had to do it.”

“Well…you still did it, I just wish I had been there to see it.”

“Trust me, it wasn’t as satisfying as you’d hope, once he’d beat the shit out of you,” Tony explains, the exhaustion evident in his voice.

“Yeah, you look rough, man,” Quill admits.

“He’s right, you look like shit,” another voice says from behind them, and Tony turns to see Strange walking in. He’s happy that he’s alive, but Tony wouldn’t go as far to say he’s happy to see him. “I told you it had to happen this way.”

“Those shitty five months were really the only way to win?”

Strange gives him a half-sympathetic, half-sarcastic smile, “Sorry.”

“What happened to you’d give me up for the stone in a heartbeat?” Tony questions, an eyebrow raised.

“Turns out you were more important than the stone.”

 

* * *

 

After everyone had reunited, they finally went back home, pretty much the first time in five months for all three of them. Peter’s happy to be back, and happy to see his dad and Pepper again, and everyone else that he knew out of the Avengers and Guardians, but he’s also exhausted. He makes sure to spend some more time with his dad and Pepper before giving up and going to bed. The three of them catch him up on everything that’s happened the last five months; how the world reacted, the kind of chaos that was going on. His dad vaguely alludes to the fact that he visited Michelle, which immediately makes Peter freeze. For one thing, he hadn’t even thought about her or Ned yet, and for another thing, _why_.

“You did _what_?” Peter asks, choking on the food they’d ordered. No one had wanted to cook, unsurprisingly.

“Don’t freak out, I didn’t tell her you have a crush on her or anything,” Tony laughs.

“I don’t have a crush on her!” Peter protests, feeling his cheeks flushing a hot red.

“Whatever,” Tony says, and Peter knows if he even tries to argue more it would make him think that he likes her even _more_  than he already does, “I just went to check she was okay! She left a message on your phone, her whole family had gone in the snap, so I went to see if she needed a place to stay or anything.”

Peter ignores the fact that his dad offered for her to stay with them, focusing on the _way_  bigger issue. “Her whole family?”

“Yeah,” Tony says, “I mean, she obviously didn’t want to talk to me about it. But she might need a friend.”

Peter nods, “Wait, why did you hear her message?”

“You had a lot of messages, I had to make sure there were no emergencies,” Tony explains.

“It’s _my_  phone!” Peter protests, then gasps when he processes it, “I need to check my phone! And message my friends!”

“It’s in your room,” Pepper tells him, quickly handing him food before he runs away completely. “Or you’ll be hungry later!” she calls out behind him.

“You’re gonna be a great mom,” Peter hears his dad tell Pepper after he’s gone, then the distinct sound of them kissing. _Gross_ , he thinks.

Once Peter’s alone in his room, he feels a strange sense of relief. This is the first time he’s been alone since he got on the school bus five months ago. Granted, he wasn’t exactly alive for most of that, but it’s just as disorientating. He hasn’t really had the time to process what’s happened, and he could already feel the effect that was having on him. He ignores it, for the time being, grabbing his phone to check anything he’d missed and let Ned and MJ know that he was alive again.

He’s got a few messages, but more missed calls. From Ned, there’s a regular message that must’ve been from before the snap, then another asking if he was okay. Peter types out a response, letting him know he’s back okay now, and that they should celebrate his birthday tomorrow at their usual spot. 

 _And celebrate you raising from the dead_ , Ned replies instantly. Peter ignores how sick that makes him feel.

There’s a few texts from MJ, too, checking he’s okay a lot more excessively than Ned had. Peter tries not to read too much into it, moving on to check the messages. He’d expected the message from May, slightly expected the ones from Ned, and didn’t at all expect the one from MJ. Sure, his dad had said it, but it still didn’t change his surprise. Especially when he actually hears the message. She’d gone without family for _five months_. Peter feels guilty, at first, that he couldn’t be there while she was going through what must’ve been an awful time. The more he thinks about it, the more he starts to freak out, though.

He takes a deep breath, setting his phone down and going to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror, trying to ground himself. _I’m alive_ , he thinks, _I’m alive_. 

 _I died_.

Peter’s still struggling with that part of it.

While his family and friends were dealing with the aftermath of what happened for _five months_ , Peter was dead. Being dead hadn’t felt like anything, which made it harder, somehow. He hadn’t gone anywhere, no time had passed. He had been on Titan, defeated by Thanos, and he died. He had felt his body slowly be pulled apart. That had been one of the most terrifying things to happen to him, more so than anything with the Vulture or even when they were fighting Thanos. He could feel what was happening before it really started, like his spider senses dialled to a million, this deep feeling of dread filling his entire body. When it started, it was even worse. He could feel himself falling apart, it felt like he was being erased from existence, and as long as he tried to hold on, it reached the point where he was clinging on by a thread, and as soon as he let go that was it.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up on Titan with everyone else, minus his dad. It was just like they’d been asleep - he didn’t feel the passing of time, but when he woke up he knew a lot of time had passed. He’d had no idea it had been _months_ , though. That was hard to wrap his head around, on top of all of this. It felt like he’d gotten on the school bus that morning, followed his dad onto the spaceship, fought Thanos, then had a long nap. He woke up, Dr. Strange opened a portal for them back to Earth, and then that was the day. But for half the universe, there’d been five months in the middle of that.

Peter’s trying his best not to freak out, but it’s hard. He’d been _dead_. For _five_ _months_. Travelling in time would’ve been easier to process.

Peter needs some air; he wants to just get out into the city and forget about what’s actually going on in his life. He left his suit out in the hall, though, when they’d come back from the Avengers compound. He cracks his door a tiny bit, and hears Pepper and his dad talking in the living room. They’d definitely see him walking past.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Peter climbs up to the ceiling in the hallway, crawling along it slowly and carefully past the door to the living room. He makes it to the front door, crawling down the wall just enough to grab his suit before going back up again. He takes his normal suit, instead of the new on he’d gotten that morning. _Not this morning, the morning five months ago_ , Peter corrects himself. As much as he wants to use all the cool new stuff on the suit, he can count on the fact that his dad would know the second he put it on.

Making it back to his room safely, Peter gets into his suit quickly. His mind is racing thinking about all the implications of what’s happened. What does this mean for school? Who else from school disappeared? What else has he missed? Peter needs it to stop. He slips his web shooters onto his wrist, shooting a web to pull the window open.

“Welcome back, Peter,” Karen says, “what are we doing tonight?”

Peter shoots two webs across to a building nearby, grabbing on and using them to pull himself out of the window. Then, he’s flying through the city easily, all thoughts plaguing him replaced with the wind flying past him.

“Just having some fun,” Peter answers Karen, eventually.

It feels good to forget about everything, just think about where to shoot his next web, nothing more. No stress, no five months of being dead, nothing to think about.

Peter loses his grip when his phone rings, very nearly sending himself flying to the ground. He manages to shoot another web in time, swinging round and stopping on the roof of the building closest to him.

He’s surprised to see MJ’s name lit up on his screen.

“MJ?” he answers, his confusion clear.

“Did I just see Spider-Man swing past my window?”

“Uh,” Peter hesitates, “I don’t think so, must be another Spider-Man.”

“Yeah, from that huge selection of Spider-Man’s to choose from.”

“Obviously.”

They’re both quiet for a while, Peter searching for something to say. He eventually confesses, landing on “I had to get out.” At the same time, MJ says “I missed you.”

“You missed me?” He asks, surprised.

“I knew I saw you!” She says at the same time.

“There’s…a lot to take in right now.”

“I bet,” she says, “are you okay?”

“Well, it’s colder than I expected outside,” Peter jokes, not really wanting to admit how he was actually feeling. The joke still didn’t help. In his head, it was May. Not October.

“Do you want to come inside?” MJ offers, which makes Peter immediately nervous. He’d never even been to MJ’s house. Let alone snuck in.

“I’ve got a heater in my suit,” Peter says. He hasn’t got it on, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Just get in here, loser,” she answers, “I’m at the window.”

Peter hesitates, just for a moment, before he swings down. He spots MJ easily and swings over to her window, waiting on the window ledge until she opens it and he can slide in.

“Hey,” she says. She looks similar to how she does at school, or when they meet up with Ned on the weekends, just a bit more relaxed. Her hair is tied up high on her head, which is the biggest difference. Peter tries not to notice how much of her face he can see, and how good she looks with all her features out in the open. Not that she doesn’t normally.

“Hey,” he answers, pulling his mask up to his forehead, “you missed me?” he asks, a grin on his face.

MJ rolls her eyes, turning and walking to the other side of the room, “I missed Ned having someone else to talk to.”

“So you just missed silently sitting with us and not actually having to interact with anyone?” Peter questions.

Michelle nods, sitting down on her bed, and Peter can’t help but take in how her room is very much _her_. The room itself is tidy, her bed made and the floor clean (Peter couldn’t say the same for his own room). The desk, though, was a mess. Not a mess in the way Peter’s is, where he has just about everything he owns and has ever worked on laid across it haphazardly. Her desk isn’t so much messy, but more _busy_. The wall above it is covered in pinned-up sketches, there’s several piles of books that Peter’s never even heard of, and some half-finished work and drawings laid out.

“It’s exhausting,” Michelle says, interrupting Peter looking round her room, “talking to people all the time. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I talk to like…Ned, and you,” Peter says, “and my family. That’s it, really.”

Michelle shrugs, “Too much for me,” she says, “I can go back to being invisible again. Are you gonna sit, or not?” she adds, watching Peter awkwardly trying to perch on the edge of the windowsill.

“Maybe,” he says, laughing nervously. Being in MJ’s room felt strange; even after they’d been real friends for about a year (give or take five months), he still felt like he knew hardly anything about her. She’d occasionally come out with something that let Peter knew a lot more than she’d ever told him, but she seemed to catch herself and not say any more. Being in her room felt more intimate than they’d ever been together. He walks over and sits next to her, leaving some significant space. Being on her bed just made him even more nervous.

“So, Spider-Man, fighting crime already on your first day back?” she asks, elbowing him gently in the side. Her arm stays close.

“Not really,” Peter says, hating how high and nervous his voice sounds. He knows it’s stupid; this is _MJ_. They’re friends. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous. “I needed to get out,” he explains, “it’s a…lot to take in.”

“Coming back to life? What was it like? Like, dying and everything?” 

“Scary,” Peter says, “like, with my powers I can kinda sense danger before it happens, so-”

“Wait, you can?” MJ interrupts, “Why the hell are you the clumsiest person I know, then?”

“It doesn’t work like that! I’m not _that_  clumsy!”

MJ rolls her eyes, “Continue.”

“I was the last to go, of the people I was with. So, like, I saw it happen to all of them and then I could feel it coming, y’know?”

MJ nods, her face softer and sympathetic. “What happened? Afterwards?”

“Nothing,” Peter shrugs, “I woke up where I’d disappeared. And that was it.”

“So…those five months, nothing?”

Peter shrugs again, “It feels like I saw you this morning on the school bus.”

“Woah,” MJ says, “that’s weird.”

“It was weird. I’m still getting my head round it,” he says, “I got your message, about your family, are _you_  okay?”

MJ shrugged now, and he could see her closing herself off already. “Yeah, your dad showed up at my door, that was weird.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Peter says, “he does things like that, sometimes.”

“No, it was nice,” MJ says, “that he cared, you know? No one else checked up on me.”

Peter opens his mouth, ready to apologise because he _definitely_  would’ve checked up on her.

“Peter, you were _dead_ ,” she interrupts before he can say anything, “don’t you dare start apologising or feeling bad.”

Peter closes his mouth again.

“I see where you get it from, now.”

“Get what from?”

“All your…peter-ness,” MJ says, as if that makes any sense.

“What does that even mean?” he asks.

“It’s a good thing!” she says, but Peter’s not convinced. He makes that clear in his expression, but she just ignores him. “Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

Peter hadn’t even _thought_  about that. “Uh, I guess so? Half the school disappeared as well, so I won’t get special treatment or anything.”

“You _should_ , cause you were actually doing something to stop it.”

Peter shrugs, “I can’t tell Principal Morita that, though.” It only takes Peter a minute or so of thinking about school to figure out even more complications from this whole ‘dying and coming back to life’ thing. “I don’t even know what _classes_  we have! You guys have gone on to be juniors without me! I missed our first day!”

MJ rolls her eyes, “It’s all overrated.”

“Yeah, _you’d_  think that, but I missed homec-” Peter freezes before he could finish. _Homecoming_. “If I miss next year’s, I’m gonna be annoyed,” he says, trying to play it off as if it’s nothing, “I’ve only been to _one_  the whole time we’ve been in high school.”

“You didn’t miss much last year,” MJ says, trying to be comforting, “I mean, you actually would’ve had someone to dance with, but…” Straight away, Peter sees MJ closing herself off again the moment she says that.

“Yeah, and instead of doing that I let her down _again_  and got her dad arrested.”

“ _That’s_  where you went?” MJ says, looking surprised, “I mean, I figured you were disappearing to do Spider-Man stuff, but I didn’t know it was the same thing as what happened with her dad. That’s rough, man.”

“I know, I still feel bad,” Peter admits, “especially after I had to ditch Academic Decathlon.”

“Yeah, but you saved her life instead.”

“She doesn’t know that!”

MJ doesn’t argue against that, instead looking at him with what he’d almost call sadness, if he could actually read her. “You still like her,” she says.

“I haven’t seen her in, like, a year.”

“Seven months,” MJ corrects, “for you.” She’d completely closed off now, and Peter couldn’t figure out what had happened, or what he’d done wrong that she’d so suddenly become completely disinterested. “I should- my dad will-” she starts, standing up and moving towards the door.

“Michelle, wait-” Peter panics, shooting a web on reflex. It catches her hand, and he pulls the web, spinning her round with a little _too_  much force, and they’re stood face to face, their hands stuck together with the web.

“Peter…” MJ says, looking down at him. Peter realises how close they actually are, and he can feel the heat coming off of her, and see her closer than he ever had. “Di-”

“I don’t like her,” Peter interrupts, looking away as he explains; looking directly in her eyes is _way_  too intense, “I _did_ , but not anymore. I’ve, uh, moved on. I guess.” He turns and looks back up at her, thanking whatever genes he got from his mom that he’s at least tall enough to almost look her directly in the eyes. He’s never gonna forgive his dad for _that_.

MJ doesn’t say anything for a long time, just staring straight into his eyes, her expression unreadable. When she opens her mouth to talk, he feels her breath on his face, and it makes him realise how easy it would be to kiss her. “You’ve glued our hands together,” she says.

It takes him a second to process, definitely _not_  because he’s staring at her lips, and when he does he jumps away quickly, the moment gone. “Uh, yeah, right, sorry,” he stutters out, shaking his hand to try and get the web loose.

“Hey, hey, Peter,” MJ says, grabbing his hand with the one she didn’t have trapped, “ _ow_.”

“Right, sorry,” Peter says. He could feel how bright red his face must be, and he knew MJ must’ve picked up on it.

“Stop being weird,” she says, “and please get this off.”

“Right,” he says, using his free hand to get it off slowly and carefully, “sorry.”

“Thanks,” she says, when they’re both free, “you should get home, it’s getting dark.”

Peter nods, “I’ll…see you tomorrow? At school?”

“Yeah, I’m there every day, loser,” she replies sarcastically.

“Yeah,” Peter says, needing to get out of there as quickly as possible, before he _really_  made an idiot out of himself. He can’t stop thinking about how _close_  they were. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

MJ nods, stepping forward and reaching her hands up to his face, which pretty much makes Peter _completely_  freeze up in fear and nerves. Her fingertips just barely graze his forehead as she gets a grip on the mask, pulling it slowly down over his face. Peter couldn’t breathe until her hands were safely out of touching distance. “Safe swinging,” she says. Peter’s sure he’s having a heart attack.

MJ gives him one last smile as he climbs out the window, and he probably looks like an idiot trying to smile back through his mask. He gives her a quick wave, then swings out the window. When he turns back, she’s giving him the middle finger. He can’t help but smile. In retaliation, he shoots a web back across the street, pulling her window shut. She gives him a look that’s satisfaction enough.

Peter gets into his own room just in time to hear his dad knocking on the door and calling his name, and he can only hope that he hasn’t been there for ages.

“Uh, yeah?” Peter calls back, struggling to get out of his suit quickly. “What is it?”

“I wanted to ask if-” Tony starts, as he opens and walks through Peter’s door. They both freeze, Peter halfway in halfway out of his suit.

“Uh,” Peter says, realising that he’d forgotten how the suit even _works_ , hitting the chest piece and feeling it deflate around him.

“I didn’t expect you to be ready _that_  soon,” Tony says.

“I just needed some air.”

“You could go outside, on the ground, like a regular person?”

Peter shrugs, with a guilty smile. “I wasn’t even out for _that long_ , cause I stop-” Peter stops himself before he finishes, because he _definitely_  can’t give his dad that kind of ammunition.

“Cause what?” Tony asks, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows.

“No reason,” Peter says, picking up his suit and bundling it up to tuck under his bed - his super secret hiding spot. When he looks back over at his dad, he’s still giving him that same look, and he gives in. Otherwise he’s just gonna think the worst. “I, uh, stopped at a friend’s. They saw me go past their window and called me to stop by.”

“Ned lives pretty far.”

“Not…Ned.”

“Michelle knows about Spider-Man?” Tony asks. That makes sense, really. While everything was happening after Peter’s death, he hadn’t thought about the fact that she didn’t know Peter was Spider-Man; he definitely would’ve said too much to her if she hadn’t known.

“Uh…” Peter hesitates, “I didn’t tell her, she figured it out.”

“Right,” Tony says, unconvinced, “please tell me I’m not gonna have to give you a whole talk about safe sex if you’re gonna be stopping over at her house all the time.”

“No!” Peter says, his face going bright red again. He’d only _thought_  about kissing her. “I’m fifteen!,” he adds, “Sixteen, I’m sixteen!”

“Exactly,” Tony says, and Peter _really_  doesn’t want to unpack the implications of _that_  for what his dad was doing at sixteen. Peter hasn’t even _kissed_  anyone yet. He had thought that with Liz, maybe something would finally happen, but then he obviously screwed _that_  up. Then, to be fair, he’d been dead for almost half the year since then. You can’t kiss when you’re dead. Not that he has anyone to kiss, anyway.

“I didn’t go over there to have sex!” Peter says, for good measure. _He_  may have thought about kissing her, but _she_  was probably thinking about what an idiot he was for sticking them together.

“Be careful, is all I’m saying,” Tony says, “you don’t want your little brother or sister to be the same age as your kid.”

“Dad, stop!” Peter says, “Please, I’m begging you.”

“Good things can come from unprotected sex, I know that more than anyone,” Tony says, _explicitly_  gesturing at Peter, whose eye go wide and he feels just a little piece of his soul die, “but-”

“Dad, oh my god, I will jump out the window if you don’t stop.”

“Okay, okay!” Tony says, putting his hands up. He stops himself from laughing at how bright red Peter is.

“Please never talk about you having sex, ever again,” Peter says, “or me.”

“That’s how you came into this world, you shouldn’t be so afraid of it,” Tony continues. He can’t help but have a little fun with it. “You’re proof that all it takes is one time.”

“Nope, nope,” Peter says, standing up and walking to the window, “I don’t want to _ever_  hear about my parents having sex. I _will_  climb out this window.”

“Okay, okay, don’t hurt yourself.”

“You’re hurting me, psychologically.”

“Sex is natural, you shouldn’t be so afraid of talking about it,” Tony jokes.

Peter emphasises his seriousness by opening the window and swinging one leg over. He still has his web shooters on, so he doesn’t have anything to worry about. But he needs to make a point. “That word is now forbidden, or I’ll do it.”

With great timing, Pepper shows up in the doorway, looking between the two of them in confusion. “What-”

“Pepper, help me, he’s trying to talk about sex,” Peter says.

“How do you think she’s pregnant?”

“Nope!” Peter says, swinging his other leg over, but Tony grabs the back of his shirt before he can do anything.

“Okay, I’m done!” Tony says, pulling him back in enough that Peter does the rest.

“You’ve used up all your sex-talking now,” Peter says, “you can’t mention it for the rest of my life.”

“Try and stop me,” Tony says. Peter makes a face. Pepper rolls her eyes at both of them.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Peter sees Ned the next day at school, he greets him with the biggest hug he can manage, which Ned returns with equal force.

“I’ve missed you so much, man,” Ned says, “it was awful, everyone thought you were all gone for good.”

“Well, we were supposed to be,” Peter says. He’s trying to talk about what’s happened completely normally, hoping that if he just pretends it’s all fine, it will be eventually.

“But then you were saved by the Avengers, that’s so _awesome_!”

“Dude!” Peter says the moment he realises what he’d forgotten, “I never got to tell you! My dad made me _officially_  an Avenger!”

“No _way_ ,” Ned says, his eyes huge and his mouth hanging open. That’s pretty much how Peter feels about it, too. He’d completely forgotten about that, until now. There’d been so many other things to think about, but he’s an _Avenger_.

“I know!”

“You need to tell me _all about_  what happened on the spaceship,” Ned says, “ _everything_.”

It took pretty much the entirety of their first few lessons, but Peter went through each and every detail - about how he met _real_  aliens, and a wizard, and he fought a giant purple alien _using_  the wizard’s magic. Ned was as excited as to be expected. Their teachers didn’t appreciate it, so much, but with all the chaos from the school suddenly doubling in size again, they didn’t notice too much.

Peter gets called into the principal’s office just before lunch. He has no idea how he’s screwed up already, on his first day back.

“Alright, Peter, I’ve got about a million kids to work through so I won’t be long,” a very tired-looking Morita says as soon as Peter walks in, “you still had detentions to finish last year, so they’re going to continue through this year until you’re done. Is that fair?”

“Uh, yeah?” Peter says.

“Great, I’ll see you later,” he says, adding as Peter’s on the way out, “I expect this year to be a new leaf for you, Peter. You can do great things.”

Peter nods, leaving just in time to catch the lunch bell. He heads in the direction of the cafeteria; he could meet Ned there.

He beats Ned to the cafeteria. Not Michelle, though.

“Hey,” he says, taking a seat next to her. He’d hoped it would be normal when he saw her at school that day, and he’d just forget about how he’d felt the night before. It isn’t. She definitely notices him staring.

“Hey,” she says back. Peter notices the exact was her lips form the word, and has to remind himself to not be creepy.

“Your hair’s down,” he points out. _Definitely not creepy_.

“My hair’s always down,” she answers, her eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Last night it wasn’t,” he explains, wanting to kick himself for how obvious and weird he was being.

MJ narrows her eyes at him, but doesn’t say anything. Peter’s insanely relieved when Ned shows up.

“I can’t believe I missed the big reunion,” he says, sitting down opposite them both. Peter’s glad MJ doesn’t correct him, either. “Did you cry? Did you _kiss_?”

Peter really hopes his face isn’t bright red, at that.

“Peter tried to kiss me but he couldn’t reach,” MJ says, deadpan. Peter’s face actually catches fire.

“Makes sense,” Ned says.

“Hey! It’s not my fault, I have short genetics!”

“Yeah, that’s kind of how height works, Peter,” MJ retorts.

Peter pouts, “Shouldn’t you guys be nice to me, I did just come back from the dead!”

Ned and MJ both shrug, and Peter sighs. He should be used to it, really.

“So are we actually doing anything for your birthday?” Ned asks, “Other than getting food.”

“Like we do everyday,” MJ adds.

“Hey, I didn’t have time to prepare!” Peter says, “You guys can make it special by buying me food.”

“You’re rich,” Ned says.

“Yeah, we’re not buying you food.”

“ _You_  can buy _us_  food,” Ned suggests.

“I always buy you guys food!”

The same argument continues for the rest of the lunch period, Peter getting picked on by both of them, which he really didn’t appreciate. It still didn’t stop him from thinking about MJ, and he’s relieved when the bell rings and she stands up. He knows he was starting to get creepy with his staring, and he was finding it hard to stop. She _must’ve_  noticed.

“I’m going to class,” she says, “see you later, losers.”

“I have a problem,” Peter tells Ned as soon as MJ’s out of earshot.

“A problem for your guy in the chair?” Ned asks, his face lighting up.

“Not _that_  kind of problem,” Peter says, “I think I like MJ.”

“Dude, I’ve known that for, like, _forever_ ,” Ned says, “you’re not subtle.”

“I thought you were just teasing to annoy us!”

“Yeah, I was, but it was based off how obvious you are!”

Peter puts his head in his hands, remembering that Liz had known he liked her when he asked her out. “Do you think she knows? I mean, I didn’t even know until now!”

“Is it a bad thing if she knows? She so likes you too!” Ned says, “But I’m pretty sure she’s clueless.”

“There’s no way she likes me.” Peter knows he can be clueless, but there’s no way _that’s_  true. MJ’s too cool to be interested in him. He wouldn’t meet her standards.

“Oh my god, you’re both clueless,” Ned says, “just ask her out, please."

Peter feels immediately nervous just from the suggestion. If she said no, it would be awkward and weird and he’d mess up their friendship. “I don’t know…”

“She’ll say yes!” Ned says.

“But what if she doesn’t?”

“She will, trust me."

 

* * *

 

Detention is the same as always, except it’s made a million times harder than normal by MJ being right next to him. She was normally next to him, but now Peter has to constantly resist the urge to stare at her like a creep and make things weird between them.

He decides, while he’s sitting there staring pointedly in front of him to stop himself from looking at her, that there’s no way he can ask her out. Ned _can’t_  be right about this, and Peter would just mess everything up.

Of course, because he spent one second not thinking ‘don’t look at MJ’, his head turns without him even thinking. He makes _direct_  eye contact with her and his whole face flushes red. For once, she isn’t drawing or doing anything. Peter sneaks a glance at Coach Wilson to check he’s asleep before he whispers, “No drawing today?”

“You’re right,” MJ whispers back, “you do look particularly in crisis today.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’ve been staring into thin air for almost an hour looking like you’re dying inside.”

“I-” Peter starts, ready to defend himself, but he gives up with a sigh knowing he has no defence.

“Come on,” she says, checking her phone, “he won’t wake up until after your detention’s done. Let’s go meet Ned.”

“If I get caught leaving detention again-”

“You’ll be _fine_ , Parker,” she says, standing up and sticking out a hand for him, “don’t be a wimp.”

Peter sighs, taking her hand. He pretends not to react to how it feels to hold onto her hand, even if only for a second. Peter’s screwed.

It just gets worse and worse with time, really. He tries to ignore his problem and act as if there’s nothing going on, but it doesn’t really work. It’s killing him, hanging out with MJ every day and not being able to _do anything_  about how he feels. Every single day it gets harder and harder, until Peter’s sure he’s going to combust if he’s close to her one more time.

 

**November**

“I have a problem,” he tells his dad when he gets home from school, after another detention with MJ.

“Here, look at this,” Tony says, handing Peter a small photo with a huge smile on his face. He’s pretty sure this is the happiest his dad has looked in a long time.

“Woah,” Peter says, recognising the ultrasound from movies. He can just about make out a vague baby shape in it. “Is this the baby?”

“Yeah, we went for the second scan today,” Tony explains.

“Does that mean you know if it’s gonna be a boy or a girl?”

“We’re gonna leave it as a surprise.”

“ _Really_?“ Peter says, with a sigh, “I want to know!”

“You can know in seven months!” Tony says, “I think it’ll be a boy.”

“Why?”

“Cause I had a dream we had a baby boy before we knew Pepper was pregnant.”

“I think you just subconsciously want another son because I turned out so well.”

Tony rolls his eyes, “Or maybe I want another try. I don’t care either way, as long as they don’t insist on becoming a superhero.”

“Just hope they don’t get superpowers,” Peter says, “didn’t Pepper have some kind of powers ages ago?”

“Don’t freak me out like that, kid,” Tony says, “I don’t need _any_  more stress about this baby.” Peter still doesn’t know about the miscarriage a few years ago, so Tony’s been hiding how paranoid he’s been about it. He’s been rubbing off on Pepper, too, even though she won’t admit it. “Anyway, what’s your problem?”

Peter groans, remembering it. “I like MJ.”

“Michelle?” Tony asks, “I knew it!”

Peter groans again, hating that his dad and Ned had pretty much the same reaction, “What do I _do_?”

“Ask her out,” Tony says, as if it was that simple, “make a move.”

“I _can’t_ ,” Peter says, “what if she doesn’t like me?”

“Listen, Peter, I waited almost a decade to make a move with Pepper for that exact reason, and it turned out she’d been thinking the same the whole time,” Tony says, “so, my advice is don’t.”

“It’s not that simple,” Peter says.

“It is,” Tony insists.

Peter groans, _again_ , putting his head in his hands.

“I know you’re still sneaking off to her place all the time, so go tonight, and _make your move_ ,” Tony says. Peter tries not to go bright red from finding out his dad knew. He doesn’t know _how_  he knows. After that first time, it was bound to happen a second time, and then it just became a routine for Peter to stop by before or after patrolling, or just if he was bored. Every time he went, it killed him, but he also couldn’t stay away.

Peter starts to walk off, not wanting to risk a repeat of _that_  conversation from the last time his dad had mentioned him going to MJ’s.

“Do it!” Tony calls out behind him. Peter feels too sick with nerves to answer.

 

* * *

 

As much as Peter wants to go straight to MJ’s that night, he resists and patrols the city first. He needs to work off his nerves a bit, and hopefully forget about his dad’s advice.

Peter barely notices what’s going on below him because he’s too distracted, and he catches himself just in time to swing back round and drop down to the road. Inside the store, someone’s threatening the cashier with a gun. Peter walks in easily, shooting a web and pulling the gun out of the guys hand, throwing it behind him.

“You know this is illegal, right?” he says, “You better have a license for that gun.”

The guy grabs his bag and bolts straight away, except Peter’s blocking the door, so he just runs further into the store.

“Come on, man, let’s get this over with,” Peter says, walking down the side of the aisles to find the guy. He stops when he sees a girl in one of them, crouched down and hiding. Her hair is just similar enough to MJ’s to throw him for a minute, ignoring that alarms blaring ‘DANGER’ in his head.

In hindsight, he shouldn’t have really taken on anyone when he was so distracted thinking about MJ. He also should’ve seen it coming, before he’s hit over the head with the back of the gun, and sent stumbling backwards.

“Hey, that’s not cool,” Peter says, ignoring the throbbing in his head to re-balance himself and shoot a web to trap the guy's hand against the wall behind him. Peter realises too late that he trapped the hand holding the bag of money, not the gun. The realisation comes in the form of a burning pain ripping through his abdomen.

“That’s _really_  not cool,” he says, stepping forward enough so he’s just in range for the guy to swing the gun again, this time catching Peter right in his face and across his nose. “Come on, dude,” Peter says, _finally_  shooting a web to trap his other hand. For good measure, he secures the rest of his arms and his feet, too, and pulls the gun out of his hand. “Call the police,” he tells the cashier, before stumbling out the door. He needs to lie down. 

It takes Peter a couple of tries to shoot a web that actually attaches somewhere, and another few tries to get off the ground. He blames the blood dripping into his eye, hoping he doesn’t have a concussion. He knows if he goes straight home he’ll freak his dad out and get a lecture, so he goes to MJ’s instead. He knows it’s probably a bad idea, and it takes a _lot_  longer to get there than it should, but it doesn’t deter him. Even when he swings straight into her window. He doesn’t know what he was thinking he was doing.

“Peter?” MJ says, opening her window. Peter all but falls into the room. “What are you doing?”

“Uh,” Peter says, settling down to sit on the floor where he’d fallen.

“Is that a _bullet_ _hole_?”

“Hmm,” Peter says, looking down. You could barely even see the hole amongst the blood stain, “I guess it is.”

“Peter, what the hell,” she says, closing the window and kneeling down in front of him. She pulls his mask up and off, throwing it down on the floor. Her reaction to seeing his face isn’t exactly a good sign.

“Is it bad?” he asks, wincing when her fingers prod gently at the skin on his face.

“You don’t look your best,” she says, “please tell me a bullet can’t kill you.”

Peter shrugs, “I’ve had worse. I think. I recover pretty quickly.”

MJ looks relieved, and Peter tries not to read too much into it. Anyone would be relieved. “Is there an exit wound?”

“Huh?”

“Another hole, dumbass,” MJ says, using a hand on his shoulder to pull him forward gently, and leaning over him to check his back. Her hair brushes over his face, and Peter’s pretty sure he dies, just a little bit. “Okay, you’re good. If you have superpowered healing you don’t want the bullet to get stuck inside you.”

Peter nods, as if he's following.

“Let me get some tissue.”

As soon as she leaves the room, Peter closes his eyes to stop the world from spinning. He feels like an idiot. He shouldn’t have gotten distracted and he shouldn’t have come to MJ’s. If she’d liked him before, she definitely wouldn’t now.

MJ comes back in with a glass of water, a towel, some tissue and a couple of tablets that she hands Peter without explanation. Peter takes them without question. She hands him the towel and instructs him to hold it against the bullet wound.

“So what happened?” she asks, sitting down opposite him and wiping up his face. He tries not to be freaked out when he sees how much blood comes off on the tissues.

“Uh,” Peter hesitates, “a bad guy.”

“What happened to your danger senses, Spider-Man?”

“I was distracted.”

“By what?”

“Nothing,” Peter says, far too quickly. MJ gives him a weird look, but continues without any more questions.

“I’m gonna try again,” she says after a few minutes, “what did the bad guy do to you?”

“Uh, hit me over the head with a gun, then shot me, then hit me in the face with the gun.”

“He really didn’t hold back, did he?”

Peter shakes his head, then regrets it when it makes it swim even more.

“He really caught your nose,” she says, “it’s bleeding a lot, I don’t know if it’s broken.”

“I’ve broken it before,” he says, shrugging, “it’s fine.”

“I think you’re gonna have a black eye,” MJ says, handing him some tissue to hold against his nose, “and nose.”

She starts looking at the bullet wound, next, the touch of her fingers so gentle he can barely feel it through the suit.

“I really can’t see what’s going on,” she says, “can you take your suit off?”

Peter’s thankful for the blood hiding how bright red his face goes when he remembers he’s not wearing a shirt under it.

“Uh, s-sure,” he says, hitting the chest piece and letting it fall down to his waist. MJ immediately ducks her head, her face hidden under all her hair. Peter can’t see the blush that’s covering her cheeks, too.

Peter flinches when she starts wiping the blood with the wet tissue. “Sorry, is it cold?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says. He feels like he can barely breathe.

MJ continues, and Peter is positive he’s seconds from dying. She doesn’t take long to clean him up, and disappears again to find some bandage to wrap up his stomach and stop the bleeding.

“Thank you,” he says, once she’s finished, now completely lying down on her floor so he wouldn’t throw up.

MJ shrugs, joining him on the floor. “Why did you come to me?” she asks, after they lie in silence for a while.

“What do you mean?”

“Wouldn’t your dad be way better at handling this stuff?”

“You seem to be pretty good at it,” Peter says.

"I read a lot of books," MJ explains.

“He’d just freak out about it, anyway," Peter continues, "he gets super paranoid about me getting hurt. That’s why he hid me from the media for, like, most of my life. Cause everyone would always try to hurt Pepper to get to him, so he didn’t want that happening to me.”

“But he let you become a superhero?”

“He didn’t exactly _let_  me.”

MJ’s quiet for a bit, and he can almost hear her thinking, “Did it suck, being a secret?”

“I don’t know,” he admits, “it was all I knew. Wouldn’t that be, like, your dream, anyway?”

Peter hears the movement of her shrug, and pretends not to notice her shoulder brushing his, “I don’t have famous parents.”

“Famous dad,” Peter corrects, “my mom wasn’t famous.”

“What happened to your mom?” MJ asks.

“She died when I was four,” Peter answers simply, “I didn’t really know much about her. She and my dad were never a real couple.”

“So where does your aunt come from?”

“She was married to my mom’s husband’s brother,” Peter explains. He has to psych himself up before continuing. “My mom cheated on her husband, that’s how I happened. Everyone thought her husband was my dad. Then they both died, and my aunt and uncle took me in. But then my dad came forward and got custody of me, but I still saw my aunt and uncle loads cause they’d practically raised me even when my mum was around, and then my uncle died, like…seven years ago, now. So it’s just my aunt.”

“Wow,” MJ says, “talk about a tragic backstory.”

“Tell me about it,” Peter says. He hates remembering uncle Ben, and wanted to move on quickly. “I’m not even gonna get into how traumatising it is having your dad kidnapped by terrorists when you’re a kid.”

MJ doesn’t say anything, but he feels her arm shift and in this new position their two pinkies are touching. Peter knows he shouldn’t overthink it, but something tells him it wasn’t an accident.

“What happened?” Peter starts, “When your family disappeared?”

MJ stays quiet for so long that Peter thinks she’s not going to answer. “Nothing, really,” she says eventually, “that made it worse somehow. Nothing changed. And then they came back, and I just feel even more on the outside than normal.”

Peter doesn’t really know what to say; doesn’t know how he could comfort her. He doesn’t know if he or MJ made the move so their hands were overlapping, their two outer fingers linked ever so slightly.

“How’s your concussion?” she asks, breaking the heavy silence. Peter wishes he could go back and get her to open up more, but he knows the moment is gone.

“I don’t have a concussion.”

“Tell that to the spinning room.”

“I think I’m feeling better with the medicine,” he says, sitting up to test it, only realising his mistake when the movement pulls his hand away from MJ’s.

“Are you sure?” she asks, sitting up too. “Can you get home?”

“I think,” Peter says. He really wasn’t sure, but the alternative was calling either his dad or Happy, so his dad would have to know either way, which was exactly what Peter _didn’t_  want.

“Is your bandage okay?” she asks, reaching out and adjusting it slightly, having no idea that the feeling of her fingers gently brushing his stomach makes the room _really_  spin.

“I- I think so.”

MJ’s fingers linger for just a second longer than they need to, and when they pull away she looks right into his eyes. Peter hadn’t realised how close their faces were, again. Her long legs meant they were pretty much the same height sitting down. Peter could so easily kiss her.

Peter’s nerves get the better of him, though. He looks, away, slipping his arms back into his suit and tightening it again. MJ helps him up, and he knows she’ll just be checking the bandage again, but when she reaches across and touches his stomach he can hardly breathe.

“Be careful,” she says, stepping away and opening the window. Peter sits up on the window ledge, wishing he could stay all night.

“I’ll do my best,” he says. Peter stops breathing when MJ reaches up again, pulling down his mask the same as before. She’d done this a few times, and every time it had killed him. She goes extra slow this time, being careful with his eye and nose. She stops once it’s covered his nose.

“That doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“It’s fine,” Peter says. She still doesn’t move to finish the rest. She’s staring right at him, though the mask. He stares back, through the eyes of the suit. They’re meant for honing his senses, and right now they’re all focused on her. 

Peter doesn’t see it coming when MJ grabs the front of his suit and pulls him forward into a kiss, but he doesn’t exactly object. As soon as he processes what’s happening, he relaxes into the kiss. He’s pretty sure he’s gone to heaven, and he’s missing it from the second she pulls away. His face flushes under the mask.

“See you later, Spider-Man,” she says, with a smile that Peter loves, her cheeks flushed pink. 

Neither of them notice the flash of the camera on the street below them.


	19. Present Day: part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I haven't updated in a very long time. I've been super swamped with work, sorry guys. I wrote practically all of this back when I was actually updating this regularly, but the chapter was originally going to go on a lot longer, but I just knew I needed to get something uploaded to get back into the swing of things so I'm just going to split it into two parts. I know this chapter seems like I've tried to be as cruel as possible after endgame (no spoilers) but I genuinely wrote it all before I saw the movie, so I had no idea. Sorry if this is unnecessarily sad because of endgame, but what isn't going to be tbh?

**November**

Peter wakes up to a newspaper hitting him in the face. It takes him a moment to process what had actually happened. He picks up the newspaper, thankful to have it as something to cover his face; he has no idea how he looks after yesterday.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Read it,” Tony answers.

Peter focuses on the words in front of him. It doesn’t take him long to notice the picture of himself, well, Spider-Man. Peter had gotten used to that at this point, except this picture was different. He was sat on a window ledge, very clearly kissing MJ. Her face is hardly even obscured. This is bad.

“So, I guess my advice worked,” Tony says, “but this isn’t exactly good.”

“What happens now? What do we do?” Peter asks, dropping the newspaper down. The headline speculating Spider-Man's romantic life was enough; he doesn’t need to read the rest of the article.

Peter realises his mistake too late when he sees the look on his dad’s face. “What the hell happened to you?!”

“Is it bad?” Peter asks, prodding at his own face. _Definitely_ painful. He sits up and the movement makes his head throb, all centred around where he must’ve been hit. He reaches up to feel it, finding a definite lump. He also remembers too late that he’d just taken the suit off and gotten straight into bed, not bothering to put pajamas on. Or a t-shirt.

Tony’s not even saying anything, or moving, just staring. It scares Peter a bit.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he says, but when he looks down the bandage is all but soaked in dried blood. It looks pretty bad.

Peter would’ve preferred if his dad had shouted at him or freaked out or _something_ but he just turns and walks out without a word. Peter doesn’t know what to do, or if he’s in trouble, or _what_.

With his dad gone, Peter starts to get dressed. When he’s done, Pepper knocks and comes in.

“He’s worried about you,” she tells Peter, “and it does look pretty bad.”

“It was just this guy robbing a shop, he got the upper hand for a minute,” Peter says, not wanting to bring the fact that he was distracted and his reason for the distraction into it.

“That’s a pretty impressive mark for a punch.”

“Uh,” Peter says, “it wasn’t exactly a _punch_.”

Pepper doesn’t even say anything, just raises her eyebrows, and that’s enough. She’s good at that kind of thing.

“He kind of had…this…gun, that he was using to rob the store,” Peter says, “that’s what he hit me with.”

“Don’t tell me that’s what the bandage is.”

“Please don’t tell my dad.”

“You know I’ve got to,” Pepper says, which Peter does know. But he doesn’t _want_ to know.

Peter groans, “He’s gonna kill me.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Pepper says, “I can’t promise anything, though.”

“Thank you,” Peter says earnestly, “thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” she says, leaving again.

Peter hides out in his room for a bit longer. He’s starving, and knows he needs to leave to eat, but he really, _really_ doesn’t want to have to face his dad. He keeps replaying in his head the way he stared at Peter and left without a word. That’s definitely the scariest part, and the worst sign.

He takes a deep breath, walking out into the hallway and to the kitchen, hoping his dad is somewhere else in the house. He isn’t.

“ _Shot?_ ” Tony greets Peter with.

“It’s not a big deal!” Peter tries to say, knowing already it wouldn’t do anything. Pepper gives him a sympathetic look.

“It _is_ a big deal!” Tony retorts, “You know after what happened I thought you’d have _some_ semblance of self-preservation but clearly you’re making just as many stupid mistakes!”

“It’s not my fault, the guy got the upper hand!” Peter argues back.

“A regular person _shouldn’t_ be able to get the upper hand!”

“Well, he did!” Peter says, “This was me looking out for the little guy, just like you said!”

“Well maybe you can’t be trusted with that either!”

Peter stops, offended. He knows this is how his dad reacts to stuff, because he worries too much about Peter getting hurt. But still. He can _trust_ him. “You said I was an Avenger,” Peter says, “I helped fight _Thanos_ , but I can’t stop a robbery?”

“Apparently not,” Tony says, calm but cold. He knows he’s probably overreacting, but Peter had _died_. Tony had had no control over that. This, however, Tony does have control over. Seeing him get hurt again, _seriously_ hurt, just brings that all back and reminds him that just because Peter’s back now, doesn’t mean he can’t get hurt again.

“I can’t just not do _anything_ ,” Peter says, looking tired and upset. Tony sighs, because he doesn’t want to do this. They’ve already got enough problems to figure out with the press, and if Peter feels as bad as he looks then he probably already isn’t doing great. Tony _wishes_ Peter could not do anything, and just stay safe and far away from people that could hurt him. Tony knows it’s not realistic though, and there’s no way he’d be able to stand in the way of Peter’s strong will.

“I know,” Tony says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I _need_ you to be careful.”

Peter nods, relieved that his dad isn’t grounding him or taking the suit or anything he could easily do, and _has_ done, before.

“I’m still gonna get Bruce to check this out,” Tony says, pointing at Peter’s stomach, “but we’ve got other things to focus on, too.”

“Crap,” Peter says, “I don’t even know if MJ knows.”

“Well, call her,” Tony says, “I think we should go talk to the guys at the compound, Nat will be able to help. I’m not particularly experienced at secret identities.”

Pepper lets out a short laugh, then apologises straight away. “Sorry, sorry,” she says, “you know Rhodey tried _so_ _hard_ to get that cover-up speech perfect, and you came out with…that, instead.”

Tony shrugs, “A secret identity doesn’t suit me. Go call MJ, tell her we can pick her up on the way.”

Peter’s dreading this already just thinking about it. There’s no way this can go perfectly. The world knows MJ is romantically involved with Spider-Man. That means Peter can’t be. Or the world knows Peter is Spider-Man.

“This is about that photo, isn’t it?” MJ says when she answers the phone. Peter already feels awful for getting her into this. He’s probably screwed up his chances with her.

“Yeah,” Peter says, “my dad’s gonna take us to the Avengers compound and he says some of the people there can figure out how we’re supposed to do this.”

“This sucks,” MJ says, “sorry for kissing you.”

“Don’t be!” Peter hurries to say, his voice coming out slightly too high-pitched, “I mean, it was, uh, I- I liked it.” 

“You’re a loser,” MJ says, but he can hear her smile, “are you picking me up? I don’t have a lift.”

“Yeah, we can be there in, like, 15 minutes,” Peter says 

“See you soon, Spidey.”

Peter doesn’t get a chance to say bye before she hangs up, but he’s still left smiling into the phone. If it wasn’t for that stupid photo, everything would be perfect right now. Except, he’s probably screwed up any chance they have of a relationship before it’s even started. They haven’t been able to discuss what that kiss even _means_ and they’re gonna have to sit in front of the _Avengers_ and talk about their whole relationship.

The whole car ride over, Peter is a ball of nerves. Pepper doesn’t come because she’s too tired and sore from the pregnancy, so Peter sits in the front with his dad. He intended to move to the back and sit with MJ when they got to hers, but the moment the car stopped she’d climbed inside quickly, and he never got a chance.

“I’m desperately avoiding my family,” she explains, “they have lots of questions.”

“I bet,” Tony says.

“Good to see you again, Tony,” MJ says, clocking the surprise on both Peter and Tony’s face, “unless you’d rather me call you Iron Man, like Ned.”

“Tony is good,” Tony says with a laugh, “so _that’s_ why you didn’t want to come stay, because you’d just be avoiding me instead.”

“You cracked it,” MJ says, but Peter can see in her face it’s not the truth. “You look awful,” she says to Peter, “how’s…?”

“He knows,” Peter says when she glances between his dad and him.

MJ nods, “How’s it doing?”

“Well…the bandage is redder than anything else, now.” He’s also ignoring the splitting pain in his abdomen from turning in his seat, but he doesn’t want to stop.

MJ lets some worry shine through on her face, before covering it up quickly. “Maybe you should go to the doctor.”

“I’m gonna get Bruce- Dr. Banner, to check it out,” Tony says.

“What’s he gonna do, crush Peter till he stops bleeding?”

“He’s got a medical degree,” Tony corrects, defensively, “and a load more PhD’s than I do. Not just a green monster.”

MJ nods. Peter gives her an apologetic look. “I stand corrected,” she says.

The rest of the drive doesn’t take long, and soon they’re pulling up outside the compound. Peter would be excited if it weren’t for the all-consuming worry about what’s going on.

Tony leads the two of them in and up the stairs, to the living space. A few of them were sat around, in the kitchen, or doing something. Tony’s surprised by how many people there are; he’d been used to the majority of the compound being empty, what little people there were working all hours of the day to find Thanos and figure out how to stop him. It’s nice seeing everyone back to normal, together and resting.

“Romanoff,” Tony says, to a Natasha sprawled out on the couch reading, “got any secret identity advice?”

“Let me guess, this is about Peter’s kissing partner?” she asks, putting the book down and looking over at them, “and here they are! You look rough, kid.”

“Bad guys,” Peter offers as an explanation.

Natasha nods knowingly. She turns to eye up MJ, looking her up and down. “So everyone knows it was you in the picture?”

MJ shrugs, “Everyone that knows me would recognise it. It can’t take them long to figure it out.”

“And you guys definitely can’t just be friends and let this all blow over easily?”

“No,” MJ says straight away, without hesitation. A warmth feels Peter’s chest, along with relief about the uncertainty of their relationship. “Right?” she says, turning to him, ever so slightly uncertain.

“Right,” Peter agrees, confidently.

Natasha sighs, swinging her legs round and sitting upright, “I’d say…don’t be seen together at _all_ as Spider-Man, let the press forget about it all. If you start fueling the rumour then it’ll never go away. And regularly, no one can see you as anything more than friends. For as long as possible. Already, you two being seen in public as a couple at any point would create a link between Peter and Spider-Man and means he has no room for messing up even slightly.”

“So we have to pretend to be just friends?” Peter asks. That isn’t…ideal. Sure, they haven't even started being a _real_ couple yet, but Peter doesn’t want to have to hold back how he actually feels and wants to act.

“If you want this to go away without everyone finding out,” Natasha says, “and don’t let anyone even slightly believe the rumour.”

“That’s it?” Tony says, “I would’ve expected more from S.H.I.E.L.D.’s top agent.”

“Ex-agent,” Natasha corrects, “if you need an entirely new identity creating, then call me. It took me showing up with Fury for you to figure mine out,” she adds, pointedly looking at Tony.

“I was distracted,” Tony excuses, not wanting to go into more detail in front of Peter. He probably wouldn’t react great to finding out he’d been dying for a few months several years ago. “Do you know where Bruce is?”

“Beats me,” Natasha says, picking up her book again and lying back down. Tony definitely notices _some_ bitterness there. He’s not going to ask what happened. Bruce disappearing to another planet for a few years and her become an international fugitive and running away with Steve was probably explanation enough.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” Tony asks.

“He’s downstairs, boss.”

“Tell him to meet us in the lab.”

“Sure thing.”

The whole time Bruce looks at Peter, MJ stays mostly quiet, just watching from the sidelines with a worried look on her face. She looked _particularly_ worried when Peter first lifts up his shirt, revealing the blood-soaked bandage.

“Just a tip,” Bruce says, “for future reference. If a bandage is soaked in blood, it normally means you should change it. Or check out the injury again.”

Peter nods earnestly, sitting patiently while Bruce looks at the wound from both sides. Peter can’t deny that he preferred MJ.

“Did you do the bandage?” Bruce asks when he starts wrapping it up again - with a fresh bandage - looking at Tony.

Tony shakes his head, and Peter says, “It was MJ- Michelle. It was Michelle.”

 Bruce looks at Michelle for a moment, “You did a good job,” he says, eventually, before he looks at Peter again, “but next time, come straight to me. You’re lucky it hasn’t gotten infected.”

“There won’t _be_ a next time,” Tony says pointedly, giving Peter a look.

“We can _hope_ ,” Bruce says, giving Tony a look in return, “my point still stands. If anything happens, come straight here.”

Peter nods, but Tony still doesn’t look happy.

“You kids go wait in the car, I’ll be there in a minute,” Tony says, giving Bruce a quick look to check they’re all finished.

“Just call me if anything looks worse or gets more painful,” Bruce says, before letting them go.

As they walk back to the car, all Peter can think about is holding MJ’s hand. He’s overwhelmed with the relief that she actually _wants_ to be in a relationship with him, and that that wasn’t just some offhand kiss. This is the best day of Peter’s life.

“Are they actually serious about us being completely secret?” MJ asks, when they’re outside and alone.

That brings everything crashing down. They can’t be a _real_ couple. “Yeah,” he says, the disappointment evident in his voice, “the press can be crazy. I know, it sucks.”

“I bet no one would even recognise me,” MJ says, going back on what she’d said, before, “it would probably be fine.”

“Yeah, but if it’s _not_ ,” Peter says, hating that he has to be the voice of reason when it’s killing him that he and MJ can’t be open about how they feel in front of everyone, “imagine how popular you would be,” he adds, hoping that would convince her.

“Okay, yeah,” MJ says, frowning.

“Next time,” Peter says, “maybe don’t kiss me out in the open when I’m hanging out a window in my suit.”

“Who says there’s going to be a next time?” MJ replies, completely deadpan with one eyebrow raised. Peter panics and all of his internal organs do about a million somersaults until her face breaks into a smile. “I’m kidding, Peter,” she says for good measure.

“That was mean,” Peter says, but he’s laughing, “I can’t believe someone got my first kiss on camera. I mean, I guess it’s pretty cool for the memory, but my first kiss and I already manage to screw it up.”

“First kiss?” MJ asks, looking at him weirdly. Peter can’t decipher her expression.

“Uh,” Peter hesitates, looking down at his feet, trying to will away the redness he could feel creeping up his face. Of _course_ MJ is more experienced than him. “Yeah.”

“You and Liz… didn’t…?”

Peter lets out a short, unintentional laugh, “The extent of our relationship was me asking her to homecoming and then me running out on her at homecoming.”

“Oh,” MJ says, before going quiet for long enough to make Peter nervous, “I didn’t think I’d be your first,” she finally says, “I mean, I know you’re a loser, but you’re still Peter Parker.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That means you could probably still get any girl at school even though you’re a loser.”

Peter chooses to ignore the blatant lie. “So, do you like me even though I’m a loser?” he teases.

“I like you because you’re a loser.”

Peter hides him smile, looking down at his feet again. He still can’t believe this is actually happening. _MJ_ likes _him_.

“That was my first, too, y’know,” MJ says out of nowhere, and Peter can tell she recognises the surprise in his face. “You must’ve already guessed that.”

“I thought you’d be _way_ more experienced than me,” Peter says.

“Why? You’ve gone to school with me since, like, forever, and you and Ned have been the first people I’ve got even _remotely_ close to. So there definitely wasn’t anyone for me to start kissing.”

“Yeah but everyone at school judges everything. You could probably find some sophisticated person outside of school that would definitely like you.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but I haven’t exactly got a huge social life outside of school. And you know no one at school would be interested in me.”

“Because you don’t let anyone get to know you,” Peter says, hating hearing her put herself down.

“I let you get to know me.”

“And I like you,” Peter retorts, with a smile, knowing he’s already won by the look on MJ’s face.

 

* * *

 

“How did it go?” Pepper asks when they get home, after having dropped MJ back home. Monday already seemed too far away for Peter after he’d said goodbye to her.

“Bruce says Peter’s fine, physically,” Tony says, “but he hasn’t stopped complaining the whole drive home.”

“We have to keep everything _secret_ ,” Peter says, slumping down onto the couch with a sigh.

“Maybe it’s time to announce the pregnancy to the press,” Pepper says; they’d kept it a secret mostly for Tony’s sake, while he was in mourning, they both knew he wouldn’t be able to cope with it. He struggled enough with the pregnancy alone. It was getting harder and harder to keep it a secret, though, as each week passed. Pepper couldn’t stay hidden forever. “Give them something they know is real to focus on.”

“Will that work?” Peter asks, perking up.

“As long as they don’t get anything more on the Spider-Man front, it’ll help them move on quicker.”

“Dad?” Peter says, turning to Tony, looking hopeful.

“Let us talk about this, kid,” Tony says, waiting for Peter to nod and disappear to his room before he sits down with Pepper. “Are you sure about this?”

“Are _you_ sure?” Pepper counters.

“It’s gotta come out eventually, right?” Tony says, “We’re used to this, Peter’s not, so it’s better this way.”

“They’re gonna start asking questions about our wedding,” Pepper says, “why it hasn’t happened.”

“Because Peter died,” Tony says, “that’s a pretty obvious one.”

“But Peter’s not dead anymore,” Pepper says, “we’ll have to say something.”

“How about…he’s been back for two weeks, let us breathe.”

“Tony.”

“Okay, okay,” Tony says, “what about we give them a date? Say…December…15th?”

“December 15th?” Pepper repeats, “So we’d have less than a month and a half to plan a wedding.”

“Let’s just do something small,” Tony says, choosing not to react to the surprise on Pepper’s face, “family and close friends only, just a small ceremony early December, slightly bigger reception. What do you think?”

“I think I’m gonna be very pregnant on my wedding day.”

“Better than having a newborn baby there.”

Pepper sighs, then smiles, “Okay, let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

The press conference they called the next day went off without a hitch, and the official announcement meant Tony actually started thinking about the wedding and could be excited for it. After 47 years, it finally feels like he’s actually getting his life started.

Even though he successfully managed to raise Peter from four to sixteen, it wasn’t exactly conventional. He doubts he would’ve been successful raising him from birth, especially considering that for the most part of the rest of his life, Tony had been a complete mess. He still doesn’t completely have his life together, but he’s doing a lot better than any point in the rest of his life. He’s getting married, he’s having a baby. His work with the Avengers—besides financing and designing—has _hopefully_ been put to rest. He can be fully dedicated to being a husband and a father and see Peter through to college.

He can worry about managing his own well-being later. Or never.

 

* * *

 

Tony wakes up in the middle of the night with a gasp, covered in a cold sweat. The image of Peter disappearing is still clear in his mind, as it has been every night since it had happened. He’d hoped that it would get better with Peter being back, but if anything, it was worse. Before, he’d woken up reminded of his son’s death. Now, he woke up in a panic that it had happened all over again.

“Tony, Tony,” Pepper says. She hadn’t been sleeping well with the pregnancy, and Tony couldn’t help but be thankful for it; it meant she’s always there when he wakes up. “He’s alive. You know that.”

Tony nods, wishing he could just _listen_ to her. “You know I have to.”

“I know,” she sighs, watching him get up with a sad look in her eyes. Tony doesn’t look back, going straight across the hall to Peter’s room. Peter’s a heavy sleeper and Tony doesn’t have to worry about waking him up with the creak of his door.

Peter is lying in bed, tangled in his sheet, fast asleep. Tony’s shoulders relax and he lets out the breath he’d been keeping tight from the moment he woke up. He doesn’t know that Peter’s having the exact same nightmare as him.

“You don’t have to check every night that he’s still here,” Pepper says, having managed to sneak up on Tony. Her hand gently touches his, just barely interlacing their fingers.

“He’s only been back a few weeks,” Tony says, “it feels like it could all still be a dream, and I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone again. Or _somehow_ …Thanos will…”

“Tony, listen,” Pepper says, “everything’s okay now. Thanos is dead. Peter is back. The only thing you need to worry about is being ready for this baby.”

“I don’t want our kid to come into a world where they’re not safe.”

“They are safe,” Pepper says, with a confidence Tony wishes he had, “and just in case, they’ve got a superhero dad and brother, and at least a dozen aunts and uncles. This will be the most protected kid in the world. _You_ ,” she emphasises, poking him in the chest, “need to focus on being ready to raise a kid.”

“I-”

“ _Don’t_ try and tell me you’ve done it before,” Pepper interrupts, before he can barely even get a word out, “because you’ve never dealt with a baby before, that’s the hardest part. I don’t need you freaking out while I’m dealing with a newborn.”

“I won’t.” Tony tries to sound reassuring, but he isn’t sure how well it comes out. “I’ll be ready.”

“That means getting over this paranoia that Peter’s going to suddenly disappear,” Pepper says, and Tony doesn’t try and respond. He doesn’t want to make empty promises. “Maybe you should see a therapist.”

“A therapist?”

“Don’t look at me like that.” Tony didn’t know he was looking at her in any way. “You’ve been through so much in the last decade, it would probably help.”

“I don’t need a therapist,” Tony insists. He doesn’t.

“Tony, you’ve been having nightmares again ever since you got back, and it’s only gotten worse since Peter’s been back. You need to talk to _someone_.”

“I have you.”

“You don’t talk to me, though.”

“I can talk to you.”

“Tony, I mean it.”

Tony sighs, “I’ll…think about it. Okay?” 

“Okay, good. Thank you,” Pepper says, “Let’s go back to bed.”

 

* * *

 

The first thing Peter notices when he walks into school on Monday is the crowd gathered round where he’s pretty sure MJ’s locker is. That was enough to plant the seed of dread deep in his stomach. As he gets closer, he can see the top of her head through the crowd and turns from heading towards his locker to into the crowd. He tunes it out the best he can, but he can hear all the questions about Spider-Man and if they’re dating, blah blah blah. He just about manages to find her hand and pull her out.

“You saved me,” she says.

“It’s what I do.”

“I’ve never been this visible,” she tells him, walking with him across to his locker, “I hate it.”

“Sorry,” Peter says genuinely. He should be the one having to deal with all of this, not MJ. She didn’t ask to be the public girlfriend of a superhero.

“Don’t be,” she says, leaning against the locker next to Peter’s, “I was the one that kissed you.”

“Still, I was there in the suit and…” Peter says, “it shouldn’t have happened like that.”

“Just count yourself lucky that you actually had your mask on, or you’d be the one in the middle of a _way_ bigger crowd than that.”

Peter shrugs, “They’d get over it eventually. At least then we wouldn’t have to be so _secret_.”

“Dudes!” Ned practically yells right into Peter’s ear from behind him. Peter jumps a mile. “You _kissed_??”

“Shhh!” Peter says, while MJ just rolls her eyes. “We have to be secret now, because of the Spider-Man picture.”

“Wait, seriously?” Ned says, “But you guys are a couple, right?”

“Yeah,” MJ says, with a smile in Peter’s direction. Peter’s heart flutters.

The rest of the day pretty much continues on as normal, except when MJ catches Peter staring, he doesn’t have to rush to look away. It takes a while to get used to. MJ laughs at him every time. Plus, he catches her staring too. He’s got excited butterflies in his stomach all day, and Ned keeps commenting on the dopey look on his face, but Peter brushes it off. He’s happy and feels relaxed for the first time since he came back from the dead. Except, of course, this was continually interrupted by someone harassing MJ for the millionth time, but she was already an expert at dodging attention, luckily.

Peter should’ve expected the chaos that would’ve come about as soon as they all met for Academic Decathlon after school. MJ is undoubtedly this week’s topic of distraction.

“You know I am sitting right here,” she says, giving up on silently ignoring the speculation and discussion about what happened, “you do know that, right, when you talk about me?”

“I think we’re getting a bit distracted,” Mr Harrington says, trying to get them all back on track, which became redundant the moment someone brought up Spider-Man.

“There’s no way that photo is real,” Flash says, ignoring both of them, “Spider-Man is way too good for that.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Peter says, immediately noticing Ned’s wide-eyed look in his direction, and the reassuring touch of MJ’s fingers on his wrist. He catches himself, leaning back again in his chair and forcing himself to calm down. He can’t give this away just because Flash is a dick.

“You so edited that picture,” Flash continues, completely directing it at MJ now, “or _someone_ did.”

“You’re just jealous it wasn’t _you_ in the picture,” Abraham says, and at least that shuts Flash up. For five minutes.

“I really wish I could punch him,” Peter says the moment the three of them walk out the building together, “maybe I should go punch him as Spider-Man. That might shut him up.”

“ _Definitely_ ,” Ned says, more than enthusiastically.

“ _No_ ,” MJ says, “you _know_ that would just make him worse. He’d go around bragging about it. It wouldn’t solve anything.”

Peter sighs, “It’s not fair, you can’t even defend yourself against it all.”

“I can’t tell them it’s real,” MJ says, “them thinking it’s fake is the best thing for us.”

“It’s still so _annoying_. How can you just listen to them all talking about you like that?”

MJ shrugs, “I don’t care what they think.”

 

**December**

The first few weeks as a couple were simultaneous bliss and torture. Peter loved spending more time with MJ and being able to be open about how he feels with her, and the moments they get alone in her bedroom or at Peter’s house really make it worth it. But it doesn’t mean every time they’re in public it’s not complete torture. Peter wants to be able to show off that she’s his girlfriend; he wants to hold her hand, he wants to take her on dates, he wants them to be a _real_ couple. But they can’t, not yet.

Other than being a secret, there haven’t been any other consequences from their mistake. His dad and Pepper announcing their wedding and the pregnancy helped shift the focus, and there have just been a couple of odd trashy magazine articles popping up or speculation on social media about Spider-Man’s love life, but nothing with any facts. Michelle’s name still hasn’t reached the press, and Pepper insists that’s a good sign, and meant less time being a secret. Peter just wants to move on and this all be in the past.

Peter spends his Saturday afternoon with Ned and MJ at the diner studying for a couple of tests they have coming up for the end of semester. He regrets leaving, because he then ends up spending his evening sat with his dad and Pepper for hours listening to the wedding plans; it’s happening at the end of next week and Peter hadn’t paid attention to any of the planning before this. They’re not having a wedding party, but Peter’s in charge of the rings, which he can tell both of them are already regretting and worrying about. He’s pretty sure he’ll go insane if he hears one more wedding-related thing, so he’s relieved when his phone goes off when Michelle calls, and he uses it as an excuse to disappear into his room.

“Peter,” MJ’s voice is barely a whisper through the phone, “I think someone’s following me.”

“What? Where are you?” Peter immediately feels his whole body going into a panic and assuming the worst.

“Near the diner,” MJ whispers, “I forgot my bag there and I was just walking home and I’m pretty sure this guy is following me.”

Peter’s already putting his suit on. He puts the mask on first, bringing the call up on it while he got everything else on. “I’m gonna be there in a second.”

“Okay,” MJ says, sounding scared and vulnerable for the first time since Peter had known her.

“Tell me where you are exactly, loudly,” Peter says, climbing out the window, “maybe it’ll scare this guy off.”

MJ recounts the street name, the stores she’s passing, everything.

“Would you like me to create a route to that location?” Karen asks.

“Yes, please, Karen.”

“Karen?” MJ asks, quiet again.

“Uh, it’s my suit,” Peter explains, following the directions in front of him to get to MJ as quickly as possible, “my dad put an AI in it, I named her Karen.”

All Peter gets in response is a muffled noise and a loud clattering.

“MJ?” Peter asks. Dead silence. “Michelle?” Peter really panics, then. “Karen, how long until I get there?”

“You’re about two minutes away,” Karen tells him, and even that feels like a lifetime. When he gets there, he sees MJ’s phone lying on the sidewalk, the call still connected. He hangs up and webs it onto the wall nearby for safekeeping.

“Karen, where is she?” Peter asks, trying to remain calm. He couldn’t help her if he started panicking, but it was bubbling up inside him, aggressively demanding his attention.

“There are two people down the alleyway approximately 15 feet away.”

Peter shoots a web up to the edge of the building, so at least he could get the upper hand by surprising this guy. He crawls along the wall down the alley, being able to make out the shapes the closer he gets. MJ’s on the floor, her knees up to her chest and her back against the wall, with this guy standing over her. Peter uses the fire escape above them as leverage to swing across and drop down directly behind the guy. 

“Did your mother never tell you it’s not polite to harass women?” Peter says. The guy turns around, not even looking surprised or scared. That’s enough to throw Peter, and it doesn’t take him long to recognise him. One of the guys from the ferry. “You’re supposed to be in prison.”

The guy shrugs, “Let’s just say I pulled some strings. I know some people.”

“Well, you might need to pull some strings again,” Peter says, shooting a web at his feet and dragging him forward so his feet are pulled out from under him.

“Big mistake,” the guy says, grabbing the web and pulling it back, sending Peter also crashing into the ground. Head first. “You made this too easy, really,” he says, standing up and lifting Peter up with a hand round his throat, pinning him against the wall, “I didn’t expect you to react so quickly, she must mean something. Maybe I should kill her first.”

Peter’s eyes go wide, and he manages to land a kick that gets the guy to drop him. He recovers quickly, though, this time pinning Peter with a knife against his throat.

“I promised a lot of people I’d slit your throat, and I’m not one to disappoint.”

Peter barely even notices MJ moving behind them, not until she’s grabbed the guy’s arm, twisting it and pinning it behind him so he drops the knife. He doesn’t notice the knife catching MJ’s leg, and the adrenaline coursing through her barely lets her register the pain, so she blanks the rest of it out.

“If you move, I’ll break your arm,” she says. 

Peter webs him up against the wall, making sure there’s no way he’d get out anytime soon. He makes a mental note to call the police later.

“I’ve got your phone,” he tells MJ, leading her back to the main street and pulling it out of the mess of webs, “how did you do that?”

“I’m a girl that grew up in New York, knowing self-defence is a rite of passage.”

“Are you okay?”

“Uh,” she says, looking down, “I don’t know.”

Peter follows her line of vision, to where the side of her jeans had been cut, the opening soaked in blood. The sight of it immediately makes him feel sick. When he looks back up at her, the colour in her face is all but gone.

“I think I need to sit down.”


	20. Present Day: part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILERS in this chapter, and most likely from now on, so if you haven't seen it definitely don't read this until you have. Chapters are probably gonna be shorter than normal for a while, because I'm very busy for the next couple of weeks (yay deadline season!) but then it'll be summer and I'll be able to write longer ones, so bear with me!

As it’s happening, Peter knows it’s not quite right. He remembers waking up on Titan, with everyone but his dad, he knows it has happened before. But, when it happens again, he still doesn’t question it. He goes along with what Dr. Strange says, that’s there a fight, and that it’s been five years and they need to help. Peter knows it’s wrong; it hasn’t been five years, it's been about six months, but he doesn’t question it. He goes along with the fight, and trying to stop Thanos all over again.

When he sees his dad, he’s not his dad. Peter knows both of those as fact at the same time.

When he watches his dad die, it’s not his dad. He knows that. It doesn’t make it any less soul-crushing for Peter.

 

* * *

 

Peter jolts awake, and it takes a moment for him to even register his surroundings. He’s sat in his desk chair, still wearing his suit from yesterday. MJ’s lying in his bed, asleep. Her presence just disorientates him even more as he scrambles for some kind of explanation. It feels as though he’s just been thrust back into his own body and he’s slowly relearning and remembering who he is and what’s happening.

He remembers last night in pieces. MJ called him because some guy was following her. He went out and found her, and it was one of the guys from the ferry that had attacked her. They dealt with him together, MJ doing the most significant part of that. She got hurt. He panicked and she didn't. He took her back to his house straight away, and his dad and Pepper looked at her leg and made sure she was okay. She got all bandaged up, then Peter let her rest in his bed. After that, they both must've fallen asleep while Peter was sat in his chair.

Peter remembers what happened, detail for detail, but he still feels disconnected from it. It's like he's just running through the events of something he's seen, not experienced. It’s as though he’s still got one foot in his dream world, even though he feels just as disconnected from his dream. He can hardly remember what happened in it, he just has the bizarre feeling of two versions of himself in his head, neither of which he can reach.

MJ sits up suddenly, which makes Peter jump.

“I just had the weirdest dream,” she tells him. Maybe it was because they both had a rough day, yesterday, Peter thinks, does that make you have weird dreams?

“What happened?”

“It was like…” she sits up further, making herself comfortable, “I was reappearing after the snap. It was _so_ realistic.”

“But you didn’t disappear with the snap?”

“I know,” she says, face serious. She seems really shaken by the dream, “and it was, like, five years after the snap too.”

That made Peter’s heart drop in his chest. His dream comes flooding back to him; him reappearing after five years, fighting against Thanos, and his dad…

“I’ll be back in a second,” Peter tells her, before he runs out the door.

 

* * *

 

When Tony wakes up, he feels non-existent. He remembers his dream with crystal clarity. He was fighting against Thanos, and he got the stones away from him, and then he snapped. He killed Thanos and his entire army, the only sacrifice being himself.

“Tony?” Pepper says, looking at him. She has tears in her eyes.

“What happened?” he asks, sitting up and looking at her properly, “What’s wrong?”

“I had the most awful dream,” she explains, pushing herself upright, “I was watching you _die_.”

“Really?” Tony asks. He feels sick.

“Thanos was back, and you-”

“Snapped with the stones?” Tony finishes, hoping he’s wrong.

Pepper freezes, then nods her head slowly.

Tony’s head swims. “I think Thanos is coming back.”

A knock sounds on the door, and Peter comes bursting in hardly a second later.

“Oh, you’re okay,” Peter says as soon as he sees Tony, the tension leaving his shoulders, "thank god. I was worried for a second. I had this really weird dream. It was like…I was back in space, with Dr. Strange, and all the aliens, but you weren’t there. And then we went through one of the sparkly portals that Dr. Strange made, and then there was this _huge_ fight, and you were both there. Except, you weren’t my dad. I kept calling you Mr. Stark, it was _really_ weird. And then Thanos was there again, too, and everyone was fighting him. And I had his glove thing and I had to get it to a van, except there were _so_ many aliens trying to stop me, which really sucked but then I was saved by this really cool woman that had these cool glowy powers and she took it from me and Thanos almost got it but he _didn’t_ because you got it instead dad, and then you snapped your fingers and all of the aliens we were fighting disappeared and it was so awesome, and then…” Peter slows down, catching up with the words that had been flying out of his mouth a mile a second. He takes a deep breath, remembering all over again how the dream ended.

“I died,” Tony finishes for him.

Peter frowns, taken aback, “How did you know?”

“I had the exact same dream, kid.”

“Me too,” Pepper adds.

“What? That’s so weird,” Peter says, “cause MJ had a dream, too, about coming _back_ after the snap. But she never disappeared in the first place.”

Pepper and Tony share a look, having a wordless conversation.

“I think I should make some phone calls,” Tony says. Pepper nods.

 

* * *

 

“Do you want tea, or coffee? Or anything?” Peter asks MJ. He’s changed back into regular clothes and is now working on making breakfast, while MJ and Pepper sit at the table, and Tony paces the entire house on the phone.

“Coffee, please,” MJ says.

“Pepper?”

“Tea, thanks,” she says, “do you need any help?”

“No,” Tony answers, coming back into the kitchen for at least the fifth time, still on the phone, “let Peter manage. You need to rest.”

“Tony-” Pepper starts.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you, I’m on the phone,” he says, leaving the room again.

Eventually, Peter serves up everyone’s food and drinks.

“This is weird,” Peter says. Both Pepper and MJ nod.

“I’m guessing we weren’t just four coincidences?” MJ asks.

“Sadly not,” Tony answers, coming back in, off the phone now. He sits down with the rest of them. “I’ve talked to Steve, everyone at the compound had the exact same kind of dream. Except Nat.”

“Does anyone know what’s going on?” Pepper asks.

“Not yet,” Tony says, “I can only think of one person that might.”

On cue, a circle of light forms the other side of the room, growing until it’s big enough for Dr. Strange to step through.

“Speak of the devil,” Tony says.

At the same time, MJ says, “Uh, there’s a wizard in your house.”

Also at the same time, Peter says, "Hey, I had a dream about you."

Strange looks at Peter the only way he's ever looked at him in the time they've known each other, then turns and looks at MJ, up and down. “Dr. Strange,” he says, sticking his hand out.

“Michelle Jones,” she offers back, shaking his hand with confidence.

“Tony,” Strange says, getting back to business, “I assume you know why I’m here.”

“The dreams?” Tony says.

“All of you had them too?” Strange asks.

Everyone nods.

“Tell me you know what’s going on, doc,” Tony says, “and tell me this doesn’t mean Thanos is coming back.”

“Thanos isn’t coming back,” Strange answers straight away. Tony visibly relaxes. “From what we can tell, the dream everyone had last night seems to be from an alternate reality.”

Everyone has a similar baffled look.

“In that reality, things happened differently after Thanos. In our reality, you managed to get to him before he destroyed the stones. In that reality, we weren't so lucky. Everyone wasn’t brought back until five years after the snap.”

“So, what happened?” Tony asks, impatient, “Why are we dreaming in a different reality?”

“To get everyone back, you all had to go back in time to collect the different stones. That made that reality…precarious, as it was. Then there were two snaps; Dr. Banner, bringing everyone back, then you, killing Thanos and his army. Between all of this in such a short span of time, reality seems to have fractured, somewhat.”

“What does that mean, for us?” Pepper asks.

“Hopefully, nothing beyond the dreams. Each dream seemed to have been between the two snaps. We can hope that that just means that for that period of time, the line between the different realities was weak, and then the second snap realigned everything.”

“We can hope?” Tony asks.

“The second snap could’ve made it weaker.”

“So that’d be bad news, right?” Tony says, rubbing his forehead, “So what can we do? How can we know? And what does it mean, if it isn’t fixed?”

Strange sighs, collecting his thoughts. “Yes, it would be bad news. We can’t do anything yet; we’ll have to wait and see if anything else happens. If it isn’t fixed, then that could mean any number of things. It could open us up to attacks from new angles. It could just make us all feel a bit weird before it corrects itself. It-”

“So, it could correct itself?” Tony interrupts, “That’s good, that means we might not have to do anything, right? Nothing could go wrong?”

“Not necessarily. The universe is smart, but it will do anything to correct any faults, like this. That could mean anything, good or bad, so we don’t know how it could affect our reality.”

“That sounds…good,” Tony says, “so why are you here? What does this mean we have to do?”

“ _You_ especially need to keep an eye out,” Strange tells Tony, “you died in the other reality. That means if that reality in any way starts affecting ours, you’ll be one of the first to feel it.”

“That doesn’t sound good for me.”

“It’s not. You need to stay very aware, Tony. This is important. It could be the difference between your life and death, or anyone else’s.”

Tony nods, somber. Pepper grabs his hand, tightly.

“Let me know straight away if anything happens,” Strange says, already forming a new portal.

“Wait,” Tony says, “Natasha didn’t have a dream, what does that mean?”

Strange looks at least slightly apologetic before he breaks the news, “That means she died before the first snap.”

“Right.”

“Where is she?”

“At the compound.”

“I’ll stop in,” Strange says. He nods a goodbye, and then just like that, he’s disappeared again.

“Oh my god,” Pepper says, “everything was supposed to be okay again.”

“It’s fine,” Tony shrugs it off, pushes down all the feelings of panic and dread. It isn’t worth it, he knows that, “Strange is probably just being dramatic.”

“We’re getting married in a week, Tony,” Pepper says, her voice getting higher.

“Listen, Pep, relax, it’s fine.”

“I should-” MJ says, gesturing about leaving.

“I’ll take you home,” Peter offers, leaving Pepper and his dad to discuss.

“Wow,” MJ says, when they’re out of earshot, “this is heavy. Your life is crazier than I give you credit for. Even without all the Spider-Man stuff.”

Peter laughs, “Yeah, it’s something.”

“Are you okay? About your dad?” she asks.

Peter nods, “Yeah, it’ll be fine.” He hopes if he says it then it’ll make it true.

 

* * *

 

After dropping MJ back home with Happy, Peter comes back home and just sits in his room, he doesn’t know how long for. He feels like he can't even get himself to think. Over and over, he replays what happened in his dream. It had felt so real because it _was_ real. Peter’s dad had died. The image of that really stuck in his head. Combined with the possibility that that could happen in this reality, too.

Peter doesn’t know what time it is when his dad knocks on his door. He knows he’s been doing nothing for a long time. He knows his knees are wet, because he sat on the windowsill to get some air and didn’t bother to move when it started raining. He doesn't think he knows much else, right now.

“Pete?” Tony says, sticking his head in, “How are you doing?”

“I’m not the one that’s dying.”

Tony sighs, “I’m not dying, kid,” he says, joining Peter on the windowsill, but facing into the room instead of out at the city.

“You could be.”

“I promise, I’m not going anywhere," he says, looking at Peter seriously.

Tony had intended to keep his promise, too. But he also intended to not stress out Pepper when she already has a million things to think about, or make Peter worry more than he already is. That’s why, when he wakes up the next morning – no dreams this time – and sees six burn marks on his hand, one on each knuckle and one in the centre, he keeps it hidden. He doubts it’ll mean anything.

Other than that, the wedding takes over focus again in everyone’s minds. Everything mostly goes back to normal, with just a few moments to remind them of whatever’s happening. On several occasions, Peter’s accidentally called Tony ‘Mr. Stark’ or ‘sir’ followed with a very bewildered expression before he corrects himself. They’re all laughing at it to stop from worrying.

The night before the wedding too, the three of them plan to go out for dinner. There’s no rehearsal dinner or any formalities, just Tony, Pepper and Peter having a nice meal out. It’s supposed to be a distraction, but it doesn’t really work so well.

Peter and Pepper are both ready, getting their shoes on at the door. Tony shows up later, of course. He doesn’t tell them it was because he was checking his arm and the burns that were now running from his hand to his shoulder. It gave him a sense of déjà vu from eight years ago, and he hates that he’s having to do this again. He tells himself he's not dying this time.

When he comes into the hallway where Peter and Pepper are waiting by the door, Pepper’s immediate reaction is, “Where’s Morgan? Is she ready?”

Tony and Peter stare at her for a long moment.

“Morgan isn’t born yet,” Tony says eventually.

Pepper stares back at Tony for a while. “That was so weird,” she says, “maybe we should call Stephen.”

“We’ll see him tomorrow. We can talk to him _after_ the wedding.”

“Tony, what if that’s too late?” 

“If it’s too late he’ll already know about it.”

 

* * *

 

The morning of the wedding came and went quickly. Before he even knew it, Tony was moments away from getting married. Standing at the end of that aisle, waiting, he actually felt nervous. It was a lot later in life than what was normally conventional, but Tony never even thought he’d have the opportunity to get married, ever. Let alone to Pepper. Everything about this felt surreal. In two months, he’d have a wife and two kids. Tony would, _finally_ , have a real family.

On top of the family he already had in the Avengers.

The ceremony was as small as it could be, considering Tony’s big, extended family, none of which he’s related to by blood. They had tried to narrow the guest list down as much as they could, but that’s a lot more difficult than it sounds when your line of work means you owe your life to any number of people. So, they settled for what they could, but Tony doesn't care. He's happy with each and every person there.

As soon as Pepper comes around the corner and steps onto the aisle, Tony’s heart stops. Everything he’d already been feeling just increases tenfold and hits him with one big wave. He’s sure he’s crying, but he can’t really tell. Even seven months pregnant, she’s still the most gorgeous woman in the room. And the world. Alternate realities included. Tony knows he never wants this moment to end.

Except, then, she gets to the end of the aisle, and she’s stood in front of him, and now he doesn’t ever want this moment to end.

“Shed a few tears for your fiancée?” Pepper asks, with a smile.

Tony can’t even think of a good reply. He’s still blown away by her.

“You’re amazing,” he says, eventually.

She rolls her eyes at him, but she’s smiling. Her smile alone makes his heart stop all over again. He smiles through it, because he’s used to feeling like this around her.

After a minute, though, Tony frowns, taking a deep breath, because the feeling in chest isn’t going away. It’s no longer nice and warm, it’s tight and restrictive. It feels like something dark is reaching over his heart, enveloping and crushing it.

“Tony, are you okay?” Pepper says, her smile long gone.

Tony doesn’t get to reply before he’s falling to the ground.


	21. Present Day: part IV

**December**

Peter feels hollow. Every part of him is numb. He can hardly even wrap his head around what’s actually happening, it’s all too surreal, and Peter knows if he lingers on it for two long, he’ll just fall further and further into the hole he’s already in. 

The day had started off great; his dad was getting married. It was a happy day. He, Ned, and MJ were having a great time at the wedding; Peter felt like they could be themselves a little bit and not have to worry about being spotted or photographed or anything else. Everything seemed to be going well. The worst thing Peter could’ve imagined happening was a typical wedding disaster, nothing even _close_ to what actually happened.

Standing next to his dad as Pepper walked down the aisle had felt better than Peter could describe. He felt like a proud parent, in a weird way, except he’s the kid, not the parent. For as long as Peter could remember, there was always an underlying worry beneath his dad’s happiness. He knew the toll everything took on him, from when he first became Iron Man to the first alien invasion. Even if Peter was too young to perceive it at the time, looking back, he can’t remember a time when there wasn’t some kind of stress hanging over his dad’s head. After seeing his dad stressed and unhappy for so long, it felt so good to see him finally _really_ happy. It felt like, maybe, they could finally be a normal, real family. It was something Peter had always wanted.

It could’ve gone perfectly, but before Peter knew it his dad was collapsing right in front of him, and Peter only just had time to react and catch him before he hit the floor. It only got worse from there.

Now, Peter’s sat outside the lab at the compound, waiting for any kind of news. They won’t let him inside the room any more after he yelled at people that were just trying to help.

After his dad had collapsed, pretty much every guest in attendance had surged forward. Dr. Strange made it first, which gave Peter some kind of relief. He would know what was going on and how they could fix it. He’s been in the room with Tony since they brought him here, along with Bruce, Steve, and Pepper. Everyone else has been coming and going. Even with as many people, superheroes, and geniuses there were here, no progress seems to be being made.

Tony’s still alive, they’ve told him. For now. That’s the good news. He’s alive, but he’s dying. The worst part is, they don’t know how to stop it. Peter got enough time in the room with them all to see the damage; all up his dad’s right side is burnt and damaged, like all the life has been sucked out of it. It was terrifying to look at. Peter’s been told that the injuries from the stones that killed him in the other reality are manifesting in this reality, but that hardly means anything to Peter. All he knows is his dad is dying and there’s no way he can do anything to stop it. No one can, at the moment. 

Everyone keeps trying to help Peter, but he doesn’t want help. Not in the way they’re trying to give. They mostly keep trying to get him to eat, so at one point or another Peter ends up sat in front of a plate of food he doesn’t want. He hasn’t even got the slightest bit of appetite. So, he just sits in front of it, staring at it, feeling just as numb.

After a while, Thor comes in, looking somber. Peter can’t even react the way he normally does when he gets to see Thor, he doesn’t even care anymore. At least Thor hasn’t kicked him out of the room or forced him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Yet. There’s still time.

“Natasha’s gone too, now,” Thor tells him. He’s affected, removed. “I know it’s not the news you want to hear.”

Peter looks up, the words ever so slightly piercing through the numbness. “She’s dead?”

“Not yet,” Thor says, “she’s the same as Tony. Your dad.”

That only brings Peter slight relief. “It’s getting worse.”

Thor gives a sympathetic smile, despite himself, sitting down next to Peter. “Believe me, I understand what this is like.”

“If he dies that’s the fourth close family member I’ve lost,” Peter says. His voice is robotic and cold. “Without him, there’ll be hardly anyone left.”

Thor nods, putting a comforting hand on Peter’s shoulder. “I know it’s hard. I’ve lost both my parents, and my brother. And sister, but she doesn’t really count,” Thor says, “I keep waiting for them to come back, somehow, but they don’t.”

“He’s still alive though,” Peter says, “we should still be able to save him, but there’s _nothing_ anyone can do. I feel useless.”

“We’ve got the smartest minds on this,” Thor says, “they’ll be able to figure it out.”

Peter shakes his head, “My dad would be able to figure it out.”

Thor sighs, “There-” he starts, but is cut off when a hole appears in the middle of the room. Peter expects something Dr. Strange-related, and he tries to hold back the glimmer of hope at the prospect of good news, but instead none other than Loki appears out of it, in handcuffs and holding the tesseract. Peter’s never seen him in person, but he looks familiar from all the news broadcasts from when he attacked New York. Very, very familiar. Like nothing’s changed in those seven years.

“Loki?” Thor says, completely baffled. Loki’s eyes widen in panic, and Thor lunges forward, grabbing Loki and shoving the tesseract out of his hands before he can disappear again.

Thor looks between Loki and Peter a few times. He picks up the tesseract and puts in on the table, gently.

“Excuse me,” Thor says to Peter, before practically dragging Loki out of the room.

Peter sighs, standing up. The small part of him that’s still functioning wants to follow, see what’s going on and if this could mean anything good or bad for the whole reality-collapsing thing. But that part of him is buried under layers and layers and can’t get to the surface. Instead, he goes to check on his dad again, to see if anything new is happening. He can only hope that something is going right, but he doesn’t know how much hope he has left at this point. If anything, it’s more likely that it’s getting worse.

As soon as he sticks his head in the door, Strange catches him. Peter has just enough time to take in the room. Everyone looks very stressed, especially Steve. Pepper looks the exact same way Peter feels. She’s still in her dress, a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm. Tony doesn’t look any better than the last time Peter saw him, but now Natasha is next to him, too. They both look like bodies. The reality of it sends Peter falling backwards, and he barely catches himself.

Strange follows him out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“He’s dying,” Peter says. He’s not even sure if he’s talking, his voice sounds a million miles way. “He’s really dying.” He’d known this before, already, but now it’s _real_.

“We’re not going to let that happen,” Strange says, “but I need your help.”

“I can’t-”

“Peter,” Strange says, deadly serious, “your father is the smartest man I know, so not having him on this is a huge loss. You’re the next best option.” 

Peter doesn’t believe that. He’s sure anyone else in the building would be more use than Peter could be right now.

“So,” Strange continues, “for the sake of your dad, you need to get yourself together so we can figure this out.”

Peter shakes his head. He wants to cry. He doesn’t want the pressure of this. “I-” Peter starts. He stops himself, taking a deep breath to stop the tears. He doesn’t want to do this, but he has to. He pictures his dad, how he looked. Peter needs to help him. If no one else can, Peter has to try.

“What do we need to do?”

 

* * *

 

Strange explained everything to Peter as best and as quickly as he could. Peter struggled to keep up, still fighting not to slip back into the tempting numbness that protected him from thinking about the reality of what's going on. It was all complicated. The other reality that Strange had talked about before was fracturing and breaking, and he thinks that it could either be latching onto this reality to re-stabilize itself or be affecting any number of realities as it breaks. So, the solution is to either figure out how to separate the two realities, or to destroy the other reality. 

That’s where Peter’s supposed to come in. He has to help figure out what to do and how to do it. Which is way too much pressure for him, in the state that he’s in. He wishes Dr. Strange could just figure it all out and get it done himself, but apparently the world doesn’t work that well.

“You have the time stone again, right?” Peter asks, trying to push through his overwhelming thoughts. It takes a lot.

Strange nods, “It isn’t much use to us, though. The reality stone would be ideal, but it’s been returned for safekeeping halfway across the universe.”

“What other stones are there?”

“Soul, mind, space, and power,” Strange says, “but we don’t have any of them."

“But time and space are what separate our reality from the other reality, right?” Peter asks, “So, wouldn’t they work together to do something?”

Strange thinks for a moment, “Theoretically, yes. But the tesseract is in just as secure a location somewhere in the universe.”

Peter stops. It takes him a moment to think, and a lot of effort. “Wait…the tesseract? Like, the blue cube? That’s the space stone?” 

“Yes,” Strange says, “what Loki used to attack New York, if you were old enough to remember that.”

“Oh my god,” Peter says, the first glimmer of hope breaking through everything, “Thor- and- and- _Loki_.”

Strange frowns at him, but Peter’s already running off, back to the dining area. The tesseract is still sat there, harmlessly, on the table. Peter’s heart skips a beat. He grabs it, running back to Strange.

“How did you-?”

“I was with Thor, and then- Loki…he- he appeared, with  _this_ , and Thor went off with him, but left this, and- and-” Peter takes a second to catch his breath and get his thoughts together, “Can it help?”

Peter notices the look in Strange’s eyes. He wants to recognise it as hope. “I know what to do.”

 

* * *

 

That’s how they end up all sat around a table, discussing the plan of action. Strange is at the centre of it all, with Steve as a very willing volunteer for it all. Peter tries to volunteer. He wants to help in any way he can. He ignores the fact that he could barely even focus on the plan; he knows that Strange, Steve, and Clint are going to use the stones to get to the other reality and break it away from this one or destroy it as a last resort. Peter doesn’t know the full details of it, because he was already lost again thinking about his dad as soon as everyone got together. There’s definitely some kind of hope mixed in with all his clouded thoughts, but there’s so many other possibilities of what could happen, or go wrong, that Peter can hardly focus.

He still wants to help, somehow, though.

“Please, let me help,” he says to Steve, catching him when everyone’s leaving.

“This is risky, kid, you don’t want to come,” Steve tells him. Peter knows he’s wrong.

“I _do_. I can’t just sit by and do _nothing_ while my dad’s _dying_.”

“Peter,” Steve says, putting a hand on his shoulder, “you need to be _here_ , for lots of reasons. Pepper needs you here, and if your dad wakes up, she and you will be the first people he’ll want to see.”

“But-”

“And this isn’t a sure thing,” Steve adds, “if anything goes wrong. If we can’t save Tony, or keep ourselves safe, or both, you need to be here. Pepper needs you. Your little brother or sister will need you.”

Peter sighs. He knows Steve is right, but that doesn’t change how _useless_ he feels. He wants to be able to help.

“We’re gonna do everything we can to get him back,” Steve says, “I promise.”

 

* * *

 

Going back to the lab when everyone else is doing something is hard for Peter, and it’s even harder seeing his dad all over again. Pepper’s still sat in there. She’s hardly moved since they arrived. Bruce is back again, too, checking over everything and making sure they’re both stable. As stable as they can be.

Peter sits down next to Pepper.

“They have a plan,” he tells her.

She nods. “Do you think it will work?”

“I hope it will.”

Both of their shaking hands find one another, and they hold on tightly.


	22. Present Day: part V

**December**

Peter falls asleep in the chair next to Pepper, finally getting some semblance of rest now that there’s at least a glimmer of hope. Peter’s clinging onto it with everything he has.

Except, when he gets up to make a cup of tea for Pepper, he sees everyone on the floor below, still stood around. Including the people that are supposed to be saving his dad, and Natasha, and their entire _reality._ Peter runs downstairs quickly. Steve and Clint are stood talking with a few of the others, while Strange sits in the corner meditating, or something.

“What’s happening?” he asks, “Why aren’t you-?”

“We’ve reached a problem,” Steve says.

“In the calculations,” Clint adds.

“Why?” Peter asks.

“We all exist in the other reality,” Steve says, “if we try and go there, we might be stuck there. Or, not get there at all.”

“And being trapped floating in an eternal purgatory doesn’t exactly sound like my idea of a fun time,” Clint says, "plus, we won't be any use to anyone there."

The little hope Peter was clinging onto slips away. “So, it won’t work.”

“We don’t know,” Steve says, “Strange is studying that reality, to see what differences we can exploit.”

Peter has a thought. He knows a difference. “What kind of differences?”

“Anything that makes us fundamentally different from the version of ourselves in that reality,” Clint says.

The hope comes back, slowly. “I can go,” Peter says. “In that reality, my dad isn’t my dad. That’s a pretty fundamental difference.”

Clint and Steve share a look.

“Half of my DNA will be different. That means I can go, right?”

“Kid, we can’t send you alone,” Steve says.

“He doesn’t have to go alone,” Strange says, joining the group again. “He’s right, though.”

“I am?” Peter asks.

“You’ll be safe to go there,” Strange says, “so will you, Steve.”

“Me?”

“In that reality, you lived for a good forty odd years in the past. So, the you in that reality in forty years older and has forty years of different experiences. It’ll be enough.”

“I guess it’s me and you then, kid,” Steve says.

They re-explain the plan to Peter, now updated for only two people. He pays a lot more attention this time. Peter’s scared, because he has no idea how badly or well this could go. None of them do. But he knows he has to do it. He has to save his dad.

 

* * *

 

Tony remembers collapsing. He remembers a crushing pain that ran up his arm and enveloped his heart. He remembers the world going black. Then, just like that, none of that mattered anymore. He knows what’s happening doesn’t make sense – there’s no kind of linearity or standard progression of time, but that doesn’t really register in Tony’s head. 

To start with, all that happens is things he’s lived through before, just slightly different. He doesn’t have a son anymore. After a while, the thought of him ever having a son leaves his mind, and he forgets that he ever thought it. He lives through good and bad memories, with Pepper, with his parents, with the Avengers.

Then, the worst memory of all. He watches Peter die, just a kid from Queens that Tony had dragged into his life and put at risk for no good reason. Watching and experiencing it all over again is hard in two ways. The all-consuming guilt and sadness at watching a kid he cared for like a son disappear is, obviously, awful. But there’s something else, underneath that. Something that feels _wrong_. Like what he’s experiencing isn’t quite right. Tony digs, follows the feeling to try and understand it, but then it’s lost, gone, and his brain is rushing on to something else.

These memories, now, feel newer. Fresher. Like Tony’s experiencing them for the first time, but they’re still deep-seated in his memory. He gets rescued by a woman he’s never met, he recovers on Earth, he gets the news that Thanos has been killed and the stones are gone. Which means that the people that disappeared aren’t coming back. Everything gets more and more foreign as Tony moves through his memories; he and Pepper get married, have a daughter, retire from everything superhero-related. They have a happy life. Everything is right.

Then Tony gets to the familiar part. The part when he dies. Then, it all starts over again. His memories play through in another loop. Tony dies. The memories start again. Tony dies again. It’s endless.

Tony doesn’t know how long it takes him before he starts to lose his mind, but it happens. The _wrong_ feeling becomes easier to find. He tracks it down now, trying to understand what’s going on. Where is he? Why is he living his life’s memories over and over? And why are they _wrong_? How does he know they’re wrong?

Tony figures out that some of his memories feel wrong because they’re missing something. It feels like a part of them has just been chopped out, to the point where the memory is butchered, not quite lining up with what Tony feels like he knows. The kid, Peter, is another thing that’s wrong. Without fail, every _single_ memory with him feels distorted, twisted, not quite the way Tony knows it should be.

Then, pretty much all the memories after the snap are entirely wrong. He knows that. That’s the first thing he really figures out. After everyone disappears on Titan, after he and Nebula take Quill’s ship and get stranded in space, nothing seems to be right. Tony decides that those memories are fake, if not all of them. As happy as his memories are, being a father and a husband, he knows they’re not real. He wishes they could be.

Tony also decides that his brain is being manipulated in some way. He’s been given those fake memories, he’s had memories chopped out, and something about his memories with Peter is being hidden. It feels like it’s right on the tip of his tongue, but he just can’t quite get to it.

Right when he’s stood in Peter’s bedroom, talking to him about the Avengers, and trying to figure out who he actually is, a sharp pain radiates through the entire right side of his body, collecting in his chest and sending him to the floor. Peter jumps up and kneels down next to him.

“Mr. Stark?” he asks, “Are you okay? Mr. Stark, can you hear me?”

Tony looks at him. His eyes blur and he struggles to focus on the figure in front of him. He’s not in Peter’s bedroom anymore, he’s lying on the ground, in the dirt. Peter’s still knelt in front of him. Tony’s trying so hard to look at him, to talk to him, to understand _what it is_ about this kid that just doesn’t quite add up in his head, but he’s trapped.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Peter says, “please don’t go.”

“I’m right here, kid,” Tony says. He knows it’s weak, but he knows Peter hears him, too. “I’ll always be right here.”

Another jolt surges through his body, and he feels himself weakening. The rest of the world drops away, just an echo of Peter’s voice left in his head. Tony sees a funeral; his family and friends mourning him. He sees Pepper trying to explain what this means to their daughter, staying strong for her, but breaking down the moment she’s alone. He sees Peter struggling to go back to his life, haunted by Tony. He sees the loss he’s created in the world and the hole that his life has left. Another surge, and it’s gone again.

Tony is on Titan again, now. He can barely stand. He just about recognises the figure in front of him as Thanos.

“I hope they remember you.”

And, as Thanos aims the gauntlet at him, Tony knows they will.

But, with another surge, he’s gone again. He’s falling endlessly through black nothingness.

“Dad?” he hears a voice calling. His mind immediately goes to Morgan, but when the black fades, it’s Peter he’s staring up at. “Dad, I’m sorry. Please don’t go.”

Then it all clicks in Tony’s head. Peter. He’s what was missing. Peter, his son. He was missing from all of Tony’s old memories, and any he was actually in he was just a kid he had no relation to. It’s _Peter_.

Peter, that’s in front of him now, crying, looking bruised and beaten, talking to Tony.

“I’m sorry,” he says, again, “I’m sorry I didn’t do better. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you back.”

“Peter,” Tony tries to say, “I’m right here.”

Another surge, and Tony’s pulled back, gone again. He hears Peter’s faint calls of “dad?” before everything is gone.

This time, his memories are real. There’s nothing missing, nothing wrong. Tony knows they’re his memories, and he greets them with open arms. He savours the moments he’d forgotten; moments with Pepper, moments with Peter. Moments that got overshadowed by PTSD and anxiety and fear the first time around, that Tony can now _really_ appreciate.

Moments all the way up until his wedding day, when everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

When Peter and Steve get back into their own reality, Peter can barely stand on his legs. Strange didn’t warn them that travelling across realities and back would nearly rip them to pieces. Or that destroying said reality would almost take them with it. It should've been expected, but it didn't make it any easier to live through. Peter feels worse than he’s ever felt, but the need to see his dad and check that this has worked outweighs it. That’s the only thing that pushes him forward, up the stairs and through the corridors until he gets to the lab. He's running on pure adrenaline, otherwise he knows he'd barely be able to move right now.

Inside, he was expecting happiness, relief, and everything to be okay. Instead, it’s chaos.

“What’s going on?” Peter asks, all his hopes crashing down around him.

“Something’s happening,” Bruce answers, “We don’t know what. A few minutes ago, he started to have these…convulsions, and his heart keeps stopping and starting.”

“What about Natasha?” Steve asks from behind Peter.

“She’s the same,” Bruce answers, “not as badly as Tony, her injuries are…different.”

“They’re dying,” Peter says, the thought hitting him with a numb realisation. He’s failed. All of that, nearly killing himself and Steve three times over, it had been for nothing.

Bruce looks at Peter. That look is enough to confirm it in Peter’s head. He’s surprised his legs don’t collapse out from underneath him.

Peter slowly makes his way next to where his dad is lying. He takes the hand Pepper isn’t holding, and clings onto it tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he says, feeling the tears already spilling. “I’m sorry I didn’t do better. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you back.”

Peter doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but he’s _sure_ he sees his dad’s eyelids flutter, just barely opening, and his lips move, as if he’s trying to say something.

“Dad?” Peter says, shaking his arm ever so slightly, “Dad?!”

It's too late; Tony's gone again.

 

* * *

 

Everything stabilizes, after a while. Tony’s heart stops stopping, the convulsions stop. His eyes don’t open again. After they’ve all descended into silence, Pepper looks up at Peter across the bed.

“It’s going to be okay,” she tells him, taking his free hand. Peter sees the tears in her eyes, and it just makes his flow even faster.

Everything just keeps moving slowly after that. Neither Tony or Natasha are deteriorating, but they’re still not improving or waking up. The entire building is still; they’re all collectively holding their breath waiting for something to happen.

Pepper falls asleep on the bed next to Tony, Peter falls asleep still holding on tight to his hand, his head resting on the bed next to him. They both fall asleep listening carefully to Tony’s slow breathing.


	23. Present Day: part VI

**December**

At some point during the night, Peter wakes up. His neck is stiff from how he fell asleep, but it’s nothing compared to how his whole body feels after what happened. Straight away, he checks his dad. Nothing’s changed. Pepper’s still asleep next to him.

Peter’s stomach rumbles, and he remembers that he hasn’t eaten in over a day. At least he has a bit of an appetite, now. He gets up, slowly and carefully so as not to disturb Pepper. Steve is still sat next to Natasha, wide awake. They nod at one another. If the way Steve looks is anything to go off of, Peter must look awful.

He goes through to the empty kitchen, digging through the cupboards until he finds enough to make a sandwich. He throws it together quietly, stuffing as much as he can between the slices of bread. Then, he takes it downstairs and outside. He knows it’ll be freezing, and he’ll regret it. But he needs some air.

Outside, Thor is sat on the small bench by the door. Peter joins him.

“It’s late,” Peter says. He assumes, at least. It’s dark outside.

“It’s early, actually,” Thor says, pointing in the distance, where the first slither of light can be seen over the tops of the trees. “I can’t sleep,” Thor adds in explanation.

“Why not?” Peter asks, starting on his sandwich very un-elegantly.

“Lots to think about.”

“Loki?”

Thor nods. “I’ve talked to him, and Strange. Apparently, he’s from the other reality, and the past. When we all went back in time to get the stones, he got hold of the tesseract and teleported away.”

“To here?”

“Accidentally,” Thor says, “because of how unstable everything was, it was unpredictable where he was going to end up.”

“But this is a good thing, right?” Peter asks, “Your brother was dead and now he’s not.”

“Exactly,” Thor says, “but he isn’t the Loki I know. The Loki that was killed by Thanos did a lot to redeem himself, in many ways. He was a different person. This is the Loki that just tried to take over your planet, and still hates me for being born to our parents. I don’t know if there’s any hope for him.”

“He’s still the same person, though,” Peter says, “he’s still the Loki that becomes that, he just hasn’t been through everything that makes him become that, yet. What happens to him between then and now?”

“He’s imprisoned for years, loses our mother, rules Asgard for years, is the right-hand man for the King of a planet for a significant amount of time, watches Asgard get destroyed, and stands up against Thanos.”

“Okay…” Peter says, “so, a lot.”

Thor nods. Peter wishes he could do something about the sadness behind his eyes.

“There’s still hope for him, I think,” Peter tells him, “I wouldn’t give up.”

Thor nods again, “Thank you, Peter. Tony raised you well.” Thor immediately perceives the change in Peter’s mood as soon as Tony is brought up again. “Don’t give up on him either, there’s still time.”

Peter nods, not so sure. All hope seems to be gone. They've done all they could do. It _should've_ worked. “I should get back there, to check.” Peter doesn't know what he's supposed to be checking on. Everything will be the exact same when he gets back.

“Of course,” Thor says, “tell Tony I say hi, when he wakes up.”

Peter wishes he could have as much confidence as Thor. He finishes the last bit of his sandwich and gets up, saying goodbye to Thor before he goes back upstairs. He stops in the bathroom on the way back, splashing his face with water to make himself feel a bit more human. He knows he won’t be getting any more sleep, anyway.

Peter stares at himself in the mirror, really seeing the effects of everything on him. His eyes are hollow and bruised, the rest of his face stretched thin and grey. Even just blinking aches.

Peter dries his face with the towel, turning away from the mirror. He has bigger things to worry about than how awful he feels. He takes another deep breath, then goes back to the lab.

Inside, Steve is asleep now, too. Peter tries to hold back his reaction when he sees his dad. He looks the same as he has since Peter got back but seeing him in this state still doesn’t get any easier.

Peter sits down, wincing when the chair scrapes loudly against the floor. He holds his breath, watching Pepper that she doesn’t wake up. He knows she needs as much rest as she can get. She doesn’t stir. His dad does, though. Peter thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him, after staring at his dad for so long expecting movement. But he really moves, his eyes opening slowly.

“Peter?” Tony says, squinting even in the dim lighting. He feels like he’s been hit by a bus. He’s still trying to catch up in his head; he can barely register what’s happened, everything is a jumble in his head. Yesterday could’ve been ten years ago and ten years ago could’ve been yesterday.

“Dad?” Peter says, jumping up on reflex. “Are you okay? How are you feeling? Are you…better?”

“Give me a minute, kid,” Tony says, pushing himself up slowly.

The movement disturbs Pepper, and it takes her a moment to register what’s happening, too.

“Tony,” she says, hugging him tightly. He kisses her cheek, holding onto her. He still looks fragile, and it keeps the feeling of dread in the pit of Peter’s stomach, under all the relief.

When they pull away, Tony looks over at Peter. He takes in the red rimming his eyes, the sadness behind them. Straight away, he pulls Peter into a tight hug. It would make Peter feel better if it weren’t for the fact that Tony feels just as fragile as he looks.

“You look awful, kid,” Tony says when they let go of one another, “are you okay?”

Peter nods. His dad has only just woken up from near-death. He doesn’t need to go into details of what he did just yet.

“What happened?” Tony asks.

Peter and Pepper share a look. They don’t even know where to start. Luckily, that’s the moment when Natasha wakes up, and they’re let off the hook. Steve gets woken up, and straight away he’s getting Bruce and Strange to check they’re both okay, and that means every other concerned Avenger is piling into the room, and it takes a while for the chaos to die down.

Eventually, everyone finishes their reunions, and Strange confirms that the plan worked, and Bruce confirms that they’re on the road to recovery. Natasha and Tony are moved into real bedrooms, so they can rest, but still hooked up to an IV and several machines to monitor them. Things seem to be getting better. Tony's looking better by the moment, if not still fragile.

Tony and Pepper finally get some alone time hours after the fact, and it’s such a relief for Tony. He’s still confused, and feeling drained from whatever happened, which he still isn’t really sure of.

“Sorry I ruined our wedding day,” he says. She’s sat next to his bed, this time, while he’s propped up against the pillows.

Pepper smiles at him, “You didn’t ruin anything,” she tells him, “we can reschedule.”

“I like that plan,” Tony says, “do I get to know what’s going on now?”

“I don’t understand it completely,” Pepper admits, “I was…distracted, to say the least. Stephen said that the other reality that we all dreamed about was breaking up and affecting our reality. Because you…died…in that reality, it was affecting you here. That’s why Nat was affected too.”

Tony nods, frowning ever so slightly, “So, what, did it just fix itself? Who saved the day?”

Pepper looks reserved before she continues, “It was Peter.”

“What? How? What did he do?” Tony immediately panics, thinking of all the possible dangerous situations Peter could’ve put himself in for this.

“He and Steve went to the other reality,” Pepper explains.

 _Okay_ , Tony thinks, _that’s definitely a million times worse than anything I thought it could be._

“I don’t understand what they did,” Pepper continues, “but-”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Tony interrupts, forcing himself to stand up, as weak as he is, freeing himself from all the machines.

“No, Tony, you need to rest,” Pepper says, trying to stop him.

Tony ignores her and keeps going. Just outside the room, Peter’s fast asleep on a chair. Tony really takes in how he looks, now. It’s not just my-dad-is-dying tiredness and sadness. Something has really taken its toll on him. His face, body, everything looks gaunt and worn-out.

“Dad?” Peter says, waking up with the feeling of eyes on him, “Why aren’t you resting?”

“You went to _another reality_?” Tony replies with.

Peter looks worried, his eyes wide. It only emphasises the deep bruises around them. “It was the only way to save you,” he says, “I had to.”

“What if it had killed you?” Tony asks.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Peter says. Tony knows it’s a lie.

“Go and see Bruce,” Tony says, “he needs to check up on you.”

"Really, I'm fi-"

" _Now_ ," Tony says, as stern as he can manage. Peter nods, and Tony goes off again. He finds Steve just leaving Nat’s room. On reflex, he pushes him, shoves him against the wall, ignoring how difficult and painful the movement is.

“You let Peter go to _another reality_?” Tony all but spits. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I didn’t want to bring him along, Tony,” Steve says, “he was insistent. We were the only two that could go.”

“I don’t care,” Tony says, “you should’ve gone alone then.”

“The plan only worked if we had at least two people.”

“What was the plan, then?” Tony asks, “Get my son killed?”

Steve sighs. He looks apologetically at Tony. “We used the time and space stone to get to the other reality,” he explains, “only me and Peter could go because we were different enough from who we were in that reality. We had to destroy that reality if it meant maintaining ours. Peter and I used a stone each, and-”

Steve stops as soon as he sees the look on Tony’s face.

“You made him _use an infinity stone_?” Tony asks, “The things that using nearly killed me _across dimensions_? So, you…what? Ripped the reality around you to pieces and zipped out at the last second?”

Steve maintains his stare but doesn’t say a word. That tells Tony enough.

“I swear to god, Rogers,” Tony says, “you better hope you never have kids. And you’re lucky if you ever get anywhere _near_ Morgan after this.”

“Tony-” Steve starts, but Tony’s already turning to leave.

“I’m never trusting you to look after my kids again, Rogers.”

“He doesn’t need babysitting, Tony,” Steve says. Tony stops in his tracks, turning to face him again. “He’s sixteen. He can make decisions for himself.”

Tony takes a moment to collect himself. “He’s sixteen,” he repeats, “a sixteen-year-old _kid_. He can make decisions, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get him _killed_.”

“Tony, you were dying,” Steve says, “he could see that, and he knew he was the only one that could help. What do you expect? For him to let you die? I know that destroying that reality, and even just travelling to that reality, nearly pulled us to shreds, but he did that for you. And he did it well, because we’re all safe now. So maybe he did make the right decision. If he hadn't have done anything he'd have been killed along with the rest of us, anyway.”

Tony stops. He hates that Steve is right. And as proud as he is of Peter, for putting so much on the line to save not just him, or Nat, but everyone else in this reality, and for doing this time and time again. There’s not a selfish bone in Peter’s body, and Tony knows that. He’s proud of that. But he wishes it didn’t mean Peter would be putting himself in so much danger at any given opportunity.

He just wants to be able to keep him safe.


End file.
